Anyone seen my Mabel??
May.

I'm sorry May, but ever since this morning I have been busy discussing the finer points of the metaphysical poets and reading Jane Austen

Never mind the mucky physical poets, I can't find our Mabel She must be somewhere, she's left her bags in my hall and her tenor trombone.
May.

Hello May dear. I believe I saw Mabel outside. She looked a bit soaked though I'm afraid - I wonder how long she'd been wandering around out there ...

Bert just needed a bit of watering

Wow!

Cor.....lummy o'reilly Dozey!!! What 'appened ta me Bert?? 'E's bloomin' luvverly ducky!

Lost ya soap 'ave ya? Stroof you men an' ya soap...

**I'm goin' in gels...**

You know, he reminds me of someone .

Errr....care to tell us 'oo that might be, Jasmine?

Oh, no-one important dear, and my eyes aren't as good as they used to be I'm afraid, infact they're a bit Rusty love...just ignore me.

When you've finished with that soap Liddy...

Did any of you catch that notice at the Social Club? Looks like their regular X'mas show has had to be cancelled due to an outbreak of 'glandular fever' (well that's what they said ) - they're too exhausted to pull something together in time.

They usually perform for the OAP's at the village hall. Shame to let them down - so I said we'd put on a show for them instead....well, I mean, I'm sure you're all game - and Liddy will make a fine pair of hind legs

How's about a pantomine, gals? Cinderella? Jack and the Beanstalk? Or we could write our own....

Flippin' 'eck...you'll make 'is old 'ead swell gel, ya reelly will make 'is 'ead swell.

Rusty by name, Rusty by nature if you's ask me Jeronimo.

**OOh sorry Bert...I fought that was the soap, dear.. **

Hehehe! Gave 'im a fright that did!

What a smashing idea Gracie! My Grand-daughter does things like that (she's not very good at it mind you, but she does try bless 'er! ). Who can I play? *jumps up and down excitedly*



Ouch! That's probably not such a great thing to do these days, not with my hips as they are...

Ha bloomin' ha Dozey. 'Ow funny you are gel...not!

We can write our own 'cos we're good at it ain't we? What's it abaht then?

I don't believe in all that gooey happily ever after - phooey!

How's about we take up the Cinderella story after a year of marriage to a vain, selfish prince? She meets Jack, a wide boy now playing in a rock group, and decides to run away with him (after all he is loaded with all those golden eggs ) Throw in a donkey, a giant and two ugly sisters (May and Mabel ) and we have the makings of a tale.

Whadya think?

Sounds marvellous dear .

Who are you going to play? *puzzled look*

Are you saying you don't think I could play Cinderella, Jeannie?

Actually I fancy being Puss-in-Boots!

Oh no...that wasn't what I meant at all! *stops digging*

I think you'd suit that part brilliantly .

I'll put the kettle on.

Well!! Slapper my thighs!! I's could be Velcro eh gels?

**Or is it Buttons?** I forget nah..

Velcro sounds great DC!

Still think you'd make a fine part of hind legs - you could be Bottom!

What about a dame? I'm sure there must be a fella round here who could take on the role; Phyllis perchance?

Look out, Dozey! it's behind you! Hehehehe!





Yeah..come on Phyllis..you would make a fine dame ducky! Oh yes you would. Hehehe!

I'm enjoyin' meself already gels.

What's up wiv ya, gel?

What's that red and yellow sign for then Lidd? 'Do not inline'...Eh?

The same

Ya what?? you's bin on the booze agen gels?

Can't ya see me picture then?

No.....

*Although if it were meant for me maybe that's best *

Oh..I can see it.....

It ain't that bad..it's only you being sent flyin' by a pantomime cow!!

We need to start penning a script - so which characters do we have so far?

Cinderella - Jeannie?
Velcro - Liddy
Puss in Boots - Gracie (stop trying to scrawl my name out - it's NOT Dozey!)
The Ugly Sisters - May and Mabel?
Jack's mum - Phyllis?

So we need people to play

The Prince
Jack the Rock Star

And of course volunteers for Bottom the Faithful Cow!

Plus other characters we'll make up as we go along........

Any other takers?

What abaht me bestest pal in the weld..Addy?

And Ticklish...an' Dilly Dally...an' Summat Else....an' Judith..an' Doreen....

Couldn't quite decide what Addy should be - and I didn't want to put her down for a character in her absence (I didn't think the others would mind )

And we NEED MORE CHARACTERS but I'm out of ideas...

What do you think?

We need a mad organist, like meeeeeeeeeee!

Sounds good - how about the Phantom of the Opera? We'll find a way to write you into the script *somehow *

Do you think Addy would prefer to be the Cow? After all she likes animals.......

You's bloomin' well determined ta get me an' Addy in that flippin' cow costume ain't ya swee'eart?

OOoh! 'Ow about Cinderella is captured by the Phantom on the way back from the ball and then the prince goes to look for her and... Oh never mind.

I thought as you're bestest friends you could both be in the costume!

Since we're making suggestions (don't get rattled gals - Liddy wants it all sorted )

The Prince - Larry Parry?
Jack the Rock Star - Dilys?

Help me out folks - where are you all?

Phantom could be a good guy and 'steals' Cinderella away for Jack...

Oh, tell me about it tomorrow- my bed's calling me!

The Nasty Villain...Rusty Bucket... (Boo, hiss!!!)

If you won't go in the Cow costume Liddy - would Summat?

I could find a mighty temptin' answer to that, Dozey my dear, but I would suggest you ask 'er yaself swee'eart!

MAUDE!!! We forgot Maude...the silly old bag lady. She's gotta be in it eh?

First thing in the morrow - I'll tell her you put me up to it!

Ta everso...

I'm away orf ta me bed, dear. Ya play is gonna be smashin' luvvy

'Night 'night duck xxx

Hmmmmmmm....

Goodnight Liddy - did you manage to sneak Colin back into the house?

I did me old fruit!! Why d'ya fink I got the baff runnin'!!

night, sweet. xxx

**Come on Col...get 'em orf ducky**

Don't let the bed bugs bite!

This sounds great fun! The panto, not the bed bugs! I really feel that I am far too beautiful to be stuffed inside a cow suit though, and I wouldn't have the chance to show off my considerable acting skills either so I would like to be the wicked stepmother, step master, stepper, stairlift please.

Panad anyone?

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you lot seen my new postman? Probably not seeing as you are all still in bed. I am going to give him a little hand on his rounds. I may be some time.

I'll do the prince thank you. I've always fancied the thigh-high killer heels and the short tunic. Really the part of the prince is the Principal boy i.e. played by a woman. It doesn't matter that much if she/he is shorter than cinderella does it?

I like the like of larry parry as the evil villain and I'm sure Phyllis will be an excellent dame! Hang on don't you need two for cinderella?

Ooh...exciting!!


Well, Cinderella isn't particularly tall in this case .

So Addy's going to be the Wicked Stepmother (doesn't seem particularly 'wicked' to me in 'real life' - let's see what she can do! )

But Phyllis can't be both the ugly sisters. I know s/he's versatile but not quite that versatile.

Maybe we could just have one ugly sister then, but make sure 'she' is twice as ugly ?

So, what's the plot then? (I think I've lost it already .)

I'll put the kettle on .