The original plot was for Cinders to run away with Jack as she was disillusioned by marriage to the vain, selfish Prince. Now that we also have a Phantom of the Opera and a Villain...... And we also need to get my character, Puss in Boots, in somehow...

*thinks*

Puss is owned by Cinders and helps her to engineer an escape route from the Palace via a secret tunnel under the Church organ - only opened when the Phantom can be persuaded to play a certain tune. Meanwhile the Prince, hearing of Cinders plans, sends the dastardly Villain after her. The wicked stepmother is still keen for one of her daughters to marry the Prince and brews a love potion that is drunk by accident by Bottom the Cow with interesting consequences!

We still need victims volunteers for the Cow! It'll be the best part!

of course she needs puss, to control the vermin. Any way Jack is the ordinary lad who entertains cinders. The Phantom of the Opera interupts the ball just before midnight to remind cinders that she needs to leave, the phantom is actually female it is the ghost of her late mother!

The prince is not selfish at all and funds Jack aka Simon Cowell to a life of Fame and Fortune. Cinders explains she can't live without Puss, and he becomes a very cossetted cat at the Palace.

However we still need another Ugly Sister Phyllis is not that versatile!

Potty Flora Potts could play half of the cow - it was her who burnt down Liddy's shed in the summer!

May and Mabel are the ugly sisters, aren't they?

Phyllis is Jack's mother - Widow something-or-other.

Let's stick with the original plot - after all I am the director!

Need another half cow!

We could advertise: 'Wanted - One half cow!'

What about Rhonda? (I'm sure you remember Rhonda Bend - it took her ages to tell us who she was ...)

Mabel and I are willing to be the Ugly Sisters, but we'll need a LOT of make-up
Where is Add?? Haven't seen her for ages.
May.

Cinderella's mother is dead, she has a wicked step mother and her father is Baron hardup. Or at least that's the version of the story I know. There's no Jack, but there is buttons, and she does have a cat, and two ugly sisters. I suppose she could have a cow, but its not usual in the plot. I like the idea of the phantom being the ghost of her dead mother. She has a fairy godmother, and I suppose the villain could be the stepsisters satanic devilfather.

Now have I sorted out the plot enough to keep all the characters happy, and make sure that madam director deosn't go in to a strop!

When Pantomimes were done originally, they were bawdy rude affairs. Nothing like the funny, sweet things they are now.
Great Aunt May.

Oh, I totally agree dear. They're so civilised nowadays .

Oh there's plenty of scope to make this bawdy. Now how short are you making my tunic?

Got to do a lot of thigh slapping!

Am I being over-ruled?

A Cinderella/Jack and the Beanstalk hybrid is what I had in mind....which is where the Cow comes in! Can't have a panto without a Cow - where's Addy got to? Still think Addy and Liddy would make a fine Cow!

Cow falls in love with Prince

Does that mean I get to be the Phantom??? Ooh yay, get writing the score for me*!

Daaaaaaa!! Da da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...................*

Most definitely!

*cue sinister organ music*

but the slipper doesn't fit the cow it fits cinderella. So the infatuated bovine goes to live in the palace and is fed the finest silage everyday and petted by the prince. Jack's career is a success, cinderella gets to keep pusss in the lap of luxury and at the end of the day cinders and the prince can enjoy a quiet evening together.


And they all lived happily ever after.

We could bin the script altogether and just ad lib! After all the characters are virtually sorted and we have a vague plot we could use for starters.....

Let's set a date for rehearsal when everyone's here and see what happens!

...well, I suppose it'll be easier than learning lines at any rate!

Shall we wait til Lidd's caught up with the plot before setting a date arranging a time?

Lines? Was I meant to write lines?

Whatever floats your boat sweet...

Ooooh, can I improvise then?

Pray do tell me Dozey dear, why you is so keen to 'ave me an' my pal Addy as a stoopid cow. I am awaitin' you's response ducky. In the mean time, I will partake of a good old cuppa while you's sort out this fine mess -Pantomime what you 'ave got us all into.

Do you 'ave any idea what you is doin' I would like to know. Ta everso me old fruit.

Hehehe! Dozey's lost the plot!!

Lines? Nah - sounds too much like hard work!

Improvise away my little pumpkins


How about this so far then? Any objections?

Scene 1 - Puss and Cinders

Scene 2 - Puss and Prince

Scene 3 - Puss and Cow

Scene 4 - Puss and Jack

Scene 5 - Puss and Ugly Sisters

Interval - Phantom (and Puss)

**Why...I do believe that is the single funniest thing I have read in this thread! I'm almost crying with laughter, and my dog is looking at me strangely.**

Kettle's on Lidd!

Hey! Maybe we should rename the whole show in that case. Puss Up The Creek Without a Paddle...

Don't I get to be in any of the scenes? *Thumps organ in dismay*

Hang onto your horses gals! I was only joking! *blimey - highly strung lot we have with us tonight*


<PS Do ANY of us know what the plot is? Real or otherwise? A story within a story - I didn't seriously think you'd go along with this! >

**Why, thank you!! Mind the poor dog though!!!**

Ta Jeronimo. You is probably the only sane person what ie 'ere dear. Any idea what's 'appenin' wiv this fiasco?

We're apparently doing a show for some old people. (Old?! ) I *think* it's based on Cinderella and that Jack fella who lives in a beanstalk. Summat wants to play a boy, and Phil/Phyllis is going to play a girl . And slippers don't fit cows apparently . So...that's it I think!

Shortbread dear?

Well summarised Jeannie dear. Tea and shortbread is just what I need.

It's not easy being a director you know - superstar egos to contend with

Oh I see...so who's playin' the part of the cow then?

I say, is there any way I can help out?

Would you like to be a cow?

It's the best part - you get to fall in love with a Prince!

Failing that, i could use a page-turner...

Hey Liddy - do you think you could get Colin on board? Once you've finished bathing him of course

*How many baths does that man take in a day?*

I think I'm going to sleep on it all, I'm losing the plot somewhat!

Ooooh...could Colin play Jack? Maybe not...

Nos da! x

That's a great idea Jeannie - I'm sure Liddy won't mind - it's not as though you'll be snogging him to death getting up to much in the play - gotta watch those OAP tickers!

Good night x

Come on we need that mad organist for when the phantasm of Cinders dead mother appears at 11:59pm at the ball to remind her that she needs to leave immediately. Before that you're playing Ballroom Dance Music and whatever Song we decide to stick in as a duet between The Prince and Cinders.

Righto duckies! All the time we is arguin' an' gnashin' our gnoshers this play ain't goin' nowhere. So... I suggest to you's that we 'ave a play what is a mixture of plays an' Panty type fingies what 'as bin sin before, but in no particular order, no lines an' no fought fer the plot whatsoever! Sahnds good don't it?

I'll sit 'ere doin' me knittin' while you's lot fink abaht it.

I understand the plot even if no-one else does.

Just got to sort the music out so we can give out the organ part to our acomplished instrumentalist.

You do play Reed Organ don't you?

Once upon a time, a gel what went by the name of Sindy Fella (Joannie) fahnd 'erself in a village wiv a cat what wore wellies.

She said to the cat "Hey cat...where do I find Jock wiv 'is ugly sisters"

The cat said "Meeowww"

(Well, what did she fink it would say..stoopid eejit!)

Just then a boy what was called Velcro (Liddy) come along.

"'Ello, Sindy Fella. You is lookin' a tad lost, gel" Said Velcro...


(Next one if you's please....)

Yer too kind, really yer are.

I can get me fingers round one of 'em!

'Oh Velcro, I really am lost' , said Cinders.

'I can't find my shopping basket anywhere, and my wicked Stepmother will lock me in the broom cupboard again.'

**Sorry DC - didn't read your original post slowly enough **

"Oh well, never mind ay?" Said Velcro.. "Fancy a pint at the Camel do ya, Sindy? We might see Jock in there."


**Lidd and Joannie make their way to the Camel**

Your turn Jock (Who's playin' Jock then gels?)

**Still no sign of Jock. Several drinks later **

'You know Velcro, I'm hatching a plan with my cat (the one with the wellies) to escape...' whispered Sindy...

"Oooh...are you's ducky?" said Velcro..."Where you orf to then?"

*Velcro and Sindy step outside, just as the set of the Camel falls down around them*

Flippin' 'eck, Jeronimo...I noo we shoulda used stronger sellotape..

**Lucky we ignored Dozey Gracie when she ordered asked us to use real bricks **

Sindy looked around her carefully...'The palace, Velcro! Dunno why though! 'Twas that bloomin' cat's idea.'

"The Palace Jenny Sindy? Isn't that the noo place that nice gels like you don't need ta know nuffin' abaht? What ya goin' there for then dear?"

'Well, I wouldn't know, would I? What with me being a 'nice' girl and all...' 'Why? What happens at the palace?'

They 'ave custard pie fights!

Shall we go and join 'em then? Sahnds a right laff don't it?

*Why are we going back to the Palace? Thought Sindy was trying to escape! And where is Colin?
*Sound of bath running* - oh *

Careful how we go - Rusty Bucket (Boo! Hiss!) and his henchmen keep a lookout on the Palace watchtower for intruders. Sindy and me will be fine 'cos we live there - but not sure how we're going to sneak the rest of you (where is everyone? ) past the guards.

Aha! A secret tunnel! Rather narrow though isn't it?

This is getting out of hand. I think I need to write the synopsis and script. As Principal boy I seem to be sidelined. No big duet with cinderella, no hearbroken lovesong, no reprise of big duet. No song as amorous cow comforts me in my hour of need!

And it would have all sounded so lovely with a little harmonium wheezing away in the background.