That single malt was lovely.Pity I had nearly all of it, ah well, never mind, I suppose the headache is worth it. Wonder where everyone is??
Great Aunt May.

I've been hiding behind the fridge all this time

Judith

You not up and about yet Lidd? It's almost time to go to bed again you great lump. Get up immediately and have some food, woman! There is a strange lady in your kitchen by the way. I think that she heard about your planned party last night. Not much of a do was it though I don't suppose without me there to sing to you all. Did great May behave herself for once? Got to go dear. I'm doing a solo in chapel in the morning and I have to have a bath. Don't go doing anything silly now will you? You have to be careful with your lower intercostals at your age Liddy.. Bye for now, Addy.

Do you have to talk so LOUD!! Got a hangover the size of Canada. Ooo me poor, poor 'ead. Bangin' like that Rival blokes Bolero. Fancy writin' a bit a music about a jacket. Obviously 'ad nuffin' better to do.

Woke up and found all these strange people in me 'ouse. May knockin' back the whiskey and some oldun called Judy. Ain't seen 'er before. Mind you, I've bin wonderin' why I ain't bin able to get the fridge back properly since I last cleaned behind it. When was that now- must be all of forty year ago. Fancy 'idin behind the fridge. Wot's this 'ide and seek or summink? Why do I get all the daft ones in me 'ouse?

Glad you got 'ome safe darlin'. Cat Denza? Strange name innit? Mind you my friend 'ad a boy called Stu Pid. Ah well, takes all sorts I suppose. Did you manage your solo yesterday? I coudn't do a fing all day. Felt like a birdcage in me mouf an' all. Then that Mr B 'as to go and say about 'is boy bein' sick everwhere. Gawd what a fing to talk about when you as delicate as me. Ooo me 'ead. I'm gonna go and lay down agen.

Speak later, only try and be a bit QUIETER!
Bye lovey
Liddy xx

I think you may be feeling a bit better by now you old twit. Fancy getting so drunk that you didn't know what you were doing! I heard you on the radio on that phone in thingy, telling the world and his wife about your problems with the Rector all those years ago. Shocked to the core I was I can say! I always wondered why your Philma looked nothing like his dad! Well, it turns out that he did Lidd.! I was always suspicious about him preaching sermons to his teddies as a lad. And those little white dog collars that her used to cut out of washing up bottles were not really appropriate as his school uniform were they Dear?
Ah well, it takes all sorts as you say. You are not saying much today though are you? GOT A HANGOVER THEN? He he he, you old drunkard!
My solo went down a treat in Chapel. The organist said that he had never heard anything quite like it before. I did the words of the Gloria to the tune of There is a Tavern in the Town and it rang around the loft beautifully. Brought tears to their eyes it did. I'll sing it to you when you next come over.
I'm off to bed now dear. I've got a hot date tomorrow at the bring and buy so I need my beauty sleep. Hope you feel better soon. Addy.

Who you callin' an old twit, you old dragon! Do you want me to do this knittin' or what? Run out of pink wool, so I've dyed some spagetti stuff. Knits ok if you're careful. I do a few rows then I get 'ungry so I've eaten most of it. If you're lucky you might get one row. Better than nuffink ay? Who is this Yantoo bloke anyway? Ain't seen no dragon. I fink it's for you really and you too lazy to knit your own scarf.

I fink you're 'earin' fings an' all. Rector? Radio? Philma? I fink you gorn and lost the plot darlin'. My Philma is Mr Coal- Bunkers spittin' image. I do wish he would grow out of that spittin'. Dirty 'abit. I says "Why d'you keep spittin', son?" He says "That old bird Addy taught me". You're a bad influence on me boy.

I bet them people were cryin' tears cos you so bad, you daft old bat. Who's Gloria anyway? Do I know 'er? Did you put me name down for that concert fing you're doin'? I wanna play that piece by that bloke who couldn't 'ear wot 'e woz doin'. Wiggy I fink 'is name was. I said I WANNA PLAY THAT PIECE.. oh never mind. Get your ears cleaned out. I need some more wax for me Christmas candles. Can't get anymore from me and Philma and the cat won't sit still long enough.

Who you got a hot date wiv? Must be Mr Magoo or somebody else wiv bad eyes. My Bert came over last night. 'E's gone and fallen for Annie Falactic. I says "It's a doll". He says "Yeah, but I get more sense out of 'er than I do you, Liddy." Bloomin' cheek! Do you know what I did then Addy? I stuck a pin in 'er!! She went flyin' round the room like a goodun! Bert stands there blubbin' like a baby "Oh Annie, Oh Annie" he keeps sayin'. 'Aven't laffed so much since I 'eard you singin' for the first time.

I expect you can tell me 'angovers gorn. Goin' into town now. Gotta get some stringy stuff for me candles.
Bye for now darlin'
Liddy xx

What do you mean, you ain't seen no dragon? Ianto has been resident dragon in the forum cafe for ages. He lives in the corner and I look after him. So there! He's quite large so I 'm surprised that you missed him. (You blind old twit! ) Only joking Liddy. I know that you have been banned from most of the licensed premises around here so I suppose that includes the cafe. Actually you used to think that you had caterpillars in your gin after a few drinks at the Purple Camel so maybe you just thought that the dragon was another of those hallicigination things that you get from time to time.
I know your voice well so I know that it was you on that phone in programme. You called yourself Mrs. Bert and that was a bit of a give-away too. But never mind. Your secret is safe with me. For the moment anyway.
That solo in chapel was a triumph I tell you. No one was laughing at my beautiful singing. It was the sheer beauty of my notes that brought tears to their eyes Dear. That Gloria woman wasn't there but Agnes was, and that Domino Davis person. He was sitting at the back with Anne Dante. (Holding hands they were too!) I don't hold with that sort of thing in chapel, even if they were calling their banns that day. I can think of a few things that I would like to call banns on I can tell you.
I cancelled my hot date at the bring and buy. My beauty sleep hadn't worked and I couldn't get any enthusiasm for it somehow. I bought myself some humbugs instead and got a video out instead. I was called The Chainsaw Mystery or something like that. I haven't watched it yet though. I expect it's about someone loosing a chainsaw. I'll watch it later after I've done my natural horn practice. Bye for now Lidd. Addy.

My dear Liddy and Addy,
Do you think we should plan Christmas for the OLTVA's?? Where shall we spend it? I shall provide the Christmas cake (plenty of sherry in there), and the malt whisky. If you want, I'll bring my flute to play carols and such-like. What do you think??
Great Aunt May.

Yay! A party! I'll be there, girl. Not avin' it at my place though. I've 'ad enough old biddies in my 'ouse. It's bad for me nerves. That Purple Camel place is too common an' all. Wot about your place, May? Ain't bin there for ages. Give old Addy a bottle of plonk wiv a straw and a nosebag and she'll be as 'appy as Larry.

I can bring me earwax candles to decorate the tables. I'll put me left over toenails in the Christmas pud. We can search them out wiv our teef like we used to those old threepenny bits. Or pieces of eight in Addys case.
Cor can't wait. I always love a good knees up.

Ay May. That a very good idea Dear. It will take old Liddy's mind off that Bert. Don't let her any where near those puddings though. You never know what she'll bung in them. And don't ask her to do the mince pies either because she uses her late grandmother's false teeth to crimp the edges. Let her make the punch and the sausage rolls. I don't think that she can mess them up too badly unless she rolls up any more of those mice in the pastry and passes them off as pork sausages! On second thoughts just let her do the punch. Then at least the alcohol will sterilize any poisons that she decides to add.
We could have it at the upstairs room at the Purple Camel. That's much posher than the bar but I am not sure if they will let Liddy in there after her last visit. Why don't we go somewhere really posh? I wonder if they would let us use that Millennium Dome place. We could get loads of us in there. Do you think that we should put off the Christmas party until it's a bit warmer though May? It's a bit cold for my best frock at the moment. I suppose I could put a woolly over the top though. I'm off to town on the horse. I haven't hit the charity shops lately and I need a present for that old cat of Liddy's. Addy.

'Ere Addy- wot's up wiv you lot in goo ga goff land? I see in the paper, you can't say "Welsh Dragon Sausages" no more in case people fink there's real dragons in 'em! 'Ave ya got a Yantoo there or not? Won't be wastin' me time doin' no more knittin' if 'e ain't real. I knew that woz you sittin' in the corner. Knit your own bloomin' scarf. I've got food to make for the party. All my rabbits kindly provided the currants for the mince pies. Look like currants anyway....

Yours up-to-her-neck-in pastry
Lidd xx

Well. Lidd. of course we have dragons! Everyone knows that, and if you drive through the hills at dawn you can tell where they are from the little puffs of mist that rise up between the tree tops. We don't eat them though. We'd soon have none left if we did. The ones for sale are just called that because they are the ones that the dragons like best for breakfast.
And by the way, Guess What? I went to town and on the way I found a one pound coin. I bought one of those scratch card things and when I scraped the top off I saw that it was a winning one. I have won £100,000 Liddy. Who's my best friend now then? I have paid off my mortgage and I've set up a nice little pension fund for myself and the horse and now I am going to have some fun with the rest. I have booked a few of those stretchy limousines for our OLTVA party and I will pay for the venue too. So, Ladies; where will it be? Don't say anywhere foreign because Liddy is too old to fly. Who's a lucky duck then? Addy.

Liddy and Addy, maybe we could have it at my country mansion, just down the road from Prince Charles' and that Cammie Knickers woman?? The servants would see to all the clearing up, and anything nasty happening. Only thing is, I might have some of my posher friends calling in, can you remember where you put your p's and q's??
Great Aunt May.
Just seen the good news, but you wouldn't have to pay for my mansion dear.

Here Lidd. Do you trust that Great May? I never knew that she had a mansion! Do you think that she is just after my money?

Fluster, fluster, bluster, bluster. I am SO hurt. I might not make my famous Christmas cake now! So there.
Great Aunt May

Calm down, have a drink of cocoa, do some knitting for Ianto.

How can any of us think of knitting at a time like this eh? I am a wealthy heiress, May may be after my money and Lidd is never about when needed! I am all of a tis! Addy.

"I love Addy, I do. I love Addy, I do. I love Addy, I do. Oh Addy I love you!"

Forget that Ifsy bird. You're my best friend in the world. Your singin' is next to none. Yantoo is the bestest dragon in the world. Er....er....you're the one person I would 'ave in me 'ouse any time, darlin'. Is that enough grovelin'? Not that I'm after your new wealth lovey.
That mansion of Mays is a shed compared to the lovely 'ouse lovely Addy lives in. Who's Aunty May anyway? She a new one?

Ah go on Addy- lend us a tenner!
Yours grovellingly
Lidd. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Addy my dear girl. I am NOT after your money. I have LOADS of money ( I wish), and you may rest assured that yours is safe as a Christmas hamper company.
Great May.

Chill, chill, nobody is after your money.
It's all in your mind.

Fancy a holiday Lidd?


No, it's in by post office account as I write. I don't want to chill, I want to go somewhere hot.

Well then the cocoa might help!

How about we have an OLTVA Christmas cruise? We could have a discount for being the entertainment 2 nights a week. Tha would give us chance for 5 hangovers per week. What do you say we all make friends and go on that Hornyanna??
Great May.

Yeah, please darlin'. Me and the old man 'ad such good times in Bognor-or was it Bangor? Dunno- wherever it was we 'ad a good time. You choose lovey. Nowhere too 'illy though. Me old knees are a bit dodgy nowadays. Cor won't the uvvers be jealous ay? We'll send 'em a postcard "Wish you were 'ere, but glad you're not!!" Hehe cackle cackle.
Tell me where and when lovey. I'll get me bags packed.
Yours looking forwardly
Lidd xxxxxxx

I am so sad. All I wanted was a Christmas knees up, and now I've got no friends again No one to cruise with, or have round to my little pile.
Great Aunt May.

Someone mention an 'oliday? I've been asleep for a twomonth, don't you know?

Cheer up Great May. I fancy a cruise. We will find a really luxurious ship, far better than that Hairyanna one and spend a fortnight on it having beauty treatments and the like. Try to find one that has lots of good looking men though Dears. That handsome devil Benjaminja's great aunt was around here a short while ago. Get her to join in and then perhaps she'll bring him along. I’ll pay because I am wealthy now. I’m off to buy myself a new outfit or several. Fancy a shopping trip ladies?

Never mind the cruise, ( well, I might do both) but the gas man came back to see me. I did make a sponge, and he liked it. Seems his wife doesn't understand him So I'm taking him down to Rio on a little trip. Oooooooooooh Liddy and Addy, you should see his six pack And I'm not talking Curling Black label here girls. Must get myself a couple of those negligence thingies for those hot sultry nights. Advice though please, should I risk high heels???
Great Aunt May be very naughty

The gas man cometh ay May. Go for it girl.

I'm all packed and raring to go, darlin'. Where we off to then? No- don't tell me. I'll wait til we get there. Ooh I'm like a big kid. Old Mays fixed up so we don't need no-one else do we? I got meself one of them bikini fings! Cor I look a sight I tell you. You'll 'ave a job keepin' those fellas away from me. I got a spare one so you can borra it if you want. Don't go stretchin' it though will you, darlin'?

Will you get a move on. I can't wait no longer.

Yours impatiently
Lidd.xx
PS I 'ope we ain't goin' abroad. Just seen me passport expired back in 1937. D'you think you could smuggle me in some 'ow? I could go under one of them tent dresses you wear. No-one would see me would they? Oh do come on!

I've informed them airport orforities and yer won't get out the bloomin' country with just yer bus passes!!

hehehehe!

ME - I've got one 'o them new passport what reads me palms - or me dental records - ooooooh, whatever.

Great Aunt Dilys (Department of Himygration)

Gawd! There's always one int there? I just sat and made a passpot wiv that stickleback plastic. Now it's all stuck on me fingers, in me 'air and the passport's got cat 'airs stuck to it. It looks very good though, Dilly, so if Addy slips you a fiver, you won't rumble us to the allforities will you? Please? Pretty please?
Addy- will you shift your great carcass and lets get goin'. We'll be like those Jekyll and Hide characters in the wild west. Yee ha!

Right. I have made my decision. We are going by my new limo (without a chauffer 'cause I'm having so much fun driving it and it's much faster than the horse) on a tour of the British Isles. That trick passport sounds none too convincing and with our luck we would probably get hijacked anyway if we flew anywhere. We will go to the best hotels with luxury spas, go to the best concerts and operas that my money can buy, and do loads of shopping for our friends too. We must get that Great May something nice for her stately home, if she really has one as we have made a lot of fun of her and now she's taken offence and run off with the gas man. Get your bag Lidd. I'll be there in a couple of hours ready for the off. I've put my horse into a horse hotel for the next three weeks and you can bung your old Tiddles into a cattery. We are going to hit London. Fancy a suite at the Ritz Lidd? Addy. P.S. We won't get anything for that Dilys though after her reporting us like that

At last! blimey- where you bin? I'm all ready to go. Philmas lookin' after Tiddles. 'E's bought 'im a lovely little outfit fot the winter. Cat looks a treat. Never did go much on Dilly. When I was seein' the rector, she told my old man. Got me in a right stew she did. Still, we'll drive around like Felma and Louise. Bit worried though. I never knew you 'ad a licence. You sure you can drive? Ah well, who cares! Hit the road Jock! You better not be bringin that Yantoo geyser. Berts gorn so it's just you an' me right?
Come on then. Let's tally ho!!

**jumps up and down more excited than somebody who's very excited!**

Get in Lidd. And mind my new faux fox fur and skunk interiors. We're off! You can be the mobile phone operator for booking the hotels and things. I've got one of the satellite route finding things fitted too so we shouldn't get lost. And of course I have a licence. Mine's an American one so I call it a license. Don't ask why.... it's a long story and involves three border officials, a monkey called Gerald and a recording of the Enigma Variations played at double speed so that they sound like chipmunks. Bung your old bag in the back. We'll get some posh suitcases from that Harrods shop when we get there. We can make a documentary if we like.” Liddy and Addy Go Large”. Addy.

Oooh, darlin' this is nice innit? Look 'ow far I can stretch me legs out! Lovely! I don't fink I wanna know about monkeys and Enema wotsits, ta very much. Just you keep your eyes on the road. That sat nav fing won't send us over a cliff will it? I've a mind to throw it out the winda.
Cor!! Did you see 'im? Are we gonna pick up any hikers along the way Addy? That one woz lovely. Fancy leavin' 'im there by the road side, poor mite. Still we alright in 'ere ain't we? 'Ow d'you turn the music up then? Oh- sorry darlin'- I seem to 'ave a knob in me 'and. Not very well made these Limos are they? Alright, don't go on. I'll be more careful wiv your knobs dear.

When we stoppin' for dinner then? Can't you 'ear me stummack growlin'? I 'ave to watch me gastric juices you know. Doc says I need to eat reggler.
This furs a bit itchy innit? 'Ere wot's that little black fing? Addy- your cars infested wiv flees girl! Good start to our 'oliday this is.
Is that camera rollin' up there? 'Ave to be careful wot I'm sayin' if we gonna be on the telly. You can go large if you want, but I would hardly describe meself as large. I've got big bones like me old mum. "Liddy" she'd say "you'd make a good door, but you ain't never gonna be a good winda!" Ah she'd be right proud to see me in a Limo. I'm fillin' up 'ere. WILL YOU TURN THAT CAMERA OFF WHILE I BLOW ME NOSE!

Look, there'e a Tiny Cook place. Let's eat before I pass out.

My new limo has not got fleas! The fur is only pretend so the black bits are only fake fleas, you great gump! This is a top of the range limo this is. I think that we'll stop somewhere classier than one of those roadside cafe places. You tell the sat nav to find us a posh hotel for our lunch. And that isn't a camera Lidd. It's one of those machine detector things to tell me where the speed cameras are. Don't want any points do I? Look, there’s a nice looking place over there. The Royal Twig. I’ll pull into the car park and we’ll try there. Looks good eh?

Who you callin' a gump, ya great wazzock! I've 'ad enough already and we've only gone two miles down the road. Dinner woz nice though. Oh- excuse me. Told you I need to eat reggler else I get the old burps. Pass us a mint that will 'elp. No- don't take your hands off the wheel. Tell me where they are and I'll get one.

What does this button do? Woooooooo! I'm lyin' flat on me back! You coulda said it was a declinin' chair. Rollin' around now like 'Umpty Dumpty. Did you know there's a mirror on the ceilin'? Wot's that for then?

Why do you need a camera to tell you where the cameras are? They're bloomin' great yellow fings on a stick. If you can't see them there's summink wrong int there?

Now be quiet- this is my favorite Wiggy Beetroot Garden piana music. Summink about an Emperor. Fancy namin' a bit a music after a lumpin' great penguin. Ah well. I'll just drift away for a while.

Be back in a minute.

[quote name='Charlies Aunt' date='Nov 22 2006, 10:54 AM' post='425699']
Gawd! There's always one int there? I just sat and made a passpot wiv that stickleback plastic. Now it's all stuck on me fingers, in me 'air and the passport's got cat 'airs stuck to it. It looks very good though, Dilly, so if Addy slips you a fiver, you won't rumble us to the allforities will you? Please? Pretty please?
Addy- will you shift your great carcass and lets get goin'. We'll be like those Jekyll and Hide characters in the wild west. Yee ha!
Dear Ladies,
More like Thelma and Louise.
I hope you two have a great time on your tour of the British Isles. Don't go getting arrested, because I won't be there to bail you all out.
It is very hot and sunny in Rio, and Baz the gasman is VERY attentive to my every whim.
My negligence is very lacy, and May is feeling racy
If that Anna gets any more ornery or hairy she won't stand a chance with my Baz.
Off for a cocktail or three, maybe with a whisky chaser. And if he can still stand up after all that he's more of a man than I thought he was. Ooohhhhhhhh, this is the life with a toyboy.
Great Aunt May.

Did you see what Great May is up to Lidd? I'm so glad that she didn't come with us; she'd lead us into really bad ways. All those cocktails and the gas man! I don't know what has become of her. She used to be so genteel.
That Luggage Van Beethoven tune about the penguin was really lovely. Let's go to some concerts in the city while we are here. I fancy some of that John Cage fellow's stuff. It will remind me of my days in the coal mine cafe when I was a lass. All that clanking and bashing. I hope that you booked us into a nice suite at the Ritz Lidd. I'm quite tired after all that driving. Addy.

'Ello darlin'. Sorry, I'm not meself today. Ta everso for singin' at me Uncles concert. I fink 'e woulda liked ya tune, lovey. I 'ad one of them visitation fings from old Lavvy. Remember 'er do ya? She woz in me 'ouse when it blew up. Poor Lavvy eh? Says she's hitchin' a ride in the back of the car and would let us know she's 'ere. Woz that you ticklin' the back of me neck? Ooh don't like this. I've 'eard of them gooly fings that appear in the night. My Bert was one.
Where we off to now the concerts finished? Mays 'avin' a ball wiv 'er fella ay? Bet we've seen the last of 'er. I've eaten all them ritz fings. Made me firsty wot wiv all that singin' an' all. There's a pub there. Let's get a couple of bigguns in. Drinks lovey, drinks. You sure you shouldn't be wiv May?

Will you stop blowin' in me ear'ole Addy. That was you wasn't it...? That Lavvys back again. Wait for me Addy.

I'm coming home. Baz the gas ran off with a deckchair attendant from the beach, and said I ought to get a Brazilian What would I do with one of those? I prefer British men, no offence to any Brazilians mind.
So, I've left him there on the beach with that TROLLOP, and I'll be joining you at the Ritzypoos Addy and Liddy. Where we can have a Long Island Tea, whilst we plan the New Year Cruise. Are you all up for it?
Great Aunt May.

Ah- spoke too soon. You bin exchanged for a younger model, ay May? Never mind. Comes to us all lovey. I s'ppose you can join us. I 'eard those Brazillians are a bit nuts, if you get me meanin'. Probably best back 'ere amongst the bosom of your pals. We'll look after you.

You scared of ghosts, May? Old Lavvys makin 'er presence known. Fink Addy must've 'ad one of 'er turns. She come runnin' out the bathroom wiv 'er 'air stickin' up lookin' like that wild woman of Bonio. Jumped straight through the winda. Ain't sin nothin' like it in all me life. Reckons Lavvys ghost woz in the shower. 'Ope she's around tonight when we go to the music 'all. She can do all kinds of special effects for us!

Ah well- better go and scrape Addy off the pavement. We gotta get ready to go soon. Watch what you do wiv ya make up, May. You looked a right clown last time I saw ya.

See ya later luvvy.

I'm fine now. Just had a bit of a fright when that Lavvy's ghost appeared as I was in the bathroom doing my hair for tonight's concert. I'm off to that Prade shop to get a real keyring and a bag. No more glitter rodents for me. I know that you meant well Lidd but that fake mouse one did pong rather badly. Ask that Great May if she wants a new bag as well. My treat. You coming girls?

Cor- you're splashin' the cash, ain't ya darlin'? I saw a nice yella one wiv blue 'andles. Go a treat wiv me outfit for tonight. I got a nice yella dress, and I've just 'ad me 'air done like 'er in the Sampsons on telly. Mind you, me 'air comes into the room three weeks before I do, it's so bloomin' big. I 'ave to walk all stooped now cos I keep bangin' me 'air on the ceilin'. Fings we aff ta do to look bootiful, ay girls?

I would love a new bag Addy. Thank you very much. That has cheered me up, knew you'd come up trumps.
No Liddy, I am not afraid of no ghosts, to quote a famous film. They don't bother me at all, in fact I don't believe in the bu**ers. The only things that scare me have 8 legs, hairy ones at that, and I'm not talking about Brazilians.
Now, I'm off to swim the internet about cruises. Must go and have a look at that B&O shipping line, the QE 2, and the Hairy Anna, who may need a Brazilian
Great Aunt May.

Well, are we all pleased with our new bags and coats dears? The old ducks wear Prada eh? Why should the devil wear all the best clothes I say! Tunes is one thing but not handbags. This Ritz place is good too. Hot and cold running waiters in every room and such lovely crisp linen sheets on my bed. I bet this is better than that old pile of Great May's. I reckon that we should go clubbing after our concert is over. We'll ask one of the taxi drivers where to go. They always know. Hey, Lidd. Shall we put a big hairy black spider in May's bed for a laugh tonight? That'll teach her not to believe in ghosts. I think that Lavvy's left us at last. Gave me such a fright she did. I thought that was what happened to your hair. I never thought for a moment that you wanted it to look like that Lidd. But if you like it that's fine. I'm booked in for a pink tint tomorrow. Come on, the second bit of the concert is about to start. Addy.

Gordon Bennet Addy,
did you put that tarantoooola in my bed you great wazzock? Nearly gave me a heart attack. Although the nice young man from reception who got rid of it for me was cute. Stayed for a medicinal with me he did. Lovely biceps
Liddy if you go around saying I'm an old alcoholic who is only interested in affairs of the boodwoire, then you'd be absolutely spot on my gel. Glad I brought my negligence thingy from Rio, and the high heels. Phew, the old arthuritis is playing up rotten.
What time are we meeting for breakfast girls??
Great Aunt May.

Breakfast May? Not a chance matey! Liddy and I are out at a fantastic club; tons better than the Purple Camel, and there's a birthday party going on for that handsome Benjaminja fellow. We're having far too good a time to think of bed Dear. Did you like that little spider that I put on your pillow May? He he he.
We are going to hit the shops again in the morning. We need new hats and shoes and I fancy going to one of those elastic surgeon people to see what can be done for my wrinkles. See you tomorrow May. Let's conga Liddy! Addy.

Who said anything about sleeping Addy?? Come to that where are you two??? I am here in the lobby waiting to go shopping for hats and shoes. I want red shoes, because you know what they say about red shoes
Great Aunt May.