I have! I waited for it to grow long enough to wrap around my index finger so that I could give it a good yank. Sorted! I'm off to bed too. I need some beauty sleep. Nos da both.

Nosey dad Add xxx

Rise up and greet the world with a song girls!
I'm off to weed the cabbage patch in preparation for my holiday. Just when are we off by the way? I need to finish gnitting some more dresses.

We'll gather cabbages in the spring again, And dig the weeds out 'cause they're such a pain, la la la


Oh, a big caterpillar! I'll keep that to hide in Liddy's breakfast.

http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/18123.jpg

"all my drag dresses are packed
I'm ready to go
Cos I'm leaving
on a steamship
Oh gawd, I hope I won't be sick
Wo, wo........""

G. A. D.

Lovely outfit Dilly. Very fetching, I'm sure all the sailors will fancy you in that dear.
When are we sailing?? I think that the girls and I are flying to New York and sailing back with you. What day do we sail back??
May.

Flippin' 'eck...don't you be catchin' no chill, Dill. Bit of a small outfit innit? 'Ave yaself a good time though, ay sweet!

'Ere gels..me an' Add 'ave got the same blood! We is sisters..though she is older an' craggier than me, so's I reckon I got the bestest jeans eh?

"Sisters, sisters, me an' Add are bloomin' great blood sisters..."

Lord help the mister, who comes between Lidd and her sister
And Lord help the sister, who comes between Lidd and her man!

Hehe! You is very good Jeronimo

I ain't got no fella nah Stoopid Bert is wiv Lilac Lil. Can you's find me a bloke then Joannie eh Jenny?

Of course I can! What sort of model bloke are you looking for? Or are you not too fussy?

Will I do ??

Fought you'd never ask darlin'

Stop lookin' Jasmine

Are you going out with a miner Lidd?? What's his name then??
I am also Group A Blood What is Jeromino then??
Have you finished your shopping for the cruise??
May.

I don't know what I am, May.
Ooh, a new fella! Well, I'm right pleased for you Lidd.

What do you reckon he'll do for a date then Juney?? Will he take Lidd down a dark cave somewhere??
Wonder what his name is??
MAy.

Probably May, he seems the type. They can go and admire some stones or something.
I don't know... Bob?

'Is name is Frederick Sharp-Minor an' 'e' is right posh, so keep ya gob marf shut Maybeline Pole. I'm onto a winner 'ere so don't you's lot say nuffing ta spoil it. We is 'avin' dinner soon but I 'll 'ave ta miss me favrite Spaghetty Brolly Nase else I'll dribble it dahn me chin.

I needs summink posh ta wear gels. What ya got what I can borrer then?

Posh eh? I could scrub down my wellies and refit my cherries and ferrets hat if you want to borrow that. Also I could get some of my diamonds out of the vault if you fancy a rummage through. I never wear them because they are a bit too good for mucking out hens and riding ponies.

Returning on the Cunard QM2 Sea France Pride of Cleethorpes on 27th May.

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/p...lag-Posters.jpg

Off tamorra!

G A D, diapason n J

whispers to diapason - if any ONE of 'em gets 'er 'ands on the Captain afores I do, I'll pour their entire supply of BOAT OX over the sides. That'll boost the fish stock.

n' I'm winning the wet liberty bodice compytishun in the Brittania Grill on Sundy. It's all been arranged with the Entrailtainments Manager.

The gels'll be joinin' you's just as soon as we can Dilly darlin'. Save a sailor fer us eh duck! 'Ave yaself a good time dear.

I don't fink you's cherry 'at is quite what I'm looking for Add Don't mean ta be a snob or nuffing but it's bloomin' 'orrible swee'eart. I'm lookin' fer summink much more refined fer me dinner do dear.

What abaht this then?

This is me an' me daughter Indie Coal-Bunker. Ain't she luvverly? Just like 'er old mum ay?

That's you on the right int'it ???

Gawd that face-lift and Booty Oaks overdose did the trick, gel.

Now, be a real Mum and treat ya daughter ta the same - nice 'at she's wearin'.....she's got her Mum's legs.

We are saline, we are saline
Not til Friday, o'er the sea

'Course it's me on the right swee'eart.

Dilly..I says ta me gel, I says

"Indie..get yaself pumped up like you's old mum. Ya look ten times older 'an me gel"

"Mum" she says "mum, I wants ta grow old gracefully like what nature intended."

"Indie" I says "Indie..everyfing will 'ead sarf dear, believe me everyfing will 'ead sarf."

"So be it" says she.

Ain't no tellin' 'em is there Dill?

I think that mine flew south ages ago Lidd. I can't think what you mean about my hat not being posh. Ferrets is very posh. A part of the county set. like corgis and polo ponies don't you know. HUH!!

OF course Add's posh. She reads Anglesea life, and wears Burberries
May.

You tell her May. old bean. I did offer Lidd my green hunter wellies but she turned them down. I even offered her one of my best hats and she described that as bloomin' 'orrible or something to that effect. She has no sense of the county set style and that's all about it. And...and...get this May....I even, even offered to let her use some of my diamonds too. I don't think she answered that one. Tut tut!

Ah well, onwards and upwards with my gnitting!

Gordon Highlanders.. listen to the pair of you's! Just 'cos I got better taste than you's lot. I got me outfit anyways from the noo Oxfam what sells designer stuff. Me date wiv Fred will be bootiful I'm tellin' ya's. Mind ya, 'e was in Hull wiv Beverley a coupla days ago.

'E's messin' me abaht already Add..I gives up I reelly reelly do gives up.

I'm gonna join a nunnery gels.

'Bye.

Love Lidd xxx

Is there summink what is ticklin' ya Fred? You'll miss me when I'm gorn, I'm tellin' ya. Me bags are packed. It's ya last chance ta make amends ducky.

I'll stick the kettle on while I waits fer ya to explain yaself.

Don't do it Liddy! Join a monastery instead. You'll have far more fun there. So what's that new feller been up to then with some old bat called Bev in Hull? He's another who can't be trusted, that's for sure. It'll be tears before the day is out, you mark my words.

What do you think of this then? I got it from Annie's Orphans this morning. My favourite colours too. I may wear it to that Leeds place.

Yeah..you is right Add. I don't suit black an' white anyways.

What is it what you 'ave got then Add? Can't see nuffing dear...

It's this wonderful jacket Lidd. All of the colours of the rainbow and a few others as well, lots of lace, sequins and embroidery bits too. Good or what!
Panad?

Stroof Add...it's a bit bright innit? Quick..where's me sun specs? Don't yous fink it's a bit..er...young for ya darlin'? Just a bit of advice from you's bestest pal in the weld.

NO!

Ooh I say! There's no need ta shart in me ear'ole Add! I's just given you's a bit of me fashun advice darlin' If you's wanna go aht lookin' a fright it's up to you dear.

"oh me bags are packed, I'm on me way
To a nunnery I fink I'll stay
Already you all miss me
And you say..

Oh Liddy don't go to them
Stay wiv us cos you're a gem
Liddy we will miss you
And your tea"

Make ya own tea. I'm orf. 'Bye xxx

I'm going to waer my new jacket to Leeds now just to bug Lidd.

Like I cares what ya WEAR ducky.

Me bloomin' taxi ain't come 'as it? I'll stick the kettle on agen...

It was York Talk Lidd, nothing more. As if I would make a tyoeing eooror! teh veru ideak.

I'll have a panad with you. Then I'm off for a spot of lunch at the skip Camel.

Who's Beverley?? What is she?? What has Frederick been up to with her then
LIke the jacket Add.......very you dear.
Do you like my fur coat and high heels dear?? (it's not real fur Add )
Lidd, the day you go onto a nunnery is the day the world stops turning
May.

Hellow there!
ole gerty here checking in on you ike dears,
how are we all?
Im off to some gig in my motherse shop tonight...

Shall be interersting.

Hello Gerty, how are you. We haven't seen you since they carted you off in a straight jacket went on holiday. Was it nice there??
May.

Well Gerty came and went
Are we all packed girls?? Ready for the flight from Heathrow tomorrow, and Wednesday in New Yorkers, and then the cruise back across the pond.
Just finishing my hand luggage.
Remember Liddy, NO LIQUIDS in your handbag..........that includes your hip flask you old boot.
May.

'Ello Gert..'ave ya sin me Bert, Gert? 'Ave ya sin me Berty, Gerty?

I fink she's gorn orf wiv me Bert May..

Anyways...what you's on abaht us gettin' packed for ya daft old twit? Me an' Add are performin' in Leeds next week ya great lemon! 'Ow can we be in Leeds and in New York? Stroof I wonder abaht you sometimes Maybeline Pole I reelly reelly do wonder abaht you sometimes I reelly do...

Kettle's on..

You'll be back by Saturday you daft old bat. This is a surreal thread and we are not in real time
Get packing.
Tea please, no sugar.
May

( Now I know..thanks for that explanation! I thought this was all real )

Me bags are packed May! We is gonna 'ave a fine old time on our trip ta Noo York and be back in time fer Leeds 'cos this ain't real an' I don't exist an' all this is a bad nightmare, innit???!

Lidd, if I was real my old girl, I'd have a government health warning stamped on my posterior
I hope the Captain is good looking Lidd, and the 1st Officer.
Is Add ready dear??
May.

Add is always ready for anything as you well know, Great May! It's that great plant pot, Lidd who is known in these parts as Liddy the Unready. (She takes after her friend Ethel!) I have scrubbed down my wellies specially, and I am in the middle of making a new handbag out of some of those plastic ones that we are not supposed to use any more as they look like jellyfish.
I am all set for the Big Orange and for Leeds.

Smooth flight Add.
It was nice of them to upgrade us to First Class. I don't think it had anything to do with Lidd singing wildly "Great Balls of Fire" to get us away from the rabble.
Lovely champagne dear.
May.

A smooth flight after Liddy had finished singing and shouting that I had two bombs under my dress!! No wonder they made her sit in the luggage compartment with the pets that were making the flight too. I don't think too much of this American breakfast though. Why do they put cheese on everything? I hate egg on toast with cheese! And strawberry jam and cheese too! Even worse! The only thing to eat with strawberry jam on toast is good english mustard. This gooey stuff that they offered me is bloomin' orrible as Lidd would say, and does often. Where is she by the way?

A couple of days here and she and I will have to fly back to Leeds but we'll be back afterwards. We simply cannot disappoint our public you know. Lidd has been working on that dance routine with the telegraph pole outside of her place for days now.


Are we going to hit the charity shops today May?

They held Lidd in the terrorist suite, until they got so sick of her singing that they let her go. She's having a bath at the mo Add.
We have just the morning here Add, and then we have to board the boat this evening. Let's hit the shops,
there must be some charity shops on 5th Avenue, we might get lucky old bean and find some expensive dresses for $5.
Where is LIddy?? Come on Lidd
Righto, orf we go.
May.

'Ere what ya shahtin' for May!! Stroof gel! I is 'ere dear!

Right old palaver I got meself into eh? Why can't no one take a joke these days? Bloomin' rough old flight I 'ad wiv a smelly old guinea pig what I called May Then them fellas wouldn't let me sing or do me pole dance neiver. They was bloomin' 'orrible.

Never mind eh? We is gonna see Dilly on the boat fing ain't we? Be a laff won't it?

Where's me breakfast then?

Eat this croissant and get a shift on Lidd. We don't have a lot of time before we board the boat.
Remember, don't be rude to the policemen, and keep your hands to yourself. The samples in the department stores are to try and put back, NOT TO PUT IN YOUR BAG
May.