While them old tarts get on with their cavortings, and bringing disripoot and shame on the OLVA (Values???? lost their values with their knickers, that lot!!) I'm invitating the rest of you to a swaray at me little abode on Dismember 32nd for a "Spirella Evening" - ya' know - a corset fitting party.

It's like them Avon Cosmetic do's and them Tupperware Parties. I s'pose Tupperware and Spirella Corsets do much the same thing - they hold it in and they keep it fresh, unless SOME of us are past their sell-by date in the first place.

However, I'm tucked up by the fire with big Sandy Man (port that is) and some Twiglets so that's me in for the evening.

Have a Very Happy Christmas Ladies (including YOU lot) and I'll think of you all tomorrow when I'm administering a good dose of Paxo where the snow don't fall

Great Aunt Dilys

and Ma Diapason

Well, if it ain't old Dilly Dally! Where you bin 'idin' yerself these last few weeks? I'll come to your do lovey. Sounds right fun ta me! My cup runneth over if ya get me meanin'. Give old Bert summink ta goggle at. Cor- you got Sandy and that Jerry Paxo bloke off the telly wiv ya darlin? Lucky ain't ya sweet. You be careful where you put that stuffin' darlin'. Old Jerry's gotta temper on 'im ya know. What's gonna be your starter for ten then? We gonna 'ave a Prune Cocktail about 11. Then we got the full works afterwards. 'Ope them corsets come big and strong lovey!
'Ave yerself a good Christmas darlin'.
Love Lidd xx

Liddy - Daaaaarrrrling!

Your cup runneth over do it? D-cups or Tea Cups. Naaaa only joking sweetie, it's Christmas. I thinks there's a nice saucy red number that'd just sooot you. Got suzzies all round and frilly bits where it matters. Got one on now as a matter of fact, but won't go into details in case them modulations is readin' the forum.

My starter - got a lovely salmon in - I've stuck it up the chimney, so it should be well smoked by the morning. I've left a note for you-no-who to come in the front door instead o' down the chimney, cos' I don't want him squashing me fillets.

Are you gonna join me in a mug of Tio Pepe before retiring, old gal?

Ooh darlin'. I 'ad squashed fillets a while back. I couldn' sit dahn for a week. Didn't 'alf make me eyes water I don't mind tellin' ya. I'll buy a red fingy at ya do lovey. My old man used ta say I looked good in red. I'll wear it for me piana solo in Chester. What d'ya reckon?
Course I'll drink a toast wiv ya sweet. Ain't no sign of Addy and Great May. I reckon they gone ta bed already. No stamina some people. What shall we drink to? The return of our yoof? Na- I quite like bein' a wise old bird. I just sin a film on the telly about them WI ladies doin' a naughty calender. Maybe us oldies should do one ay? Be a giggle. I need to see Jim before I do any calender. Everyfin' headed souf a long time ago.
Come on then lovey. Me mugs full. Soon be midnight so not long ta wait til you know who comes callin'.
See you when you got a mugful of that Pepper stuff.
Lidd x

Merry Christmas to all the old ladies! May we have many more!
Lidd xx

I've been singing all evening at the top of my voice with the amp thing on full and they have just left, muttering something about not staying in a madhouse any longer! Now I've got my remote controller back I can watch the telly as much as I want. I brought old Dobbin in for a bit of supper, and we are toasting our friends past and present, and absent minded with toast with jam and mustard. Happy Christmas every one. Hic! More toast Dobbin?

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!! 'Ow much of that Trio Pepsi did I drink last night?? I've only just surfissed. Did you gals 'ave a nice day? Talkin' pf old birds......Good job I cooked me Turkey last night. The breasts were dropping of the bone.......I no't feelin!!

Red, Liddy? As in bright Scarlet? Sounds about right!

What did Santa leave in YOUR stockin's girls? I kept mine....................oops Forget I said that!

Hey, 'ave ya noticed, I speak in "oop North" tones, just like that Mr Buffet says.....and me a Suverner. Gor' Blimey, mus' be the Astley Sprumangey I had for me tea.
Not sure about a naughty calender. One piano key don't cover much...........maybe I'll stand behind me organ.

Must go - jes' popped in to see if everyone 'ad 'ad a nice day. Merry Boxing Day fer later!!

Dilys x

Dearest Dilys,
What a wonderful idea, a corset fitting party. I'll come, and have a red one to match my new shoes that Hudson bought me for Christmas. Liddy, it is lovely to be back in your house my darling. That Addy can't sing for Toffee. She called the police around, and thay ran away screaming
Couldn't stay there a minute longer.
Hopefully we will be able to buy a new place. Will you help us look for a new cottage. I fancy something cosy and old, like the cottages on Midsomer Murders. Ohhhhhhhh, I do like that John Nettlerash
Happy Christmas All the Old LAdies.
Great Aunt MAy.

Oooh Addy. What 'ave I done to deserve old May stayin' wiv me? I musta bin right wicked in a previous life or summink. I spent me Christmas listenin' to 'er howlin' on about 'er Straddywotsit. Fank gawd she got a new pair of shoes to totter about in. Looks a right sight I can tell you. Like she's tryin' to wobble on a pair of them stilt fings. 'Ere that's an idea lovey. We got a circus 'ere fer the New Year. I'll get 'er signed up as a tightrope walker or summink.
Did all me old pals 'ave a good Christmas then? Me an' Bert fought like cat an' dog over the wish bone. I wanted to pull it wiv me Philma and 'e wanted to pull it wiv May.
"You ain't pullin' nuffink wiv nobody sept me" Says I
"You gotta admit old Mays a cracker" says 'e
Well, I lost the plot then I did honest. I got 'old of the turkey and stuck it right on is 'ead. Stumblin' all over the place 'e was.
"Pull it off! Pull it off!" 'E was goin'
"You after May or ain't ya? " I screeches back
"No- you're the only gel fer me" says 'e.
Well, I couldn't believe what 'appened next. Old Tiddles lept from nowhere straight on top a the turkey. Last time I saw Bert 'e 'ad the turkey an' Tiddles on 'is 'ead goin' round and round the M25. Old May stood there in the same pose as on the front of the paper. When ' er moufs wide open it looks just like the Chanel Tunnel fingy. I swear I saw a lorry an' two cars parked in it.
I suppose we'll look back an' laugh about this one day, ay? Summink to tell the grandkids innit?
Wonder what the New Year will bring. You comin' dahn darlin' or are ya busy wiv that Chester fing? I'll come up there shall I? Put the kettle on then darlin'.

Let's get this straight, I am not after him Liddy, I promise. I like a bit of life in my men
Is Addy coming for New Year?? Please, please come Addy, I need some intellectual conversation. I know we don't get on all the time, but there are limits.
Dilys, when is the Cosset party?? I am looking forward to that. I need some new undies for when Juan visits from Cuba. You know, the jailer I bribed
Anyone for the conga on New Years Eve??
Great Aunt May.

**Sound of huffing ,puffing and wheezing.**

Addy let me in darlin' I run 'ere so fast me 'earts poundin' like a goodun. I 'ad ta get away from May. She wants you ta go dahn to my 'ouse but I've come up 'ere instead. Is there no gettin' away from that woman? She's got some fella comin' over so she'll be alright. Don Juan I fink she called 'im. Can't imagine May wiv anyone called Don. I fought she woulda gone fer summink a bit more exotic. Cor, I need ta sit dahn and get me breaf back. Musta broken the land speed record to get 'ere. Me poor bunions darlin'.

You there Addy? You're very quiet darlin'. I'll put the kettle on. P'raps you out on Dobbin or summink. Or 'ave ya bin on the gin agen? Ah well, I'll sit 'ere and wait for ya. Be a nice surprise to see me won't it sweet'eart?

Get inside quick! I think that we are being watched.
Puts lights off and hides.

**Sound of falling furniture** Ooooh I stubbed be f-f-f-flippin' toe Add. Put some lights on fer gawd sake.

Stroof Add!! Ten to bloomin' 11 I got 'ere and what time d'you let me in?? Five past bloomin' 8!! I'm freezin' 'ere. Cor I need an 'ot brandy and I need it now, darlin'. Where you bloomin' bin all this time. I'm gonna 'ave ta take me teef out they're chatterin' so much. That May ain't follered me 'ere surely. I'm on the edge darlin' I reely am. Look at that twitch in me eye. Me nerves are shot to pieces. I can't take no more Add! I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE!!
Put yer 'earin' aid in darlin'. I can't keep shoutin' at yer wiv no teef in. That's not May out there. That's yer new scarecrow. Dear me, you gettin' us both in a right old lather 'ere. I can see the likeness, lovey, but I promise you it ain't May. She's in my 'ouse pullin' summink wiv Jose Carreras or whatever 'is name is. Bert's on 'is fiftieth lap of the M25 and Tiddles is as big as a bus now 'e's 'ad all the turkey off Berts 'ead. I fink that Harry Clari saw 'em in yer Lino darlin'.
Give us a cuppa panad and then we'll go and practice fer Chester. I got even more toons to learn now. That Lavvy wants me ta sing about Appleblossom. Fancy singin' wiv Lavvy! Still, I ain't afraid of no ghost. Hehe! You remember them ghost busters darlin'?
Talkin' about busters- you gonna go to Dilly Dallys Do darlin'? I'm gonna squeeze meself into a little red number. What about you? Let's go in ya music 'all and fink about it. Good job yer cleared out ya box room, ay, darlin'. Yer musta known I'd be back agen. Good innit?

Right, that's better. All quiet now Liddy. That Cuban jailer was here earlier looking for Great May, and I told him that she'd gone. I don't think that he believed me for a moment and he was watching the house for ages stuck behind a copy of the Daily Post. I knew that it was him as he had it upside down and he was there for hours. He reckons that he is a double agent and he's going to re-arrest May for some lottery scam as well as for her drug running. She was very rude about my singing too. so that'll teach her !
I had a lovely time with my Dobbin at Christmas. We had a service at the chapel for children and animals as well as the regulars and it was lovely. Mrs Parry's dog howled all through the organ bits but it was lovely otherwise. Actually he can hold a fair tune for a Labrador. I think that he must have had some training.
I have learnt all of my words for Chester and I am proud to say that I am on top form and we will be a sensation! What hat did you decide on Lidd? I still like my old faithful with the cherries and ferrets. I've got a lovely frock too. It was a linen nightshirt belonging to our vicar. He brought it round for me to mend but it looks so good on me that I've swapped it with him for a few sacks of horse manure for his rhubarb. (And none of your "we 'ave custard on ours" jokes Lidd.)
Fancy another panad before bed? I'm clean out of everything else after that May and her Hudson fellow stayed over.

oooooooOOOOOOooooooo ..... be afraaaid.....be VERY afraaaid....

I'm makin' oop me guest list for the "Foundation Garment Swaa-ray". That nice young man diapason said Foundations was a good word to use - 'e said Mr Boofont would know all about Foundations - perhaps e'll come along to me do.
By 'at way - it's on the 32nd of Dismember at 7.64 pmt......I'm puttin' on a bit of a spread, ya'know......like I always does. Some Can Apes, and diapason says Bruise Chetters is all the rage now.

Bring a bottle, that'll help. (some o' these old bids old friends have to have a bottle at all times - hope they bring their own!!)

I'm practisin' to get back into me basque - I hitches me laces t't bed post each night and 'eeeave meself into oblivion - I'm down to 48" now. Wasp-waist here I come

See ya gals

Great Aunt Dilys

Dear oh dear. Liddy. That daft old Great May is planning to serve her guests with jungle meat now! Canned ape sounds horrible and a sure way to catch something very nasty if you ask me. I shall not be going. It is probably a cover for a drugs party anyway.
I am going to have a lovely quiet day today sitting at home writing thank you letters to all of my kind friends and relatives for their lovely gifts, except for my third cousin twice removed. I think that I shall strike her name off my list after her present. I shall say no more about it.
I promised Dobbin that I would take him to the hunt meet tomorrow so I will have to get him into the kitchen for a bath later. Are you any good at plaiting manes Lidd? He has to look smart for when he sees his friends.
Let's bung the kettle on. I have a couple of those grot noodle things if you fancy one.

Hurrumph - 'as that May pinched MY idea of serving Can Apes???

Great steaming furious Aunt Dilys

Oooh Addy!!! I fink it's you what needs to be afraaaaaaiiiiddddddd very afffffffrrraaaaaaiiiiiiidddddddd!! Old Dilly Dallys on the warpaff!! I'm gonna enjoy this. Don't worry darlin' I'm right be'ind ya- by about firty mile! Hehehe! You better 'ope old Dobbins still got it in 'im to get away from Dilly. She canalf move when she wants ta!

I'll just practice me toon while I observe all the action.

"I'll be wiv ya in Cherryblossom thyme........."

Dilys Dahling,
Let's be friends and make the Can Apes together, we can have a snifter as we roll the angels and devils on horse back. I expect Liddy only likes cheese straws, but I'm sure we can convert her
I have been feeling rather lonely as Hudson has found a new "friend" to play with. I hope they don't go doing anything silly, like a train robbery
By the way Addy, I got rid of that Juan chappie. He was a little too Medditeranian for my liking, if you get my meaning Not sure if he was Cuban or Brazilian?? He's gone home now, and I've spotted a little cottage down the road from Liddy's. Her hubby is here, recovering from being molested by a turkey on the M25 The stories he comes out with Liddy, is he always drunk??
Any how, would you all like to come for a party on New Years Eve?? I've got all the booze and food in, and the local fire fighters are going to come too. I know you like a uniform Dilys
Great Aunt May.

Firefighters?? Why didn't you say before lovey?? I'm on me way darlin'. Come on Add. Let's go an' see the men what work wiv long 'oses. My heroes.
Dilly- lend me ya red number so's I can drape meself over the engine in a come hither kind of way. Hehe.
Stand in a line boys- old Liddy's comin' to get ya!!!!

Cooee May!! I'm 'ere May!! Where'a them boys? I hope they all standin' to attention for their old friend Liddy!! Oooh May- you'll get me in trouble you will! Put the kettle on darlin'. I'm gaspin' for a good cuppa, sweet'eart.

Oooooooooeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr, as the actress said to the bishop
Hear Lid, I ain't really posh at all, it's just acting I've made a pot, do you want somethin' in it??? To warm you up?? Betcha can't wait until New Years Eve then. The whole of red watch are coming, poor old blue watch, they'll miss me new red basque
Dilys, where is it dear, I've got the readies for it. A size 40 GG.
Liddy, do you think fish nets or seamed stockin's???
Where's Addy?? The pots fresh, and so's May.
Great Aunt May.

Oooh red watch- my favourites! Dear me- sounds like your cup runneth over too darlin'! You wear ya seamed numbers darlin'. I've got me trawler net stockins' to wear. Oooh I'm so excited lovey. Dunno where Addy is. Never mind- all the more hoses for us ay??

Never fear, dear. Ya red (scarlet more like) outfit is on it's way. I've hired "Rent-a-Container" just for you. It should fit in one 'o them, don't ya think girls?

It comes with a personal fitter. didn't I say? ...........and a couple of warmed ladles to help things in.

(secretes video camera disguised as a bottle of Sanatogen in the fitting room, and phones Jeremy Beadle - a nonny mousely - tee hee - and settles down to finish invitation cards to the Royal Lancasters - ALL of them!)

'Ello Dilly Dally. You got anyfing there fer me darlin'? I wanted a red one too. Better get annuver one of them container fings darlin'. And the Royal Lancs too ay?? Happy New Year to me darlin'!

Your party sounds good but I have had a very pressing invitation to go to the local male voice choir on new year's eve. They want me to sing "Rose of Bangor" and some of my grand opera stuff. I don't want to disappoint them, all seven hundred and six of them, so I shall have to refuse your invitation. Have a great time though and try to keep that Great May in some sort of order. She has caused enough trouble recently with her escapades. And do be careful with those canned apes. I'm off to warm up my voice.

Fluffy floppy puppy, fluffy floppy puppy, fluffy floppy puppy,Fluffy floppy puppy, fluffy floppy puppy, fluffy floppy puppy

Addy, knickers to the male voice choir, and get yourself down here. The whole of red watch are waiting for you
Dilys, I hope the fitter is fit
May.

Well I have to say it and shouldn't but my concert was a triumph! They all loved my rendition of Rose of Bangor and my Caro Gnome had to be heard to be believed! Verdi has never been sung like it before. The men want be to go with them as soloist to New York next month and I have accepted on one condition; I told them that I want by pal Liddy to accompany me as my personal assistant and body guard. All expenses paid too! How about it Lidd? Do you think that your Philma would baby sit Tiddles again?
Hope that you all had a great party by the way. You have all been abnormally silent so I expect that you are all still happy after the celebrations. I had one glass of Welsh mountain spring water for my vocals and no alcohol. We prima donnas have our standards to uphold you know.
Blwyddyn Newydd Dda i chi i gyd my old mates.

What day is it??? Who's after your body Addy? Glad you enjoyed your singing, someone's got to.
Great Aunt May.

I'm packin' me bags as we speak darlin'!!
"New York, New York, so good they named it after a place in Northern England!"

Why don't them words fit the toon lovey? You're right clever, you sort 'em out.

Well I'm gonna 'ave a right ding dong of a New Year! Already worked me way frew red watch, now it's the boys from goo ga goff land! I'll keep a welcome for 'em Add- no worries there girl! I'll give 'em summink to warm their vocal chords on darlin' and I don't mean the old radiator in the 'allway, if ya get me meanin'!

Right, I'm on me way sweet.

"Far away a voice is callin'
"Lidd you take your time!"
Come 'ome agen, come 'ome agen
To Paul, Larry, Patrick and Ben!"

He he darlin' Just 'avin' a bit a practice!

Righto Dilys, if those two are off to the USA, what shall we get up to?? You know what they say, whilst the cats away. the mice get loads of cheese
Fred the fireman did any interesting fireman's lift didn't he Dilys??
Great Aunt MAy.

Weellllllllllll....talking of Mice and Cheese.......there's always Hamsterjam.

I can take you to a few places there........hehehehehe

They 'ave that red...er...cheese over there don't they? Mmmm- rubbery!

Moy dear, 'as not all they 'ave over there - there's plenty o' things to do for a couple of old biddies like us.
There's free tram rides for us pensioners, clog-fitting parties, classes in 101 things to do with a tulip, and more (blushes) than I cares to say right now

(not to mention the gin-samplin' afternoons - it's a load of Bols)

"when it's spring agin, I'll bring agin.........."

So then, Dilys, my newest bestest friend. When are we goin' to Hamsterjam????
Can't wait. Always liked that programme called "Pan Der Pork", in the 70's. Luvley music it woz, got to number one I think. I can play it on the recorder you know.
Great Aunt May.

'Ere Addy! A right old how's your father this turned out to be! Where are you lovey?! I bin pacin' up and dahn waitin' for us to go to New Yorkie Bar and where are ya? Nowhere ta be sin! You gone wivout me or wot? Now Dilly Dally's gone off ta the Never Regions wiv Great May and all I got for company is Lavvy goin' on about Saints and apples!

Stroof darlin'! I needs ya sweet. Where are ya.......?

Liddy, come and join us in Hamsterjam. We've been having a gander at the Rood Lite District. Very saucy, and I'm not talking PH!!!!!!
Love Great Aunt MAy.
( P.S I really did buy some high heeled, red ankle boots in the sale at Schuh. , whether I'll ever be able to walk in them is another question )

Hi folks, I have been having a little break on account of the fact that I fell over in the mud and got stuck! It took me several calls on my new portable phone before I could summon help and my old Dobbin was no use either. I told him to call for some one but all he did was to nuzzle my ears and make cooing sounds. He's a lovely old horse but little use in a crisis.
The New York trip will not be for a week or two. I have the Chester concert first and I expect that there will be the usual round of interviews and photo sessions after that. You know what it is like when one is a famous diva.
Hamster jam sounds almost as bad as canned apes. You do have some odd tastes in food, dears!
I'm off to make some Welsh cakes now. The minister is due to call later and I want to have something nice to offer him. And none of your rude suggestions, Great May!

Oh dear darlin'. Fancy you gettin' stuck in the mud, lovey. Still, it's supposed ta be good fer you face innit? All these fancy ladies go around wiv stuff plastered on 'em. Ya shoulda scraped some up ta sell in bottles. You coulda made a fortune, sweet.

Well, I'll stop me pacin' up and dahn now I know we not goin' nowhere. I forgot all about the concert! Fine old lump I am ain't I? We'll go afterwards when ya famous ey darlin'.

Better let you get on sweet'eart. You gotta very posh visitor comin'. All I got is Bert to look forward to. Gawd...give us a cake darlin'.

May..........I thought I'd lorst you, gel. I mustav wandered off down that side street - and you wasn't there.....so I went in a this bar for a little glass of summink warming.............ooo-er............it didn't arf warm the 'art of me cockles. Nice place - all dun out with lovely red table lamps. I think I've seen'um in Brattish Home Stars or BBQ. Anyway, they mustav thought me face fitted, cos next minute they're offrin me a job - must ave been a courtesy room for one 'o them hairlines - Quaintarse or KFC - 'cos they want me to be an 'ostess!!.

I'm goin to be fitted for a costume later - wonder if me fitted corsets wot I bought at me own party would do??

daffy dilys

Hey Liddy, what a great idea about selling my mud! I have just collected a barrow full of the stuff and am about to pack it into jam jars to sell at the farmers' market. I shall call it Anglesey Mudd (like the composer. Actually he did not have the Anglesey bit, but hey ho!) I think that old Dobbin may have had a hand in producing some of it so I suppose I should call it processed grass. A bit like wolf coffee, and that sells for a fortune.
I have just decided to have a pink tint for Chester and then I can add a few stars and stripes to it for the New York trip. I don't want to disappoint my public. Do you think that Barry Parry fellow would like me to perform on his cd? I'll ask him! Actually I won't after he drove my limo. I was planning to keep it for ages and would have done if he hadn't asked the hire firm for one just like it. They would not have noticed that I still had it otherwise. He's a skunk and that's all about it.
I was thinking the other day about your surname. How come you made your Iva change his to Coal-Bunker when you got married then Lidd? Wasn't his name Iva Smallpiece or something like that?

Can't wait ta try ya muddy stuff darlin'. I'll slap it on Satday mornin' so's I look me best. Pink tint an' all. Ooh darlin'- you're gonna look right lovely and no mistake. Harry Barry Parry?? who needs 'im? when you rich an' faymus you can 'ave a stringa linos of yer own darlin'.

Iva Smallpiece?!! No darlin'. He was called Iva Spare-One before we wed. Won't tell ya what it was though! hehe cackle cackle!!
You sound right busy love, so I'll let ya get on.

Take care dear
Lidd xxxxx

Dilly, DILLY, where are you?? Oh heavens, she's gorn in one of them Houses of Ill-Respite Will she ever come out again. ADDY, LIDDY, please come and help me get Dilly out, she's been kidnapped by some little Madam or other . They've got her sitting in the window in her corset, waving to passers by. I heard some very lood, crood comments from some , well, I won't call them gentlemen. Oh, eh up, the little Madam is coming out to talk to me now. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, she's pulled me in there. Liddy, Addy............................... HELP.
May in Distress.

Sorry darlins' - would love to 'elp ya, but I can't do nuffin' as I got a silly song in me 'ead about windmills and seein' mice under the chair- right there!! He he fine old caper ya got yourselves into ay?

Bop 'em over the 'ead wiv ya noo shuh shoes May! Or sing to 'em- that'll soon clear 'em out. Then you can do ya SuperMay bit and rescue old Dilly Dally! That's if she wants to be rescued....hehe!

Be thinkin' of ya darlin'
Love Lidd xx

Just sit back and enjoy yourselves! It has to be better than a Cuban jail doesn't it? Try to get back by Saturday though. You'll miss the big solo in Chester otherwise and I know how much you LOVE my singing. Shall I post them some Welsh cakes Lidd? Sorry, too late. Old Dobbin just helped himself to the last few. It's a bit chilly outside today so I let him come in for a warm by the fire. The sky is very clear though so it could be frosty later. You know what they say; Red sky at night....shepherd on fire. Why does that remind me of Great May in her lacy undies?

Hehe! Let's just sit back and watch the fun, eh Add? More tea dear?

"there once was a windmill in old Hamster Jam...!"

You have a thing about rodents Lidd. First the glitter mice and now this.
Great May and Daft Dilly might make a small fortune over there! I wonder what May did with that so-called brother of hers though. Haven't heard anything about him for ages. Why isn't he there helping?

'Ere, Dilly, how much have you got in your new Dutch Bonk Account
We'll soon have enough to go to New Yorkers with the others, as soon as Addy has scraped all the mud off her new shoes. Fancy getting stuck in the mud. Dobbin probably had a laugh at her.
Did you sing to pass the time Addy?? Are you better now?? ( Did you really fall over Petra?? Hope not.)
I'll remember this Liddy, next time you shout for help, I might not hear you
Ohhhhhh, more customers Dilly. Dilly's laugh£ng all the way to the Bonk.
Great Aunt May.

'ere I am again......'appy as can be......all good friends and dyin' to ave a .....nice cup of coffee and one 'o them dutch cream gattockses.

eee........wot nice people they are in that house......you can put yer feet up if yer feel tired and for some strange reason, I feel kanacked. This nice young chap - Hans Neesenboompsadaysee - is taking me to see some dykes tomorrow......followed by a good slap-up meal.

At least, he said something about a good slap

where's me 'otel?
where's me hat? and where's me..........oh, gawd!!!