now dear, ive jus' become a verchoo-ohso, to the camel for a drinky or two i say?

Good thinking Gert Old Thing. We'll have a party there later. Drinks are on me!

It's a panda panad!

Right old beans, that's Christmas and new year out of the way. Who fancies a weekend break away somewhere nice? I think that we should all head south and find some sunshine. Florence perhaps? My treat.

Florence? Well, as long as Dougal doesn't mind

Not that sort of Florence Harri! (My late sister may have been right after all.) The one with the Duomo not the Dougal. Dougals are good for nowt. They leave fluff all over your bores. I suppose that they might make decent bottle brushes.
Flight leaves Liverpool in six hours girls. Best get moving,

It's an easy mistake to make

This is Florence.


and this isn't!



Twit!

What, that little red 'x' is Florence?

Flippin machine! It looked fine when I posted it first. I blame Addy. She is always haunting the place and playing games. And that Lavvy is little better!

That's Florence I get it now.

What else is in Florence apart from that dome thing?

Well, there's this rather nice statue of Liddy bronze boar. If you rub its nose you will return to Florence.


Still no sign of the rest of the gang. Ah well, I'll get one of these.

What, you'll buy an ice-cream shop in Florence? I trust you'll give me half price ice creams

That wasn't what I had in mind old thing, but it was a good idea and I have millions of my late sister's euros to spend so now I am the proud owner of an ice cream parlour in Florence! Good thinking Harri P.

Still no sign of Liddy or May or even old Gert and her beetroots so I'll just take myself off to supper at a little resturant just across the road from my hotel.


Tomorrow I hit the posh frock shops. Maddie wears Prada!

Oh girls ive got a story for you all, I brought my new boyfriend home for dinner, and i was cooking him my famed beetroot surprise, when i heard someone going in me drawers (no, my chest of drawers mad, dont look so shocked) he was only nickin all me jewlery! Hit me with a brick he did! Im penniless gels, penniles! Id taken all me money outta the bank and hid it in me purse cos of all this credit lunch or whatever it is!
Who woulda thought to look me in purse! i only just got back from the hopsitol!

And a right state you are in too Gert old bean. I don't believe a word of that tale of yours as I have seen some of your "boyfriends" and none of them were a day under ninety and could barely lift a brick, let alone bash you over the head with one. The credit munch won't affect us. We are well past that sort of nonsense. Just stand outside and busk a bit and you'll soon make some pennies.

Just what did you put in that beetroot dish Gert? Something odd I'll be bound.

Here I am Madd, ready for the busking. I've got my diamoind encrusted pink double bass.
Don't know where Liddy is Madd, last I saw of her at Leeds, she'd got into Gerald "Fingers" Flute's posh jag and they sped away into the distance Poor chap.
May.

Whats this I hear about Liddy ? Getting into a posh Jag. Looks like Ive had it now. Cant compete with my Volvo! And whats more he's stolen my identity. My nickname at school was 'Fingers' !!

Fred

Well Lidd, that'll sort that Fred out once and for all! Mrs Fred would have a word with him with her rolling pin if only she knew what he got up to behind her back, poor dear.

May, we aren't really going busking old pal. Anything to get her away from that bass of hers!
We are on holiday in Florence, and I have just bought an ice cream shop. Harri's idea I think. My late sister left a large fortune and the betting system of betting a percentage of winnings on the second favourite in every race run in the UK is still going. I have given several million away to various charities that she would have wanted to support, (not the Help Gert charity though! ) and there is so much left over tha I cannot begin to spend it as fast as it comes in. Fancy some posh frocks May? I know a nice little place where we can get some nice ones.

Yooeee gels! I woz only in Gerry Cans' car coz I dropped me 'phone an' I dropped me watch an' I dropped me 'phone (agen!) in me mug of tea an' it got right soaked but it's Ok nah! Don't you be startin' no roomers wiv ya big mahf Maybeline Pole!



Freddy..swee'eart! Don't ya be takin' no notice of May! She's only jellus 'cos I got ta feel arahnd Gerry's car an' she diddun'! I woz only lookin' for me 'phone dear! Besides, Gerry's car ain't gotta posh handbrake like wot yours 'as got ducky



What ya's on abaht an' all Madd? You's an' old bore what would make someone sick if they rubbed your nose ya great old plantpot Anyways, I got ta sing wiv 'Umber Bridge in Leeds..an' old Rusty Bucket filmed us an' we is gonna be on Test Tube or summink like that or the telly mebbe? You's gonna watch it then Madd?

Gawd stroof but it's cold right enuff! I got me extra fermals on top of me fermals an' I'm still bloomin' cold

I'm orf ta cuddle me cat.

'Night gels.

Hello Lidd! Remember me? Why, that Gerald hasn't half got a fancy car, eh?

Yooee Jeronimo! 'Course I do me old duck! Ya's can play the fiddle right good, Jenny dear. Was right nice ta see ya gel.

Are ya pleased to 'ave met ya's old pal, Liddy, then?



*Say "yes" or the fiddle is fire wood*


Ain't no car as posh as Freds' (Stroof...I got meself in trouble wiv me poor old Freddy)

Ol maddy, woss all this abaht a help gert fund?
I were serious, ol' addy said shed pay for ma new bosendorfer when it came, but then i thought itd look lonely, so i bought a new stainway or wotever is called, she said shed pay for it, but then ol liddy went an killer er off!

Stroof Gert! I ain't killed no-one! Yet.....

Please don't burn my violin!! Yes, it was great to meet you, sweet! Tea, anyone?

That is the correct answer Jenny! Your fiddle is safe dear!

Tea would be luvverly ta everso.

I heard that she was a little slow in calling an ambulance for poor Addy but she was on her way out anyway. She left no instructions about getting you a piano though gert. She thought that she was poor as a church mouse I think. She set up that betting programme thing years before and then forgot about it I think. Shame that! She was wealthy and didn't know it. She could have had anything she wanted.

Lucky old me though eh?

I'm back from Florence now by the way so I'll have a mug of tea too if there is any left.

im serious maddy!
Ive just dug out this article about the two of us...

I hope you left someone in charge of that ice cream shop you purchased...

Harri, I kept the staff on because they were so good. I gave them pay rises too because it is a cold job serving ice cream all day.

Now then Gert. That was a nice try but it is such an obvious forgery! Her name was Adeline Nuffield OWEN and she had no idea that she was a wealthy old duck at all, otherwise she would not have lived in rags and fed herself and her friends srom leftovers out of the skips.

However I have bought this for you as a sign of goodwill;


It might need a little work but never say that I don't give you anything Gert.


Panad anyone? Who wants to see my holiday pics?

I think that's very generous of you. You even included that green garden chair to sit on when playing it

Thank you. I felt that it was what my late sister would have done if she had been with us still.

Hey Girls... it's party time 'cos we're famous at last. We're in the latest copy of Hello Mag Libretto. Addy would have been so proud. hang on, no she wouldn't because she had been famous already for her amazing singing career.

I see that you've burnt your present Gert. That was a mite ungrateful.

I've just had my hair done, and slap make-up too. Shall we have new frocks Maddie, for our photo call?
Great Aunt May.

It did keep we warm! I felt it to be such a urrm, treasure? that i was unworthy of it, so i thought id burn it as an offering to addy.

Well, what a unique way of looking at it Gert. Daft old fool! When we are famous you will be able to buy your own Bexhill or whatever it was that you wanted.

Definitely best frock time May.

What do you reckon Maddie?



Quite a demure little number really Madd, trouble is, I can't hide my playtex straps very well. Any ideas ?

That'll do nicely May. You could put your woolly on to hide your lifting gear straps and some nice thick lyle stockings and you'll look fine. I found a lovely hat in Addy's bedroom. Will it do? It has cherries and a big rodent on it.

No sign of Liddy is there May? I think that she's run off with that fellow with the posh car. I haven't seen her for ages.

Yooee gels! I ain't bin nowhere in no posh car Madd! I bin poorly 'cos of some dodgy fish ducky! Stroof...I ain't gonna eat no more fish agen in me whole life no I ain't!

May...do cover yaself up dear..you'll get a chill where a chill diddun oughta be swee'eart...besides, me Fred's eyes are out on sticks an' if 'e goes anywhere near yas I'll give 'im such a wallop!

What we doin' then? I'm gonna get meself a panad.

Mind if I join you?

I'll have a panad too seeing as we are in my kitchen.
Whatever is fish ducky Lidd? Is it like one of those mad Victorian Christmas dishes where you stiff a sparrow into a thrush and then a pheasant, a cockerel, a peacock, a swan and then bung it all inside a dead emu then?
I don't fancy fish inside duck at all.

Cake?

Stroof Madd...I dunno what you is on abaht I really don't.

No cake for me ta everso all the same.

'Ello Jeronimo, dear.

No cake?

Er... NO. Cake?

Are those two words meant to go together?

Lidd, it was you who said that you ate some dodgy fish ducky. More fool you for eating fish ducky I say.
Would you like some peppermint tea for your ?

Will you's stop goin' on abaht bloomin' fish Madd! I meant I don't know nuffin' abaht stuffin' an' old bird (though I is sorely tempted ta stuff you Madd I reelly reelly am tempted ta stuff ya's dear!)

Oohh..me poor poor belly...*Looks for sympathy*

Peppymint tea would go dahn a treat dear...fank you's kindly.

Here it is Lidd.

I may have forgotten the peppermint though. See how it tastes.

Bluuuuuuuuuurrrgggghhhhhhh!!!

I thought so. Have a peppermint teabag.

A cup an' some 'ot water might 'elp an' all...

Oops again!

Would you like one of Addy's coronation mugs? The one of Vic and Al is rather posh.