Come down to the Camel Gert. we'rs having a lock in later to lock Lowersinth out if she ever come to after getting her flaps at the wrong angle and flying headlong into the dung pit.
Scrumpy all round is it then?

Where am I? Its very dark here!

Quite warm, though. Think I'll just snooze for a while...

Lowersinth [hammering on maddie's door] Maddie! Maddie! Wake up!

I just woke up to find meself buried in your dungheap!

Cor I could murder a panad, ducks!

Lowersinth dear, you do stink quite badly. I know that Addy used to let her ponies into the parlour when it was chilly but they were lovely clean boys. Just strip off a few layers in the yard and run the hose pipe over yourself and I'll lock the door put the kettle on.

Lowersinth [hosing herself down with freezing cold water in the horse trough, while Dobbin and Eddie quietly eat the last of her clothes]

Cor! you are good to me Maddie!

I'll find you some of my cast offs to wear Lowersinth. You don't look good in your wet petticoats dear. There is an old mac in the hall. You can have that, and the tea cosy and perhaps a spare pair of rubber gloves. You'll look a treat.
I am going to make a nice sunday lunch today. I wonder if the others are about yet.

Great, Maddie, Thanks!

You'll excuse me coming in through the kitchen window - the door seems a bit stiff. Oops! sorry about the bone china! Wasn't special was it?

By the way, didn't you used to have a greenhouse down your garden?

Stroof you's lot! Ta everso fer goin' dahn the Camel wivaht me! Fine bunch of pals you are!

You stink Norma...

I suggest you all stand upwind, while I splashes on a bucket or two of Channel No 5

Flippin' 'eck Norm..'ow ta make a bad smell worse! 'Ave some of me Tweed perfoom..make ya smell of luvverly flours. By the way dear, you 'as gotta sunflour stickin' aht the top of you's 'ead. I wouldn't 'ave told ya's but I ain't as mean as Madd an' Gert an' Jeronimo an' May who all went dahn the Camel wivaht me...

Cor, ta, Liddy, Yer a mate!

[Plucks sunflower and eats it. Dons tea cosy; adjusts to align holes with ears]

Fancy a bikkie? I brought some mustard creams wot I made meself - proper English Mustard too, not that forren muck!

thats my kinda biskwit (oh god, that annoying Fox's advert with the Panda)
Eh lowersinth, go upstairs an avva bath, you stink worse that Liddy on a good day!
*ducks to avoid cup of tea*
quick gels, shes up in the bath, lets get down in the cellar and lock the door... Didnt you say the fuse box was down there? The lights are attached to that, arent they? Oh we can have some fun gels!

[Splash, splash, splash]
[Lowersinth is playing with the three jolly little ducks she found on the side of the bath]
Three little ducks, swimming in the bath, La! La! La!
[Splash, splash, splash]

Strange of Maddie to have REAL ducks in her bathroom... but I suppose that's country gels for you!

Oh! its gone dark! Norma! Help! You can see in the dark, can't you?

Norma: I can see into next week, mate! Its probably just a dodgy light switch. Throw one of them ducks at the switch

QUAAAACK!

Lowersinth: I can't see! Where did it go?

It went down the toilet, you cross-eyed prat!

Lowersinth: I won't have you (me? us?) talk to me (you? us?) like that.

Please yourself. I'll leave you to it then... By the way, there's matches and scented candles on the windowsill...

So there are! [lights candles - lots of them] Thats pretty!

[Splash, splash, splash]
Just two little ducks, playing in the bath, la, la, la...other one in the bog, la, la, la...
[Splash, splash, splash]

Lidd, May, have you seen the ducks this evening? I went to shut the poultry in for the night and there they weren't! They've gone. I hope that we haven't got a fox here again .

Panad anyone?

Haven't seen the ducks Madd, maybe Lidd went orf with them as I haven't seen her either.
What's that strange noise coming from your bathroom MAdd.
Frantic duck noises ensue

Quackers! What are you doing in there you daft lot? Get back to your pond at once! We don't have ducks in the bathroom. The very idea! Hello Lowersinth. You smell a mite better now old bean.
Another panad anyone? Bung the kettle on, May.

I'd love one, thanks.

By the way, gels, I'd suggest checking carefully before using the toilet.

Goodness me! That's not the right sort of toilet duck. Come on Dagwood. Back to the pond.

'Ere Madd..whatever is that duck doin' in the lavvy??

I 'ad a right shock seein' the poor fing in there I did I 'ad a right old shock. Gis a panad wiv a great dollop of brandy in it. Ta everso.

I had to give some brandy to Dagwood as well Lidd. Poor thing was terrified.

At least 'e didn't need no orange sauce or that luvverly plum sauce an' pancakes wot ya get at the Rancid Rickshaw Chinese place on a Satdy night eh Madd?

I never go to the Rancid Rickshaw Lidd. It had a very poor review in the Daily Post Where to Eat section. Overpriced and underfed they said.
Dagwood is not for roasting. He just keeps the other ducks happy and they lay eggs for my cake making.
Time for a spring clean today I think. The old place has never had a really good tidy up since Addy left.

We could 'elp with the cleanin' couldn't we?
We can lift our feet up when she comes past with the 'oover!

More tea? Thanks I will.
And did I hear the word 'cake' just now?

'Ere she comes wiv the 'oover gels...get them feet up!!

Lovely picture of us Liddy. My red hat is a treat

oh dear you can see my tattoo on me left leg!

Good job we can't see the other tatto you've got Gert

Oh indeed, we wouldnt any young fellas gettin excited now would we!

Ain't none of you's got as many tattoos as me..

That's not you Lidd. I know that she is your aunty on your grandmother's friend's side. She looks nothing you old thing.

'Tis me an' all Madd! I woz young an' pretty once ya know

I still am! It's the beetroot and the embalming fluid face cream you know.

Stroof Madd..I'll stick ta pinchin' a bit of Norm's Lorry Ell stuff. Made me skin feel all soft an' squidgy an' luvverly it did! Ya wanna try it you's old corpse lookalike!

Corpses look beautiful as ..well...corpses Lidd. The undertaker makes them up to look lovely. I am going to be a corpse when I die.

Any mustart?

Lidd,

I think you looks luvly in that foto - just like you've been wall-papered by that Laura Ashley!

Evening, Gels, Anyone for a slice of bread and drippin'?

Yooee Norm! Ta everso fer sayin' I looks good in me foter dear! When I gets ta know ya better I'll show ya me butterfly wot spreads right across me derry..well, you's will 'ave ta guess swee'eart.

Bread an' drippin' would be luvverly ta ducky.

Its not real drippin' like in the old days. Its actually the jelly out of the whiskas wot the cat left, yesterday. It seemed such a shame to waste it.

Too right an' all, Norm! Can't waste nuffing nahdays eh? That sahnds mighty nice dear. Fancy a drink do ya?

Did I hear the word Drink? Me too, me too. I thought that I'd try a brandy and marmite. It was a favourite of my late sister.

Don't mind if I do. Bottle of that sherry would go down a treat!

'Ere we are gels, 'avin' a fine old time wiv the sherry! You finished yours already Madd? Blimey, gel.. What a luvverly walkin' stick you's got there Norm..

The look on me face is a reflection on 'ow small that sherry glass, is, Lidd!

Small, Norm? Small?? This one big enuff for ya's?



Blimey, Madd...better stock up on some more Sherry me old love. Norm's gonna drink us you dry darlin'.

Anyway, Gels, I shall 'av to leave you to get p happy by yerselves. Norm wants to fly and the only way she can to that at the moment is in an airyplane, so we've got a early flight out of Gatport Airwick tomorrow. See ya in a few days...

'Bye bye Norm! 'Ave a luvverly time gel.

Why did you leave me outside the photo then girls. Jealous of my long legs are you



Thought so. Humph.
Mine's a scotch please. No ice thank you.

Those aren't your old pins May. You must be test driving them for a friend. More scotch old turnip?

Oh yes they are

Found a photo of Lidd and St George after he jilted her. Poor Lidd. YOu haven't met Rust Bucket have you Madd?

No I haven't yet May, although I have found loads of entries about him in Addy's diaries. I can't really see too much of him in that picture though dear. Why did he borrow Eddie?