I've got many a Grade 5 certificate my flower pot
Did you notice that that Gerald chappie is along for the ride? Said he didn't understand us old ladies, but there he is with Clarri and Fred the Lesser.
Madd, when did Gerald start embroidering? Didn't know he was good with his hands
Chester zoo eh? Better take care there with Liddy.............don't want to leave her behind

Chester Zoo has just got a baby orang-utan born a few days ago, so be careful none of you is mistaken for it.

SInce when did I look like one??



This is Madd, LIdd and me last week

Harri old bean, you've brought the family along.

Lovely to meet you all. I'm Maddie Trams. Cups of tea all round?

Lowersinth: Of course! Well, probably... or perhaps?

It should not be implied by the fact that Lowersinth was "with" the Tank Regiment that she can drive on roads... ...or indeed even drive!

This could be exciting

Bloomin' cheek ya got there Fred! Look at ya larfin' you's 'ead orf..ya bin wiv them 'orses too long ducky..

I hope there is no charge for riding with the old ladies? I have a bus pass now, so that gives me free travel

If May had come along with Bev to my house yesterday, she would have seen for herself how good I am with my hands.

[I'm talking about playing the piano, what are you lot thinking? ]

The only charges arising from riding with the Old Ladies are likely to be criminal ones!

Look here we are at Chester Zoo!

OK, gels, off we go! And remember the Zoo Keeper says you should all carry your IDs so you can prove you are non-resident.

See that May, sprintin’ after Fred, Clarri and Gerald! You’d ‘ave thought she’d be shpuffed out after all that exercise on the Group Hug thread!

Puffed.............moi
Oooh Lidd, have you seen the tiger keeper

Lidd, I say Lidd, you can't be a keeper Lidd

You didn't do the animal recognition classes, did you, May?

No, I like the tiger keeper, Lidd obviously likes the gorrillas

What time do we get Lidd back form the hospital MAdd. They seem to have kept her a long time. I told her not to get so friendly with that gorilla. Couldn't believe her turned on her
Poor Lidd.

Pray tell why you are finding it all so funny Clarri?? Poor Lidd has been sat on by a enormous smelly gorilla. She was used in her prime of life as a sofa.



Did you think it was all over dear?

Are you suggesting that Lidd is as wide as a sofa?

No you old boot. She tripped up over his leg, and he sat down in surprise. Poor girl was squashed.
WOnder if she'll ever be the same again.

Ooooh I say Fred!! You's can be ever so strong an' manly when ya wants ta be eh duck? You's could do wiv a shave an' some deehodarent under ya armpits though, if ya don't mind me sayin' so swee'eart...

Lidd, are you feeling better dear. YOu were like a postcard

Have you bounced back yet

No dear...not since I got meself a noo brassier...all is safely gavvered in if ya get me meanin' luvvy...

Reminds me of the WELPS. Gerald can't join that one

Not unless he would like to be known as Geraldine!

Wow, I'm on cloud 9 It cost me a bomb to hire that Gorilla suit !

As my brother would say to me --- "Don't ask!!"

I am not sure it was a good idea to post in the OLTVA thread

So, after the delights of Chester Zoo and Chester Royal Infirmary, where are we orf to today Maddi Trams??

Well Im not too far away !

Hang on to yer 'at Fred, we're headin' your way! 'Ave you got any attractions round yours?

Plenty of attractions about me ! How many of you are there? Not sure how many I can cope with

It would be better if you could hang on till next Friday though -its my bithday, and Mrs. will be away in Geneva. Home alone I will be.

Don't you worry yer 'ead, Fred luv, we'll all squeeze in - it'll be right cosy. Get the kettle on and stand by...

Oops, just edited mine, but your new post got in first.

Well she wont be in till at least 5.30 today so come today, and again next week for an encore ! I could take you to see my organ and play for you !

Oo-er - is it a big one?

Depends what your comparing it with ! Its got 20 knobs sticking out that you can push in and pull out. They all make different sounds. One of them makes the sound go all shaky, and the whole thing seems to vibrate.
That knobs called a Tremulant.

Oooh - I think the ladies will like that one, Fred. C'mon girls, lets go pull some knobs...

Maddie keys Fred's postcode into the camper's RatNav and Lowersinth sets off in the direction...
... of Argentina

Update. Due to Lowersinth's poor driving skills (and excessive use of reverse gear) the Camper is actually making quite good progress towards Fred's

*Rhonda takes over the driving and puts the pedal to the metal..*

Geronimo!

Wahay! This is much more fun that a tram! Put your foot down Rhonda.

*Camper careers wildly across the carriageway as Rhonda checks her look in the rear-view mirror and applies fresh lippie*

Nearly there now - which turning is Fred's?

This is the road – look! There’s Fred’s house. There’s tons of room to park the van on his front lawn. Gosh! That was well done, Rhonda!. And nobody really needs gate posts, anyway. The van does seem to be sinking into the lawn a bit, doesn’t it? Still it makes it easier to get in and out.

FRED! WE’RE HERE!

Hiya girls, hope you like fresh cream meringues which you can scoff whilst waiting your turn. Who's first ?

Mmmm, meringues...sorry Fred, your organ will have to wait!

Well, frankly I'm disappointed. I've been out talking to Fred and several of his friends in the front garden for the last half hour but they have just ignored me! They just sat round the pond and carried on fishing - and I swear not one of them moved a muscle.

P.S. I had no idea Fred was that small!

"Good fings come in small packages"...ain't that right Freddy me old love?

'Ere, Norm..ya's bin tryin' ta talk ta the gnomes ya great daft old plant pot! Come in 'ere an' sort May out will ya swee'eart? She's got 'erself all in a divver 'cos Rounder's gorn an' taken a fancy ta Gerald an' May's gorn all red an' blotchy an' angry an' wound up like a goodun..not a pretty sight, Norm, I'm tellin' ya straight, it ain't a pretty sight at all ducky...

Kettle's on...

Yes, I did think it a little strange that one had no head. OK lets have a cup of tea...
...and raid Fred's biscuit cupboard!

Wow! look at all this!

Ooh..these are a bit posh ain't they?



*Ducks to avoid a cream meringue that May has thrown at Rhonda*

[ tips the biscuit tin on to the floor .... aw, there's a shame ]



Lavvy

Oh dear, i think those were a bit stale, not one broke...


Still, Whiskas anyone?

This pate is nice Fred. What's for afters?

'Ave you gorranymore of those merangs? I could jus' fancy a little sumfink

Probably another twiddle of Fred's knobs is for afters Maddie.
That tremolo leaves me all of a dither
There was a pop group named after that in the 60's, when I was a young gel.

Oi you Maybeline Pole! Get yer dirty great 'ands orf Fred's knobs! And get that big old grin orf ya face an' all Fred Sharp...or you will be Lesser mark my words you will most certainly be Fred Sharp the Lesser in more ways than one!

Beggin' ya pardon folks...kettle's on