Yesterday I got the result and breakdown (online, so no details) of one of my pupils who took piano Grade 5 two weeks earlier than my other students. The mark was 128. The mother is saying she wants me to complain to the board as little darling always has a distinction.

The thing is that he did two Grade 5s and a Grade 7 (he's 11) in one term, and I think after reading the individual marks that this is probably a correct assessment. Mum and I had rather a heated 'discussion' on the telephone,when she more of less insisted that I contact the Board immediately. I've put her off so far, as I haven't had the results sheet and don't know what the comments were, but what would you do? Would you do what the parent wants or stick to your guns and accept that the mark is about right?

Well to be honest, I would try and refrain her from getting you to contact the board. I am sure all will come out of it will be extra hassle, nothing will be gained, and 128 is a fabulous mark anyway, especially since he's done other high grades in the same session.

I wish you luck, it doesn't sound easy trying to ward off this Mum!

I think you can only complain if the exam was not conducted correctly and they fail. Otherwise you have to just accept what mark you get. I'd say stick to your guns and tell the mother to be pleased with what son did achieve.

If the comments and marks agree I would point this out and maybe ask her what grounds she thinks there are for an appeal. Also mention that, if the appeal is successful the best she can expect is a free retake which is not going to be the best use of time for her son.
If she insists and you disagree then you could insist that she pays you the appeals fee up front.
I would also point out what an excellant mark 128 is, especially for such a young child.

What a pity that she wants to make him feel like a failure with such a high mark!

Nannyjay, she sounds like a nightmare parent.

I think you need to start the discussion by pointing out that by getting to Grade 5 in his third instrument, the lad's done jolly well, and a high merit is a very respectable mark.

Perhaps you should mention the fact that he did three music exams in one term and that's spreading oneself pretty thin with a resultant risk of to the marks on each one - so to come out with 128 is all the more creditable.

Then, if she's still adamant about contacting the Board, I think you should point out that the AB NEVER change the marks of an exam after they've been issued. If there is a good reason to appeal (and there's a limited number of circumstances in which that can happen), then they will give the candidate a free re-test the next term. Ask her whether it's worth holding the boy back a term in his progress just to get a couple of extra marks. I think this point of the boy's best interests is the main one to focus on.

Best of luck with however you decide to approach it.

Cheers

katyjay

I agree with sbhoa 100%!

Been there, done it!

Some while ago (I did post about it so won't repeat the whole story) I had a pupil who took a keyboard exam and a piano exam in the same session.

Keyboard result was one mark OVER Distinction, Piano was one mark UNDER Distinction, so Mother, who like yours expects Distinction EVERY TIME, insisted that I contact the board (NOT ABRSM) and asked them to take one mark off Keyboard, re-allocate it to Piano thus Distinction in BOTH exams

Needless to say I.......DID.......NOT !!

Then after I refused Mother said that sunny jim would be taking a little break from his lessons "to get over the disappointment".

3 weeks later, she phoned to say he was ready to come back, and my reply amounted to "go take a hike", but more politely.

Good luck in ALL your dealings with parents!!
d

I totally agree noodle I have never had to deal with this yet and hope I never have to! I always tell my pupils that a distinction is a very rare thing and not something ever to be expected, as it depends if everything goes right on the day. Personally I didn't start getting distinctions 'till the higher grades and I even failed my grade 6 first time - I now work as a professional pianist. Who needs a list of distinctions? Life's not like that.
(sorry that was a philosophical ramble and not much actual practical help nannyjay!)

So true. How is this child going to cope in the real world if he is taught that a merit is a failure?? (again not much practical help)

A pass IS a pass a pass with a merit even better! Gosh i think this mum really needs to grow up!!!!

I've noticed over nearly 25 years of teaching that a certain sort of parent AND even some of the pupils do seem more and more to expect really good marks in their exams (ie. distinctions) and turn up their noses at anything less, which I think is awful.

I've felt quite annoyed on several occasions in the past when I've informed a pupil that they've got say, 126, which in my eyes is a very good mark, and they've sort of twisted their mouth in a way which quite obviously shows that they expected more - and yet they might not have worked all that hard at their scales or the finer points in their pieces in order to go the extra mile and earn the Distinction!

I think it stems from teachers' reports (school ones, I mean) in the current climate, which never seem to say anything negative at all, even if the child is truly dreadful! In my own reports on pupils I try to be absolutely fair, but I never flatter them and always state the truth as I see it - if the child isn't working hard I will say so - and I think that quite a few of the parents think I am very strict indeed (but interestingly, lots of them over the years have told me they appreciate what I say)! I'm very fond of all my pupils, but as I pull my weight in the lessons I do expect them to do the same.

Sorry, I've gone a bit OT here....

I don't think you have Jo. The quote of yours above is a carbon copy of what I do as regards reports..

He's done three exams, and 128 is a great mark, and his mother should praise him for it, not make him feel bad because it's not a distinction, which all this messing around and asking for appeals is likely to do.

Whatever you decide to do, best of luck.

Although I can understand disappointment with a relatively high mark, this mother clearly has no idea what appealing entails. As long as there will be another exam in which to right the wrong, why bother about the mark?

Jo.clarinet, the thing is that this particular child does work hard, but he had such a lot on this term...SATS, and three music exams at higher grades. I think he did really well to get 128.

Perhaps you are right and these high expectations do stem from the school reports and, in fact, school life, where nothing ever seems to be criticized. I will be interested to know what the marks for his other two instruments are, but his other teacher is on holiday apparently and he hasn't heard yet.

Three exams in one term and achieving a Merit at his age is an fine achievement and maybe mother needs to be told this fair and square. She could investigate the "stats" on the ABRSM website if she wants to see for herself the breakdown of marks for Grade 5 worldwide (or nationally at least).

Personally, I would reiterate to her the minus points of appealing - she may really believe ABRSM will suddenly magic up a Distinction for her precious bundle if she shouts loud enough. I've known plenty of parents who think that should happen because they can't cope with anything less than Distinction for their child. Quite often the child is fine and it is essential that you congratulate your pupil on what he has achieved. Yes, he may be disappointed too but when you get the mark sheet in your hand, you may be able to see better where those precious two marks were lost to explain it to him. Life's not always Distinctions and the sooner he learns that, the better.

There is implied criticism from the parent here of your teaching. I'd think hard how far you want to push this with her but, personally, I'd stand your ground and say you are not prepared to complain because it won't result in anything except her son having to spend another term on his Grade V pieces to, possibly, only get 128 (or lower!) again and be a complete waste of his time. Also point out that three exams in one term (+SATS) was, in your judgement, too much at 11 years of age and so, in your opinion, the result was fair. Finally, he'd gone up a grade and what you've achieved in the past actually counts for nothing on the day of the new grade exam. YOU are the teacher and if she doesn't like it, then perhaps she should take her son elsewhere. (It won't solve the lad's problem - poor chap - but it will ease your stress levels maybe?)

Also, presumably you don't want a complaint against your name at ABRSM for what in effect is a mother's ego! It is so very sad that parents are so highly competitive these days and are dragging their children through the mud with them. Yes, healthy competition and encouragement, challenges etc fine - but stories like this make me very sad and not a little cross.

Finally, you might ask the mother whether she wants her son to be a musician or an exam machine? It sounds like she can only see his musical success measured in Distinctions. I find a number of parents are often really astounded to learn that I think I'm training a musician - it's very odd how that rather critical fact seems to escape them in the heady world of certificates, accolades and pats on the back for them from their (parental) social circle for their child's achievements!

Have courage to do what you believe is right is what I would say. Best of luck and let us know what happens.

Oboist

This mother sounds truly horrendous. You can tell her that in any case the examiners never give 129 (as far as I know) because they know exactly what the candidate deserves. If the marks add up to 129 and they think he/she deserves a distinction, they'll hunt around for one extra mark to add, so they can round it up to 130. If they think it was a 'merit' exam they'll lop one off the 129 so that the candidate doesn't agonise about one lost mark. This also explains why so many candidates get 130 rather than 131!

128 means a very good merit but didn't quite have that extra something that deserves a distinction. The sooner the mother realises this the better. And if the son's as disappointed as she is, then it's entirely her fault. They should both be delighted, and any show of disappointment on the mother's part will only rub off on her beleaguered son. Ugh!

Violinia

Thanks everyone for your support, as usual.

I should receive the report form through the post tomorrow, so I'll let you know how I get on when I phone the mother.

I had one of these last year.

The child took grade 2 and was awarded 125. I thought it was a fair result. He'd worked quite well on his pieces but dragged his feet on scales - exactly what had happened at grade one.

Mum's first reaction was " oh. He'll be disappointed". However she didn't go as far as asking me to complain to the board. But I thought her reaction was unreasonably negative. He'd got a slightly lower merit for grade one, so grade 2 was an improvement, and he was a fairly competent student but I didn't see him as a distinction candidate.

Stand firm Nannyjay. Your pupil has done well in a very busy term. I agree with Jo, Oboist, and others who have already posted. Good luck in dealing with mum!

When at college we had a wonderful tutor who was a plain-spoken Austrian, and a wonderful musician. He had a certain way with parents and I recall him telling one mother after her son had taken a violin exam and not done as well as expected; "Yesterday he play like an angel, tomorrow he play like an angel, today he play like a pig so he fail!" And then he walked away! I cannot imagine that he had trouble again.

"You entered your son for an exam so you could get an unbiased view of his performance on the day - you got one. Now stick a cork in it or tell your son you are proud of him for being such an amazing all rounder and then stick a cork in it."

Can't wait for his first job interview...

Nannyjay - I wasn't implying any criticism of your pupil, and I'm sorry if my comments came over like that. I was just speaking from my general experience!

A few years ago I taught a girl who was absolutely lovely, but never did even the smallest amount of practice. She had already been entered for her grade 5 by another teacher, and so I had limited time to prepare her for it (the parent had begged me to help her with this exam, and I had explained what was required in terms of practice etc before we started lessons). After about a month of no practice, no improvement etc, I explained to her (again) that scales were not optional, her pieces did not sound fluent enough (she was sight-reading them every week) and that if she didn't practise the she would fail. When I then repeated this conversation to her mother after the lesson, the mother flew off the handle shouting about how she paid me every week to ensure her daughter passed her exam, how dare I not do my job properly and so on. In this parent's view, she had PAID for her daughter to pass the exam.
Totally opposite to nannyjay's pupil (who sounds great), but reflective of some parents' attitudes nevertheless!

I think I might have been tempted to tell that mother where she could shove her money.......nasty person.... and tell her a few home truths about her little brat too...... I'm lucky I haven't had any parents like that to deal with although I once had a complete waste of space pupil at school who kept missing her lessons and her father stormed into school to demand why he had to pay for those lessons and what measures were in place to ensure his daughter didn't miss her lessons - fortunately the HoD fielded otherwise I might have said some truly unprofessional things to him..... (his daughter was 15 at the time, and in my opinion could d****d well remember her lessons for herself at that age......., plus she wasn't any good, and didn't practise at all.....

is the pupil really gutted with the result, and wants you to appeal too? If so, ditch them both - you can do without the hassle. 128 is definately a good mark and if they can't deal with a merit as opposed to a distinction, you don't wanna be teaching that kind of person.

BUT if he doesn't (ie he thinks it's a good mark and he's pleased), and it's just the mother, then be careful that any actions you do take will only affect the mother and let the pupil carry on as he was. it's not his fault if his mother is a stupid tantrum-throwing oh-i've-got-to-be-perfect mum...

LOL at ringaringa, that says it all!

I got 128 for my grade 5 piano as well. I was absolutely delighted - I did it during the same time as my A levels (so I was a lot older than this little boy) and grade 4 viola, so I was just pleased to pass everything. I can't see why 2 marks matter so much to this mother! Yes, it's wonderful to get distinctions, but I tell my students they should be thrilled if they pass, and anything else is a bonus. When they do pass, I am really excited for them too.

Make a big fuss of him, Nannyjay. He's done brilliantly!

I'd try to speak to the child on his own and see what he really thinks. Explain that you can't get him another 2 marks, and that it doesn't matter anyway - he's already done brilliantly.

I had this a couple of terms ago with a pupil who didn't quite get a distinction, despite always getting them in the past. The mother was devastated - liked to boast about her 'ultra-talented' daughter - but the girl herself wasn't at all bothered and just wanted to play some new stuff for fun.

Is it a sign of the times or are there more pushy parents around these days? I think there are. I'm lucky in that none of my current parents are particularly pushy, though I lost a school-based pupil a while back for that very reason.

The girl had been really enjoying the violin; I'd been giving her a varied repertoire of jazz (she was learning to improvise - really well), 'world' pieces etc, which was where her enthusiasm lay. Then one day she came to her lesson with a glum, resigned expression on her face. She told me her mother wanted her to take her Grade 4 (she had taken Grade 3 with her previous teacher). I asked her how she felt about that and she shrugged her shoulders and said 'that's what my mum wants me to do, so I don't really have the choice.'

I can see now I should have spoken to the mum about it but I didn't, as the girl wasn't putting up a massive reaction. We got the pieces, she started working on them and within a term she had decided to give up the violin permanently; it came back to me via one of the others that she had 'stopped enjoying the violin'.

If this ever happens again I shall definitely talk to the mum if I see the slightest fall in enthusiasm from the pupil.

Actually having said that, it has just happened again - I have a delightful new pupil, very self-motivated. She came to her last lesson of the term telling me her mother wants her to do grade 1. I asked her whether she wanted to do it and she said she didn't mind. She already plays 'Fiddle Time', one of the Grade 1 pieces, and can play the scales, so she only needs to learn 2 more pieces, but I still feel slightly cross that the mum is trying to set the agenda here. Surely it's up to me, the teacher, to decide when to put the girl through an exam? As she's largely self-taught she has a lot of technical issues to sort out, plus a completely horrible violin and bow. She certainly doesn't need exams as a motivating factor, so what makes this parent want to push the exam thing? I certainly don't want her to be put off as her motivation is so high already; at least Grade 1 is easy enough and there aren't reams of scales....

I've just encouraged a pupil to take Grade 1 as she needed the push, and it's made her work really hard. Waiting for the result now - aargh! But in this case the parents were just supportive, not trying to lead the way.

I guess we need another 'pushy parents' thread here!

Violinia

I have a 9 year old who was going through a very "dead" patch earlier this year. He'd done grade one (piano) last autumn with an adequate pass, but had done very little since. I'd put him on to Going Places after the exam, which I regard as a fun book, and after doing one he liked he'd been really half-hearted about the pieces and seemed to be losing interest.

I was expecting him to give up at the end of the summer term. In May mum contacted me to say he liked lively pieces and could we not do lively pieces? I thought in fact we already were, as I'd sussed out months ago that he doesn't much like gentler, slower ones.

I discussed likes and dislikes with the pupil (as I had done a number of times before) and played him a whole lot of things I thought he would like, to get a really honest reaction from him. The ones he likes best are the "full of energy" ones and we eventually settled on Microjazz collection 2. Great fun. His narrow area of interest indicates that we might not do any more exams, but that's fine - more important for him to enjoy it.

After a couple of weeks things are really looking up, and parents confirm that he wants to continue after all.
What does mum do now ? start making sudden and very insistent noises about grade 2.

Aaaargh.

A while ago, when everyone was proud of their distinctions, I was accused of having a problem with them.

Well I don't.

What has happened to nannyjay is where I have the problem. Her pupil has achieved an excellent mark, yet because it is not a distinction it is not good enough.

This session I had my very first candidates fail. They would have been delighted with a high merit.

At the time everyone was going on about their distinctions, I was in the middle of the post-mortem session with my two pupils.

They are resilient, will learn, will pick themselves up and go and take the exam next session learning from their mistakes.

I am really lucky, I have ambitious students with down to earth parents. They accept the marks they are awarded by the examiner

I feel for you Nannyjay. Stick to your guns. A distinction is a high honour, not one the ABRSM or TG hand out lightly. It is the icing on the cake, the thing you should be overjoyed to get, not the thing you expect.

A couple of exam sessions ago, I had several distinctions among my pupils, but my own son got a merit. The father of one of the distinctions offered me his sympathy and tentatively asked when my son would be doing the re-take...I didn't really say much in reply, but now that his child is on higher grades himself, his attitude has changed, and he has realised that it doesn't just land on your lap!

Ask her to appeal herself, if she's determined too. It doesn't have to be the teacher. I have a mother who writes lots of letters to the ABRSM! If it's important I get copied in in the reply, so then at least I know what's going on.

That's a good one!

At the risk of being contentious, can I say a few words from a parent's point of view for the sake of balance, please?

My son tends to get distinctions but he got 128 for his bassoon 7 and it never occurred to him or his parents to appeal let alone complain, so I wouldn't have done what the subject of this thread did. I mention that simply to disqualify myself from the ranks of "Lot's of parents out there," mentioned in a previous contribution.

But there's an awful lot of pretty indiscriminate parent-bashing going on in this thread and I'm not sure, looking at the root of it, that it's all entirely justified.

The 11 year old is clearly no dummy. He got grade 7 distinction on one instrument, so he'll have grade 5 theory (unless he's not ABRSM), and he got a grade 5 distinction in his other exam. This is one talented musician with plenty of exam experience behind him and there's a really good chance his parents know him at least as well as his teachers.

The boy and his mum are made to look precious by the term "Little darling." There's no indication where that label came from. I doubt he calls himself that. Maybe his mother refers to him as that, but maybe she doesn't. Maybe the only place he's ever been called "Little darling" is in this thread. Maybe he's just a concientious and gifted young musician who got an unfair mark. It happens.

I do not see the logic of assuming, as many contributions have done, that there is some implied criticism of the teacher in the mother wanting to complain/appeal to the Board. She isn't complaining to the teacher. She's saying her son is good enough and has therefore been taught well enough to get a distinction. Maybe she's right. There are plenty of other threads here with teachers complaining that their pupils didn't get the awards they thought they deserved. Why cannot a mother think that too? And even if she isn't right, why can she not express her unease?

If there was a problem, and that problem was taking three higher grade exams in one sitting, is it reasonable to ask why the teachers didn't anticipate the problem and spread them out? I would have thought that a sensible precaution.

Having said all that, if I were the boy's teacher I'd seek clarification from the mum that her child was not to be entered for any exam unless a distinction was guaranteed.

Best wishes

barry

When entering for an exam, the pupil, parent and teacher should all be prepared to take the rough with the smooth. If a distinction was guaranteed there would be no point in entering. Some examiners are undoubtedly tougher than others, and some have their own particular likes and dislikes. Last session, I had an AB Grade 4 candidate whom I felt was pretty sure to get a distinction, but she was heavily criticised for playing too loudly in places. Everything else was highly praised. Perhaps she over-compensated for a softer piano than she's used to...? Who knows? But it has given her food for thought, and something to be aware of the next time - be able to compensate for whatever instrument you're faced with; that's what it's all about - constructive criticicm from a third party who is neither teacher nor parent. Music is not a science and NO ONE is guaranteed a distinction. Rather than give a child the impression that "we can sort this out for you", he should be taught to acquire the maturity to deal with the fact that he can't be perfect all the time - otherwise, his parents are putting him in the firing line for always being thought of as "a little darling".

I'm a parent as well as a teacher, and it's been acknowledged in the past that most parents are great - bring their children each week, pay on time, let us know about any important issues etc. A few are also incredibly supportive, highly organised and communicative, forming mutually respectful relationships with the teacher and enabling the children to really flourish. It sounds as though you are one of those parents, Barry Thain. If my daugher wants to learn an instrument when she's older, I hope I will be, too. I'd want to work with the teacher, and with my child, to ensure that everyone stays happy. Unfortunately there are also parents who, for one reason or another, are unenthusiastic or unsure about how to support their children, there are ones who always pay or arrive late (no matter how sensitively the situation is dealt with), some who want children to sit exams before they are ready, and some who think their children should always get distinctions. One family I work for chastised their daughter recently for what they perceived to be poor school exam results - then a couple of weeks later she won a prize for coming top of her year!

What I think I'm trying to say is that none of us ever mean to knock parents in general, but all of us know families who give us a hard time! The best teaching and learning takes place when there is communication and respect all round, where the teacher allows the parent to do the parenting, and the parents let the teacher do the teaching. It's also nice to have regular attendance and practise, and to be paid on time. A lot of families fall into that category.

I think their was a thread a while ago about positive parents. We could start another one!

Is it not possible that this child may have had an 'off day', and maybe it's no one's fault but his own that he didn't do as well as he may have liked? If I did badly on an exam I wouldn't complain unless it seemed very strange and off the wall. This parent and child combo sounds like a pair of a sore losers who can't admit responsibility for their own less than perfect actions.

I'm a parent and a student, allbeit an older one. I got distinctions in Grades 2 and 4, missed 3 out. This time I "only" got a merit I admit, I was disappointed, I know that is awful, and my daughter would have loved that at her exam. My teacher said I was capable of a distinction, and I knew I COULD get one IF I played well on the day. BUT I didn't play as well as I could. I know it, the examiner heard it, and my friend the pianist said it afterwards, " You played it well, but not as well as we did in a practise session". Therefore I have put it down to experience, and will play in public as much as possible to get over my nerves, as the examiner told me to. I have found that years after the event, no one asks me what grades I got in my O levels, just whether I passed. It's life This Mum needs to grow up a bit.
Beverley.

Definitely. I think it's fine for parents to ask about exams, but having asked, they should trust the teacher's judgement, and the teacher in return should make every effort to make sure their judgement is accurate as to whether the child should be entered or not.

I wouldn't tell an electrician how to wire my house!

Dear Ellie

I don't get involved in my son's tuition at all. I never have, and neither has my wife.

I don't attempt to work with the teachers - they know far more about it than me.

I know parents who want their kids to take exams before they are ready, and I don't deny the existence of pushy parents.

Maybe the mum in this case was completely off her trolley. It's just, that would have been easier to accept if the boy always scraped a pass. But he didn't. Maybe the mum was over-ambitious in believing he was worth a distinction, but maybe she wasn't.

All I was saying is that when teachers write here about how they are thinking of appealing their one pass and three fails, everyone says "Ah, there. I know how you feel. Isn't it disappointing?" But when a mum says the exact same thing, her son gets branded as Little Darling and is portrayed as the parent from ######.

And everyone has the right to express their opinion. I was just adding some balance.

I'm sure parents can be awful - I probably can be too - but when the mum of a straight distinctions candidate questions a merit, that doesn't mean she's questioning the teacher, or that she's wrong, or that she's overly ambitious. It just means she thinks something's up. She may have to accept the outcome. She may have to appreciate that three exams in a term is not a good idea. She may have to understand that her son had an off day. But she doesn't have to be accused of criticising the teacher (which she patently didn't do) or have her son cast as Little Darling.

It's nice to know there are positive parent threads here. We have our kids for all their lives. Music teachers have them for half an hour a week. It isn't the same.

Best wishes

barry

Can the mother herself not complain to the board? (I would not recommend it though-I did that with my grade 8 cello, only to be told that have a good system and the examiners were all professional you.
know. I hope the board have improved since then,. The mother has a right to her opinion,but it is sad that, she appears to be more interested in the marks than the music. If say her son goes on to do music professionally, and he sounds promising-who is going to remember what marks he had in grade 5.? (I support a graded system on learning and went on to pass trinity Garde 8 ) Ihope the son is not one of those
who has too much pressure to learn, I remember years ago.there was someone in this area like that (three
instruments-grade 8 distinction at age 13). It is believed that she no longer plays an instrument.

The thing is, though, this mother is not complaining about a scraped pass or a fail: she's complaining about a high merit. Presumably the child in question (who did fantastically) will go on to do higher grades on this instrument, so the exact mark he got at grade 5 will become irrelevant/forgotten as he progresses through grades 6, 7 and 8. Perhaps the main point is that the pattern of distinctions framed on the wall is now slightly 'messed up'...

To extend the analogy that someone made above, it's like me telling people I have a degree in English and them replying with "yes, but what did you get for English GCSE?" - it doesn't make sense and is actually rather irrelevant.

Is the mother a musician? Perhaps she should try taking the exams herself - maybe even three in the same session - to get a more accurate picture of what is involved with the whole thing...?

Was it the mother or child who was upset with the result?

Sometimes exam results effect the children more than the parents as happened to us recently. A child of 11 is unable to express their disappointent to the teacher themselves and will often want the parent to do it. For the parent this labels them as pushy.

We found ourselves in a similar position recently with our daughter's Flute exam. At first we were angry about the result, her exam was a Trinity Joint Assesment. There were lots of things wrong with the information provided for this exam by the music service (obvious to someone who has experience of delivering continuous assessment).

At the end of the day there is nothing to do but look coldly at what went wrong with the benefit of the mark sheet and where improvements can be made. Screaming at the board and the teacher will not alter anything. The teacher assessment was ok but my daughter found the exam a very negative experience.

We have used this to encourage our daughter to improve areas she had not worked on before such as tone, so she can take something positive from it.

If a child always gets distinctions and is a multi Instrumentalist (used to the pressure) they will see the mark as a fail. We made a choice for our child under the circumstances but we had to do it without discussion with her teacher. I would have liked the teacher to have discussed options for the future with us or to have at least understood the childs disappointment. I appreciate this will not be the same in your pupils case, but as a parent it was the negative experience of this exam that bothered me more than the mark.

Aargh! Seeing that part quoted, I've just noticed a spelling mistake and a wrong use of "their". I must have been sleep deprived that day.

I can't be the only pendant round here!

Do you mean - the noun "practice" as opposed to the verb "practise" and "pedant" as in you being pedantic at times? I wouldn't worry if I were you. I suffer from a lack of sleep all the time and put soap in the fridge and handwashing liquid on my toothbrush!

Ah yes, back to the point. I think the mother in this case may just be acting out of ignorance (of ABRSM practice, etc) at best or at worst out of pride but no matter - who am I to judge a total stranger? Some patient communication/explanation from a wise/tactful teacher is needed here.

He seems a brilliant kid who deserves loads of praise and encouragement and if his mum is helped to feel much better herself, he'll feel (her vibes and thus) a lot better, too.

Is this a theme for a new thread of the "If you were a piece of jewellery, what would you be?" variety?

Best wishes

barry

Aargh! I've done it again. And I'm usually so careful. I'm out of here!

Hehe - don't worry - I thought it was a brilliant typo!

Me, too!

It's funny, I was always one of those students that passed music exams. Well, was until I failed grade 8! I can safely say, I never disagreed with any of the ABRSM marks. I always knew I could play better than I did in my exams (I was one of those chronic nerves sufferers) but I have to admit passing an exam that wasn't easy was one of the best life experiences I could have ever had.

It certainly helped this year, when sitting my final IB exams, I realised that actually getting the top grade in all 6 subjects wasn't necessarily going to be possible!

I don't know, perhaps telling parents that students, even very academic/musical/otherwise talented children, can learn a lot from not always being perfect helps. Because perfection isn't always possible, and it can be very devistating for someone to suddenly learn that they can't always be the best...

(As for pushy parents... just don't get me started on pushy teachers!)