I got a call last week from an 18-year-old girl's father fixing her up with violin lessons. Girl duly arrived for first lesson last Wednesday, lives about 10 miles away. Lesson went well; she'd already bought violin and tild me she'd always wanted to learn but never got round to it before, having tried cello but not got on well with it. At the end of the lesson she said how much she'd enjoyed it, and we fixed up the next one for yesterday, 11.00am.

Well, come yesterday morning she just didn't show up - no call, no nothing! Unfortunately I couldn't find their tel no anywhere so couldn't do anything till this morning, when I found it. Got the dad who said he had no idea what she'd fixed up for this week, that she was in all day yesterday but that her mum hadn't made the journey into my home town so the girl wouldn't have been able to have a lift. OK, I said, fine - but why did nobody call me??? He said he didn't know, but that he'd get her to call me when she got in at around 6.00pm.

8.00pm I phoned again and he said she still wasn't back but may have gone to a friend's. No call all evening. Perhaps she didn't come home (or perhaps she was there skulking), but still!!! I'm really cross!!!

Anyway, would I be labouring the point to call again tomorrow? I don't want to seem like a rabid harridan, determined to hang on to this new pupil at any cost - I seem to be getting a lot of new ones at the moment anyway, so the loss of one new one makes no odds really, but it's the principle!

Would you teachers here ring again, wait and ring again after a few days, or just leave it? I would normally charge if someone just let me down like that without warning, but hadn't got as far as setting out exact terms yet (my mistake) as she seemed so keen.

Violinia

Why not call and say that you have other people looking for spaces, and that you really need to know her intentions. It may be that she's had some sort of personal trauma; I'd give her the benefit of the doubt - but only once. It doesn't cost much to lift the phone, and you should make her aware that she needs to do this in future if she can't make it.

EDIT - I meant, by the way, that it doesn't cost HER too much to lift the phone - not you!!! I've just re-read that and it didn't come out as I intended!

I reckon the parents should have been a bit more on the case and made sure she made it to her second lesson; after all it was her dad who phoned me in the first place. He didn't seem to have a clue what was going on or what she'd fixed up with me - a bit too scatty for my liking.

I've decided to phone them tomorrow and explain to her that if she fixes up a lesson she has to turn up or at the very least phone me well in advance as I need to plan my days and can use her slot if she cancels. Or pay half a term in advance. Or go and find another teacher.

Thanks for the advice, Patricia.

Violinia

I would do nothing more. Just ignore their lack of manners and fill the place with another more reliable one.

Like petrat, I'd do nothing more. If she is like this after one lesson, it seems likely she might be like this in the future. Yes, you lost some money/time (it's happened to me several times and it is annoying), but why should you waste anymore of your time chasing someone? Hopefully you'll get a better mannered person to fill the space soon.

Like petrat, I'd do nothing more. If she is like this after one lesson, it seems likely she might be like this in the future.

Yes - my reaction was similar. Most new students will honour the first week or two of a lesson arrangement without needed terms set out in black and white, in my experience - although you do get the odd one ...

Earlier this term I had an adult book in by email for two "trial" lessons. She failed to show for the first one, and the following day I sent an email " sorry you didn't make it, I hope all is well" sort of thing. There is always the possiblity of some kind of emergency after all.

Later I had a reply saying her child had been unwell and she'd gone straight home from work; was it ok to come the following week?

I replied yes - and the following week again I waited and she didn't turn up. No message either time.
I sent a copy of the (same) message I'd sent after the first time - and I didn't hear from her again.

I didn't chase that one. My impression for what it's worth Violinia is that lack of organisation / communication at this stage is a bad sign. By all means contact them again if you feel like it - but I wouldn't wait around too long before filling that space.

i ring if theyre 15mins late, in case something has happened. If they dont turn up i ring or leave message, then may ring once more. But after that i give space to someone else.

Do remember that she's 18 - not a child. If her parents aren't able to take her, she's old enough to either make her own arrangements or ring. You can blame the parents when it's a seven-year-old, but not when they're 18.

The same thought went through my mind - she's a legal adult now and her parents aren't actually responsible for anything she does anymore.

I'd ring and, if you don't get her in person to talk to, ask her (or leave a message to ask her) to call you within 24 hours if she wants any further tuition. Advise that if she hasn't phoned back within that time you'll give her place to someone else.

If you speak to her to seek her intentions, or she phones back, make your terms quite clear and make sure the contract you issue is with her not her parents. As I say, she's a legal adult now and, like it or lump it, she's going to have to take some responsibility for her life. Is she off to uni soon? If not, presumably she's going to get a job and that should teach her something about the adult world......

Or, of course, you could just forget about her. Your shout of course!

Some people regard music teachers as a form of public servant who can be messed about with impunity It would not occur to them to be polite or considerate

I would move on and replace her with someone else asap Experience has taught me that if you chase after a pupils who are unreliable they will be unreliable in the future when it suits them

I market continuously so that I am not too dependent on one set of students and that there are enquiries always coming through It is expensive but it ensures a more consistent income stream

Thanks for all your helpful comments. I have enough pupils though will keep accepting them till I really can't cope with any more. I just think what she did was incrediblyrude. If she does get in touch I'll give her one more chance but after that she's out on her ear. And I'll be amazed if she does get in touch - it's been 2 days now. I guess I'm just a bit flummoxed that this has happened, having never experienced it before. Even my mad doctor mum has been pretty good lately, paying for all missed lessons with good grace, and without even being asked.

Violinia

Well, I just went against all your advice and phoned them. They were all about to go to the pictures but the mother spoke to me, even though I asked for the girl and she was there. Hmm. I have a feeling the girl was a bit scared to come to the phone...

Anyway, the mother apologised and said the dad had suddenly made a decision for the whole family and they'd rushed off to the beach that day first thing. Which is NOT what he told me yesterday, but it makes more sense. He told me the mum had been working that day, hence no lift, and the girl had been at home. What a liar!!!

I felt a bit heated and let it show in my voice, saying that I was sitting waiting for 40 minutes until I realised she wasn't coming, and that normally I expect to be paid for missed lessons that aren't cancelled with reasonable notice. I said I'd let it go in this case as I hadn't explained my terms (you wouldn't think you'd really need to explain it, would you?).

Anyway the mum said the girl is dead keen to learn the violin and that she had really enjoyed her first lesson. I still don't think they get it - they should have offered to pay for the missed lesson, shouldn't they? But I don't feel right demanding it after only one lesson...

She also said they will call me in 10 days when I get back from holiday and that it would be better for her to have an evening lesson rather than a daytime one until she passes her driving test and can make her own way there.

Well - I'm not holding my breath. I'm certainly not phoning them ever again - I certainly said my piece tonight. If they ring me they ring me and if they don't they don't. I really don't give a **** any more.

Grrrr!

Violinia

I don't blame you i really don't like people like that!!!! I'd tell them that the place is took by someone who WANTS to learn if they ring up again though somehow i doubt they will ring!!

This has happened to me a few times. Like you I always give the benefit of the doubt - emergencies DO happen. If there is no good reason why they don't turn up I do one of two things. If they want to book another lesson I only do it if they will pay for the missed lesson as well. (I'm running a business - I could have filled the slot if you'd let me know in good time, etc.) I usually say, how would you like it if your employer said you had to go home three-quarters of an hour early (or however long your lessons are), and by the way we're not paying you for the time? The thing is, if they do it once and get away with it, they'll think they can do it again.
If I don't hear from them in a week I send an invoice for a cancellation (full) fee. You might not get it, some times I do, sometimes I don't, but they might not be so eager to do it to someone else.

I am sorry to hear about this. I've been there and been taken for a ride several times. For some reason singing pupils seem to be the worst around here. I learnt to be suspicious when the first question was along the lines of 'Can I have a couple of lessons so I can sing like Celine Dion!' or for a talent competition on two weeks time!

Now I won't give the first lesson until they pay me for four which is the trial period. After that, if they are not happy they can leave with no notice otherwise they go onto standing order to pay monthly.

Even so I get caught sometimes when they keep on a week or two longer and 'forget' the Standing Order form but generally it works better and it has the advantage that I give out the message that I am serious right at the beginning.

But once the rules are established, yes of course there are some real emergencies, but you get to know which are genuine.