My younger daughter (who is nearly seven) is a selective mute. At home she is a vivacious, non-stop chatterbox but as soon as she enters her classroom she stops talking. She talks a little to other children in the playground and at the end of the last school year she would talk to her teacher in a one-to-one situation but not in front of the whole class. She is also extremely anxious and worried about doing the wrong thing.

At her request I enroled her for piano lessons and she has now had three. At her first lesson she didn't do anything - she didn't even touch the keys. At the second and third lesson she played what the teacher asked (most of the time), nods and shakes her head but so far has not uttered a single word. At the end of the last lesson her teacher said that this makes it extremely difficult to teach her as she doesn't know if she has understood and also means she doesn't know if she knows the names of the notes. I told her teacher that I would oversee practice time and note-reading and asked her to be patient and to try not to make an issue out of my daughter not speaking. (The more pressure put on her to speak, the harder it becomes for her to say anything).

Having said that, I can quite understand that it must be really hard to teach someone who doesn't speak and I wondered if I ought to persist with lessons or just give up. We are in a system where my daughter can have two more lessons and then she has to commit for the whole year. (ie we pay for the whole year whether or not she goes to the lessons).

I would definitely say PERSIST!
I do a little teaching, and I taught a girl who just would not talk at all. This was incredibly difficult, but as I carried on with her, and, in particular, made her laugh, she began talking a little and now, after about a year, chatters away - and she's been my most rewarding pupil, just to see the development. Unless she tells you she doesn't like the lessons, I say keep going and good luck!

Is the teacher a "singy" teacher? I find if I sing instructions and sing while I play and sing while they play then non talking children do loads better. By the 3rd lesson I wouldn't expect a child to know names of notes at all (but I use Hal Leonard so they start on the black keys). I can do whole lessons with children that don't talk to me, they communicate through playing.

If a child won't touch the piano in the first lesson I try lots of other props - a teddy bear playing "for them" (actually they press the teddies hand on the key) then it's okay because any "mistakes" (not that they can make any mistakes, but they think they can) are teddy bear mistakes. I also use a drum (with or without teddy).

I taught one boy for a whole term before he talked to me.

Hi
I know nothing about teaching piano, however as a Paediatric developmental therapist I know a lot about selective mutism.

I think your daughter is doing very well - after just 3 lessons she is co-operating in doing what she is being asked and nodding and shaking her head appropriately - that's awesome communication in my book.

If she talks at home then you must know whether she is enjoying piano - absolutely regardless of her behaviour in lessons does she see it as fun? Does she play about on the piano/ keyboard at home? Will she willingly show you what she has 'learnt' and be your teacher ( always works well in my experience). Is she keen to plinky plonk away making music herself? What does she think of her teacher ... does she like her? I have treated selectively mute children who absolutely adore their class teacher but have never ever addressed a single word to them.

If she is having fun then definately don't stop. It seems a great thing to be doing.

That said it is possible her teacher isn't having 'fun' - as you will be aware some teachers cope better with these children than others. It may be that you need to search further for a teacher who will implement some of the exciting suggestions posted above.

Music is a wonderful form of communication and your little girl needs as many forms of communication as possible.

Good luck

Musicman's Mum

My younger daughter is four and a half - she starts school in January and has never spoken at nursery - she's been going there every weekday since she was one.

We're happy about the care she's been getting (our two older children went there also) and they've given us lots of help and an information pack on Selective Mutism and are trying various strategies.

DD is very musical and sings tunefully all the time at home - I think music lessons are a great idea though I guess it might wait a year or so as she has a lot of changes coming already. I like the idea of developing a special skill she can be proud of.

Please excuse my ignorance... what is the difference/is there a difference between selective mutism and extreme shyness? Where's the line between unwilling and unable? There've been posts on SM before but I don't really understand it.

FWIW from a position of not really understanding what it's all about, if your daughter reckons she will enjoy the lessons, then go for it: I am sure it will be a learning process for the teacher too, but one hopes she's gutsy enough not to just teach the easy pupils.

Do persist if you can

I used to be one of these children I started lessons aged five, after pestering my parents, so the teacher was confident I was keen to learn.

As well as being shy, it just never occurred to me to say anything to the piano teacher for quite a few months into the lesson!

As far as I was concerned, she showed me what to do, and I did it. I came back each week with the music learned, and she would show me something new! I'd only play her piano when asked - in fact, I waited to be asked before I even sat down at it. Maybe I was just over polite and unused with spending time with an adult who wasn't a parent, so beyond "please" and "thank you," I didn't have much to say!

My parents knew how much I loved it though, and made sure the teacher did too. She never made any comment about my lack of communication - in fact, she may have even appreciated a child who would just listen politely and do what she was told!

Now when I recognise this trait in my own pupils - I don't let the situation feel awkward or draw attention to it. The trick is to avoid the "awkward silence," so I just keep it moving, stick to nothing but the music, and avoid asking personal questions or putting them on the spot (like asking them to sing by themselves...) until they seem ready to open up a bit more.

You could also ask you daughter to write in her notebook anything she's having trouble with, and let the teacher read it at the start of the lesson. That saves her any nervousness she might feel about bringing the subject up verbally. Once she sees the teacher welcomes questions, and won't be cross at her for not understanding something, she will less worried about asking again.

The third week is still a very early stage so don't worry too much. It's all new to her, and if the teacher hasn't encountered the situation before, she may not realise that sometimes these children can be a welcome breath of fresh air compared to the ones who never stop talking

I think maybe a word with the teacher to reassure her, suggest she carry on as normal ( trying not to force conversation too much.) As it's a one to one lesson, the chances are your daughter will settle in soon enough.

All the best

xxxx

Yes, there is a difference - SM is a childhood anxiety disorder, more than just extreme shyness, and the child is unable to talk to other people, it isn't a choice that they make. The kids can speak normally at home but often at school and places outside their home environment they really struggle to speak and to make contact with other people. They sometimes have certain friends that they will speak to alone which helps, but then there is the danger that the friend starts to speak for the child which isn't really much use. It's supposed to be something to do with genetics but I think you're better to get someone qualified to explain that part of it! We've had a kid at dancing before who had SM - sadly no one told us before she left so we never knew how to help her.
The website www.selectivemutism.org is really useful and it has loads of information plus a forum for parents and SM sufferers

I think it is perfectly possible to teach a child with SM, so long as the teacher is willing to change their style slightly and be very supportive towards their pupil and the situation. There are some hand-outs at http://www.selectivemutism.org/smg/dl.htm - although they are geared more to classroom teachers it might still be of some use to explain the situation a bit more to the piano teacher so that they understand how to help.

Good luck - I really hope that your daughter can continue with piano lessons
hoxie
xxx

Thanks for those links.

Even at home speaking or not isn't a choice that's made - under any sort of stress DD's voice dries up and she just growls in frustration.

I guess there are parallels in the way I can produce a beautiful tone on my flute when there's no one listening.

I agree with all the above. I taught a child who was not officially diagnosed with SM, but it seemed pretty clear from lessons and from things her parents said that she had it (albeit in a fairly mild version).

I found it hard work, especially since after the first few months she seemed to loose interest, but it was hard to tell if she had lost interest or not since she never talked to me! She just did less and less practice... But that happens to lots of children!

I would think the main thing is to talk it over with the teacher and see if SHE is happy to proceed. There's no point going ahead if the teacher has reservations or is unenthusiastic.

This may not be especially helpful, but . . .

This term I have been teaching a girl of 7 who does not speak English. She is living in a European environment and I am the only English speaker she has regular contact with (apart from shops, etc) Her parents are fairly fluent, and fortunately the mother is musical as well. We have had four lessons, and the most I have had is a nod or a shy smile. I think she understands more than she is letting on, and I hope she will gradually start to speak to me. Not only is she shy, but she's understandably cautious about trying out any English.

However, the lessons are going well, she is clearly practicing well at home, and her mother tells me she looks forward to her lesson each week. I make sure there is time at the end to explain everything to her mother so that she can translate anything. And big smiles from me, along with cheerful stickers in her practice diary would seem to be fairly universal.

She is not 'mute' in any way, but the lesson situation is the same - trying to communicate with a non-speaker. I think it is up to the teacher to find ways round this, not to give up on a pupil who has enough to cope with already.

I also teach pre-school music, and at one nursery I go to, there is a little girl who is an 'elective mute' (I'd always thought it was this rather than 'selective'). She is there four days a week and doesn't speak or interact with the other children at all. There is a strong feeling that she may have other difficulties, but she is still being observed and diagnosed. Two weeks ago she came up to me at the end, and clearly wanted to touch a very loveable puppet I've been using. She stroked him, gave him a hug, and then whispered "Goodbye my friend". the staff were amazed. There must be something about talking to a puppet which is less anxiety-producing than talking to another person, of any age. I assume this is why children who stammer frequently do not when speaking to an animal or a toy.

Sorry, this may be a bit off-topic, but hopefully suggests that we should not give up on these children in any way. They could turn out to be our most rewarding pupils.

"there is a little girl who is an 'elective mute' (I'd always thought it was this rather than 'selective')"

Elective Mutism is when someone doesn't speak in any situation at all. Selective Mutism is when someone only speaks in certain contexts (usually at home).

Yes - SM is an extreme anxiety disorder. Children are unable to let anyone other than selected people hear their speaking voice. There was an excellent programme on television about it about 6 months ago.

I taught an SM boy at a school a couple of years ago.

It was clear he was extremely musical - excellent feeling for pulse, rhythm, pitch differences and so on (he was aged between 6 and 8 when I taught him).

A natural part of my lessons is children performing on their own. Quite often these are volunteers but there are also activities where every child is expected to do something by themselves. I could always find a way round it that didn't involve speaking/singing aloud - for example, 'Sing it in your thinking voice and clap the rhythm'.

He would do this happily - and he would also find a way to 'answer' pretty much all the questions I asked.

I know this isn't the same as a one-to-one situation (he was in a class of 34) but I would reiterate what others have said - certainly DON'T give up on such children. EVERYONE deserves the best quality music education and if you adapt then you can certainly still provide this.

George LOVED music and to see his beaming face in the lessons each week was a huge pleasure.

I know very little about this disorder - but is it posiible that playing an instrument and performing could be an excellent means of expression, worth perservering with, for these children, who are unable or unwilling to communicate with their voices?

I haven't read much about SM and music but I would imagine that this would be the case - like Cyrilla's pupil who could clap but for whom speaking was difficult. I am under the impression that most of, if not all of these kids can still communicate, only in different ways to what is 'normal' in our society and they need teachers who are prepared to think outside the box a little to get them involved. Music would be one way of communicating without having to speak There are many others, including writing things down and using sign language.

Thanks everyone for all your answers.

For me this is quite impressive communication from her as well but her teacher said: "This is the third lesson and she's still not talking."

She talks non-stop at home and she is definitely interested in the piano - every time she walks past it she sits down and has a play, both what she is supposed to be practising and her own tunes (with both hands using the whole keyboard). She was not over keen on note-reading after her last lesson but I am inclined to think that this is fairly normal at not quite seven.



That is exactly what I am worried about. She is having lessons through the local music school where you just get allocated a teacher. The teacher is young - it is her first teaching post which is both an advantage and a disadvantage. I know that with some of the older teachers it would not have worked at all as they have a "one-size-fits all" attitude - piano lessons are over-subscribed so they easily get replacements for pupils who leave. This woman does seem more flexible although she hasn't had much experience of how different children can be.



This is what I thought. Music is a non-verbal form of communication and ought to suit her. She is also very good at drawing and will spend hours drawing.



My elder daughter is very shy and there is actually a big difference in the way shyness and selective mutism is perceived by others. My elder daughter will never volunteer a reply in a group situtation and never initiates conversation. She goes bright red if someone asks her a question and she mumbles a reply. My younger daughter is like a stone-wall. She has no eye contact with people to whom she doesn't talk and just doesn't react at all. She doesn't blush, she doesn't move, she just sits (or stands) and looks anywhere but at the person. She doesn't say hello or goodbye and people tend to think she is just being rude and unco-operative rather than shy.


My daughter has a good sense of pulse, rhythm and pitch differences too. Part of the deal with the piano lesson is a one hour comuplsory group singing lesson. As far as I can work out my daughter hums the songs. I haven't spoken with this teacher but my daughter hums/sings the songs without the words all the way home after the lesson each week so I am assuming that is what she is doing in the class (either that or she has an excellent memory for pitch).

Thank you! I can see the difference now. . . .

"We are in a system where my daughter can have two more lessons and then she has to commit for the whole year. (ie we pay for the whole year whether or not she goes to the lessons)."
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What!! That is terrible! How can anyone commit themselves to a whole year after only five (or so) lessons! I think that teacher is way out of order. Most teachers have about a month or half term's notice to quit lessons.

Definitely continue with learning the piano though - but if you can't negotiate a better deal, find another teacher!!

Best wishes to your daughter. Hope she really finds something in music to help her grow in confidence.

Kerioboe lives in France and the system is totally different - it's not a case of one teacher being miserly and unreasonable I think.

Sarah-Flute is right the system in France is different. We have lessons through the local music school. The music school starts around September 20th and everything is free until the October half-term holidays. Anyone still enroled after this date is automatically billed for the whole year (although you can pay termly). Their legal argument is that the fee is to become a member of the music school and does not cover lesson costs and all members are members for a whole year.

It is in fact very cheap. 180 Euros for the year for a child. This includes one (or if the child wants two) individual instrument lesson(s) of 30 minutes up until about grade 5, (then 45 minutes until grade 7 and 60 minutes for grade 8 and beyond) plus one hour of compulsory theory (again this increases in length as the child progresses) and once they are grade 2-3 level an hour of orchestra and/or ensemble playing.

I suppose I am not committing myself to a fortune if she does give up half way through the year but part of me thinks I should be encouraging her to try things for a reasonable length of time before she gives up and that it is important to respect the "rules" that people impose.

I have taught two children with selective mutism (one is now a music exhibitioner to a famous public school). The child I currently teach has not said a word in several years, but we get by through my demonstrations at the second piano, and I can tell from her musical response how much she has understood. It does mean that I cannot engage her by asking certain questions such as, 'is it a song or a dance', but other questions she will answer through facial expressions or through gesture.
As a teacher I found looking up selective mutism on the net useful. I do on occasion find the situation frustrating,particularly in how it restricts how I can teach, but then I have to realise what potential she (like all children) has, and not take her silence personally. She is just fearfull, and one day that might change, as it did for the other child (who did not speak to me for two years). Learning is a long-term (ten year) process, so my advice is to stick to it, and actively maintain communication with her teacher.