Why was arguing ever invented? I am sick of losing friends over arguements... Why will no one ever face up to what they have done. Does anyone else have the same views?

Soph

Sorry to hear that you've had to put up with people arguing. I hope you can find a way to make things up with your friends even if they've upset you right now.

Not this time with this particular one I have no intention of making things right. However some arguements happen to be for the best and make things better.

Soph

Hey I know exactly how you feel... I get the same thing with my friends because we're all really emotional and fiery characters and when we get on we get on really well, but we also fall out quite alot.
I really can't offer any advice, but just know that most people fall out quite alot. I don't think I have a single friend that I've never argued with, infact probably the person I've argued with the most is my friend Eleanor who I've known for nearly 10 years ago, but when we think we're right we get up on our high horses but we always make up.
Try to think as them as tests of your friendships, noyl the best friendships will survive really bad arguments.
What I always say to my friends (but I'll have to censor it on here) when we've fallen out and made up again is that I don't mind that much because they wouldn't be my b*****s if we weren't all so argumentative!!

To be honest, I'm a great arguer... in that I always manage to make things up at the end. Sometimes people just like to vent a bit of steam and if you happen to get in the way of the steam, you'll get a bit scolded, as it were. I wouldn't take it too personally. Maybe the person is a bit fed up of things... or people.

Soph, if someone's a friend you have to put up with the fact they're a human being too. So sometimes they'll say stupid things and sometimes they'll do stupid things and sometimes both.

But if they're a real friend to you, one stupidity on their part is not worth losing a friendship over.

I have one friend who drives me crackers with the stuff she says and the stuff she does. But I know that when I'm in real trouble, she's there at the end of a phone and will come over and help as soon as I ask, even if it's not a good time for her. And for that I can forgive her an awful lot of stupid sayings and stupid doings.

You're mad at someone at the moment, just like I get mad with my friend. But is it really worth losing the friendship over one thing?

Thanks for your advice, the thing is though, I really did think we were good mates but I have found out I was wrong. We fell out a few weeks back and we didnt talk for a while but we sorted things out not long ago and it has happened again. I don't think I will be able to trust him again, we only started talking again about a week ago and for it all to happen again so soon, I ask myself is it worth it?

I also had a lot of trouble with someone who moved into the street but we always sorted things out and we have a stronger friendship now because of it.

I also believe what you said about true friends always being there whenever you need them, I have a friend who is there no matter what and I am glad to say we have never had an arguement and I have known her for 10 years.

I know with friends you should forgive and forget well sometimes things aren't meant to be.

Soph

My sister says that the most annoying thing about me is that I won't argue.
She complains that you can't argue with someone who doesn't argue back and that annoys her....

you know what I agree with that, I wish I was one who wouldn't argue back. i don't like it but there are times when it is needed, I think??

I don't think that an argument is ever needed. If it is at all possible to speak your mind in a calm and polite way then it is far better to do so. You can disagree but there is not usually a need to shout or to be unpleasant as you do. It is a very hard lesson to learn though, but worth trying, and an even harder lesson to master is the art of making an apology.

This might sound stupid but I actually think that arguing is better than talking behind peoples backs and ######ing because at least it clears the air. With my best friend, we'll argue about the most stupid things (and occasionally more serious things) but we'll make up and things are good but I used to have some friends who would just talk about me behind my back and never talk about problems face to face and so things never got sorted out or when we did finally talk about them, there was so much resentment and so things never got sorted out.

Hope things get sorted out though, I know how horrible arguments can be.

People argue because they care about stuff and have opinions. If your friends didn't care or have opinions, you wouldn't like them. So consider it a good thing that you argue

Yes, that is true but there is a big difference between a discussion and an argument.

Agreed - the number of times my best friend and I have fallen out because she thinks that I'm about to end up hurt (literally or metaphorically). On the other hand, if they're just nit picking, ignore them.

I try my best not to argue over anything since I can get a little...hot-headed.

I don't like to argue, it is something I try and avoid. I have had silly arguements but this one is not a stupid one if you get what I mean??

Soph

Everyone argues.. It gets quite annoying at times, especially when it's over the stupidest thing and it's developed into a massive argument (don't ask ) Though I guess the best thing is to keep your head up high and hope it'll all blow over, rather than digging a hole deeper

How do you keep your head up high if you have just fell out with someone who you thought was a great friend and someone you thought you could trust??

Soph

I'm not too sure, I guess all there is to do is not make it worse and hope that it'll all be allright

You have to find something else to focus on and find new friends through that. Not an argument as such, but several years ago a girl who was new to our group (but knew one or two of the more 'popular' members of it) decided she didn't like me, and my friends followed her examples. Every friend except one would not talk to me, went off and had private conversations and didn't say anything against this girl when she would sit and swear at me and try to make my life a misery. I never once had an explanation why they did it, I guess they were just scared of her. As for me, I found music and a really fantastic new bunch of friends who I love so much - it was a hard time back then but it didn't last for too long! If it is making you feel this down, then you are better off without them.
On the subject of arguments, one of my closest friends (the one who didn't abandon me back then!) and I used to have weekly arguments - at the end of every week we would really yell at each other over something stupid, then go away for the weekend and it was all forgotten by monday morning! It was a really great way to get rid of the stress, because we both knew that we could yell whatever we liked at each other and neither of us would take offence! After watching some big rifts developing through back-biting and people having a bit of a ###### behind the other persons back, before it all erupts into some massive argument, I know that I prefer the straight-talking method!
Try not to feel too down, treat yourself however you feel - nice beauty treatments, long bubble baths, nights out with your other friends or even extra music practice! I'm sure they will quickly realise that it's their loss, and if they aren't big enough to come and apologise to you then forget about it and spend your time and energy on your true friends.
hoxie
xxx

Thanks for your advice, but the thing is he is someone I met through music and someone I really did trust. I am going to have to see him everytime we have a music lesson or woodwind and orchestra and right now I don't know whats going to happen when I see him.

I know what you mean though when someone decides they don't want anything to do with you. I had that trouble at school last year and things got so bad that I refused to go into a lesson because I was scared they were going to shout things across the classroom. This was when the teacher realised something was going on. He was great though I was able to tell him everything and get it all sorted out. I know now when things like this start to happen to go straight to the teacher and get it sorted. I'm glad you found some new friends and I really appreciate your advice.

Soph

No problem
Sadly, it's the people you trust who have the ability to hurt you the most. Are there other people you can talk to? Just try and treat him like another aquaintance in the class, rather than a friend - don't blatantly ignore him - it could make it awkward for other people in the class. If you act politely to him then it will probably make it look more like you aren't bothered that much, which might make him think a bit! I think it's probably easier to just treat him like another classmate & take it as it comes - if people ask loads of questions about are you still friends (that really bugged me!) then just say something polite & vague, like yes you are still friends, but it doesn't mean you have to sit together all the time, or something that doesn't involve criticising the other person - you want to look like the more mature person of the pair, not the one having a moan to everyone else in the class!
I'm sure it will be ok in the end - it may be a bit awkward at first if he isn't talking to you but as long as you remain civil about it and have a bit of fun talking to the other people there, then you should be ok!

I am going to have a quiet word with the teacher about it I think when we are back at school as he knew we had fallen out before half term. We did sort things out only for it to happen again. It is a teacher I trust so I should be able to tell him. Again thankyou for your advice, it really makes you feel better knowing someone knows how you feel and can offer it.

Soph

Instead of getting better, things are getting worse HELP????

Soph

Oh no Soph, what's happened? *hug* You can PM me if you like

As it says at the start of this thread, I am sick of losing friends over arguements. I think I am destined for a bad time friends wise lately... Anyone else??

Soph

I hate to put a damper even more on this but the bad times have recently blown over for me and things seem to be getting better! Don't get too down about it. Times like these show you who your real friends are. (How cliche!!)

Im glad your times are getting better. Thats the thing I am not sure at the moment who are my real friends.

Soph

I hate to say this, but sometimes a break from friends is a good idea; not too long, but just enough time to let things cool down. One of my closest friends and I argue all the time (usually over orchestra as we are both clarinettists of a simillar standard), but we give each other a break and then we make up. But I would also trust her with anything I had to sa to her!

Is it a particular thing that you aways argue about? Like music or something? Because if you know what it is then you can try to diffuse the situation by not getting into it (if you see what I mean!).

Maybe it's just a situation where you need to go your separate ways? It's harsh to say it, but sometimes it's for the best.

*hugs* Good luck!

I hope we don't as I really valued him as a friend. This time there are lots of reasons we have fell out thats why I'm so confused.

Soph

Yes, things can only get better

Then maybe he's going through a rouhg patch himself and is just quite irritable? I know when I have things on my mind I tend to have loads of arguments because the slightest little thing will annoy me!

Last night I had words with someone, she made me really angry! I know that we both share concerns (elderly relatives) and are equally desperate to do the best we can and it wasn't an argurment as such. I don't like having to forcefully tell people how I feel about something but in this instance it couldn't be avoided.


I suppose what I'm trying to say is sometimes disagreements are caused because people see things differantly and it's not a case of right and wrong. Sometimes you just have to say how you feel to move things forward and that might be in someone elses interest rather than your own. I personally believe compramise is always the best!

Don't know if this makes sense?

I have tried to compromise and talk to him he wont listen

Soph

I really dont think he cares that much, he wouldnt talk about it saying he had nothing to say. CONFUSED!! I am going to talk to a teacher about it, is that a good idea? I need to tell someone I know and I think a teacher is the only one I can trust. What do you think?

Soph

Soph

I'm not fishing and I don't want you explain anything in open Forum. Answer the questions to yourself! Can you talk to your parents about your relationship with this boy? What do your friends think have you confided anything to them? If it's an adult you need to talk to then a teacher might be a good option. Do you have a particular one in mind and also consider that you might have to answer some very personal questions.

Talk to someone soon though as this is obviously bothering you a great deal. Try and take a step back if you can and imagine your are observing the relationship rather than part of it. Does it make anymore sense to you?

Go out with other friends over the weekend Shopping , laser quest or the pictures and concentrate on that for a few hours. Don't think about him it might help you to sort things out.

Good luck

Hey you know what after such a bad week, I am going forget about everything as much as possible over the weekend and take a positive approach. Is that wise?

Soph

Yeah, take a rest from it all. You can never just run away from anything without confronting it but you can deal with it another time. Go out with some friends or something or watch a film etc as long as it takes your mind of things.

My thoughts exactly!

What would people do without friends? My friend knows how I have been feeling recently and tonight I am going to her fireworks party and her Mums party. I am so glad I have friends who are supporting me what better way to take my mind off it all??

GOOD NEWS: We sorted things out!!!

BAD NEWS: I became the aim of a joke he and another boy made today which they found really funny which was actually really horrible.

I dont know what is going on anymore

Oh dear Want to PM me again?

I'd guess he's a 15 year old boy who needs some time to mature.

Just spotted this thread.

Oh Soph, you sound very sad, hurt, angry and confused. [Offers gentle hug]

Amber
x

Thanks, I am sad, hurt, angry and confused!!! Thanks you seem to know how I feel

Hey, I know what it's like to have jokes made about you, I seem to walk around with a sign above my head saying "Everyone, make fun of me!!" and I know how horrible it can be. But since I get alot of this I've now learnt to just shrug it off and just think of myself as superior to them. I might not be, but for some reason it seems to help.
I had a really bad day with my friends today, I think there was something in the air. We all ended up arguing and shouting at each other and several of us ended up in tears. I know I said some really hurtful things and I've been feeling awful about it all evening. But I've been sendind sorry texts out to everyone and no one's replied but hopefully we'll be able to make up tomorrow.

I hope you sort things out with your friends, I think I can safely say I know how you feel. Things is we only just sorted things out and for it to happen again so soon??

I am sure he is, as nonmusimum, said just a 15 year old boy that needs to grow up. He probably thinks it is funny making jokes about people and thinks he is funny and something special. Just ignore him. One day he will hopefully realise what he has been doing and grow up. Until that day just ignore him.

You really cant say much can you BEN??

What can I do. This person has really hurt me I have tried talking to him, ignoring him and now I am stuck. I have even spoken to a teacher. I feel so hurt and upset and it really is getting me down.