My flute student is taking grade 3 in April, and she's getting on quite well, but isn't very confident with her playing. She has, I think, gained considerably in confidence since I've been teaching her, from what I have witnessed and what her parents have said to me.

She still lacks confidence in scales and sight-reading though. Today we had a good lesson, among other things she coped really well with one bit of sight-reading, had a total mare with another bit, and agreed to do some sight-reading practice! She finds it difficult sometimes to keep her rhythm and pulse going - she's a very aural learner and converting dots into rhythms doesn't come THAT naturally to her - she is pretty good at it if she is clapping, but dealing with fingers and lips etc as well sometimes it goes horribly wrong (not usually though!). She has improved a lot and it's definitely at least 50% or more just lack of confidence in her ability to sight read... I encouraged her, told her the marking criteria for sight-reading which helped, and generally we had a good lesson and positive with regards to sight-reading.

Then her dad comes in and comments "she's OK with the pieces, it's just with sight-reading she falls apart..."

*screams*

He's a nice chap - her parents are lovely actually - but gargh, what can you do when a parent makes thoughtless comments like that even when they're jocular??!

Sorry just a bit of a whinge. Obviously if anyone has any more confidence-building tricks or ways for her to practice sight-reading then that would be great, but mostly I just wanted to get that off my chest

gosh yes - how thoughtless is that !

I think my reply might have been something like " yes but that was last week - I've given her some pointers today and she's improving already."

but don't you just have to think on your feet sometimes ?!

I forget my reply - I think something along the lines of "She's fine, actually, it's more a confidence issue", at which point his daughter made a comment about his comment not being very useful, in that case! I think(hope!) she's gained confidence to the point where an offhand comment like that, especially from her dad who isn't, as far as I am aware, at all musical, shouldn't shoot her down in flames completely. But honestly........... and it does make you wonder, if this is what a capable student gets from a parent who I have to say is generally a nice guy... no wonder some music students get so disspirited if their parents are not supportive.

Argh. Some people

Yes - parents, the constant problem!

Last week one Mum said to me in front of her youngest daughter (I teach her three daughters). "the problem for "J" is that she just isn't half as talented as her sisters!". Now that was really motivating for the youngest one as she prepares for her Grade II. It happens to be true but not what she (or I) wanted to hear expressed publicly at this time - especially by Mum. Aargh......

Parents... who'd have 'em

Seeing as though he's a non-musical parent, could it be that he was just re-saying what his daughter may have already said to him? I know it wasn't the time nor place to say it, but I know when I said something like that to my Dad a few weeks back after I had been getting really annoyed about it one time. I can *usually* do sightreading (bet my teaher wouldn't agree!!), but this one time it was going particularly badly and had said that I was rubbish at sightreading. Then one other time I did one really well, or I thought so anyway, and he came in saying, "so how many mistakes did you make that time?" in a very, "you did it wrong kind of way". I don't think he was being nasty, just that from what I had said before, he had assumed that anytime I did sightreading I did it wrong.

It may be that he didn't mean to actually be rude or anything, just that he's going on what he's been told, and as a non-musical parent, he wouldn't actually know any better, but I know it's still not very useful, and I nearly killed my dad when he said it, so I can imagine just how annoyed you were when he said it.

Actually I can almost sympathise with the parent here (the way you have told it anyway).

My daughter is very lacking in self-confidence and also a perfectionist who always sees the worst in everything. I can imagine my daughter in a similar situation saying "my pieces are awful, my scales are rubbish, I don't know how to sight-read and I can't do aural." She hates general comments like "don't worry, everything is fine" so I might well have said something like "I think the pieces are good but she's not altogether happy with the sight-reading yet."

Which, I suppose is a bit different to what he actually said and would have given you the possibility of saying "Well that's what we've been working on today" and the parent could then respond appropriately.

What could help is that you give her some familiar tunes to sight read - she will find these easier to manage and she should be proud of herself at the end of it.

It depends on whether the daughter is used to those sorts of comments and knows how to take them with good humour! It sounds like the kind of thing my Dad used to come out with. He wasn't musical - but he loved to commentate!

At festivals he'd say "If you don't win, you're walking home" - If it weren't for me giggling, anyone listening in might have not realised he was joking

It's just the way with some people.

As for the mother making such a tactless comment in front of her daughter - that's another thing entirely. I'd have hit the roof How could she say something like that?

Yes, exactly - He wasn't trying to be nasty and I don't think for a second that he was, but a blanket statement that "she falls apart" when given music she doesn't know is... well, thoughtless!

I suspect he is at least partly going from what she has said, and also probably from what her former teacher said, but there's a big difference between "She doesn't find sight-reading easy" or something and basically saying oh yeah, she's hopeless at that, she falls to pieces. I forget his exact words but my visceral reaction to them was "Ouch! Harsh!". It wasn't intended to be hurtful, it was a statement of fact as he saw it... it was just unfortunate and thoughtless.


Yes, we've done some of that.

Like I say, it's not so much sight-reading as the thought of sight-reading which makes her panic. She isn't the world's best sight-reader but she isn't bad and occasionally she's brilliant. For example this week she had a bit of "prepared" SR, ie it's the bit she gets to see, looks at and checks out in the week, answers questions about, claps bits of, then plays in the lesson, which is then followed by the unprepared bit, and she played it beautifully, good attempts at dynamics, one small fluff which didn't throw her, all rhythms right, correct articulation, nice tone.... I then discover that what I thought was a really good try at a piece of prepared semi-sight-reading was actually a fantastic try at something she hadn't prepared at all because she'd worked from the wrong page and then was embarrassed to tell me because she felt like a dimwit!! She's quite capable... and her parents aren't ogres trying to tear her down... which in a way makes it even more frustrating that her dad could come out with such a belittling, discouraging, and inaccurate comment. Sometimes things can be made as a joke, but there are things you don't joke about and things you do, (though I don't think it was intended as a joke, I know the family well enough now that I know when her dad is extracting the michael) and joking about the part of the exam she finds difficult a couple of weeks before I send in the entry and 6 or so weeks before she has the exam when she's a far from confident girl.........It just made me go "ARGH!"

I have a piano pupil who's father has mild Asperger's syndrome.

She took her grade 3 last year and in the waiting room we could hear everything she played. She came out quite happy and relieved and sat down with her father who then said "well you only made 3 mistakes in that piece and 2 mistakes in this etc. well done!", she then looks at me and rolled her eyes As a parent myself, it is hard sometimes to praise a child positively instead of negatively, she's lucky that she deals with it so well and is a very confident young girl.

Sorry if that doesn't help your situation, all we have is that 1/2 hour a week and sometimes that 1/2 hour can build confidence in a child regardless of what happens elsewhere you just have to work harder!!!