What do your parents think about you taking up music?

At first when i suddenly said that i wanted to have a career in music, they were shocked and kinda discouraged me because they thought i was taking art. I had stuff like 'you are never going to make it' and 'it may not be suitable for you because you are not grade 8' and 'there are people better then you'.

I hated all the discouragement that i basically tried to ignore them but sometimes they just rub it in my face; the fact that i wil never make it again.

sometimes i feel like crying because you really love music but someone is trying to keep you away from it.

but at the moment, my parents are starting to be slightly 'okay' with it.

But i can tell that they still hate me for wanting to take music...heck they even turned my uncle against me!

why??!!!!!!! (")

any similar experiences?

When i started studying music a few years back now my parents were really supportive, it was them in fact who encouraged me to continue with it. I am sorry to hear that your parents are not quite so supportive but if its something that you really want to do then you should go for it. Dont let what other people think stop you, after all its your life and you should do what you enjoy.

Hopefully when they see your hard work and dedication has paid off then they will be more supportive of it all.

Best of luck to you :-)

I used to HATE my music and used to wonder why I decided to take it in the first place, but my parents NEVER let me give up, and I'm sooo thankful that they didn't let me, they get embarressing sometimes because they are so encouraging, they're like 'when you're famous you'll be able to buy that!'

missfabflute please don't listen to your parents, anyone whos dedicated and enjoys what they're doing can make it, trust me.

It's really confusing for me because i didnt really start learning music properly till i was in year 10...

Before that, all i did was art art art...heck even the head of 6thform thinks im doing art! I was supose to be the *top* student at art but i really love music deep down.
But im too scared to tell him that i want to do music.

I think my parents are discouraging me because i just decided *officially* a few months ago and they think that people usually take years and 'work towards' their subject.
So i dont have much qualifications but i am working very hard to get my grade 5 and go to music college.

But what about those people like me who suddenly (like someone just hit their head) decides to take something which im not really good at?

My head of 6th form says: ' Choose a subject which you will see yourself interested in 3 years time'

and i thought....'that's gotta be music!'

But i just cant get the fact that everytime when i practise, the image comes to my mind of people telling me that 'you cant do music'.

I went to visit one college and there was this lady in charge of music courses. She asked me 'what do you want to do with music?' and i told her 'i want to perform and join the orchestra as well'. THen she asked me how long ive been playing the piano...and i said '6 months' (at that time) and she immediately said '6 months? you can never get to an orchestra...forget about the philharmonic orchestra' oh gosh that really hurt..

and there i assume that everyone is going against me...

she didnt know that ive been playing the flute for 2 years...

It is a constant struggle between the parents and the daughter about financial backing for music. Hence, the relationship is never truly "good" - maybe that's why I'm so bitter.

Me too. My family alos disagreed when I mentioned to take Music as a career and also do a degree in music. None of my family or relatives take up music. To them, they think music as a form of recreation only. I think it is the passion and preservance for classical music that keep me going.

Me too. My family alos disagreed when I mentioned to take Music as a career and also do a degree in music. None of my family or relatives take up music. To them, they think music as a form of recreation only. I think it is the passion and preservance for classical music that keep me going.

my mum kind of discourage me to study music in the future...in uni or college.... she doesn't reeli want me to be a musician....but my dad is the other way round...he is extremely supportive

My parents are a sort of in between. They have been very encouraging with my flute, but their expressions when I mentioned 'what instrument am I going to learn once I've done grade 8' well...

I've always wanted to learn to play the drums you see, and the piano is starting to grow on me...

But I have no intention of doing music as a career, if fact, I'd be mad to!

well i never used to practise enough but my mum made sure i did and im very glad she kept me at it! when i told her i wanted to do music at uni she was a bit scepticxal at first,as she didnt know if thats what i really wanted to do as i kept changing my mind. now she knows for definite that i want to do that and is trying to stop me practising so much as opposed to when i was younger! so she is very supporive! i think a few others in my family disagree with what i want to do. one said i need to look at other courses not just music, and i said but thats all i want to do- but nothing i said worked. they do think im a bit weird coz im obsessed with music,though!

my parents said to me that you have to be extremely good if you are going to have a career in any of the arts . apparently musicians in orchestras, shows etc. don't get a very good salary and are paid very little. I think that's why many orchestral players take up teaching as well (a bit like my sister's violin teacher.) i really wanted to have a career in music but my parents are persuading me not to and it's starting to rub off on me I suppose they're right in some ways, but i guess some of you will probably disagree with their points (yeah i do! nah, joke!)

ps: tamsin, i learn the drums and piano and both are really good!

People seem to forget though, that if you do a degree in music there is nothing to stop you being a secretary, or an advertising executive, or in HR.

For something like 75% of jobs that you need a degree for, you don't need a specific one. 20% are things like lawyers, doctors, accountants and engineers.

The last 5% require MBAs.



It's never a bad idea to do a degree in music, it's only after that that you really need to think hard.

i'm in a music college now, and my parents refused to pay for the course and living expenses, though they are very willing to spend that money if i were to pursue other degrees. but i figure that it will be my life anyway, so if they are unwilling to invest, i'll just have to do it myself. nobody is born knowing how to play an instrument, and an early start doesn't necessarily guarrentee a lifetime of achievement. since you've already taken the first step (which i think is the most difficult step of all), i hope you will reach your destination eventually.

I had think about this last night, I it occured to me, to ake whether you had looked at doing any joint honours degrees, I know with music you can also do teaching, but I did also think there might be other subjects, perhaps even art.

Perhaps you family would feel better if you were doing a joint honours, miss fab flute? And david is right, most degrees have nothing to do with what you do later!


Oh and a story that might make you feel a bit better. When my sister went to her Y10/11 career interview (which are useless I might add) she said she wanted to do archaeology as a career. She was told (although slightly more tactfully than this) that it was an unsuitable career option and that she would be better doing it as a hobby and instead studying something she was good at, like Science (this was because humanities was her weakest area).

Fortunetly, my sister has a stubborn streak and decided to do A-Level arcaeology anyway. After the two years she got an A. She is now studying Archaeology at York University, but realises no-one will take her on as an archaeologist unless she has an Masters in it. I strongly suspect she will, but I havent let her in on that yet!

She is also looking at getting a very good degree at the moment, and is loving every minute of the course.

Oh, and another comment someone gave me at one point. Go to university, enjoy life there, get your degree. Then come home, and retrain as a plumber. Theres more money in it!

QUOTE (tamsin @ Jul 29 2004, 11:18 AM)

When my sister went to her Y10/11 career interview (which are useless I might add)

yes i agree, when i had mine and said i wanted to do music, they just looked at me and then tried to put me off!!

but actually...my teachers in school encourage me to go to a music college and start a career in music

QUOTE (liebe_klavier @ Jul 29 2004, 01:14 PM)

but actually...my teachers in school encourage me to go to a music college and start a career in music

my music teachers do!! but the career poeple didnt think so!! my career advisers now are my music teachers!!

my school teachers encourage me to go and study in music college...then start a career in music...

I think the careers advisors reckon we should all become secretaries, receptionists, police etc...

Anything remotely unusual or creative would be frowned on. I mean, I didn't dare mention my real dream, to be a writer!

You're right, Tamsin! As far as my parents and my school careers department are concerned, the only option I have is some kind of scientific career...
Yes I may be good at science but whether I want a career in it is a different matter...!

QUOTE

Perhaps you family would feel better if you were doing a joint honours, miss fab flute?

Actually i was going to do that,...but then as time passed, i just started to have this grudge against art.....
long story but i just hate it now.

QUOTE (tamsin @ Aug 3 2004, 09:48 AM)

I think the careers advisors reckon we should all become secretaries, receptionists, police etc...

And I thought things had moved on since my schooldays.

everyone who knows me now realises, trying to tell me not to do music is just NOT going to work!! they can't change my mind!

Does this all naturally change when parents are musicians as well ? My mother is a pianist and singer, I studied music from the age of 10, and my son and daughter took up music at the age of 10, their idea, not mine, and I have always encouraged them, as my mother did me ! I never said ' It's difficult to make a career in music', I feel that if you want something enough and are prepared to work hard enough to obtain it , it will happen.

QUOTE (trudihiggins @ Aug 3 2004, 12:07 PM)

Does this all naturally change when parents are musicians as well ? My mother is a pianist and singer, I studied music from the age of 10, and my son and daughter took up music at the age of 10, their idea, not mine, and I have always encouraged them, as my mother did me ! I never said ' It's difficult to make a career in music', I feel that if you want something enough and are prepared to work hard enough to obtain it , it will happen.

You're absolutely right. It does change with a parent of a musician. My parents are divorced, so I grew up with my mother, who studied classics but also went to music school. When I went into music, my mother supported me 100%. My father, who has no musical talent, fought with me tooth and nail.

QUOTE (clarinetlover @ Aug 3 2004, 11:43 AM)

everyone who knows me now realises, trying to tell me not to do music is just NOT going to work!! they can't change my mind!

Same here!!!! Music forever!!!!

and trudihiggins, Thanks + i will work v.hard on my music

my mum urges me to change my mind... BUT I WON'T.... I WANNA BE A MUSICIAN WHEN I GROW UP..... even if they disapprove it... I DUNN CARE...

My parents kind of expect me to have a career in music, not because it runs in the family (my mum is an ICT lecturer my dads an accountant and my sisters a 'Business Practicioner' what ever that is...) but because i have been playing since I was in year 5. I would quite like to be a music and maths teacher. But if I do a degree in music and maths as combined honours, would they both have an equal weighting?

QUOTE

Actually i was going to do that,...but then as time passed, i just started to have this grudge against art..... long story but i just hate it now.

Why the grudge against art? I dont understand, is it because everyone expected you to do it? Or that you got fed up with being told you were good at it when you wanted to be good at music really?

I dont think you should give up on art, not really, although I realise it is your choice- and if you really have come to hate it...

Its just that there are many adult musicians here, as far as I'm aware, who dropped music when younger because they were forced into it etc and came to hate it, and now really regret it, and I cant help but draw parallels between that and your art.

So far, everyone who I've told that I desperately want a career in music (dont exactly know what I want to be though) hasn't really put me off. My parents are great and say that they would support me in whatever I wnt to do, even if I wanted to be a binman (sorry, binwoman). But they will pay for all my courses, in effect they already do, I spend around £150 a month on music lessons, and drive me everywhere etc. etc. Nobody else in my family has wanted to do a creative career - my sister's training to be a doctor and nearly everyone else has science degrees.
What I really want to do is a degree in Music and French, as I'd love to travel, and live in France for a year as you can with most cdegree courses. And whoever mentioned about the Music/Maths Degree being equally weighted, I think it varies from each university, so you'll have 2 check it out.
When I told my form tutor recently that I want to follow a music career, he was really nice and said do whatever you enjoy, there's no point in dreading going to work every day! And I refuse to do a careers interview at school. They are pointless and silly and will try to put me off music. (Do you actually reckon that a careers adviser went to their careers interview in school and said ' I want to be a careers advisor'?

Anyway, good lucki everyone

Charlotte xxx

QUOTE (charlottethemuppet @ Aug 3 2004, 08:00 PM)

What I really want to do is a degree in Music and French, as I'd love to travel, and live in France for a year as you can with most cdegree courses.

me too!! Where you thinking of going?

QUOTE

Why the grudge against art?

It was something to do with my teachers..
not that i was in trouble or anything...

something happened one day and i just got so demotivated then and i started dreading to go to art class; i was scared. At one time, i did'nt get my lines 'perfect' so they told me how to improve it...so i was like okay because thats an art teachers job! but then as time passed by, they started doing that more and it was more like 'picking' on me. The teachers werent interested in me. they were interested in the better students. so i just thought 'whatever + i dont care anymore'.
+ my parents were like 'you can't make it' so i got really sad and started to hate art even more and worked more to my music.

In music, i felt more 'accepted' there. I just really enjoyed orchestra practise for example...just felt soething different about it now.

I mean i am one of those people who makes a career choice at a very late stage.
People thought i was going to do art (because it was supposebly my best subject) but then deep down, i come to realise that i really love music and would enjoy it much more. and when i actually do make a choice, noone agrees

but i dont think anyone can change my mind
Just because youre good at something, doesnt mean you have to take it (my point of view) lol!

Exactly!!! Well said missfabflute!!!

agree..

Hey,
I have no qualifications in music abrsm examinations wise- none
I was rejected from the one music college i wanted to go to
because of my lack of experience and knowledge, i can barely read
rhythms, sight reading appalling,theory knowledge, barely there,
but after all of these let downs of always being one step behind
the rest, i was offered an external student place at the college, i'm
taking a year out to better myself, a job playing piano in restaurant,
and everythin going better, because i havent given up!!!
I may never be as good as the rest, but because i love music so
much, i wasn't willing to give up, it's so important to have
determination, whatever you're parents say, it's all character
building i say! I bet they just worry, my parents were worried as
well, but only because it'a such a risky career blah blah blah- i say
there's room for everybody!!!!
Ask em what sort of parents they are by demotivating their own
Just ask em to keep their lips zipped, and when you've made it
through your newly discovered determination, they can apologise to
you then!
Good luck!!!

QUOTE (Pianista @ Aug 4 2004, 06:46 PM)

Just ask em to keep their lips zipped, and when you've made it through your newly discovered determination, they can apologise to you then!

excellent idea!!lol

will do then!

ThnX

I can not see the problem in wanting to pursue a career in music. If you want to go to university and get a music degree I can not understand why that is not as good as any other degree. In fact it is probably better than a lot of degrees that seem to be on offer at the moment. I agree that music is a tough career and lots of people don't make it as professional players but there are lots of other avenues open to musicians such as teaching or careers in recording companies or the BBC etc... Furthermore what is the problem if maybe when you get to your mid to late twenties, or even oldder, you decides that their music career is not working out and decide to change career, its not too late. All sorts of people have career changes not just musicians. You are going to be working for a very long time so I think you should go for what you want to do.

I thought I should just add that I am a parent and I am quite happy to support my children in what ever they decide to do.

i cant actually do a degree rightaway after my Alevels.

I have to take a diploma first because i will only have grade 5 by then :S

but its ok with me!

QUOTE (elmo @ Aug 3 2004, 08:13 PM)

QUOTE (charlottethemuppet @ Aug 3 2004, 08:00 PM) What I really want to do is a degree in Music and French, as I'd love to travel, and live in France for a year as you can with most cdegree courses. me too!! Where you thinking of going?

QUOTE

I'm not sure - I'm only just going into year 11!!! But I do like the sound of Birmingham and Durham Universities.

My next point on this topic:
When there's a will there's a way!