Hi, Im Good Intentions or Katy in the non cyber world.

I am 22 and live on the Isle of Wight, my musical history is thus


Primary School - screechy renditions of puff the magic dragon on Violin - poor mum and dad

Primary School - recorder very good actually

Middle school - Cello - was too lazy to get anywhere with it

High School - played gituar - reasonably well but it was only to impress grungy boys, not a good basis for a life long relationship with an instrument

Recently - Drums - LOVE THEM but i have no space for a drum kit Me and the fella live with his parents and we have already stolen the spare bedroom for a music studio

I joined the forums to get advice on restarting the violin - but I am now having a relationship crisis

THE FELLA DOES NOT WANT ME TO LEARN VIOLIN -

we had a blazing row - HE IS ADAMANT THAT I LEARN CELLO!

Dont get me wrong i had been considering taking up the cello but various restrictions meant it had gone from my mind and after listening to some lovely violin sections in songs I decide that I woul love to learn it.

HE says violins are not pleasant on the ear, and i wont get any satisfaction palying it solo, also that if I ever have any designs to be in band (contempory - not orchestral), a cello player would have a far better chance of getting a place.

He also says he cannot support if I play an instrument he hates - HELP!!! What do I do short of chucking him please???


GOODNESS sorry what a rant, I would love to hear your views?

Hi there. Just wondering if viola would be suitable compromise? (OK I realise this is not an unbiased opinion, as i'm a viola player and love it, but it's just a thought - you could also try sneakily taking up violin on the side with your viola teacher if he/she teaches it ).

Back to the violin question, it's a tricky one. It's probably a bad idea to go taking up the cello if you're not interested in it, as you might not then be inclined to keep going with it, but it sounds like you need to reach some sort of compromise. Why does your boyfriend have such a bad opinion of the violin - has he had previous bad experiences with noisy violinists? Would it bother him very much if you just used a heavy practice mute or maybe found a different place to practice (out of the house maybe)?

Thanks for the advice - I think I actually remember the Viola being mentioned last night - its all abit hazy though - red mist!!

I understand what your saying about not learning something that your not intrested in, I am certianly intrested in the Cello but space and travelwise I had deemed it unpratical.

I think he wants me to learn the cello for his own selfish ends As as well as being a musician he is a music producer for local bands - all of whom would LOVE a cello part on there tracks - see where im going with this - imagine how convieniant it would be if little old wifey in between making tea and roll ups for the bands could knock out a string section for a track

One of his arguments is that im fickle and with out his support I wouldn't carry on the violin long term. So i was thinking perhaps if i played the cello for a few years and progressed well with it he couldnt begrudge me violin lessons? Is that pathectic - maybe i should do a pankhurst and say stuff it I'm playing the violin?

Not really sure what exactly a viola is - tell me more - is it played like a violin in your hand? Or between your legs like a cello -PLEASE excuse my ignorance

Just to add further confusion, if you enjoyed the recorder and were good at it why not start that again? He might like to have a bass recorder on his tracks instead.

oH MY GOODNESS PETRAT - my head will surley explode with of these options - I was very good at the recorder, but did not enjoy it hugley - I felt lacking in love for the instrument - does that sound ridiculous - probobly my head is spinning sorry

True, but playing with lots of bands and being recorded into the bargain, also sounds like a lot of fun if you can see it that way

And you like the cello anyway - just act like a diva and tell him to carry it

Not really sure what exactly a viola is - tell me more - is it played like a violin in your hand? Or between your legs like a cello -PLEASE excuse my ignorance
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Yes, the viola is pretty much played like a violin. You hold it like a violin too, rather than like a cello. A lot of violas are only a small bit bigger than a violin lengthwise, but the body of the instrument tends to be a little bit bigger and chunkier than that of the violin (not too much though). It is pretty similar to play and I know one or two people who switch between them, my old viola teacher especially played and taught both. The biggest differences in playing is that the strings are tuned a fifth lower than the strings of a violin and the alto clef is used for all viola music (with a bit of treble clef when the notes go too far above the stave).

I dunno though, if it's the violin that you really really want to play, maybe you should try it anyway and try to gently talk your boyfriend around to it. Maybe get him listening to some of the violin stuff you've heard and liked? I suppose in terms of available space and time, it wouldn't be possible for you to try both violin and cello?
You could always go with cello for the moment and take up violin at a later date too maybe, if that's an option

Well you've asked for opinionated people to tell you what they think, so here goes...

Where does this guy get off, telling you what instrument you should or shouldn't learn? Does this reflect his general attitude to you in other areas of your life together? Think long and hard before learning an instrument you really don't fancy - it sounds like you would be doing it just to please him. Is his attitude acceptable to you? How will you react if he starts telling you what to do about other things? If everything else is tickety-boo, then maybe you can resolve it with a 'compromise' instrument, but my gut feeling would be that this is a window on the rest of your relationship...

Taxi!

I'm young so I you'll probably wonder why I'm replying, but I hope this helps anyway! I was going to say dump him, but then I saw that you said that! Just say to him that you will learn violin and if he has a problem with it then he can buy earplugs if he hates it so much! Nah only kidding (it may work...). Honestly though, my friend plays violin (she's about Grade 3) and she loves it. She's played solos and is in a contempory string group (they are absolutely brilliant when you listen to them). Just because he hates it doesn't mean you should though. Whatever you do, don't give in and say you'll learn cello because he wants you to! If it's that much of a problem for him, then tell him to find a way round it! (He'll probably come around eventually. Don't worry! ) Oh and welcome by the way!!!

IMHO if you want to learn the violin again then learn the violin. He may treat you to nice meals out flowers, choccies etc, but until he becomes Mr Good Intentions, then I'd treat the Violin as a better long-term bet!

I'm young, so bear that in mind reading this answer - but it doesn't sound like he's being supportive at all! Why does he have conditions on when to support you? Does he only support you when you are wearing clothes in colours he likes as well? And when you have long hair instead of short?

Why is it his choice what instrument you take? If you're interested in violin, what does it have to do with him? You can negotiate practise hours and mutes and so on, but ultimately it should be your choice... Whether it helps him with his bands is utterly irrelevant...

I don't want to be mean, but he sounds like a bit of a control freak to me, and very selfish...

So now that I have thoroughly insulted your boyfriend (no offence meant honestly, it must be a sore subject for him but nonetheless.....) I agree with the viola compromise if you must allow him to control your music...

Sounds like a control freak to me. Get rid of him and play the violin. If he is bossing you over this. he'll boss you over everything.
Bev,

Yes - I'm afraid I agree with Bev. Hope you can sort it amicably - but it really isn't up to him to decide what instrument you play.

There's only one instrument that you really have a strong desire to play and that's the drums Can you use his abhorrence of the violin to negotiate some space in his (?) music studio for your drum kit?

to the forums My grandparents own a holiday place there. Can never get bored of going there

Car Expert

Wow guys thanks or all of your responses!

Well I have had to weeken for the red mist to clear and looking back on my first post I i make the fella sound abit like a dictator - NB - Never post when extremely angry.

When I said he is adamant i play the cello I probobly should have said he would prefer me to play the cello

BUT

The other things I said were accurate eg he did say he wouldn't support me if I played violin and that he would take no interest in it - MEAN

For the more concerned posters he is not dictatorial at all in any other aspects of our relationship - quite the opposite really, thats why i got so angry as feel its not only unreasonable but uncharacteristic of him to react this way.

I really am at a loss as to what to do as I would love to play the violin OR the cello. The reason I had put the Cello to the back of my mind was for practical reasons. Despite being 22 i have never learned to drive - only only have a little scooter (AKA - The Scooty Puff Junior) so traveling to lessons would be next to impossible -imagine putting a cello in a gig bag on your back on a scooter

I am thinking of suggesting that if I learn the Cello - HE could ferry me to and from lessons and any where else me and the cello could go - and then if in a few years I had a strong enough Cello technique and still wanted violin lessons - he would HAVE to support me whole heartedly???

Any Thoughts on That???

Thanks Again Guys!

Gosh what a lot of variables!

OK, with regard to the proposed bargain - "if I learn cello now, he'll have to support me wholeheartedly in a few years time when I want to learn the violin". Firstly it's way too far in the future even to think about. Secondly, telling someone that they "have" to support you is not realistic. They'll either want to, or if they feel as if they "must", they'll resent it. And how can he support you "wholeheartedly" if he's only doing it because of some bargain he possibly agreed to years earlier? And how would you "make" him live up to the bargain in a few years time? No, no, no, don't go there - you'd just be storing up a load of trouble for the future!

Re the ferrying to lessons etc. Since he would like you to learn the cello, how does he think you're going to get to lessons without transport? But rather than ask him to ferry you, put the onus on him to suggest it Or suggest he pays for driving lessons for you and buys you a car

It is a pity he's so against the violin, but there are many posters on this forum who don't have supportive or interested partners, parents or families, so although it's disappointing, it's not ususual

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

if he doesn't want you to play violin and you don't want to play cello then go for something completely different like sax or flute. ask him if any other 'musical family' is ok. as for violins not sounding nice, they are great when you play them properly and i don't know how he's come up with violins not sounding nice

I know two people who have daughters who cycle with their cellos on their backs.

Good on em too

however I wouldn't be on a bike but a scooter - a bit dangerous -Specially the way I drive (not fast i hasten to add - mines restricted to 30 miles an hour )