... I'm pretty sure one of my pupils has a crush on me.


She's a Yr9 pupil and has just started to come for lessons in the last couple of months. Her parents are well aware and they think it's quite amusing. And i have no real problem with it...

Except it's affecting her playing. I know she's practicing at home a lot- again through good communication with parents. I know she's practicing properly - we talk about practice strategies all the time. It's just that whenever she's sitting next to me and has to play, she goes red, her hands shake and although she plays the piece through, it's not as good as when she plays it at home (I heard a recording her mum did).


Any tips on how to calm this poor pupils nerves. Obviously i haven't mentioned that i know to her, as I'm pretty sure that's not what needs to happen!

Many thanks

Ewan

I am not sure there is much that you can do Ewan.
I am trying to go back in time here to when I had a crush on an 'older' and in an 'authorative position' person and I am trying to put myself in the girl's shoes and I can't thing of anything that you could do to make it better, on the contrary, it could only get worse...
If you are 'nicer to her' with your voice it will make it worse, if you are 'stern' it could make it worse, maybe maybe the only thing you could do...if you ever have any short conversation about yourselves (ie: at beginning of lesson....'how are you' 'what have you done this weekend' and so on...), then mention what a wonderful time you had with your 'other half' (whether you have one or not), if now and again (not on all lessons) you talk like you are in love with this other person, maybe it will slowly 'encourage her' to start thinking of someone else??


love is a funny thing

Good reply jojo!

How sweet

I tend to agree - there's very little you can do but wait for it to fizzle out in it's own time.

I wouldn't be too worried or even draw attention to the fact that she gets a bit jittery in lessons. The chances are that while you're her latest crush she'll practise extra hard at home to impress you

I'd rather not know that a pupil had a crush on me, but the best thing to do is pretend you aren't aware of the fact and carry on as normal. Any different behaviour may give the wrong message?!

You could always try dressing down/not using deodorant - but if she's smitten it probably won't make a difference

Not to worry though - next month she'll fancy someone else...if she's anything like me

I'd tend to agree, try and just go on as normal, chances are she'll get over it - eventually!! And although it is a shame she's not playing that well in lessons, I guess it's good practice for exam nerves exams won't seem so bad as (one assumes...) she won't fancy the examiner!

...and how would you know that for sure?!?

Well I can't, hence the "one assumes", but unless she has some sort of authority figure, erm, problem then one'd hope that an examiner she's never met before won't be in quite the same league as the teacher she has a crush on!!!

Pick your nose and burp a lot too! No, this can be a problem but far more for the pupil than for you. It is best ignored. Just carry on as usual and it will soon go away.

i agree with everyone else - dont address it in anyway, far too embarrasing for all parties involved. If the parents know and aren't worried dont let it worry you just be quietly flattered that youve still 'got it' and the problem should eventually sort its self, unless of course your some sort of Johnny Depp doppleganger in which case - your in trouble, perhaps you should post a picture of yourself so we could tell what kind of a problem your dealing with

If that's the case can I come for lessons too

haha join the queue!

although she plays the piece through, it's not as good as when she plays it at home (I heard a recording her mum did).

Do bear in mind that this is very usual to some extent, even with pupils who don't have a crush on their teacher. Nearly all my pupils can "do it better at home "!

I'm sure your main priority isn't this girl's feelings etc...but that's going to make her terrible. Talking from experience here, I wouldn't change anything at all...she'll 'get over it'!

I also play worse when my teacher's there than when I'm on my own, and you can be assured I *do not* fancy him ( )

And yeah, love is a funny thing!

Good luck Ewan!

More likely learn to deal with it.
And a crush is not necessarily the same as feeling like you are in love with the person.

True, but when I was in my teens I didn't know the difference

Beware Ewan... you will get these forum lasses fighting over you in no time...

((runs to touch up make-up))

Oh yeah!

Might make her like you more though...

When I was in the early years at secondary school a girl in 6th form had a "crush" on the head of the science department. It cost her her place at Oxford and him his marriage and his job. Their 4 children are all grown up now, and I believe they celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary recently!

Be afraid, be very afraid!!

*said in that accent* (Victor Meldrew I think...) "I don't believe it!"

so lets get this straight, picking ones nose and burping is a turn on

To some perhaps

I suppose really it depends who's doing it!

They'd really have to make up for it in other ways though!

For some, maybe (Not for me........!)

*giggles*

On a serious note, be very very careful how you handle this situation. A woman scorned and all that. Music teachers are very vulnerable to accusations of inappropriate behaviour. Keep the parents informed and 'on side' and you'll probably be OK, but tread carefully, my friend. At this age it's unlikely to turn nasty, but you never know... If you are in any doubt, better to lose a pupil than find yourself in trouble.

(Voice of vicarious experience talking, it all ended very very badly in the courts)

Believe me when i tell you that you really don't want a photo! There's a reason there's only on little lass who fancies me and not several

Some of you ladies really need to get out and a bit more!

Yours gratefully for the serious repliers, and concernedly for the gigglers.

Ewan

I have to agree here - I have a particularly attractive adult male pupil whose lessons are a treat - but one day he turned up smelling of stale urine . I haven't thought of him in the same way since. (I hope it wasn't deliberate )

Very interesting thread...


The only thing I'd say is to be VERY careful of how you treat her... "Officials" tend to believe any story which is fed to them by teenage girls!!

One of my 15 year old pupils (a girl - I'm female too!) had a crush on me once when I was teaching in a secondary school. I was advised by the senior management to avoid being on my own with this girl, for my own protection. So perhaps a little caution, and as someone has said, perhaps a private quiet word with the parent.

I'd agree with the first part of the above advice, (i.e. to avoid at all costs being on your own with her) but certainly not the second. Avoid all mention of any such thing with the parent. That is an unknown quantity, probably and not to be embarked upon. In this day and age of litigation-crazy mentalities, there's absolutely NOTHING to be gained by planting ideas in a parent's head, who in the wrong mood on the wrong day could turn the whole situation around against you.

I was very glad to get rid of a 15 year old girl who started confiding in me about her boyfriends etc and my wife was convinced that she had a sort of crush on me, though I was over thirty years her senior at the time. Mercifully (for me) she failed her exam and I was able to advise the mother that a rest would be beneficial until she completed her GCSE exams.

LR

I'm finding this post incredibly sad reading. Can it really be true that nowadays even a crush on a teacher by a pupil merits such a serious and hard-hitting response of needing to talk to the parents, the head of music, never being alone with the pupil, all the rest of it?

The society we live in is becoming increasingly ridiculous if this is really true, and trust is going out the window.

Not such a recent thing. My situation occured in the 1970s.

I'm hearing you cellocase. I must admit i wasn't taking the whole thing that seriously - but it really saddened me that so many have had bad experiences, and even more feel they have to be so cautious.

Worst case scenario - pupil accuses you of sexual abuse - courts take it seriously, things go badly - you end up in jail and on the ### offenders register for life. It's happened to a friend of mine. Be careful.

I agree, it's the sort of situation that seems laughable on the one hand, yet it can turn nasty in a moment and give you no end of grief. I'm afraid you really have to take things like this seriously these days.

But...he's a private teacher right? How can he avoid being on his own with her?
If you're worried, just ignore the crush, don't do anything - you know what they say about a woman scorned.

I must admit I don't know much about it, but I don't think false ### abuse cases are as prevalent as people seem to think - I mean the very fact that when they occur they are such big news would seem to indicate that they are rare enough to be interesting/shocking, right?

I think I'd have to agree with everyone who says don't do anything. The good thing about 15-year-old girls is they quickly move onto a new crush soon enough! I'd probably avoid talking to her about anything that isn't music or lesson related, then she has nothing to give her any kind of hope! If she's good enough, maybe suggest she joins some youth bands/orchestras as I seem to remember them providing me with plenty of musical crushes of a suitable age over the years!!

I think I'd have to agree with everyone who says don't do anything. The good thing about 15-year-old girls is they quickly move onto a new crush soon enough! I'd probably avoid talking to her about anything that isn't music or lesson related, then she has nothing to give her any kind of hope! If she's good enough, maybe suggest she joins some youth bands/orchestras as I seem to remember them providing me with plenty of musical crushes of a suitable age over the years!!

I think I'd have to agree with everyone who says don't do anything. The good thing about 15-year-old girls is they quickly move onto a new crush soon enough! I'd probably avoid talking to her about anything that isn't music or lesson related, then she has nothing to give her any kind of hope! If she's good enough, maybe suggest she joins some youth bands/orchestras as I seem to remember them providing me with plenty of musical crushes of a suitable age over the years!!

I had a 14yr old girl pupil with a crush on me too and I'm a female!!! I found it very strange. She would give me cards covered in my name drawn in flowers, and little presents like keyrings, and would turn scarlet at the start of our lessons. She also wouldn't look me in the eye. Her playing was dreadful; she would play one or two bars and then stop and tell me it wasn't good enough for me to listen to. I tried heaps of things like getting cross or being 'soft' but nothing worked. I asked to see her parents several times but they were never 'available'.

I gave the situation one term then I dropped the pupil because it was ridiculous that she wouldn't play. What was the point? The parents didn't seem to care and I think the poor girl was really a bit disturbed.

I often wish I could have done more to help her but her parents were both mental health workers and I was just a visiting music teacher... they just didn't seem to have any time for her at all.

ooooh dear! ..... .