Well, as most of you know my brother is in Afghanistan and as a lot of you know I am struggling with it.

Yesterday this was said to me: 'I tell you what, if i want to know what a near death experience is like, then I am going to ask your brother'. It wasnt said jokily, and even if it was, then it isnt really a funny one given the circumstances.

This hit me hard, and has really upset me, of course I said something back, but now I dont know what to do. Today I have kept well out of their way.

What would your reaction be if you were in this situation?

Thanks, Soph

A slap, and then pretty much just ignoring them... but I know you must be hurt *hugs* that really sucks Soph!

I already told you what I think of this Soph.

This person was completely and utterly out of order saying this to you, with no respect whatsoever and obviously no regard for anyone but herself.

I've had similar experiences. I wouldn't reccommend my reactions really, although I suppose the main outcome was that I had the people saying stuff formally warned by the headteacher. I don't know how much that would help you though, it would perhaps make matters worse?


Try not to worry about it too much, what's important is how you feel and your unfaltering support for Steve, not some petty person's attempt at 'humour'.

That's downright insensitive, and yes, though like lucky045 I think she probably deserved a slap, but I suppose hitting isn't the answer. Here's a hug anyway *hugs*.

It just hurts when a comment like this is made, people dont think. Feeling down about it all at the moment, but felt worse since this was said.

Thanks lucky045, miss Ross and pianooboe.

What a terribly thoughtless thing to say, on that person's part.

My reaction would have been much the same as yours Soph, and I hope no-one else says anything like that to you again.

Thank you.

So do I, I am shocked to be honest.

I really don't know what to say, I've never been in that kind of situation...But my first thought would be, go to a teacher you can trust and get her/him to make sure it never happens again.

What a very thoughtless and insensitive thing to say - I'm sorry to hear you were subjected to this Soph. I hope they feel ashamed of themselves!

Either they are very insensitive because none of their loved ones have ever been away from home in a situation like your brother, and they can't understand how you must be feeling; or they are one of those people who get a kick out of being hurtful to others, often because they're pretty inadequate themselves. I think you've done the right thing in trying avoid them - stick with your friends, and try and move away if they approach you again so that they can't say anything else to you which could be hurtful. If they continue to try and get at you, then it would be a good idea to tell a teacher and ask them to help you with it. Sorry you've got this to deal with on top of everything else, I hope you have a better day tomorrow

I know life is pretty tough for you at the moment Soph - is there anything good happening that can take your mind off your problems, even if only for a while


PS I like your new signature, hope you never go back to the old one And well done for what you've said on your profile. It's possible that some of the people you've had trouble with in the past are realising that you can rise above them, so they're trying even harder to try and drag you back down. This might not be the case here, but realising that this could happen is half-way to getting the strength not to let it affect you. We're all wishing you well Soph x

I would ask the person how they would feel if a comment like that was made about their brother, father, or indeed any close family member who had to endure a dangerous situation.

She sounds like a very thoughtless person to me!

Sorry to hear that you came accross one of the many unthinking, insensitive and cruel human beings that unfortunately share this planet with us, Soph, what you must remember that there are many more of us that care about you and your brother and people like them - we will give our strength to you - and take all you need to shrug off this horrible event

It was a thoughtless remark and it did upset you but it might have been better if you had replied at the time saying how worried and upset you were, and that you hoped that your brother was never going to be in that sort of situation. People, especially younger ones, will make tactless remarks often but a polite reply will make them think, and you might have gained an apology and some words of sympathy too.

I am disgusted Soph at the level this person has stooped. Clearly they have no idea of the stress having a relative in a conflict zone brings.

Rejoice in your brother's courage, and try to put comments like this one behind you. These comments are made by cowards. The day-by-day life your family are living requires bravery. You deserve much better than this.

However if you need support, find out what in the way of counselling your school, GP or even youth services team can provide. You don't need go through this alone...and its certainly no cop-out to get support if you need it. You need a confidant who will respect how you feel and help you deal with this situation.

Holy peanuts I can't believe someone would be that insensitive. If it were me (which it obviously isn't, so don't go doing this and getting into trouble!) I would go hit them and shout a lot of things a sixteen-year old girl shouldn't say ... But as you don't want to get in trouble, I would just ignore the person and just give th person a few dirty looks every now and then ... No don't go doing that either! Oh dear I'm not very good at giving advice am I! Okay well just don't listen to me, but at least you know I'm angry at this person and that should maybe comfort you a bit!

Thank you, this comment hit me hard, as it probably would anyone in this situation. Luckily today the person that said it didnt come in, as she had no exams, so have had a break from her. I did say something back, which normally I wouldnt, but this time it hit the wrong note.

Thank you Skylark, I am trying although it may not look like it. The help and support of the people on the forums helps a lot.

However if their intention was to drag me back down, they have succeeded.

Soph

I would reply that life is a near death experience...

Thank you Skylark, I am trying although it may not look like it.
Oh yes it does! I think we all know what a battle this is for you. I remind myself how I would feel if my son were out there - actually it's almost unimaginable - but it brings it home what it must be like for you and your family - and for other families.

I think about you and your brother most days and hope all is well. I'm sure many other forumites do too - and there are many many more of us than the one or two unkind or unthinking people who make mean comments. Let's get you back up again !

Hi Soph

Sorry to hear someone has upset you by being awful and joking about such a serious and difficult matter. Your brother and family are very brave. You are right to ignore the person who made the comment. Take care.

Soph, you are a stronger girl than me for not doing something much more drastic. That is just unacceptable and it really sickens me. I really hope she has realised what effect she's had.

I'm sure everyone here will support you and I really do hope your brother arrives home safely.

Thank you, I have decided that I want nothing more to do with the girl that said this to me, I did react to what she said, and I didnt show her that she had upset me. It did though, and at the moment not feeling to good.

my brother is the brave one, and my family, but not me.

'Yes, I'm sure he can supply you with one'...

I said that he couldnt and he never would be able to

Well alternatively, I always find that a slap makes people pop it sharpish like

Some one on msn is getting a kick out of taking the mick out of my brother!!

Why cant they just see how hard it is, and leave me alone!

Soph, it sounds like you have some right [word I'm not allowed to say here] that you're forced to associate with... It's horrible, and quite frankly they are not worth your time... If they can't even see they're hurting your feelings or if they don't care, just block them all immediately, walk away if they speak to you, do everything in your power to avoid them.

I know you shouldn't have to, but it seems like that'll cause you the least grief.

*hugs loads and loads*

Sorry you have to deal with them all

xoxox

They are the scum of the earth. Leave them in the gutter where they belong Soph. There will always be people like this. They are sick. If anything, feel sorry for them because they are the lowest of the low. You are worth 10 of them - AND THEY KNOW IT, that's why they are trying to drag you down to their level. You are strong enough now to know that they are beneath you and you can rise above them. You CAN do it Soph

They are a lot of words that the censor would have a field day with. Block them. Ignore them. They're not worth your attention.

YOU are a far better person than anyone who can make fun of the things soldiers and their families face.

I'm just going to echo what sklark said! You are so much better them, better than words can express. Don't let them get to you, that's what they want. I know how hard it is, and it's much easier said than done, but it is possible. Hold your head up high, and let what they're saying wash over you - it's not important, has no substance whatsoever, and you don't need to listen to it. Seeing as it's msn, block them (if you feel this would be appropriate - it's what I've done in the past). If they realise what you've done and question you as to why, don't humour them with an answer, they're not worth it.

Fi
xxxxxxx

Thanks everyone, i am not brave, and I am not strong. I shouldnt let them get to me but I do, and if I could stop I would. I know that at times it make look like I arent trying, but I am and I know I am.

Another serious incident has taken place today, so I am on edge even more.

edit: Just rechecked for more information, one soldier has been killed and another four injured

I dont get why some people find it fun to make comments, I dont think next time I will manage to keep calm.

Nobody here thinks you're not trying Soph - we all know you're trying really hard and you're doing so well. It's horrible that these people are trying to drag you down, but that's what they are - horrible nasty people who are the pits. They're really not worth having in your life at all.

No we all know you're trying (reread my post it actually sounded a bit angry... but at the [word the forum won't let me say] who are horrible about it...) I don't know why they mock...
*more hugs*

Thanks, I need him back safely. It is too hard to keep hearing the news, and I dont feel I can talk to my family as I know they worry to.

I have decided I am going to stand up to anyone who has anything to say about my brother.

Good for you Soph!

Go girl.
Bev.

Soph what I am about to say now may sound hard, but I mean it in the kindest way.

It is clear that you care a lot for your brother, and in signing up for the grenadeers he is doing something extremely worthwhile. However, keep your eyes turned away from the headlines. If anything happens a Military Policeman will contact your family, and you will receive support. Until that day (and my hope it is never) try not to worry too much. It was his decision to join the forces, and he hasn't gone to Afghanistan without knowing the risks involved. Rejoice in his courage and unless you hear reason to the contrary look forward to his return.

I don't want this to eat you up and and consume you. From what you have said, I don't think your brother would too.

It is clear you and your family love him and care deeply. Take solace in that. Whatever happens "they can't take that away from you". As for the smiters, well you're bigger than all that.

I shall continue to pray for his safe return. Now try and get on with your own life to the best of your abilities, and if you need a shoulder to cry on please PM me. I am willing to help and support. From the response you have had here there are others who will do too.

Jo

If anything happens a Military Policeman will contact your family, and you will receive support.

That is my worry and why i worry. I follow it as I need to know if anything happens, and I cant turn away as you put it, as I am the one tht receives the news if anything does happen and I am the one who has to tell my family there has been an incident.

PM me. You are not alone (neighbour's currently in Iraq doing bomb disposal work... he has a one year old baby).

I know this is your worst fear. Here's praying it won't happen. That's the worst case scenario.

Exactly, a worst case scenario, but it COULD happen! There is no way it is possible not to worry.!

It could happen, there is a high possibility it won't though.

You said in another thread that your brother phoned - that means he's doing ok, does it not?

He is doing ok, and it is great to hear from him.

It is impossible to turn my back on the news etc and it is impossible not to worry.

But don't let it eat you up Soph - The most likely outcome is that your brother will come home safe and well.

I cant help it, I cant talk to anyone else about it at the moment, I wont talk to my family, and at the moment with everything that has happened I arent sure who else.

It does affect me, but I cant help it.

Soph, again something you need to hear but may find hard:

We take risks every day of our lives. What is the worst case scenario if I cross the road with my kids... we all get totalled by some vehicle or other. Can I afford to worry about that every time I cross the road... not to to high an extent, but I do need to insure the kids are OK and being sensible. Yet I take that risk on three separate occasions when walking the kids to school every morning. Mine and their freedom is more important.

Your brother is in contact, he's undoubtably in a dangerous situation, but we all put ourselves in dangerous situations. Try not to fret too much. He has taken on this risk. Be proud of him, but realise that worst case scenarios are just that. His colleagues are all trying to insure your worst case scenario never happens. Try to trust them. Remember what he fighting for is for a freedom from the threat from Al Qaeda. You may agree with the war or not, but your brother has taken on this risk for the freedom of others.

I hope this helps.

They are worst case scenarios, but there is no way I cant fret!! He is in a dangerous position, and there is no way I will stop worrying about it, I cant let myself forget about it all!! He is my brother after all.

I am proud to say, that just stuck up for my brother. I told this person that it was worrying that they found making comments about people in the army funny etc, and when I felt that my point was across, I blocked them.

Just the people at school to worry about now

That is way out of order I hope you told that person what to do. I bet if they were out in Afghanistan they would be scared out of their pants.


Soph, do you mind if I ask which unit your brother is in, so I can look up the regimental news???

He is in the grenadier guards

thank you. Ill just look them up