cigars proffered by neighbours William and Benjamin.......

Their neighbours, Zsa Zsa, Kiki and Hector had everyone worried because

flames as well as smoke were emitting

...from the garden shed, and they were worried about the two gnomes who are known to have clandestine meetings there....... (I refer to another thread !)

under the supervision of Poatnam Pat who

.......rushed in and dragged them out 'in flagrente dilecto'..........

and promptly went into a torrent of spontaneous combustion...

with a plate of coco pops to feed the..

garden gnomes, who were deciding that it as time to take a stand against all the abuse being hurled at them, so they

..went on strike and refused to do any fishing...........

Postman Pat was also on strike, causing mayhem by

not getting everyone's exam appointments out on time so the gnomes' response to this was to

march towards the

AB headquarters to do the job themselves and have a chat with Clara en route, who

was polishing her nails bright pink and

...........looking rather smug...

green, which was a bit silly when she was intending to go fishing with about 30 garden gnomes who

were expecting her to...

Oops! She can look smug with pink and green nails AND go fishing...


put the bait on the hooks

"Oooh, I couldn't posssibly!" Said Clara, "I have lots of..

.......awkward questions form the forumites to answer........

...and I do hope some of these gnomes will be bringing along a laptop on the fishing expedition so that I can...

............have a good nosey at the forums if I'm bored.....

and surf the web', and the gnomes....

can bring along a little gas stove to cook the fish I catch while I attend to my nails

But all the nails were false and fell off...
The End.


It was a bright sunny autumnal morning when I left home today...

and I had a brisk in my step as I walked down the drive and got into my car, I came out of the drive and I slammed on the brakes as I saw........................................

Dstring

... a nude lady on a white horse coming down the road..

"Goodness, madam! Aren't you cold?" I asked, she replied....

I am rather she said, I was just looking at the blue tits(!!).....

singing sweetly in the trees. I wonder if you can tell me where...

Banbury Cross is....

"I believe it's that way" I said, pointing in an easterly direction. "Oh" she said "Would you....

be so kind as to take me there?"

"Well" I said, "I could, but....

I have to stay here and talk to myself, because nobody else wants to finish my sentence.."

"Why is that?" she asked...

"Good question" I said

"Do you smell or something?" she asked

"I must do" I replied

"Oh look! Here comes fsharpminor/Phil Dixon/ Miss Ross/ Noodle/skylark/Dstring/LooneyTunes/Dulciana..."

"Oh goody!" I said "Maybe one of them will finish my sentence!"

"No...they've gone again" she said

"Oh B*gger!" I said

Just then, Miss Ross went by again and this time decided to stop and talk!

"Hello!" she said...

*Faints* !!!

she went down in slow motion, so no sensitive parts were hurt

She awoke to see a handsome face hovering above her..

and it started to lick her face. That's right, it was

the farmers cow who had escaped from

the farm where she had been milked by the 8th maid with cold hands who was engaged to

the farmers son who was known as

Jock 'The Strap' MacDonald, famed for his vicious

and terrible

(dis)temper

"Oooh Jock! Help me!!" She cried..."Do something with this silly cow!"

So Jock

foaming at the mouth due to

drinking his fix of Lavender Age Defying bubble bath

opened his mouth to shout; instead of a scream, out popped