I wasn't sure where to post this, so I decided on this forum...

My younger brother (he's 12 and a half) has started to have music lessons, after his school teacher suggested to my parents that he had potential. He's decided to take up the keyboard, which I played for three years, with a music school in Inverness, and drumming lessons in the same place. Because I have never played the drums, I (and my parents) have no idea how he is progresing with this, but seems to be doing ok. However, he's becoming increasingly fed up and annoyed with the keyboard lessons. He continually compares himself to me - without any intention of sounding big-headed, I taught myself to read music when I was seven, and was Grade 4 keyboard after a year - and it's almost as though he's trying to run before he can walk.

I'm not the most patient of people, and he feels like I'm criticising him when I try and help him learn chords and things, but I really want to help him get to grips with what he's doing. Obviously, I don't want to interfere with what he's been taught, but I hate to see him struggling away at it, feeling as though he has to 'beat' me. I also feel that he perhaps doesn't actually want to learn to play the keyboard, but my parents told him he can only have drumming lessons if he keeps up the keyboard lessons too.

Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to help him, and do you think I should try to have a word with our parents on his behalf, because I don't think it's fair that he should be forced to be 'musical' if he's not that way inclined? (I'm probably not the most supportive big sister in the world but seeing as my life is mainly centered around music, I think I should at least be trying to sort out these things out for him!)

Thanks,

Fiona

Sometimes it doesn't work when siblings play the same instrument because of the potential rivalry thing or, as seems to be in the case of your brother, because of one thinking that they have to keep pace with the other.

The other thing is that from what you say it seems that he didn't actually choose to take music lessons. Potential is fine but there has to be the interest too. With younger children (under 10) I think it is more likely to work if the suggestion to learn comes from someone else than it is with a 12 year old.

As to how to help him I'm not really sure.
If he wants you to explain something then do so but it might be better not to try to tell him more than he asks you.

I think the situation will probably change one way or another quite soon anyway - I'm sure my ideas on what I wanted to do at 12 were quite different from what they were at 13.

For the moment, though, it's a shame he's struggling with keyboard. I don't know what he's frustrated about, but maybe he should be going somewhere else for that? It could just be that another teacher would make a difference (no offence intended to whoever is teaching him at the moment). Or maybe he's rather be playing piano than keyboard - assuming there's a sizeable difference between the two kinds of lesson.

Another possibility is that drumming might be his "thing" and anything he doesn't enjoy to the same extent is automatically frustrating.

I'm not sure how helpful any of this is, but it might help you come up with more ideas of your own.

It's quite possible that he's not well suited to playing the keyboard and that it will never give him real pleasure even if he becomes reasonably competent at it. "Being musical" doesn't automatically give you the physical, mental or emotional characteristics that match well with a particular instrument. See if you can get hold of a copy of The Right Instrument for Your Child by Atarah ben Tovim and Douglas Boyd (published by Gollancz) which discusses a lot of different instruments from those three points of view. It could be helpful for your parents and you, and perhaps also your brother, to read it. Our local music library used to have a copy

I've got quite an old edition of it. There are second hand copies of various editions of the book available in paperback for a couple of pounds on Amazon at the moment. The subtitle has changed from A Practical Guide to Parents and Teachers to The Key to Unlocking Musical Talent for the 1995 edition but I expect the main ideas in the book are the same. Anyone compared older and more recent editions?

I hope you will be able to find a good way to help your brother.

When my girls get in this situation sometimes the best thing is for one of them to stand back. You want to help your brother which is really good but maybe he feels at 12 he's old enough to sort things out for himself. Try and talk to him about how he feels about keyboard, praise him for his drum playing and give him space to learn at his own speed. what you see as struggling may just be him going through the learning process. Your parents could well be aware of the situation and have not said anything to you. My eldest is sonmetimes inclined to butt in with my youngest and she resents it. Your relationship with your brother might be entirely different and once you've talked to him you will have a better idea of how to help. It's not always easy knowing what's right, even for parents, it's so easy to come across as critical even when you have the best of intentions.

Good luck and I really admire you for thinking about it.

No. There seems to be a dire need for everyone on my mothers side of the family to be 'good' at music, because my Uncle is a well-known musical director, and I've done reasonably well so far. I think perhaps he doesn't yet have the interest, although if something could inspire him, perhaps it would surface.




I agree that drumming is 'more his thing' - he really enjoys practicing it, whereas going anywhere near a keyboard is like a chore for him, and my parents feel like they're forcing him to, as they've told me many times!




I'll certainly try and find it - a few people have reccommended it in various threads here so it's probably worth reading!

And thanks, so do I! It's not often I'm able to do anything for him (chalk and cheese really).




Please don't think I'm interfering. My parents have all but pleaded with me to help him and I feel terrible when I can't. he gets so frustrated with me, because I'm not used to having things explained to me at length and so don't know how to go about it myself!

As for my relationship with my brother, well, I think 'strained' is the word. Like I said before, we don't have much in common, and at the moment, blood and now music are our only similarities to be completely honest! I just think that it's about time one of made an effort, the petty arguments this is causing can't be helping anyone, and being the older of us, it makes sense for me attempt to help him.

"I agree that drumming is 'more his thing' - he really enjoys practicing it, whereas going anywhere near a keyboard is like a chore for him, and my parents feel like they're forcing him to, as they've told me many times!"

Maybe it would be better for him to concerntrate on the drums, you could suggest this to your parents. He could always take keyboard up later on if he wants to.
I hope you find a way to help and make things better between you.