As in, the parents of your pupils?

I get most of my pupils by word of mouth, so we'll inevitably have mutual friends or common interests, but even if they get hold of me by some other means, I always seem to end up socialising with the parents. In many ways I like this, because we can discuss things frankly, we're on the same side, and they always come up trumps when I want buns made, but do you think it's unprofessional to be so pally with the parents? It's certainly somewhat awkward when things have got to the point whereby the child doesn't do any work, and I'm faced with the option of continuing to take money from a 'friend' to do the same thing every week, or tell them I'm packing them in!

What do you think?

I was just thinking about that earlier! I was phoning around some parents this evening and each phonecall ended up being a half hour chat. My throat is sore now

I don't mind at all though, as it's preferable to being unapproachable. Actually, I find it easier to talk to a parent about a child not practising, if I'm on friendly terms with them. It's more awkward to have to broach the subject with someone I'm not as familiar with, as I don't know how they are likely to react.

I wouldn't say it's unprofessional. It builds trust and makes for a good atmosphere all round!

I know some parents better than others. Due to knowing many of my school pupils as friends before I became their teacher, I had contact with some of their parents (quite often in the case of one pupil). If I have ever had to say anything to them about lack of practice, there hasn't been any trouble, and sometimes even the parent has told me their child isn't doing any .

I think it can work both ways. I feel that some of my mums have become my friends through teaching their kids, which is really nice. Others, of course, not so much! But the most important thing is that they are all approachable, so that I feel I can talk to them about any problems that may arise without it being uncomfortable. But I know from some of the forum threads that most of us have experienced the occasional difficult one....

It works both ways - just as there are 'difficult' parents, there are also 'difficult' teachers!

That said, all the teachers that I have met thus far have been incredibly down-to-earth and approachable. This wasn't the case when I was growing up, which sadly stalled my first steps into music.

I'm friendly with both my (7 year old) daughter's old violin teacher (moved to new job but we keep in touch) and piano teacher, and spend the first few minutes of each lesson 'catching up' - obviously daughter doesn't object to her lesson time being eaten into! I think I'm too old to 'socialise' with them in the true sense of the word, being at least a generation above them

Their positive attitude and vivacity has astounded me - I can see the how this impacts on my daughter's learning in a positive fashion also. I actively participate in her practising, and, as kids never listen to their parents (age-old story), I can at least nudge the teachers to the areas that need to be concentrated on and equally if there is something that is picked up during the lesson, the same applies. It's a two-way situation that I've been very carefully nurturing as, at the end of the day, I want my daughter to enjoy her playing otherwise it will all end in tears.

It's great to have such a good rapport with your parents, Dulciana - and long may it last!

I've come across teachers in exam waiting rooms who clearly 'do things' very differently to me. The pupils and parents call them by their surname, for instance, and if teacher asks parent to 'wait outside, please', parent dutifully obliges, as if the teacher's word is sacrosant.

I personally find it difficult to be "pally" with the parents of my pupils, so remain fairly "distanced". Only chat when necessary ... This does not mean that I am unfriendly!

hero

Odd isn't it?

At my son's speech exams we are instructed to wait in the car park. I guess the teacher just wants to concentrated on the kids is my Pollyanna view on it.

I'm pally with my parents too. It helps the child as well if you have a good rapport with them. They all call me Ann, as do the students, of ALL ages.

All mine call me by my first name except for one... I managed to get the mum to switch to calling me by my first name, but she still insists on her wee girl calling me Miss S---.

It's very sweet and cute, but it makes me feel ancient!

All of my students call me by my first name and they always have. This year, however, I'm starting a job in a school where they will all call me Miss!!! ARGH! I hate it. And its really weird when you are working with your friends and have to call them Miss X and Mr So-and-so...I feel a right fool!

I know all my parents quite well and am very friendly with some. Sometimes I find some of them don't want me to chatty etc and regard me as "The Piano Teacher". Fair enough I reckon, but sometimes it can be hard to get them to take me seriously. I think because I look younger than I am (I'm 28) and don't have my own children they think I "don't have a clue" about things related to kids and practice etc...

I'm Miss R in schools but Cyrilla everywhere else (including if I go into schools in an advisory capacity). Some children in school are VERY puzzled that I'm married but called 'Miss' (I never, ever use a 'married' name, YUK YUK, in any circumstance!).

One parent at Guildhall seemed to find it very difficult to call me Cyrilla (his four year-old had no problem with it) and kept calling me Miss R - I kept saying to him, 'Just Cyrilla, please!' and one day he turned up, delivered his child and called me 'Miss Cyrilla' . Made me feel like a dancing teacher...and I never managed to cure him of the habit !

Sorry for going off-topic!

I have friendly relations with all the parents of my pupils though some are warmer than others. The name thing that Cyrilla mentions is interesting because here it all gets mixed up with the “tu” and “vous” problem. The form of address to use used to be quite clear but with the enormous changes in society over the past half century or more the edges have become blurred. For example as work colleagues including the head teacher we all tutoie each other. This would have been unheard of in the past. On the other hand one of my most long standing friends insists that we vouvoie because she didn’t actually know me from childhood!!

Most parents vouvoie me and I them. but many of the children tutoie me because they have known me since early childhood and tiny children tutoie everyone. One group of pupils who belong to a very strict Catholic group and are brought up to be very respectful of their elders not only vouvoie me but also call me “Madame” rather than use my Christian name which most other children and parents do – including the Catholic parents. I tutoie all the children. Since I dislike my surname (no offence meant to my family – I just don’t like the sound) I avoid using it like the plague so I also get called Madame Jenny.

Sometimes it’s like walking a social tight rope but it mostly works out because I’m lucky with, on the whole, nice pupils and nice parents.

I'm friendly with all my parents, some more so than others simply because of their nature, and because I have taught their children longer. I don't think I'm at the stage of socialising with them although that would not be a problem if we met at a party or something.

But knowing one parent quite well had an unusual benefit this summer when we needed some-one of stout heart to look after our hamster who had not been quite well for a few days and she looked after him very happily for us. (Hamster is still alive and well - I think it was just a blip, although he's nearly two .........)

I have become a good friend of my daughter's violin teacher... she is my age, has a child the same age as my daughter and the 2 of them get on really well.. and we both see each other at the Saturday morning music club. I chat to all my children's teachers... but some are a lot older than me or very different to me and we would never become friends.. but we are polite and speak on first name terms. I think it helps to have a good rapport with your children's teachers. I only socialise with the violin teacher (it'd be weird socilaising with some of the others).
Most of my pupils I teach are in school and it's hard to get to know the parents well... but the ones whose children go to Saturday morning music club I get to know fairly well (as we sit and drink numerous cups of tea while putting the world to right).
One of my pupils is a friend's son... and a friend of my son... so obviously I know that parent well. The others I am just acquaintances with. I do ring them up occasionally... most of the parents call me by my first name (in school I am Mrs B...) Some of the parents I know from Toddler Groups. It is easier to get to know the ones I teach at home.
I am finding it easier to contact parents by e-mail....it is quicker and I am more likely to be available. You also don't have to worry about interrupting tea/bedtime etc.

A good friend of mine asked me to teach her child a couple of years ago. I have to be honest and say it was a bit strange at first, particularly when she came and sat in on some of the lessons. But things have worked out well. A great advantage is that I have "inside knowledge" of how this particular pupil is getting on with his practice and overall playing, and if there are any problems its quick and easy to sort them out.


I have found this recently too - parents often ring when I'm teaching and get the answerphone - email means I can get back to them much quicker.

I find a text message is really helpful...again you are not disrupting anyone and if they are away they still get the message. And its free on-line!

Where is that pianodub? (the word "free" jumped out of the page at me )

I use email a lot to communicate with parents as well.

I know most of my parents well, some were friends to start with and asked me to teach their child/children, some have become friends to the extent of babysitting, coming to play with my own children, etc, and some I'm just on chatty terms with. I'm not a 'distant' sort of person and it's never caused a problem. It helps to get the best from pupils, they feel relaxed and confident, while at the same time knowing that they're not going to get away with having done no practice all week. I can be friendly but firm, too!

I never, never use Mrs. Most of my teaching is one-to-one, privately so everyone uses my first name, as do all the toddlers and pre-schoolers I have in groups. (When they're not calling me 'the singing lady'!!) I run a recorder club in a primary school, I made it very clear before I started that I would never be Mrs A . . . The headmistress at the time was very happy with that, the new headmistress has had to get used to it, and one teacher needs a lot of reminders!

My parents don't really know my clarinet teacher at all. All they do is write the check! I organise lessons etc. via telephones/random meetings in sainsburys I always call her Mrs though. It never occured to me that I might call her by her first name! (Same with other teachers who I am friendly with). I'm glad we don't have the You problem in this country though!

I seem to be unable to avoid becoming friendly with the parents of my home-based pupils. Some of them are friends of friends so there's already a connection, but quite a lot of my newer ones have come through internet ads, yet I still can't help getting friendly and chatty with the parents.

I think it's a good thing, because it makes it easier to approach them re practice issues, and personally I don't like it if they treat me like a commodity rather than a person. Teaching the violin is a pretty holistic sort of thing to do, so I prefer to have human-to-human relationships all round - it just feels more appropriate.

The parents of the school-based pupils, if I ever have contact with them, inevitably start off calling me by my surname because that's how the kids have to refer to me too. Actually it's just one of the schools - with the rest, they all call me by my first name, which I much prefer. Anyway I quickly tell these parents to call me by my first name because it just feels too weird to be addressed as Mrs ...

Anyway, I find friendly relationships with the parents one of the pleasures of the job, and I think it helps all round.