The other day my mobile phone slipped out of my pocket . . . and into the canal, where so far as I know it is still. I have replaced it, complete with old number, and only lost a few numbers.

The point is that when I replaced it, I went home and tried to tell my wife & kids that I had my new mobile phone. What I actually said was "I've got my nubile phone!"

The entire family cried laughing!

Does anyone else have problems with worms words like this, or is it just me?

This happens to me often! One of my most recent was when I had intended to tell my choir members to "drop their jaws" and happily told them that they should "drop their drawers".
Some of my funnier typing errors have included writing to Barry Clari as Batty, and using the word "dinging" when I had intended to write "singing"!

I remember my granddad going off on a long rant once about how his local greengrocer refused to sell him a single lentil, and how as a person living on his own he really couldn't eat more than one lentil and why was it such an unreasonable thing to ask? The whole thing became more and more farcical as my mum and myself were interrupting him desperately trying to work out what he meant while trying not to laugh. We eventually worked out he meant leeks rather than lentils. We were almost crying with laughter on the way home, and even now almot 20 year later it still makes us laugh.

Of course you don't have to be part of the older generation to make mistakes, a colleague of mine came back from lunch one day after he'd been out trying to find a guide book for his holidays. He'd been into Waterstones and the conversation went something like this

A: "Do you have any books?"
W: "Well, yes sir, we are a bookshop"
A: "Could you tell me where abouts they are please?"
W: "Erm, they're on the shelves sir"
A: "Yes, but could you tell me where the books are?"
W: Spreads arms wide and indicates the shelves all around him
A: (embarrassedly realising his mistake) "Ah, yes, could you tell me where the travel books are please?"

We had a funny one at work the other day...

Administration sent round an e-mail apologising for the inconvenience that the photography in the reception area might cause.

Only what they said was: We apologise for the incontinence this may cause.

Needless to say, we all found it very funny.

Mine was after I had been snorkling on holiday... I was sure I had seen a squids tentacle, however I may have got a bit confused My Mum, Dad and sister thought it was funny, then again so did I after I realised my mistake.

The other day my partner was replacing glass in a door and it splintered. I was heard to say, seriously and quite ridiculously "Oh, glass is such a pain!"

We fell about laughing!

My friend was complaining about pigeons and, getting his words in a mix, said that the pigeons had been insulting him. My dad then meant to say "I have a mental image...", but it came out as "I have a mental pigeon", at which point we all laughed rather alot...

I was playing the card game Spit with another friend the other day, which is a speed game which you end by putting your hand on a pile of cards and calling "spit", and some of the things we ended up saying instead of spit I can't put on here... it was so funny

A very young pupil of mine was delighted that she had learned to play a new tune during her lesson.

She couldn't wait for "terribly-well-to-do-Mummy" to come and collect her so she could play "Yankee Doodle" to her.

PM me if you really want to know what one excited little girl said to her Mum - to my SEVERE embarrasment.

(over 18's only please .........yes MrB that DOES include you)

I've just had a PM to say how "busty" (i.e.busy) Petrats' Saturdays are!! Must be loads of WELPs piano conventions going on in Anglesey at the moment!

**Sorry, Ratty xxxxx **

PM coming to you now! But I think I can guess!!!

I put my foot in it all the time lol!

My gran is the best though. During the summer she asked a shop assistant if the sunglasses she was thinking of buying had "UVF" protection....


We are in Northern Ireland by the way

Also, my mum has just asked me if a film that's on later is any good...Apparently it's something called "Oh I can't remember...something about leaping dragons and hidden tigers...."

For those who were as confused as I...

Now i get it!!

These are great!

I remember once thanking someone "from the heart of my bottom".



Ambs
x

I did this once, spelling out my car registration over the phone whilst getting an insurance quote - trying to be clever and use the phonetic alphabet, and yes, my car reg had both a Y and a W in it I was mortified. The lovely chap on the other end of the phone said it happened all the time.....