Well done for sticking up for yourself! I hope the new recruit is not going to end up feeling as put upon as you were. But it sounds as if you are a bit short on choir members, so I hope it all works out OK.

Just been chatting to a past member of the choir. We do the occasional bit of work together but she has moved on from choir now. Says she (duh duh duh duuuuuuh) is planning for myself and the new recruit to go to a residential weekend - somewhere - to work on new music. Great idea. Would be nice to be consulted however. I have a few small things to consider. (Married parents get my drift?) Something else to get on my goat.

I feel a coming on.

I just think you are a saint to have put up with all this for so long -- I know I would have packed it in long ago!

Well done, peri busy.

Not only are you a saint, but the other half is too - am glad he's there to balance you up a bit.

There's something funny going on in our music group at church, but fortunately I'm on the periphery at the moment and can therefore bide my time while the situation becomes clearer to me (as indeed it does without having to ask any questions - observation being the key).

In your case, significant progress this weekend I think. Good for sticking to your guns, keep up the resolve.

Yes, he has been really supportive but encouraged me to speak my mind. It's quite funny really. She (duh duh duh duuuuuuuh) knows that he isn't her no1 fan, and actes very differently when he is with me. Ah, my knight in shining armour. Ok, getting carried away .

Had moment of , "Right, that's it. I am resigning!!!" this week, at home. He talked me down and suggested I give it a couple more weeks. Probably right, but I genuinely feel that this is my swansong. I am no longer enjoying the experience and resenting having to be involved. I am already on the mental countdown for practice this week.

This sounds positive . You've decided where you stand and are prepared to give notice. Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and get out from under. The next fortnight 's experiences will decide!

I hope talking it through on the forum has helped you reach this point; so often when we explore a situation with others, it helps us get things clearer in our own minds. Thanks for sharing with us, and do keep us posted on the outcome.

Agreed. Do you really in your heart of hearts think the situation is going to get any better? Is this woman likely to change? From all you have said I have my doubts. Is that why other musicians in the church are keeping clear? It's hard to blow the whistle on something, especially when you can see its potential, but this kind of thing can really sap your morale and energy.

[quote] Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and get out from under. The next fortnight 's experiences will decide![/quote]

[quote]I hope talking it through on the forum has helped you reach this point; so often when we explore a situation with others, it helps us get things clearer in our own minds. Thanks for sharing with us, and do keep us posted on the outcome.[/quote]

Yes, like I've said before, I really appreciate the input I have received from members. I have felt a bit silly at times, being a grown adult. But I am never too proud to listen to advice or to ask for it.
[/quote]

[quote]Do you really in your heart of hearts think the situation is going to get any better? Is this woman likely to change? [/quote]

No and no.

[quote] Is that why other musicians in the church are keeping clear?[/quote]

At this stage, very possibly. But I was a lamb to the slaughter. The choir was initiated by her when she took up her post here and I was the first (and only one) to be asked to play since (...to my knowledge )


[quote] It's hard to blow the whistle on something, especially when you can see its potential, but this kind of thing can really sap your morale and energy.[/quote]

Hear, hear!

Update son.

[quote name='peri busy' date='Oct 2 2007, 06:15 PM' post='602918']
[quote] Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and get out from under. The next fortnight 's experiences will decide![/quote]

[quote]I hope talking it through on the forum has helped you reach this point; so often when we explore a situation with others, it helps us get things clearer in our own minds. Thanks for sharing with us, and do keep us posted on the outcome.[/quote]

Yes, like I've said before, I really appreciate the input I have received from members. I have felt a bit silly at times, being a grown adult. But I am never too proud to listen to advice or to ask for it.
[/quote]

[quote]Do you really in your heart of hearts think the situation is going to get any better? Is this woman likely to change? [/quote]

No and no.

[quote] Is that why other musicians in the church are keeping clear?[/quote]

At this stage, very possibly. But I was a lamb to the slaughter. The choir was initiated by her when she took up her post here and I was the first (and only one) to be asked to play since (...to my knowledge )


[quote] It's hard to blow the whistle on something, especially when you can see its potential, but this kind of thing can really sap your morale and energy.[/quote]

Hear, hear!

Update soon.
[/quote]

How did it go this week?

Sorry folks, hello . I have been very distracted this week. I have been on and off the forums but have deliberately not posted here. I decided to take a break from the choir this week - having given a few days notice. My guts are churning. Went to see my sister yesterday. She knows nothing about my present notion but is aware of the characters. We spoke at length about my feelings surrounding the whole nonsense and she was very open and tried not to take sides as such. The result of our conversation is that I have decided to leave the choir. I shall go to see my PP next week first and inform him of my decision. If asked why, I intend to simply state that it is for personal reasons. I will not allow myself to be drawn further. I shall stay with the group until the end of the year and see Christmas and it's obligations through. I wouldn't leave him in the lurch with only a few weeks to go. I will follow this by a visit to herself. Same scenario.

My better half feels that I ought to explain the whys and wherefores to our PP, but I do not. It feels horrible that I find myself in this situation but I honestly want out by now. I am the only one who can give it closure, so sooner rather than later I think.

I appreciate your following up my saga . Sunday tomorrow. I think Tuesday evening might be round 1, if I can arrange it.

Send along good vibes .

It sounds like the best move as the whole thing has really been sapping your energy

Don't get drawn into a debate about it with the lady in question though.. You have made your desicion and don't feel guilty about sticking by it!

I'm sure it's a relief to have made your mind up about things, and know it will soon be done with!

So pleased talking to your sister has helped you to reach a decision. I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday!

Havn't had the meeting yet, early still. I happened to bump into the new recruit yesterday afternoon though. He was pleasant but a little cool. I asked him how the practice had gone last week and he explained that she (duh duh duh duuuuuh) had not called it off but took the handful of youngsters out, leaving an empty church for when he arrived (by public transport - from a distance of over 20 miles). He was really annoyed and was under the impression that I was in on it. I quickly explained that I had given her several days notice of my absence and he graciously accepted that. Right or wrong, I took the opportunity to explain my own position and he was amazingly supportive, as he also knows her and where I am coming from. He even said he felt for me and how she seemed to behave with me. So, a full and productive unexpected conversation.

Can't say that for later today...

Good luck - let us know how it goes !

Good luck for today. I think that you are probably doing the right thing, given how it has all affected you.
By just giving general reasons you are not closing the door completely forever, because your situation could change later on and you could rejoin the choir under different circumstances.

Morning.

Called to see PP yesterday. He had been called out!!!!

Going to be very busy teaching and running my own children to and from their own lessons today, so can't see me getting to see him today - rehearsals again tomorrow. I had been planning to have that bit over and to speak to you know who by then. I have a feeling I know the answer but what would you think about my telephoning him, say this evening? Honestly. I feel face to face is ultimately preferable but would like to get this whole thing over and done with. Please let me know and I shall take your comments on board.

I wish I had some better news to report.

Hmmm, face-to-face is really better as you say. Is there a possibility that you could go to see PP this evening or is that out of the question?

I wonder if he has an inkling of what is going on. I agree with you totally that you should get this over and done with asap - as far as your feelings are concerned it is too important to put off. If you cannot get to see PP I think I would be inclined to telephone - it will work. I know because I've done phone calls that I would rather have done face to face and they've turned out all right.

The only thing about on the phone is that PP might try to persuade you to carry on because he won't see the determination in your face. I personally would use the "weelll, I really cannot carry on after Christmas because of my commitments at home, (or whatever reason) but it doesn't mean that I'll never be available" line, providing that he realises that you're thinking really really long term. Things should be OK because there's this other body who's been drafted in by herself.

Sorry that this is a bit of a ramble, but I was sort of *thinking out loud*.

If you get the PP bit over with, then you can approach herself even after choir practice, so in fact she is not the sticky one for you at the moment.

Good luck.

OK. Beginning to think The Big Man is trying to tell me something!

Managed to create a free hour after work today, went to see PP. Out again.

Phoned this evening, 10 minutes ago, out again...

Will try once more in half hour or so. This is killing me...

Poor peri! I've only just come online today, so didn't realise you weren't able to sort things out yesterday.
It's always difficult catching priests at home; sounds as if he may be out for the evening.

Is your PP good with e-mails? Our minister (I'm a Methodist) is quite into IT, and it is useful, as you can just say in an e-mail that you need to talk about something and ask when does he have a free half-hour to coincide with your free time. If you could do this, at least you would have committed yourself to an "interview", which might give you peace of mind.

Failing that, has he an answerphone? You could leave a similar message on there telling him a few times when you are free over the next day or two.

Best of luck!

I eventually managed to track down my PP and have had our wee meeting. He was lovely but a little disappointed. I had expected as much. I didn't go in to huge detail but he commented that health and family should always come first for anyone, so I have a notion that perhaps there had been chat between herself and himself ... ? (I did have surgery in August). Perhaps my own anxiety has been showing. I don't know. But I explained that I wanted to speak to him firsthand, as I feel he deserved that courtesy.

Anyway, I am so very relieved that that part of my task is now complete. She... will be much easier. That will unfold today. I have commited to the end of this year but by this evening the deed shall be done so to speak.

I felt a huge pressure had been lifted last night, more then even I had realised. Perhaps I was under more pressure than I thought.


I'll be back...

Edit: Spoke briefly with new recruit yesterday. He's feeling under pressure already. Had arranged two hymns for several instruments ( some transposing ) and she contacted him saying that perhaps they wouldn't run with them just now.................

Well done, Peri busy. I am very relieved for you that all went reasonably well with PP. I think that you will probably actually enjoy the next few weeks leading up to Christmas now that the prospect of an eternity ( !) with herself has been removed.

One has to feel a certain something for her new recruit, but if he's coming a long way on a bus he'll soon say something if choir practices don't sort themselves out.

Glad to hear you were able to speak to your priest. All the best for this evening!

As Susie says, I hope this will enable you to relax and enjoy the last 2 or 3 months of your choir. Christmas music is so much fun, and I'm sure the children will love it.

All done and dusted.

Arranged to speak after choir today. Practice was a quiet affair again. No new recruit. Six little folk, two bigger.
I had an inkling that the PP had spoken already though, as things were a bit quietish.

Delivered the news when all had gone home. She said, and I think it was genuine, that she was saddened to lose me after so many years but hoped that the changes she was making hadn't prompted my decision. I didn't intend to be drawn so I simply didn't get involved in any deep and meaningfuls. The relief is wonderful folks.

I have my work cut out for Christmas time but, yes, I think I shall enjoy this one.

So, I suppose this is the end of my dilemma. I am happy and content with the outcome, though not easily reached or completely without some morsel of regret. Thanks to all of you who have offered advice and given me moral support when I was feeling low. I feel that this is a bind which has been broken.

Well done. No doubt a degree of regret - but probably more of relief. Things that drag on are incredibly energy sapping. You will feel you did the right thing I'm sure.

If you feel relieved then you know you've done the right thing

Well done

Well done! I'm sure you will feel better about everything as time goes on.