A friend and I were bored at a posh party years ago and invented this game. It is very simple. You just have to think of things that you would yell at a garden gnome. No answers, just things to shout at it. It may be your own gnome or not.
Shall I begin? OK then.


It was you that ate next door's goldfish!

don't ever look at me like that again!

I've got a bigger trowel than you and I'm not afraid to use it!

How can you just stand there and let those birds do that?

If you shouted louder youd stop the cats for using my flower beds as a loo! Thats really what your job is, so ******y well get it done or you'll get a good spanking, and be sent to bed without any dinner.

(sorry maybe a bit OTT! )

Oooooh...coming out in your true colours fsm?

LOL

Well he has got "s" & "m" in his initials!

Ambs x
[runs away quickly before fsm can swat her backside!]


And to the gnome, I'd shout "You'll catch a cold before you catch any fish with that rod" !

'What are you staring at?!'

Why don't you do something useful with that fishing rod?

I'm a bit worried about you....I wouldn't be grinning like that if the dog had just diddled on me!

Listen, I know you're controlling the little voices in my head and I don't want to have do something stupid with that fishing rod.

I'll take you back to Homebase ...

If you dare not talk for another microsecond you will be smashed to bits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you pop your clogs I am going to have you stuffed!

Petrat will change her signature to 'Every time you sing out of tune you squash a garden gnome - and it just might be you...'

(P.S. Heard a story a while back about somebody's neighbour stealing one of their gnomes, waiting a few weeks, and then sending the owner a postcard (from the gnome) from a local beauty spot, telling the owner about what a good time he was having, and how he'd formed a relationship with another gnome.)

And did anyone apart from me do that as a student?
ps. I really wouldn't mind if a few garden gnomes were squashed.

'Now look here you idle good for nothing, I gave you fair warning yesterday about not scaring those cats off my flower beds, and you just stand there like a stuffed dummy. And you can wipe that stupid grin off your face. Its naughty to grin like a Cheshire Cat when your being told off....... Right that does it ----- get up to your room now , I'll deal with you in a minute '

How many times do I have to tell you - will you put that rod away

Or I'll make you stand in the corner and face the wall!

OI, if you don't wipe that grin off your face sharpish, i wouldn't be held responsible for my own actions.

ps: i love this thread!
i will think of more lmao!
x

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I'll let the kids paint you!

Don't you come running to me if you fall into that pond!

Why are you still fishing, you stupid gnome, the cat ate all the goldfish years ago!

Well you have been a good boy over the weekend, the discipline you got on Friday must have done some good. No sign of feline ordure in my flower beds. So lets keep it that way , huh ?

What did I tell you about looking at me like that?

Haven't you gotta gnome to go to?

What have you got to grin about, you've just watched next-door's dog foul all over my flower bed! And pointing your rod at him won't help!

If you've got nothing better to do than to stand there staring into space, you can come and help me get the dinner ready!

Get a life!

Get a Wife!

Now young man I have a bone to pick with you ! Ive just has Mrs Stikkanozin from across the round. She tells me she saw you in the middle of the night disappearing behind the potting shed with her lady Gnome.
What do you have to say about that ?

You needn't think I'm going to be an unpaid babysitter...

'Ah I see, you were trying to follow Petrat's instruction. Now thats hardly an excuse! '

Have you any idea how much a wedding costs these days? And just where do you plan to live, the pair of you?

You needn't think I'm going to hose the bird ###### off two of you!

'No, you can't have fleece overcoats for the winter. '

You're never going to catch anything with that rod standing there!

Look I know its cold sitting in the rockery but I'm not letting you in.

By, you aren't half small!

You don't make shoes in you spare time?

oh, for pete's sake, give me the answers!

What are you so happy about, you haven't caught anything yet.

haven't you got a 'gnome' to go to?

lol!
prob. the best post on the thread yet!

'I don't believe it was the cat that scratched your back'

Why not go for a walk or something? Get some exercise you lazy thing!

You're four days too late!!!

Great minds eh??

'What.! Mrs Stikkanozin's lady gnome is pregnant ! Did you have anything to do with it ? She did see you disappearing behind the potting shed together '

Don't try to blame next door's cat for that!