I was reading the thread on nerves in the general forum... and heard someone talking about medication to get over them - well I've never considered myself particularly bad with nerves, but recently I've got much worse - I've always been the type to speak up in class, but now when I do my hands shake, and my voice starts sounding like I'm about to cry (I feel like I am!) and I go red and forget what I was talking about.

Doing solos in choir - not for performances, but just in rehearsals, I forget what I'm singing and miss my notes, and my hands shake so badly I can't read the music... All because of nerves. So do you think that there's anything like that that just works for everyday nervewracking situations or not?

Considering I've become like that at normal times though, imagine performances or exams!
Should I just grit my teeth and get on with it, or is there something that'd help?

It's odd because I never used to be like this, I used to handle stressful situations really well (even when I was still having mood swings and temper tantrums at fourteen or fifteen...) I don't know what's caused it.. Any ideas or suggestions on that would be useful too...

My search button wouldn't work today, and I imagine there have been similar posts, so I'm sorry about that.

x
Lucy

It might be worth trying hypnosis, or some type of NLP technique to create some positive anchors you can trigger when you feel like this to give you confidence. Better then taking medication and no harm done if it is not a success.

Did something happen which triggered this extra nervousness off?

Good question. It sounds as though something may have triggered this off and you have now got into a bit of a spiral - being nervous has become a 'learned' response. A lot of people believe in 'cognitive' techniques for overcoming anxiety. A book I have found helpful is actually called 'Overcoming Anxiety' by Helen Kennerley.

However, for me the I think the most important thing I try to bear in mind is that mistakes in performance WILL occur, and that it's really not worth losing sleep or getting upset over them. Even highly trained professionals sometimes slip up. It's also my experience that while you yourself may be very aware of your shortcomings, it's amazing what the audience or other musicians don't notice!

The type of nerves I normally get are constructive and just serve to provide focus on the concert. However once or twice things have got worse. It is not good having palpitations before performing, or feeling so sick you can not eat. Relaxation techniques are very useful and I can appreciate the problems encountered when people are crippled by nerves.

Normally I have a routine sorted that allows "jo time" whether its a long bath or the chance to sit somewhere pleasant reading a book. That way nerves are normally well controlled. I advocate this with my pupils so that immediately before a performance or exam they do not feel glued to the lavatory and they are not hyperventilating.

I know what you mean - that used to happen to me a lot. I still occasionally find it difficult to say what I want to in as controlled a manner as I'd like, it always takes me by surprise when it happens because for the most part I am pretty much in control.

Something you might want to think about is whether it tends to happen more at certain times of the month. There's not a huge amount you can necessarily do about that, but sometimes just realising what's causing it and accepting it can be a help (means you don't think you're going mad).

Other coping strategies I've used successfully in the past, especially for a performance or where I've had to give a presentation at work, or take part in a difficult conversation with superiors is to prepare quite carefully. Firstly by thinking about what I want to get out of the performance/presentation/discussion etc and tailoring things to achieve that outcome - it might mean cutting out a big chunk of interesting, but ultimately irrelevant information from a presentation, or including something I know is a pet project of someone attending. Secondly I think of someone I know who handles that sort of situation well and imagine myself delivering my performance etc in that way - even better is to think back to a similar situation that I handled well and try to put myself back into that frame of mind.

When you're speaking up in class, don't try to say everything you want to too quickly, pause, take another breath and continue. Speaking more slowly and pausing not only help you to keep control, they also make you sound more commanding and draw in the listener.

Finally, don't worry about it too much. I think it's probably part and parcel of being an older teenager/young adult, saying you'll grow out of it sounds patronising and I don't mean to be, but there's a good chance that you will.

I don't think there's anything that's set it off - to put a time scale on it, I was no more nervous than usual in my grade five singing exam which I took... at around the same time I joined the forums... Can't remember a date really... umm some months ago anyway.

I've never thought of hypnosis... I'm not sure if there are any hypnotherapists in Yorkshire. I may talk to my parents about it though...

I usually try to talk myself out of nerves, but then my mind wanders and I start thinking of worst case scenarios again. Books and so on for distraction do sometimes work, but they have to be very compelling, and as soon as they've been put down the nervousness starts again...

I'll try the calming suggestions. My mum has a book and has suggested lots of techniques... none of them have worked so far, but I'll give them all a go... For performances though, I think I'll try out rescue remedy...

Tsax... about the times of the month... intriguing, I'll have to test that theory... I think it's most of the time though really.
I hope I do grow out of it, no matter how patronising it seems!

(Also the way tears come to my eyes at the drop of a hat... I can't hold an argument without buckets of tears... It's so annoying - no one takes me seriously... think it could be related?)

I have a very different problem that I didn't think was anything hormonal until I started to keep a diary to try and work out what was triggering it, the only thing I came up with was that it very clearly peaked at 4-weekly intervals! This was something that had been a niggling problem for years.

Try it on a less important one or something first, just so you know how you get on with it


I'm like that... being angry makes me cry and it can be SO annoying.

I know one in Sheffield, she is really good and a friend of mine so I can hand on heart recommend her. PM me if you want contact details.


Hmmmm Yes, the blokes just don't know what they're missing. Which reminds me of a joke I saw recently (will go and find it and post it)


Me too. Got really angry with my bank earlier this week. They have got so secure now I can't even get at my own money. Anyway an hour on the phone and floods of tears, and I still can't get at my money.

*not to worry I have some Romanian Lei left, I'll use that!!*

Here's the joke I promised above:


"A study conducted by the University Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are planned at this time"

Quite brilliant.

You can add premenstral to the second category... or is it that men prefer their premenstral women to have their mouths covered in duct tape, and a spear in her chest while she is on fire. Oh dear... what I put my hubby through each month... now where's the chocolate.