Indeed - that's exactly what I meant!

Oh.

Now, how's this for random... I just got called by Gallup. Them people what call people randomly to do polls.

Mobile phone stops concert at NY Phil:-

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/iphone-ringtone-b...-204951389.html

Cyrilla has 9993 posts, when will she reach 10000 ?
Hope to reach the same myself in a few days !

I am another expert at this why aren't you married business. I had been attached to my current husband for well over 10 years before we married (long story as to why we bothered at that stage but suffice to say that we had an alternative event, joint wedding with a friend on an island beach with all our mutual friends from all over the world in attendance and they all stayed for a week so it wasn't a waste of airfare getting to Australia......) and we already had a 2 year old. The best men and giving away people were 2 gay couples who wanted to make it a 4 way wedding but we thought they might upstage us a bit so we held out for the double.

My DH was once dutifully pushing my mother's supermarket trolley during a holiday in the UK for her in Tescos pre the marriage and in the queue she asked him if the reason we were not married was cos he had a bit on the side! People do not improve in old age. She used to be quite polite and pleasant many years ago. She followed up this cracker by being airlifted from our wedding island on the afternoon of the ceremony having lost use of her legs. She had failed to mention her 3 week history of progressive neurological symptoms despite her history of a previous multi level cervical spine decpompression to anyone before arriving for the event.

By the time I had DD my mother in law (who asked when the wedding would be for years and years on every available occasion or telephone call) asked if I had arranged a christening. Hmm, I said, I am not quite sure where the child of 2 atheists is supposed to get christened. She instantly told me that wouldn't be a problem for her vicar and that anyway that my DH was confirmed. Yes, I said. Only to avoid a family argument in his youth though and even if her vicar was OK with it I wasn't. She was very sad but forgot about it soon afterwards as her mind was going at the time. She used to ask me every week if I was having twins 'cos they ran in the family. I gave her a copy of my scan to prove there was only one but it didnt ever sink in.

A few xmas presents can be tolerated I suppose. Someone must know their addresses though. Maybe a xmas card next year would be nice.

Goodness, didn't realise! Thanks for pointing this out *feels excited*!

One can't help feeling a little sorry for the poor man, though he must be very out of touch if he doesn't know how to put a mobile phone on silent! OK, he's in his 60s, but if he's still working how can he be so unaware of technology?

The last time i went to a concert here there was a reminder to switch phones off or turn them to silent. If I didn't know how to turn my phone to silent, I'd turn it off. He could have done it in this case.

Me too. I keep making them more elaborate every time I'm asked. My favourite so far has got to be that I got pregnant after a one night stand with a soldier from Afghanistan and he thought it would be best if the child lived with him back in his homeland.

My relatives around the 50 years old mark don't really bother me too much, it's the ones around 70 years old that keep telling me I'll be past it soon (just turned 30) and need to find a nice man to look after me so I can become a housewife. Yes, that's what I spent 7 years at university for.... (obviously if you want/choose to stay at home then all fine and dandy but I love my job and worked long and hard to train for it)

I think there's such a large generation gap on the whole marriage/children issue now. Those who grew up in an era where the whole educational emphasis for girls was on home and family (i.e. those around the 70 mark) find it impossible to take on board just how much things have changed. They can accept that girls and boys have the same schooling now, but they don't understand the totally different attitude which many modern young women have about life. They think that underneath you must feel as they did, but as far as I can see, many do not!

I think also that for many of us who married in our early twenties, the slow unfolding of the deep love which grows between a man and a woman is one of life's greatest treasures. It's not something that can be hurried, just as "forced" rhubarb never tastes as good as the normal stuff. We therefore feel that it's good to start such a relationship before you get too mature. Children also bring fulfilment to many marriages, and are more fun when you have a bit of youthful energy left! However, this doesn't excuse bad manners, and your older relatives should respect your own preferences. They probably never had the chance of a career they loved, so don't realise the fulfilment to be found in that.

The bad manners goes both ways too - I have a friend, my age, we were in university together, who is married with two children and is a full time mum. People are sometimes quite dismissive of her choice and say things like she is wasting her degree.

Berkshire Mum, without wanting to be argumentative, or in any way detract from your clearly very happy experience, could I say that your last paragraph could be quite hurtful for anyone on the forums for whom this hasn't happened, or for whom it has happened differently.

If she's happy with the arrangement then I'm pleased for her.


But what about all the people from this age group who were stuck in marriages they no longer wanted to be in because divorce wasn't the done thing? I am happy for you that you found someone you love so much at such an early age. I have no problem with people who marry early if that's what they want to do and I agree that it is probably easier to run around after little kids at age 20 than at age 60... but things just haven't happened that way for me.

Incidentally I often feel sad for my older female relatives that they never got the chances that we get nowadays. I'm sure many of them could have had wonderful careers.

It's also very presumptive of these people to assume that couples CAN have children. Many couples would dearly love a family but for whatever reason it just never happens for them. That can be so sad and stressful and for unwitting people to then remind them of it by asking 'when' especially if they don't want such personal details generally known, it can be very very upsetting.

Agreed. However, I do sometimes feel that we are only allowed to express the bad things on these forums. Everyone is sensitive about some area of their life, but I think that in general people like to know that just because things haven't gone well in their particular case it doesn't mean that success in that area is unachievable. I don't suppose that my marriage is very different from most others; we have had our rough patches and our points at which the whole thing could have blown apart, but I do believe that love deepens through the years in a very special way.

If we're not careful, we will never be able to rejoice in the birth of a new baby because some are unable to have children; never be able to celebrate an anniversary because some have been divorced; never be able to be happy about a good grade result because some have failed; never be able to express an opinion in case it offends someone who sees it differently, etc. As up to 50% of marriages fail, one must assume that up to 50% of forumites may have a different experience from mine, but does that mean that the other 50% should be denied a voice? Or even that the first 50% would really want that to happen?

I hope I wrote my post as carefully as possible to take this into account! I appreciate your posts reminding me about the issue, as it can be easy to wander into discussions where you end up over-disclosing.


With regard to BerkshireMum's thoughts, I think you can still have this growing into a relationship phase without being married. Indeed, I rather feel it can be better to get past the daft, head-over-heels passionate phase of falling for someone, long before considering what (in my view) is such a permanent committment. Everyone'll have different views on this though, influenced by religion, experience, family expectations etc.

I also agree with Corenfa about the judgement passed on those who choose to have children early. One of my friends chose to have her first child at 19, and married her partner a few years after that. She had trained as a hair dresser, and wished to have her children young, so that she could focus on her career more once they were in school. It was unbelievable how her friends the same age reacted, let alone any elderly relations!

As for women with careers, I am fortunate that my grandmother was very much a career-woman trail-blazer. Her advice and experience is invaluable as I've started my own career. I guess not many women her age had the same chance to work as a senior manager, while bringing up 3 children!

Pretending, on a games console, that I am a top athlete and 2012 Olympic contender is a really, really bad idea the day before a violin lesson.

I now have to explain to my teacher that the reason I didn't practise was that my arms are aching like mad from pretending that I was a champion volleyball/baseball/boxer.

I'll stick to darts next time

I think maybe the idea of "the norm" whatever that is, is the problem - for example, the idea that it's normal to get married and have babies, or for women to want to stay at home to look after them, etc etc. Anyone not fitting into that can feel marginalized or a failure, or extra unfortunate, or whatever.
I'm not sure that age groups have much to do with it now either; there were women in education in the first half of the last century fighting hard for girls to see careers as a viable choice, and I can remember my own mother (75) being quite irritated that we girls still had to do domestic science in the mid seventies - she certainly expected careers for her daughters. (I'm not denying that attitudes have changed hugely though)

It can be hard to hear the happy bits of other people's lives if our own is going through a bad patch, but it's the assumption that the happy bits are normal that stings a bit at times.
Hope that makes sense without getting on anyone's nerves

I'm a bit confused - I think Corenfa wrote what you've quoted, not me.


Makes sense to me.

My own view on it is that commitment is something separate from marriage (and I'm not expecting anyone to live by this, only myself) - if I want to stay with someone I will; if I didn't want to, then the fact that I need a lawyer for us to break up is not going to keep me there. I am not religious. I appreciate that people who are religious will probably view it as part of their religion to be married according to their faith.

Pretty much the only reason that I would seriously consider it is inheritance tax, and next-of-kin rights.

But, I repeat - this is just me. And it doesn't mean I might not be married someday. Who knows, I might change my mind.

(but I've got no problem hearing about other people's happy marriages )

Back on random thoughts or comments: I have given the cat a prawn.

No, that's not what I mean at all. I was not for a moment trying to suggest that we should not celebrate the good.

Inigo's comment about 'the assumption that it's normal' was much nearer what I was getting at.

I mis-read that as "I have pawned the cat"

Much better idea.

Not likely to get much for her

Our previous cat, we gave her a kidney once. It was 10p at the supermarket, and we did chop it up first. She loooooooved it! It was clearly too much for her to eat, but she was going to eat it all and not risk leaving it, even if it killed her!

Mine loves offal, which I give her in large chunks sometimes as I hear it is good for their teeth to have to chew it up.

Our old cat (Sam) would have killed for a taste of liver. Rosie can't stand the stuff!

In the spirit of randomness; it really annoys me when people who say they want your stuff on freecycle don't turn up for it. It's free! All you had to do was come and get it!! Or at least tell me you changed your mind

Anyone been on Chappells website today? It's going reallllllllllllllllly slowly.

I tried it yesterday and gave up after fifteen minutes. I'm very impatient though.

I REALLY need to get going and prepare for this afternoon's teaching but I can't be bothered...*sigh*

Perhaps another cup of tea first... (well, close enough!)

Now playing open holed flute with two of the plugs out.
Smug mode.

YAY How are you getting on with your flute, tdm?

DD2 is singing cry me a river rather loudly whilst making cakes (again). Who'd have thought she has exams this week?

I fell behind on practice over Christmas but enthusiasm is now fully restored.
Have decided I need to buckle down and actually learn to read music. Because I only have about 1 lesson every 3 weeks I 'practice in' a lot of mistakes and end up memorising rather than reading and checking what's there.
Very slow going - but flute is very shiny so looks pretty even when it sounds ugly.

Gosh, isn't it peaceful around here? (Rhetorical question.)

Indeed.

Just finised watching Stargazing Live on iplayer (because the DVD recorder didn't work ) but the Back to Earth programme shown just afterwards isn't there! *grump* *grump*

Surely you'd have to wait a few light years between the two?

Light years are a distance not a length of time.

I have just eaten a century egg and while it looks totally it was delicious.

Hmmm, I thought someone was probably going to come along and say something clever like that.

My spelling isn't good enough for Pedants' Corner, so I have to find a different way of being picky.....

What is a century egg?
Can't be bothered googling.

Take a duck egg and soak it in calcium hydroxide and calcium carbonate for a couple of weeks. It goes all sort of reverse-video, the white goes black and the yolk goes grey. I love them, but today somehow I looked closer at the one I ate than I usually do and realised how revolting they appear.

Still ate it anyway.

Why would anyone do that?

Apparently, the legend goes that the first people who tried it found some duck eggs that had been laid in a puddle of water mixed with wood ash (which is high in calcium hydroxide).

I have no idea why anyone would think that eating them was a good idea, though