Dawn : just seen your post. You never forget, and my thoughts are with you. Celeste, same for you.
Thankyou - Feeling slightly more normal today. It's 2 days ago and yesterday that have the worst memories for me. I guess by today I'd have been numb!
It's 30 years since my Dad died, and I still sometimes feel a bit like this, DawnF. It didn't help that for the first 5 years after his death, Mum couldn't bear to talk about him at all, though later on she liked to.
What has helped me over the years is to talk about him to my children, both of whom were born after his death. I used to tell them when it was his birthday, and also when it was the anniversary of his death, and try to show them the sort of person he was. It didn't upset them, because they'd never known him, but they realised that it was important to me, and appreciated hearing stories about him.
And thankyou too BM. It must have taken me 10 years to get over the intense pain. It was having my own babies that lessened it a touch somehow. I do talk about him and told them when his birthday was etc and we have a picture of him on the mantel piece. But I just didn't want to bring them down yesterday. I enjoyed some really close time with my son without saying anything about his grandad but I was thinking about the time my Dad had with me being limited and that I'd really appreciate what I had with mine. I was so determined not to get upset at mine yesterday even though they were playing up a bit. I didn't want to take my low feelings out on them.
I don't know whether it would help you but a friend of mine had a very odd but also very helpful reaction when I confessed that sometimes I really still miss my grandparents after so many years... and she said "Oh, how wonderful that is!". It might sound a bit corny (she's not English) but as she saw it the pain of remembering someone you miss is a reminder of how lucky you were to have someone you loved so much and that it's a wonderful thing that they are remembered and honoured through that. Knowing her, she'd say that about when you feel a bit "flat" about family not calling... how good it is to care about someone.
Inside this box is a bunch of flowers.
Oh Katica - you've just made me cry - but in a nice way because of your kindness and how right you are. I can see what your friend means.
I promise Dawn will be maudling no longer!!! You can have the thread back to Random trivialities now
By the way - on the anniversary front I'm getting him a ring. Concert idea was nice but it'd depend on childcare and my family are not that good at committing to that sort of thing ahead of time. Also I can't think of anyone he'd particularly like to see and I'm kind of on a bit of a budget too.