A humble expression of my opinion on the importance of keenly practising scales
Alice Whetstone August 2007
I would like to address the whole musical nation,
On an issue more important than general sanitation,
Which is that scales require perfect preservation,
Even in the absence of imminent examination.
I would like to present to you an invitation,
To participate in regular scale fabrication.
They can be used as a form of fun recreation,
Enjoyed as a group, or in isolation.
They are eternal, and have no expiration,
Are in no way linked to devastation,
Or increased amounts of acid precipitation,
They will not damage the reputation,
Of any composerâ€™s amazing creation.
They donâ€™t call for paper, so no exploitation,
Of trees in some far away forest plantation.
It was my observation after exploration,
That Egyptians used them in mummification.
Be creative, and decorate with ornamentation,
Or try maybe F major theme and variation,
You could play them in darkness or illumination,
Project them sloppily, or with sophistication,
Play them normally, or use a mutation,
Key signature order, or some other combination,
Play them staccato, legato, any articulation,
Casually, timidly, or with great determination,
Just remember to apply artistic manipulation,
To avoid monotonous regimentation.
If you play them with intense concentration,
Or exercise by playing with wild gesticulation,
You might even break into perspiration!
You could use them as starters for conversation,
As unusual methods may require explanation.
Form a scale-playing band for good demonstration,
Of performing scales whilst stood in formation.
If driven to an extent of financial desperation,
Use them as a fundraiser for building restoration.
As an alternative to conventional medication,
Why not use as a treatment, alongside meditation?
Brass players could simultaneously try balloon inflation.
To find other fun ways, use experimentation.
I would warn against scales whilst in transportation,
Due to increased chances of disorientation,
And public transport rule violation,
But playing in the street could be a temptation,
Impressed passers-by might make a donation,
Although on the other hand it could cause exacerbation,
Starvation, dehydration, or just sheer desolation.
And play them in places with good ventilation,
As airtight rooms result in suffocation.
Unlike chemistry, thereâ€™s no need for distillation,
Evaporation, condensation or oxidisation,
Just some initial manifestation,
And maybe a little more slight elaboration.
Why, scales are such a useful installation,
They make sight-reading as simple as mastication!
They are often subject to much speculation,
But are a vital part of our education,
So we must all strive to boost our scale conservation,
Alongside music, theyâ€™re a great constellation.
Plus in exams theyâ€™ll be no consternation,
Whilst playing your scales at the examinerâ€™s dictation.
A musician without scales faces great deprivation,
And eradication would be musical extermination.