Hi everyone
I am feeling very depressed with my piano progress. I am 67 and have been learning for about 9 years. I have taken grade 1 with merit and grade 2 good pass. I am better with the theory. I have had excellent marks for all grades up th and including grade 5 but I have given up exams as they will now cause me too much stress.
I could take grade 6 but the exam is 3 hrs I feel I would not be able to consentrate for this length of time. I enjoy my lessons and get on really well with my teacher.
I find the practical difficult she is patient and encouraging. I know what I am doing but can't do it especially in front of her. You would think I would be over that after all this time.

I have all my life struggled to get where I have and have always wanted to learn the piano, but my career did not make it easy. I started learning after I retired.
I look after my 91yr old mother now. This is not easy.
I have no one who can encourage me, my family have never showed any interest.
I practice diligently, my teacher and I have discussed together how I practice.
I mutter during playing saying oh thats not right and so on. She asks me to stop but I cannot seem to as I feel so frustrated when I cannot do it correctly

I do not want to give up as I still enjoy the lessons, but go away disapointed.

Any ideas I have written similar posts on the same subject previously. But here we go again
elisabeth ann

Hi, Elisabeth Ann! I'm sorry to hear you are having these problems

It sounds to me as if you are seeing your teacher almost as an audience, and trying to perform to her each lesson. You really need to relax more in your lessons, though it's easier said than done, and I'm sure looking after your mum is quite stressful at times and doesn't help you relax.

Playing an instrument should above all be fun, and make you feel good about life. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes, because some days you just don't play as well as others, but on the whole it really should be fun. Are you being a bit too hard on yourself?

Could you try telling yourself that it's OK to make mistakes, and focus more on the phrases you get right? I wonder whether you are so down on yourself that you tighten up and make it worse. You say you do enjoy the lessons, so don't give up, but do try to get more fun out of your playing. You may never be another Ashkenazy, but it's quite possible to settle for less!

Hi Elisabeth. I'm sorry you're feeling despondent about your playing. If you never had to sit another exam (or even go for another lesson) how would you feel then? Do you think you'd enjoy playing the piano just for fun? If so, maybe you should stop taking the exams and/or lessons and just play for your own enjoyment.

It's frustrating when you don't get any encouragement from your family, but you have to play for your own enjoyment at the end of the day.

Yes, I'm sorry too to read that you are despondent - and yet you say you don't really want to give up.

Then why not keep going? It sounds to me as though you would miss your lessons.

You get on with your teacher. I wonder if you have talked over with her how you feel ? You don't need to take exams if you'd rather not. Try not to see it in terms of "I should be such-and-such -grade by now", everyone is different and as long as you enjoy some of what you are doing I would have thought that's the main thing.

What kind of pieces do you enjoy playing?

I agree with what's been said so far.....

I'm an adult learner myself and I know how frustrated you must feel - but it's not as though you don't have other things to worry about. Life events most definitely affect your playing.

If I go through a 'bad patch' I try to take a step back and relax by playing easier pieces - it keeps you going and is also a great way to build confidence. If you are returning to a piece that you haven't played for some time, you'll realise how much better you are, even if you think you haven't progressed. The X'mas piano books I have are very useful for this purpose as I only use them once a year!

Try and recapture your enjoyment - and don't worry about speed of progression so much.

I'm sorry that you're still disheartened, and it's such a shame if your family or friends don't encourage you. But it's not quite true to say that there's "no-one who can encourage me"... there's us lot on here - ready, willing and able to give encouragement to anyone who needs it!!! I know nothing about learning the piano, so I can really only re-quote the suggestion that I made before and say again that coming on here really is helpful to adult learners whose family or friends either aren't interested or don't understand (one of my non-musical friends dismissed my G4 theory exam with the comment "oh yeh theory's easy isn't it, you just have to know the difference between sharps and flats" ) ....


Hope we do!!!

I haven't done G6 so I can't say for sure, but they always seem to give you more time than many people need. You may well find that you finish the paper in less than 2 hours, and you could leave after this time if you wished to. I always think it's a good idea to stay to the end and keep re-checking, but you wouldn't *have* to stay if you had had enough.

If you enjoy theory, I would say re-consider doing the exam if you think you would pass because that would give you a huge boost in terms of having achieved something.

And do come and talk to all us theory lovers in the Theory forum!

Yep - I just took G6 and finished after an hour and a half and then checked it for another half hour - leaving an hour to spare. My friend finished after an hour and a half and left the room - kicking herself later when she remembered something she'd forgotton to do. So I'd say that G6 is two hours max for someone well prepared.

Many of my students are mature adults - well into their '60s, 70's and even an 85 year old....learning to play piano or organ.

About three years ago, two of them said, independently of each other, that they thought about giving up their lessons, each of them having achieved grades 5 and 6 respectively, but for some reason felt that it was becoming a struggle for various reasons.They also said that it would be with reluctance that they gave up.

I suggested to both that we changed our style of music, and introduced them to piano arrangements of well know popular songs from the likes of George Gershwin, Cole Porter, and the great popular composers of the 20th century.
(One piece that captured BOTH their imaginations was Cole Porter's "Night and Day" arranged in the style of Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata")
I invited them both round for coffee one evening and gave them a mini-concert to introduce this new repetoire. They were enchanted by all they heard..............and both are still with me - 3 years later. In fact one of them has actually taken a further exam using this material.
Word got round (somehow) and I now have about 12 elderly pupils who have found (they say) a new musical lease of life. This also resulted in me being asked to lead the tuition for Blackpool Music Academy - I have three 2-hour periods a week - with mature "returners"

'Scuse the rambling, but it may a change of material may help??

Please don;t give up - you WILL regret it

ps...don't supoose you live near ME

I've recently started looking at the AB G1 Jazz Piano (it's under a fiver) book with a view to taking the exam next year. The point is to play the gist of the tune and not exactly what's written. (For the exam you play what's written first time round, then make it up for a bit - the "improvised solo" - and then repeat the first part but without playing exactly what's written). I've found this much more relaxing than classical piano where getting it perfect is everything. Also I didn't think I liked Jazz but some of the tunes in that book have become favourites.

What about asking your teacher if she has any other mature students who would like to play duets with you? My teacher suggested that to her mature students of which I am one and now we meet once a month and have an afternoon duet session. It really is so much fun and is a chance to have a chat and share musical problems.
There is loads of music for 4 hands and Diabelli, for example, has written some lovely stuff in which the primo is very straightforward.

Hi Elizabeth Ann

I really admire your determination to start piano at retirement and to have kept going for 9 years is no small feat. I'm sorry to hear that you're under appreciated at home. Can I suggest that you join a piano club or ask your teacher to get you link you up with other mature students to play together? You'll find a lot of enjoyment and fun just playing together or even going out for tea and have a yatn over your learning experiences and music in general. Try not to give up the lessons, it'll be much more difficult to carry on on your own. Hope you'll find some joy meeting up with like minded people.

All the best.

hi elizabeth ann!

really sad to hear that..
just do whatever right and the best for you..

good luck!

Hi Elisabeth Ann!

I also think you are brilliant to have taken up piano at retirement and stuck with it for 9 years, no small feat. I am an adult learner and a real beginner - just 6 months learning and did my prep test last week. I think if I got to your level I'll be really proud of myself, which you should be!

If you feel stressed about exams, would you like to try the performance awards? Of what I understand they are no pass or fail, but they give you a report with helpful comments. This could boost your confidence without stressing you. Then when you feel more relax you may go back to exams, if you like.

I agree about asking your teacher to put you in touch with other adult learners. I've been studying with a teacher who teaches children in a school. She's very nice and we are still good friends, but I feel I need more 'group support' - when I came to the prep test with her other pupils all aged 7 I panicked and almost ran away Now she is too busy with her school work so it's the right time to move on, I contacted another local teacher who specialises in adult learners and I hope to meet other adult learners through her. Sorry about the ramble ... what I meant is I hope you can do the same.

And it hard family and friends don't support you. Yet at the end of the day you've acheived your dream and your playing the piano, that's the most important thing!

Hope you feel better about things ...

I think recognising why you're disappointed is one key to finding future enjoyment. Just what are your expectations,
can you verbalise them? It's possible that changing repertoire or your approach is the key.

I also think that caring for a very elderly parent can highly onerous, and that you do need community support.
You need 1) time to practise 2) time to be free from responsibility.

I helped care for my 105 year old grandmother in the last six weeks of her life as my father had promised that she would
NOT die alone in a hospital. She was in my sister's spare bedroom and I and my father and brother-in-law took turns
at night duty, sleeping in the living room; she had to be turned over to prevent bedsores, she was fed through a tube etc etc.
My sister had a new baby, so she needed support as well!! So we had the district nurses over every day as my sister was judged to be "at risk". I loved them all incredibly and did not resent it, I was also between jobs as it happened. BUT I did get an insight into the rigours of geriatric nursing. Not easy.....one person can't do it.

it's possible that your current depressed state is actually exhaustion, and the the disappointment is actually
that you can't perform or progress as you want because you're simply too tired.

Lack of encouragement, if it means you can't practise because no-one is willing to give you time
from other duties, would be difficult. On the other hand, lack of interest can be freeing - you are free
to follow your own interests rather than other people's implicit or explicit expectations. Encouragement
is a two-edged sword I think.

Here's hoping you find your way :hugs:

Hi elisabethann

Just wondering whether any of these suggestions sound as if they might help you?

So sorry to hear you're feeling down, elizabethann. You have had a lot of good response here, which I hope may help you. Don't forget, too, that learning curves are never steady - players of all instruments have plateau periods where they don't seem to make progress even though they are putting the work in. These can last for months sometimes, and are definitely exacerbated if you have other stressful things going on in your life, as you have. At the end of this plateau there is usually a very sudden improvement, that seems to come out of the blue, so keep at it! If you can get hold of the book "The Perfect Wrong Note" by William Westney, I think you would find it helpful. If you still enjoy lessons, keep on going. You obviously get on well with your teacher and it gives you a chance to get out and have some "me" time.

A grade two level or higher you will have quite a choice of fun things to play. Why not treat yourself to some of the Easiest Books series (Eleanor Franklyn-Pike) and have some fun reading and playing those? There are two lovely books of Christmas carols in the series. There are lots of easy sonatina movements that you could try too. If you have a keyboard you might love playing hymn tunes using one of the organ sounds or using the harpsichord voice for some Purcell or Bach pieces too. Get some enjoyment back into your playing. You have come so far that it seems a great shame not to get more out of your hobby now. Piano playing can be a very solitary activity so would you be able to join a music appreciation group or a choir perhaps?

Hi everyone who replied to my post "Ready to give up Piano lessons" I have printed the replys so I can use them as motivation. I had a less traumatic lesson today, so they we go!
Thank you everyone.
I feel more positive and have to realise what I have achieved, not what I might not be able to achieve.
I have spoken to my teachersaying how I feel she appreciates what I say. But does not see it is a particular problem, I did mutter less this week so that is something.
I am glad there is so many nice people out there who understand and will take time to encourage me.

So I have named this post NOT Ready to give up piano lessons!

Except I don't know how to do it!

absolutely right. Also, it's amazing how much more you can achieve while you're not looking, so to speak.

Hi Elisabethann -- so glad to see you back here reading your replies ! and pleased to know you had a better lesson this week. It is too easy to feel discouraged after a difficult week or lesson, isn't it ?

I don't think you can edit the title of your post - I tried once when I posted one with a typo in the title - agh! but couldn't edit it. You can edit the body text of your original post but I think that's all. Anyway you could add an edit line to the first post if you feel you want to.

Please let us know how it goes in the future! Hope there is lots more enjoyement waiting ahead for you.

I think to have stuck with it for 9 years is a great achievement! So well done there. Also, you have made good progress so you should be really proud of yourself. I agree with the others... try to find some easier pieces which you would enjoy playing just for fun! Your teacher should be able to reccommend some I'm sure. Good luck!

Glad to hear you are feeling more positive, elizabethann Do keep posting to let us know what you are doing.

WELL DONE - BIG HUG FROM A TEACHER OF MATURE ADULTS xx

Really glad you are feeling more positive now Elizabethann ! Remember the piano is for your enjoyment and should stay so. I'll take inspiration from you, as I also hope to make it to 9 years one day!