Hey
I'm looking for a little, or rather a lot of help.
Since I was 14 I wanted to study music, I was so determined and I honestly worked hard for it, I got to grade 6 after only 18 months of playing piano which I thought was an acheivement. When I found out that I had got into the place I wanted to go to study music I was over the moon, I really was.

Only I have a problem, since starting I seem to have went totally downhill. I cannot even play now. For some reason I have lost all the confidence that I once had, My self-respect has disappeared. I don't even feel motivated or enthusiastic anymore about playing or any of the side of music.

I can't play in front of people or myself anymore with getting into a state.
I feel totally humiliated, knowing that I used to be able to play alot better than I can now, I don't want to be embarrassed anymore.

I need help to be inspired again and get the confidence back that I once had. Does anybody have advice?

I'm so sorry about the rant but I have to do something now, this was my dream and I worked so hard to get it and now im loosing it.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks PSL.

I'm probably not the best person to answer as music to me has always been something I've always wanted to do but I've never been able to make a priority.

However, and this is a simple suggestion - have you considered taking a break?

It's not the same I know but my piano teacher suggested I do an exam, I thought Grade 3 and she said Grade 5! I worked like you wouldn't believe from never having done scales, sight reading, aural or anything and within 8 months I sat and passed the exam with merit (I had been playing for longer but hadn't ever considered an exam). I was absolutely over the moon but then it all fell apart. I had worked soooooooo hard for so long but when I got there, I was totally sick of it. It took me ages to actually get back to where I'd been. After the exam I had a bit of a surge of motivation but after a while (couple of months or so) I just completely lost the plot - I couldn't be bothered practising, I simply wasn't interested.

Within industry, this would probably be known as burnout - the cure, to take a break from it all. I probably wouldn't have come up with this but luckily my teacher went on holiday and I had a couple of months to relax about the whole thing. When she returned, I was actually better in terms of attitude (not having practised for 2 months meant my technique was terrible but my attitude towards piano was more positive).

Grade 6 after 18 months of playing is an absolutely brillliant acomplishment but the level of effort that you must have put in to have got to such a stage so quickly must have been phenomenal. People then always have very high expectations of you and it puts the pressure on to continue at the same rate - "well, if you got to grade 6 in 18 months then you must be at FRSM level in another 18 months!" I've never had this in a music sense but have had it many a time in an academic sense and the pressure builds up and you feel like you really have to push yourself to meet peoples expectations but in the same way, as you've mentioned you have just lost all motivation. So, you have no motivation to continue but people try to push you, the combination can lead to a disaster.

This is a bit rambly (just back from the pub) but my suggestion would be, have a break - a complete break, don't think about anything musical. After the break think about where you want to go musically - is it still your dream (dream's change and we cannot be faulted for this - when I was younger my dream was to be an astronaught!). If it is, think carefully about the next lot of acomplishments and put carefully considered timescales on them - don't let people set your goals for you. If you think it'll take longer to get to the next level then that is fine! If you want to just play for fun with no added pressure of performing or exams then that's fine - tell people you just want to play for fun for a while.

Sometimes the worst thing we can do with a goal is achieve it - it leaves us directionless.

Sorry this is not more help but I truly sympathise and as mentioned, to have come so far in so short a time shows a talent and determination that I am truly in awe of.

Hope things work out for you.