As you said yourself it's not a competition, so why the need for comparison anyway? Passing an exam is an achievement, whatever your mark and whatever your age. Really, what does it matter if a relative/friend/colleage got a higher mark than you, be it yesterday or ten years preciously? IMO, it's irrelevant.

I agree, but children do so like to ask and can get dispondent when they realise that Mummy, Granny, Auntie Jo got a higher mark than they did. In those situations a hug and reassurance that their achievement is worth it is in order.

Grrr. I saw a perfect example of when not to boast in a non musical subject today. I was asking my youngest son how he got on at school today, and eldest son and hubby went on over how easy his maths problem was. Sure I could figure it out in seconds too, but then I'm not seven, nor did I do that subject two years earlier. Younger son is doing very well at school. I just hope that big brother and hubby would realise that just because they have already covered that work does not detract from younger son's achievements.

No wonder the poor lad is developing a self-esteem/agression problem.

Sounds a bit like my dad. When I was 5/6 my mum used to play scrabble with me, and obviously let me win quite a few times. Dad never did though and mum used to tell him off for gloating.

Thanks to mum's encouragement, I can now kick dad's ###### at scrabble anytime ...for real

Often older siblings aren't the most sensitive. Schoolmates comparing scores don't help either I suppose.

I remember when I first started beating my dad at chess, and it felt great! I knew he wasn't the type to let me win - otherwise it wouldn't have been so good!

I know what you mean about maths homeworks, jod. Been there with the older sibling thingy...

I think we all have these human characteristics - none of us are saints - (sorry if you've got there!) In our good moments our baser thoughts remain unexpressed, in our better moments the thought does not arise and when we are down in the mud even we are appalled by what comes out of our mouths at times.

I just wish that when I ask that ominous question "and what did you do at school Alexander?" that when he answers, his daddy and I have the opportunity to praise him without Matti butting in.

Back to the original topic. If your grandchild, niece or nephew bounces in and is proud of their exam result give them praise. Only if they ask for your result reveal it, then tell the truth.

I'd still be more likely to say I couldn't remember, but then again, in my case that probably would be the truth, so thats OK

Yep that's exactly what I think... but you have to mention to the older child not to do it - or they might not realise it's demoralising. Whilst I don't denigrate my sister's achievement, I was correcting her French pronunciation the other day, just out of habit, and I didn't even realise it could be seen as irritating until she shouted at me! I'll be more careful in the future.

When I graduated my younger sister had also finished her beauty therapy course the same year. She worked so hard but there was no official ceremony like I got, so at my graduation we nipped outside, she put my gown on (holding her own certificate) and I took her picture

I think thats a lovely thing to do...good for you and your sister...

Andrew

getting back to the encouragement, or rather lack thereof, for adult learners,
(I agree with everything said about not crushing family members)

I feel I have fair idea of what katyjay is describing. I did my maths phd as a mature age woman.
Now, maths is a "young man's game" just as, I suspect, music looks to be a child prodigy's game.
I was told things like "you'll never get a husband if you do this PhD" and "you'll never compete
for a proper academic job against a young man". Well, I did the phd and got both husband and
proper job. I fought incredible bad luck, sexism, snide remarks etc etc etc all the way...and also had some incredible encouragement as well from precisely three people, in fact all men: father, husband and phd supervisor.

I can't give advice, but my experience amounts to this: if doing something comes from the bottom of your heart and mind and you just do it anyway, then somehow things work out. The day I did my job interview, I had a temperature etc (unpleasant) but this turned out to be good, because I was too ill to be nervous and the inner me just shone through...that's what it felt like anyway.



good for you ad_libitum. There does need to be a recognition of achievement.

totally agree with you there. Studying music so I can have a career in music is going against the grain according to some people, I should be doing computers and getting a 'real' job.

It seems to me, from my position of observing the annual rite of passage that a graduation ceremony is, that students who have a/attend their graduation ceremony are better off psychologically than those that don't.
Yes, you can question whether it is the recognition of the achievement that is the reason, or whether it is something else. For an individual student, there may be no family to recognise the achievement, but certainly the institution does, and the student her/himself does (the ones that attend that is). One of the many reasons I work hard to bring students to the standard, not the other way round.