I know how annoying threads like this can become but I've become slightly desperate and so decided to turn to one last place for help before going insane thinking about it all.

Basically, I feel like a fraud. Since 3rd year I've been regarded as one of the highest achievers in music at my school and I don't know why. I've got a mountain of folio pieces to finish (actually, start in one case) by the second week of March and I don’t even know where to start. My compositions are completely uninspired, not to mention far from finished. I know that if I fail or do badly it's completely my own fault but my teacher has been off work almost as much as she's been here. She has my deepest sympathies and I wouldn't wish ill health on anyone but without a permanent teacher everything just seems to become a battle.

There's another music teacher at school; I could turn to him but that would mean admitting how far behind I am. I've never been behind before and it's really quite horrible. It's not as though I'm still frittering my time away either – I'm writing this when I could be doing something for the prefects rather than when I should be working.

My violin lessons seem pointless at the moment. I'm meant to be re-polishing some G5 pieces (for the AH recital in May) which I've been playing since 2006 and they sound awful. I'm working on the G7 syllabus on my own as there's only so much we can fit into a 25 minute lesson, and I can't even tell if they're sounding 'right'.

Maybe failing G5 theory in November was a sign that I'm not meant to be taking AH Music. Surely if I had the knowledge or ability then it wouldn't be so difficult to analyse a couple of scores? I don't even know where to start anymore…

I guess this is a bit of a rant really, and I'll probably post this and feel really bad about it. If anyone has any suggestions as to where I'm going wrong then I'd be really pleased to hear them. At the moment I would really like to drop everything remotely musical because I really don’t think I am 'musical'.

You have mail.

Hi Rossy, I would most certainly ask the second teacher for help. It will set you off in the right direction again and give you some targets to aim at, if nothing else. He or she must be aware of how much the first teacher has been away and I think that you will have nothing but a sympathetic push in the right direction. You have plenty of time to get those compositions done. A couple of really good weekend sessions should get a large part finished at least.

As to the violin, tell your teacher how you are feeling about that too. Then they will have the job of sorting you out about that. It is what we are good at you know, we music teachers. Don’t try to do it all alone. Ask for help. (And that’s an order from Addy!)

dear floss
at times when you feel utterly worthless/talentless/down, it can be impossible to see anything good in yourself and anything. but please don't believe that you cannot do something, that you aren't musical, and that you are a fraud! from looking at your profile, it is obvious that you love music - and that is primarily what music is about. your profile also shows that you are definitely musical - how else could you have reached such high grades/demanding standards in such a short time?

if you ever want an ear when the mountains of work seem overwhelming, pm me or email (i will pm my address). remember that the best you can do is more than good enough. i agree with petrat, that you should certainly speak to this other teacher. some of the hardest things to say are things such as "i need a hand" etc, but admitting that you are behind will make a huge difference. he could also have a lot more practical suggestions to help you, as he knows you personally and knows the kind of work you are contending with.

and honestly, i don't think that theory tests are a measure of somebody's musicality. i also don't believe that you sound awful: when you are miserable you are your own worst enemy (cliche i know). this is another reason to look to people who know you (but are perhaps less emotionally involved than parents).

Hi Floss,
I would certainly be talking to your other teacher. As others have said, to admit you are behind is the first step to getting the support you need right now. It seems you have hit on a confidence crisis, which we all go through now and then even in every day life. I saw my tutor for the first time in what seems ages on Saturday. I told him my singing and playing were both cr*p even before the lesson had started. I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere piano wise, and I am still disappointed with my Gde2 singing results.

We had a run through of my song for Teddington, and he told me it was ready for performance. We also went through my future Gde five songs. Apart from technical work, I know the words already. So what was I worrying about, he asks? Nothing!!

When it came to playing my Gde 8 piano pieces, my tutor had to agree that it was indeed cr*p!!! Only because I hadn't touched them since my last lesson (before Christmas), as I have been doing other (musical) things instead. I know that they will eventually pick up with practice.

You are obviously a very talented musician and have a long way to go yet. Getting advice from your teachers is vital at the moment. Don't give up or neglect it now. Your theory can always be retaken, and even with that you did very well to teach yourself and be ready for the exam in such a short time.

All the best to you, and Pm if you need to xx

Sorry to hear your feeling a bit down at the moment. Just a thought regarding Violin, sounds like the pieces your playing have been over played, it might help to maybe try some other repertoire. You might find that you find some other pieces that you would rather do in your exam. Let us know how you get on!

What I was likely to tell you on the phone has already been said here, but the advantage of telephone was that you would have had the ability to answer me back. I could have asked you why you thought your half done composititons were bad, exactly what you could do if you had the audacity to show the contents of your portfolio to the other music teacher. Another set of eyes and you may have several suggestions about how to advance each piece.

As for the theory, when are you next sitting the exam and which sections were you weakest at. Go and get David Turnbull Theory Time Grade 5. Should set you back around £5.00 and work through that for an alternative perspective.

It is very easy to get down on yourself. My name is Joanna and I'm a Depressive. However there are times you have to try and get out of the pit. I know how hard is, please believe me so I can act a friend and advocate. That's why I was prepared to give you my phone number.

A good friend asked me whether I thought the antidepressants were working the other day. I told her yes. She hadn't seen me without them.

Ask your teachers for help.
They are there to help. Try not to beat yourself up about being behind, it can happen to anyone for all sorts of reasons that are not necessarily their own fault.

Failing grade 5 theory only showed that you hadn't had sufficient teaching to understand it all, not that you are no good.

As you progress through the education system you're given more and more responsibility for your own study until you become pretty much independent. For most people the big jump happens when they start university and many people find it hard to handle. Most people find a way of coping with it in the end,

BUT
- they're expecting it to happen (you're told about it often enough)
- everyone's in the same boat and you can get a lot of help and support from fellow students
- the tutors build it in to their expectations of students, at least for a little while

It sounds as though you're having to make that big jump a year early, without any of the "BUTs" listed above and understandably you're struggling. You need to ask for help - noone will think any the less of you and you should be able to plan your way out of your current difficulties.




I think just about everyone goes through stages like this with their instrument - I know I do, and it's much more likely when you're under stress. I play much better at the weekend than I do mid-week after work, because I don't have all the work stuff going round in my head. I've not found a foolproof way of dealing with it - I try to accept that I'm playing below par, acknowledge that the phase won't last forever, stop stressing about it and if necessary restructure my practice routine. So a "my playing's really poor and I can't do anything" session might include some long notes (because I know if I don't do those it will get even worse) some easy scales just to show willing, then some fun stuff because I've got to have a reason to practice. The other thing I might do if I've got the time is to split my practice up into shorter more focussed blocks, no longer than 30 mins at a time, somehow they seem easier to manage.

Thank you all for replying. So, I posted that and having looked at it all written down decided to go and see the other music teacher, who was absolutely great. He just sort of looked at me in 'that' way and told me not to panic, which I guess is what I've been doing over the last month.

Jo, you said you would have asked about my compositions. Basically they are both too short but I have no idea where to go with them. Having spoken to the teacher I have more of an idea with the first one, but the second one is very much in need of attention. The G5 theory things are finally coming together; I'll look into that book.

I think most of the things about the violin lessons have come about since my previous teacher retired last year. He was so inspiring and came to know me really well. Now it's all become quite methodical and a bit repetitive really. I don't want to complain about that too much though because apparently I was lucky that they replaced him when I was his only pupil in this school. I should have played the fiddle really...classical teachers seem to be in a minority up here.

I'm glad you spoke to him Floss. I would still try to sort things out with your violin though. As weejen said, going over and over the same pieces must be soul destroying..and for what purpose? My students are heartily fed up with the exam pieces in just one term (although we do other things besides exam pieces). Can't you find another tutor before you lose heart in playing the violin altogether?

I know your old teacher retired, but is he still around to get advice from? Maybe he knows someone who will take you on?

having looked at it all written down decided to go and see the other music teacher, who was absolutely great.

Good ! well done for biting the bullet. Asking for help is often not easy, even though it's the right thing to do. It's bad luck that your music teacher is away quite a lot at the moment, and it doesn't seem right for you to have to struggle on without help. Your other teacher is probably kicking himself for not having realised that you were working under difficulties.

I hope you can begin to see some light at the end of the tunnel, and that it all starts to feel less of a battle.

Well done for asking for help - I think thats the hardest thing to do to get back on track. Everyone has times when they think they can't play - I would just play some nice, easy FUN music for a while. It could help get your confidence back up.

Well done Flossie. Asking for help from the right person is the way to go. You have some excellent advice from some great people here too.
I'll echo what the others have said, at times it is easy to be hard on yourself, and feel that everything is too much. Break it down into tiny bits and tick them off one at a time.
Good Luck.
Bev xxx

I think she's already been threatened with Addy, Summat Else and Liddy, so if she doesn't listen to this teacher fancy making a quartet and setting Great Aunt May on her too!

"...Rainy days and Mondays always get me down..."

It's a Monday today, isn't it?

And it's raining.

Your profile doesn't look like the work of a fraud! If you've got behind, welcome to the club.

Steve

Today is Blue Monday - most depressing day of the year - but your situation has probably been developing for a while. I can't add to what people are saying except to echo them - well done for asking for help, it won't be as bad as you expect, and don't panic. I hope you feel better soon.

If Addy, Liddy and Summat need some extra help I'm more than happy to chip in! Having heard this girl play it is obvious that she's not a fraud. I can see why you'd feel that way F but try to see the positives. You're studying AH Music because you did well in the Higher exam. You know better than any of us the circumstances surrounding last spring so you should be really proud of how you fared.

I would have been surprised if the other teacher had reacted differently; realising that a pupil isn't as on top of things as might appear doesn't seem to inspire anger. You definitely did the right thing in speaking to him.

[hug] Cair xx

I think the first thing you have to do is be objective. How far are you behind? I suspect that you feel overwhelmed rather than actually being as far behind as you think.

Get your compositions out and try to improve and finish the most completed one and then go for the next one. Don't try to do them all at once or swap between the ones you are working on. Get help from the other teacher. In my opinion you shouldn't have to ask he should know the situation with your teacher and be there to fill in the gaps. It's not really your fault you are behind. If you're in this mess what are the others like who aren't as motivated/talented as you.

On the point of G5 Theory neither of mine would have passes without Sbhoa's help.

As a musician sometimes things won't go the way they should but that doesn't mean you are a failure or lack talent.

Good luck wiht sorting it all out.

I saw him a couple of weeks ago and I suspect he wouldn't mind having a listen to a few things. There are quite a few tutors at our orchestra rehearsals too, I was thinking of maybe asking one of them for a few pointers...

Well, it's Wednesday today and it isn't raining.

Thanks for all the other suggestions, I'm certainly attempting to follow your advice.

The idea of getting a few "extra lessons" from your former teacher crossed my mind too.

Caristonia is obviously very confident in your ability, now you've got to do it.

Ha! I know that one. The number of times I've practiced and thought the sound coming from my mouth was ghastly when it wasn't has been relativly high, so I do empathise.