Hello,

A couple of weeks ago I posted on here that I'd received a parking ticket for £100.00 ( ). I paid it within 14 days so only had to pay £50.00( ).

I received the ticket for parking outside a new students house with my wheels on the pavement. I told my students mum the following week, and she advised me where to park to avoid tickets. Last night I met the father for the first time, and not only did he hand me my fee for his daughters lesson, but also a cheque for the cost of my parking ticket. He was upset to hear I had received one.

I tried to refuse it, saying that it was my fault etc. etc. but he insisted I take it. Nevertheless, I am delighted that they have been so generous.

Was I right to accept it though?

i guess they should have informed you about it, Id take it if it were me.

I think that since the cheque was already made out he'd made up his mind to pay it. They'd had some time to think about and discuss the matter so it was hardly a spur of the moment decision. I think accepting it gracefully was entirely in order.

It sounds as though you have the sort of mutual respect with the new student's family that should make teaching her a pleasure - I can't imagine they'll mess you about or you'll have to chase up lesson fees. In this sort of relationship there is very often room for a bit of give and take since you know you won't be taken advantage of. I expect there'll be plenty of opportunity for you to return the kindness over the time you'll be teaching - maybe the occasional lesson overrun, an increased willingness to be flexible with lesson times and all the other extra things teachers seem to happily do for their students where the relationship is a good one. Enjoy your teaching.

Ooh, it's a tricky one that.

My concern for you in taking it is that, at some level, you will feel indebted to the family and possibly vice versa. And that could cause problems later in terms of you sticking to your normal professional boundaries (i.e. about keeping to time, etc). I think if I was in your situation I would say to them that I've thought about it and don't feel comfortable in accepting it, and would be prepared to explain why.

In saying this I'm very aware that this would be the problem for me in my profession, but maybe not so much in teaching? I don't know, it's a very grey area isn't it.

Ambs
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I'd go along with this - about 90%! I'd probably feel a bit uncomfotable about it, but as TSax says, they'll have thought about it and obviously want to do it. They're probably grateful for having a good and dependable teacher and want to show appreciation. They'd probably be hurt if you refused it.

I do know what Amber means a bit too, though. It's a new student, and you don't know yet how he/she will be, however decent the parents are. You could feel a bit yucky in the future if you ever have reason to complain to the parents about the pupil. I'd be totally in favour of taking it from a long-standing pupil, but, yes, it's a bit of a grey area in this case!

Very tricky one, but what a lovely problem to have!

I'm inclined to agree with Amber though a bit. Obviously you were put on the spot - to accept or not to accept - a spur of the moment decision.

However, if the parents had not warned you, then it was clearly your fault and had absolutely nothing to do with them. It would have been different if they had advised you that traffic wardens never came that way.

Perhaps another way out would be to write them a really nice letter, saying that on reflection you felt that it was your own fault etc etc and you really feel that you cannot take their cheque, but that you are most appreciative of their kind thoughts.

Strange. Putting myself in the place of the father, I most likely would have done the same thing. After all, he probably thinks all music teachers are hard up and can't stand the thought of you selling a kidney and all your worldly goods to pay the fine.

Yet on the other side, I'd be inclined to give the cheque back. After all, it was your car and adults have to take responsibility for their actions... blablabla.

Perhaps there's another way. Cash the cheque but tell the father that you don't feel it's fair and you'll make it up in an extra five or ten minutes per lesson over the year.

Honour is satisfied on both sides.

Steve

I've been wondering whether or not it's relevant to consider what £50 means to this particular family; i.e. are they perhaps considerably wealthier than DaisyChain? I still don't know whether, morally, that should be a factor in the decision, but I think my actions probably would be influenced by knowing that the family was either very hard up or rolling in it, or whatever.

This was my thought. £50 is not very much money to some people and perhaps he was being genuinely kind and thinking of your inconvenience rather than accepting responsibility for the ticket in the first place, in which case it's only polite to accept.

I used to have a rule that I declined in conversation twice and if the other party still insisted then I accepted very gracefully and said no more. Some people find it rude to be refused a gesture they genuinely want to make.

That does seem to be a very sensible rule. Do you still have it - or if not why not?

I agree with these two posts. I get the impression it was intended to be nothing more than a kind and considerate gesture, because the parents felt uncomfortable that you were out of pocket as a result of coming to teach their child. I don't think I would return the kindness with £50 worth of extra teaching time - that seems a bit too calculated and not in the spirit in which the money has been given. Also, if they are as considerate as they seem, they may well be sort of people who are uncomfortable about receiving longer lessons than they are paying for. I'd be inclined to continue as normal, and celebrate the fact that you seem to have got a family who really appreciate you and want to make it work. If any problem arises in the future, cross that bridge when you come to it, but I feel as if crossing it now could jeopardise what promises to be a really good and mutually respectful relationship.

i completely agree!

It would probably have been rude if you didn't accept, because then it would seem that you don't appreciate their concern and there would have been an uneasiness between you and the parents because they would feel guilty that it was at their expense. if they didn't want you to take the money, they probably wouldn't have offered in the first place and his persistance meant he truly wanted you to accept the offer.