For the past 6 years I have had the same "teacher" but recently I have just had enough of her treatment of me. At times she has said hurtful comments like " you don't seem to be practicing enough" and one time she even said " is there any point in continuing with this lesson today when you are in this bitter mood?" She also refused to answer some of my phone calls to her. Obviously this has been GRATING at me. Over the years it became clear to me I needed to find a new teacher.

The problem is, as much as she IRRITATES me, this woman has improved my play over the years and has invested a lot of time in "teaching me". I don't want to hurt her feelings...how should I phrase it to her that I think I need to get a new teacher. I've thought of 3 options...which is best?

1) NO OFFENSE at ALL, but I SOMETIMES hate your style of teaching and I NEED to change. I wish I could stay but I think it could drive me mad. ( I would make sure that she realised that i meant no offense )

2) I'm quitting the violin ( then secretly get a new teacher )

3) I'm moving to another city/country, feel free to come with me ( this with the expectation that she will decline )

If anyone has any better ideas then let me know, if not just tell me which number is best.

Thanks,
Bernie

How about, having a short break for a while....having a change.....am going to a new teacher to learn a different style of music....getting a bit stale and want some new ideas so am having a few sessions with X....

Can you not just say you have decided to change teacher and leave it at that?
If she asks why, you can say you just feel it is time for a change.

No need to go in to any detail, no need for any falsehood, just keeping it to the minimum.

I would be totally honest and tell her that you feel that it is time for you to have a new teacher. Tell her that you are very pleased with the way that she has helped you over the years and leave it at that. A bunch of flowers might hbe a nice gesture too.

I would be honest, and say that you feel a change in teacher is due. If you can't face that, why not say you have decided to take a break from lessons. Then you are free to have consultation lessons with a few other teachers and decide which one to go to.

In what way is "You don't seem to be practicing [sic] enough" a hurtful comment?? I think that's a perfectly acceptable remark for a teacher to make. And from the comment about your mood, it sounds like you reacted to her observation by sulking. If the relationship with your teacher has gone sour, move on - I'm sure she's not going to lose any sleep about it.

Just tell her, politely and with sufficient notice, that you're stopping lessons. There's no need for subterfuge.

I'm quite a blunt person when it comes to trying to tell people things, and i'd just say "I dont like you, and i'm changing teachers because you're mean, and don't seem to care about my feelings". although, i'd only say this if i was upset! Just tell her you feel it's time to move on and get a new teacher, and tell her how she has been a great teacher over the years (even if she has been a little mean!)

Jacob.

Be careful, you never know when you might need this teacher, so end it on good terms.

My daughter left her teacher (Violin, Viola, Piano, Singing and everything in between) This teacher has been amazing over the years, but daughter felt as though things were a little stale. Daughter applied to attend one of the Dfes weekend schools. It was dreadful, she was so unhappy. Her old teacher after a call took her back. We then struggled with time and money so moved Violin to school and continued with the old teacher for everything else. If it wasn't for this teacher daughter would have been in a right pickle.

Have a good chat and part as friends, that way you can always call for advice or back to them.

sometimes being too truthful can hurt someones feeling, but in this case i think you should tell your teacher the truth, that you want to have another teacher, since she may also be rather "mean" to her other students.

to save awkwardness, i personally would just say that i had decided to take a break, and if ever you should be playing and she is in the audience and says anything (very unlikely) you could just say you deicded to start again, and found a teacher closer to home or something.

I had a similar dilemma - piano teacher complaining that I wasn't making progress/practising enough. It wasn't for want of trying but, as I've mentioned in a previous thread, with the higher grades, extra time & effort is needed for progress to be noticeable.

We were at odds as to what I needed to do anyhow - I wanted to concentrate on improving my sight-reading, especially large 3/4 note chords/stretches, whereas teacher wanted me to play each piece to distinction level before we moved on. As I am a natural memoriser, it was in my interests to play as much repertoire as possible.

To cut a long story short, I was 'dumped' a few months ago. I think I sealed my own fate when I told teacher that I'd passed grade 4 violin - in her eyes I had been practising but on the wrong instrument! I put 'dumped' in inverted commas because old teacher knew I had potential backup (daughter's teacher who comes to the house) to continue playing and the current set-up suits me perfectly. I have made it clear from the outset that I may not have had time to practice before the next lesson and thankfully that understanding is there with all my music teachers now - the lessons as a result are far more enjoyable.

As for progress - although on a weekly basis there didn't seem to be much improvement, I've noticed that my sight-reading IS better (it's never going to be brilliant), I've memorised the first two sections of Maple Leaf Rag in just over a month (needs fine tuning - just the trio to go) and the grade 6 pieces are no longer as daunting.

Progress is relative and I think that just by showing up at a lesson you make progress, however minor or non-existent it may feel at the time. In addition, if you're less tense during the lesson ie not worried about being criticised for not practising, you're more likely to play to your best ability.

I think getting yourself 'dumped' would be the more radical approach but definitely, as others have said, be upfront and honest about it. If the lessons are making you feel demoralised, then it is probably time to look elsewhere.

I'd keep the teacher and be thankful that you have someone who is willing to be upfront with you and push you.....if she says you aren't practicing enough then practice even harder and prove her wrong the next week, if your mood is bitter then show her how willing and mature you are to accept criticism and again prove her wrong.....

maybe it's just me but if someone is challenging me in that way i like to rise to it and i know i improve as a person and a musican because of it

I would be polite and honest. Telling the teacher her short comings won't help anyone.

If you are easily offended by questions about your practising you might discover it's hard to find a teacher you get on with and progress with.

I would imagine every teacher has pupils leave them for whatever reason, don't make a big deal out of it, I'm sure they won't.

Why is telling you you haven't been practising enough a hurtful comment? If my pupils don't practise enough I tell them! It doesn't seem to phase them in the slightest - they know it anyway. Who needs a soft touch teacher who lets you get away with not practising enough? Occasionally it's fine - we all have extenuating circumstances from time to time, but on a regular basis I think any teacher would get annoyed with a student who doesn't practise enough!

Anyway, I hope it wasn't just that that put you off her - you won't go far with a teacher who doesn't care if you practise or not...

It can be if you have been but are still struggling because you need more teacher input to see your way through .

It also depends on how the teacher says it, of course, but I think it is a perfectly normal comment and, instead of feeling hurt/accused, students can simply point out that they have indeed been working hard and maybe elaborate on what they've been doing or where they're struggling. How else would a teacher find out that the student needs more input and/or have been practicing incorrectly/ inefficiently? If the student just sulks, then the teacher of course assumes she's right and that the lack of progress equates to lack of practice

I recently changed piano tutors. I finished grade 7 with my teacher and told her that I'd leave grade 8 until I got to university in the autumn also that I just wanted to have a break from exam work over the summer.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so didn't tell her. To be honest, I don't think it's really necessary. I know how you feel though!