I teach piano 6 days a week privately, 3 days a week in a local school every week term time and some holiday times too if the demand is great enough. I am dedicated and love the job but have recently been accused of apparently "verbally attacking" a pupils mother. This mother has in the last term cancelled two lessons at short notice plus once not shown up at all. At the beginning of the term i mentioned to all my saturday students, including this pupils father, that there would not be a lesson on July 5th as i was attending a concert of which my daughter was performing in.

As this pupil did not attend last weeks lesson, i called out of courtesy to politely remind them that there was no lesson today. After i had said this she asked me "when will lessons go back to normal as they have been very bitty this term" - i politely mentioned that her child had not turned up last week, had not shown up a few weeks ago with no notice etc so the fact that lessons have become "bitty" was due to this and only this, but she became very aggressive and rude and said "why do you attack me every time i ask you a question, why are you so sensitive, when are lessons going back to normal......." in fact she didnt STOP talking, talking over everything i was saying.

I didnt end the conversation particulary well and she said it was down to me if a wanted to continue teaching her son and that i should phone her if i do wish too, otherwise she will find an alternative teacher!!

No one has ever been so rude to me in all 15 years of teaching and really dont know how to handle this situation as her son will be joining my daughters school in september and am scared she will start on me at the school gate!

Help!

It sounds like you are best getting shot of this student (and mother.) Was it the first time she had behaved like this? She was completely out of order and you do not deserve to be spoken to like this. I feel sorry for her kid, especially if he was a promising student, and also feel sorry for his next teacher if they have to put up with a parent like this! You say you teach 6 days a week so I assume you have plenty of other work, so let this one go and move on from it.

In my opinion, you've been very unlucky to have been on the receiving end of an irrational woman's cruel words. I would tell her (either by phone or letter ) to find another teacher - if there's one brave enough to take her son on!!
As for the school gates scenario, if she harrasses you, then it's simply a matter for the police. You don't have to put up with any abuse whatsoever. Anyway, good luck and I hope everything turns out ok.

(PS. there is one situation in which you might consider resumming lessons - if she apologises to you first, acknowledging that she has been out of order on a number of occasions.)

It is going to be a shame to lose the student as he is quite promising and one that i have taught for 4 years. The mother has been rude to me before, more in an abrupt way which i ignored but this time it was, as you say, out of order. I did think dropping the student would be best option but to be honest am a little concerned about making the phone call.

Sorry to so drastically edit your post but the above two sentences really rang alarm bells with me and reminded me of a similar situation I was in a couple of years ago. Parents who behave like this are extremely difficult to cope with and, on balance, it might be best to let them go. I have a feeling it is the parent who is being very over-sensitive and is possibly hiding her insecurity by throwing the ball back in your court in asking if you want to continue teaching her son. The problem I had was with a parent who was insisting on exams one after the other. As soon as I brought this up as a 'problem' I was asked exactly the same question - actually 'shouted' the same question on the phone. I got out there and then and said 'no' it was best if we stop. It was not an ideal situation and I felt very unprofessional but I was saved from any further hassle. I think your parent might have thought you would be threatened by the prospect of an 'alternative teacher'. Remain polite, but firm, and regain control of the situation by saying she is very welcome to look for someone else if she thinks this is best for her son! It will be her loss.

Good luck

I would be apprehensive of making the phone-call too! (I persuade my wife to make awkward phone calls on my behalf! )
Given the fact that you have had the pupil for 4 years, you must have built up a relationship with the pupil and, to some extent , the parents. It makes me wonder whether there might be a way of resolving the matter in a positive way. It could be that the mother has been going through some sort of 'bad patch', and that you might have been one of several people that she has lashed out on, through no fault of your own - you just happened to be there at the time! (Who knows?)
Maybe you could wait a short while to give yourselves 'cooling down' time, then write a letter to her explaining that you would like to continue teaching her son on condition that she abides by your contract arrangements and that, on the first sign of any aggression from either parent, you will withdraw your services - make her realise that she needs you more than you need them!
Anyway, it's easy for people like myself to make comments, without actually being in the situation; you know the people you are dealing with - hopefully the comments you get from fellow forumites might help you with your decision. Good luck!

Didn't she say to 'phone if [u] you wanted to continue teaching her son? Easy. Don't phone.

(Just declaring. I'm not a teacher).

EDIT
I didn't mean that to sound glib. But if I've understood correctly she has put the ball in your court. If you don't call, the ball is back in her court.

thankyou very much for the advice. over the weekend i have had time to absorb all the facts in this scenario and have sadly decided to let the student go. My main reason for this decision is that this mother actually feels that she CAN speak to me like this and i feel it was highly inappropriate and will, no doubt happen again. when i look back at my records for the last few terms lessons have been missed several times by her, late paying etc etc plus she has been rather abrupt to me more than once before.

i have written to her and will keep you posted.

Oh this brought back a memory!

I am a teacher and have experienced one particularly dominating parent in my days.

As I reread your post I could actually interpret what the mother initially said as not being a complaint persay about your availability etc for the lessons - she simply pointed out that they had been a "...bit bitty", this could also have been admission on her part that her child's attendance had indeed not been great. However, having read further, I acknowledge that you know these folk well enough (4 years) so, that puts the boot very firmly on the other foot.

Advice?

Let it go. Don't make the call. If the family call you, politely explain that you have chosen not to continue with tuition (obviously you shall not be expected to offer any reason at this juncture) and wish her son the best with his music studies. Don't be drawn into further whys and wherefores. Thank them for their call but you must go, a pupil has arrived...

Trust me. Some folk will take charge of you if you allow it. Even if you didn't have a large pupil base, my advice would remain the same.

Good decision.

I had a mother who was regularly very rude to me. One time she was moaning that I couldn't rearrange her son's lesson that week to the time she wanted and saying she would have to find someone else. I decided it was too much hassle and although I liked the student, life was too short. So I phoned her and said I thought that it might be best if yes, she did look for another teacher who was better able to accomodate her needs. I've never seen anyone back-pedal so quickly! She was all apologies and even wrote a letter saying how sorry she was. I agreed to keep him and that was a couple of years ago now. She's never been like it since! She is still a slightly abrasive kind of person - I think that's her manner, but I've never had trouble with her like that again.

I think some parents threaten when there is no real substance behind it. You also have to decide if you really want this hassle or not. I might say not!

I had one like this too. She used to arrive late and then complain if child did not still have his full half hour. After she arrived 15 minutes late once, I explained that I could not make up the rest of the lesson that time, as I had arranged to go out straight after his lesson, and she said "oh dear, I guess we will have to find someone else then". I was SOOO mad that I said "yes I think that would be best" and fully expected never to see her again. However, next week they turned up as if nothing had ever been said (luckily I had not given his slot to someone else!) and have been coming ever since.
An apology would have been nice though!

This week they forgot to come, and Dad rang to say sorry and would it be possible to come late, which they did, with a little present for putting me out.

I think calling her bluff worked!

I have also experienced parents who get upset in this way. Usually something else is biting them and you just happen to be "the straw which broke the camel's back" - sorry for mixing metaphors! I think you are right to let the student go despite everything as it is hard to rekindle a reasonable relationship with the family after such an episode. Good luck and hope you find another friendly family!

I agree. You are probably correct in saying that had you continued there would have been more upsets. By terminating the lessons you have deprived her of any further opportunities to shout at you. This sort of thing is so upsetting, the more so because it is so unnecessary. Hope you feel better soon.

well the mother actually called me while i was out the following monday morning, left a curt message to cancel the next lesson and to ask if i had decided to continue teaching her son or not. I left it 3 hours then calmly told her that although i have really enjoyed teaching her son over the last 4 or so years, the fact that she feels its ok to speak to me in the inappropriate manner she does/did makes me feel uncomfortable and no, i do not wish to continue the role of piano teacher to her son.

I think she was shocked but didnt offer any apology just kept saying "oh" in a low voice.

I think ive made the right decision and have filled the place with a lovely girl.

thanks for the advice.

Well done, BeSharpNotFlat.

Hopefully your actions will make this person think twice before she does a similar thing to another teacher, or generally to anyone she meets. Glad it's worked out well.

I feel sorry for the poor boy in the middle of all this, who has lost his teacher of 4 years because of his mother's bad behaviour.

(Not saying you made the wrong decision - just that the boy appears to be an innocent victim here - unless there is more to this tale than you wish to reveal on the forum)

nothing else to the "tale".

Well done for handling the matter in such a calm and professional way. I posted recently about a similar problem with a persistently troublesome parent, who, although not rude, was always messing around with contractual arrangements. I sympathise about how difficult it is to manage a conversation, as personally I find things easier by letter, so I am full of admiration for how you handled this.

I think many people these days live such busy lives, they seem to assume that everything can be altered to give them their best option all the time. You are in demand and have filled the place easily, but even if you were quieter, I would still advise declining to teach that student any more. As long as we as teachers are pretty sure we are acting fairly and professionally we should be free NOT to provide services for people who behave in intimidating or inconsiderate ways.