Hi,

So I was in the playground this morning when my daughter (aged7, year 3) announced that the Policeman was coming in to talk to them today. One of her friends said "I want to be a police man", Which led to a discussion about what they (4 children standing with us) want to be, one said Teacher and the other "don't know". My daughter then said "Singer songwriter".
At this point one mum looked in surprise and the other two laughed resulting in a look of embarrasment on my daughters face. Ok, so it might not happen, but what's wrong with a seven year old having a little ambition? She loves playing the piano and is always making up little tunes and songs, so why not?!!
If we knock the ambition out of all our kids, who are our successes in the future?!!

By the way, should I mention it when she comes home and tell her (as we always do) that she can be whatever she want to be, or just don't say anything and hope it just washed over her?

Some people are very conventional and anything outside "the norm" is considered odd. Let them stick with their conventions - if your daughter wants to fly, good luck to her!

I think you should mention it to her when she comes home, but not in a way that directly relates to the event - just ask her again, what would she like to be?

If we have no ambition at all then we're never going to get anywhere. I think it's better to have unrealistic dreams than no dreams at all.

My daughter aged seven wanted to be a farmer. She then started having piano lessons and declared that she wanted to be a farmer who taught animals to play musical instruments

At least your daughter's career choice is something that exists

Apart from one tiny point, which is that dreams may not be as unrealistic as we first think they are.

The most important thing you can tell her is that you will be proud of her and will love and support her, whatever she chooses to do.

Did anyone watch the programme on Channel 4 on Wednesday: The World's Cleverest Child and me? The most impressive child by far was just 10 years old and had the most amazing self-confidence. She wasn't "full of herself", but she knew what she was capable of and she had the confidence to do it. And she was home educated. When she'd said, "Mum, I'd like to write a book", Mum hadn't laughed, she'd encouraged it, and seen to it that the book got published (the child was 7 or 8 at the time). Can you imagine what would have happened in most state schools?!

Often when I've met super-confident youngsters like this they've been home educated. They grow up with siblings which means they learn to consider others, but no-one ever knocks their confidence because their parents make sure the siblings build one another up. (I'm not saying all home-educated kids are like this, or that there aren't different problems with home education.)

Sadly, in the world which most of our children inhabit, knocks are all too frequent. Teachers, children, other parents are often much keener to knock our kids down in terms of confidence than to build them up. I don't know what the answer is, but I do think you should encourage your daughter to follow her dreams, Kris E!

By all means tell your child if she works hard at her chosen career then anything is possible. Give her all the love and support she needs to achieve her goal.

What do the other parents know anyway?

Are you quite sure? Our local adult education centre is currently advertising a course in acrylic painting for cats and dogs! I checked the wording very carefully to make sure it wasn't just a course in how to paint cats and dogs, but no, materials needed include large tubes of acrylic paint, 3 large old towels, pet snacks and drinking bowl, but no paintbrushes - they use paws!

Someone has to be first - there's nothing wrong with pioneer spirit

It is perfectly possible that your daughter could become a singer songwriter. Surely, at 7 years old, children should be able to say they want to be absolutely anything, without having to consider whether it is possible or likely. They will learn more about the practicalities of their ambitions as they get older, but not everyone has to fit into conventional careers.

When I was at school, I remember careers advisers trying to fit everyone into a conventional job or college course. When one person said he wanted to be a television presenter, he was told it was impossible. They weren't at all keen on the fact that I had already got a place to study music at college, without having fixed plans for what I would do next (I was only 16!) - it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.

Berkshire mum - are you home educating by any chance??

No!!! Both my kids are now older than school age, and went through the state system - hence my awareness of the problems the latter causes gifted children. To your peers you're OK if you're good at sport, basically. Though to be fair I don't think my kids had as much of a problem with peer bullying as some of their friends did.

The reason I can see the good in home educating is one or two families I know whose kids have really flourished under it. They've been able to learn so much faster in a group of 2 or 4 (depending on number of siblings) than in a group of 30 - and no wonder! It gives them time after academic work to do so much more in the way of visits to theatres, museums, etc, during the day, and much more time for developing their interests. And they do seem to have a lot of confidence.

I think if you home educate, you have to be aware of your own limitations and bring in tutors for some subjects. And the two families I know introduced their children to (private) school at 6th form level so that they didn't have to go to university without ever having been in a school environment.

Here is my contribution for the week - especially the bit in italics!

(Or rather Janis Ian's from her brilliant 1975 album "Between the Lines". And thirty three years later she is still singing as well as ever. A career of over 40 years of sincere, deeply felt, beautifully delivered songs. I don't know why she did not become mega-famous.)

You can look up the complete lyrics, and lots more, on her web site www.janisian.com.

from From me to you

...

Those people who surround you
Only want to see you weak enough to crawl
They'll lie for you, decide for you
And buy up all your rights and all your wrongs
And they'll try to stop you singing
In the middle of your song
For they do not want you free
And they will not make you strong
But only drag you down in the hole they're coming from

They say you are foolish for wanting the sun
They call you selfish for learning to run
They tell you that the darkness
Is a blessing in disguise
For you never have to notice if you're sighted or you're blind
And they'll do their best to keep you from the light

...

Slightly (MT's fault shouldnt have mentioned my beloved Janis Ian)

My favourite Janis Ian song when I was about 17/18 when I was trying to rebel, trying to be a hippy, well just trying to be different!

"Ooo hard is the fortune of all woman kind
she's always controlled
she's always confined

controlled by her father
until she's a wife
a slave to her husband
the rest of her life..."



Drove my father mad singing that song and he mentioned/sang it 'gleefully' on my wedding day.

Janis Ian is a brilliant poet.

Hi,
Thanks for your replies. Fortunately it doesn't seem to have put her off, she is still happily playing and singing away!
Whatever she decides to do, as long as she it happy and fulfilled it will be fine by us! (With some obvious exceptions!!)
In the meantime, there are worse things for a kid to do than make up songs and play little tunes, it's better than spending her life infront of the TV or a computer game!

Hope your daughter continues to enjoy her music!

One of the saddest aspects of "same-ism" that I see is the desire to cut everybody down to size, to the point of rejoicing in other people's failures. It's common here to keep exam attempts a secret if possible, so that nobody can gloat if you don't make it. I try to encourage my kids to be brave enough to say "Yes, I'm going to try something that maybe I can't do (yet), but it's important enough to me to try."

My late first husband used to reckon that the reason most scientists did their best work when they were young was because the older and more respected they grew, the more afraid they were to try something new, in case it didn't work out and everybody scoffed.

So here's to KrisE's daughter, and everybody else who has yet to learn that they "can't"!

I decided that I wanted to be a nurse at the age of 4 and, guess what? Yip, I'm a nurse! Children should be encouraged to be whatever they want to be and good luck to them.

I am embarrassed to say I have never heard of Janis Ian but I think I will be sharing this with a lot of friends and my eco-feminist teenage daughter! Thank you for pointing me in her direction. It reminds me of my favourite Eddi Reader song - what you do with what you've got.

And back on topic - everyone is entitled to dreams, ambitions and intentions and no one, least of all those responsible for nurturing children, should trample on them.

And herein ends the Pollyanna-ish 'thought for the day' like post!