Time that we had a pub in this place. Pop in for a pint if you're passing.

Ratty pulls the first pint except that it is a quart.

Make mine a wine.

Pint, quart or firkin? We have white, pink, red and country wines. Parsnip and pear?

Make mine a pint made out of pale malt, with a touch of Fuggles and Goldings, please, Petrat!

Interesting the way you've refitted this place out! Didn't it used to be called the Firkin Nuisance?

A glass of white and some pork scratchings please

Do you have any nuts?

Coming over Daisy and coming up Sue.

Can you put that on my tab, please, and I'll have a large brandy as well when you're ready. Gettign busy in here already..

All put on tabs as requested.


Yes, HG, that was its name before the refit. What is a Fuggle?

Its the Firkin Forum now, innit?

It's what I play on the organ after coming in here. One of Bach's Preludes and Fuggles. Nope, hang on, I meant Prelude and Fudge!

Fuggles are rather delicious hops, unfortunately susceptible to wilt, and nowadays quite rare in this country.

I'll have an eggnog for a nightcap please. Put it on HG's tab, he's generous like that

O how they remind me of someone from Addy's diary.

I might have guessed that, after opening a pub round here, it wouldn't be long before you came in!

You've already downed a bottle of Baileys this evening....

An orange juice for Skyers, please!

i need a double vodka at least.....

I've had enough of this. Call a barman someone.

Ratty gets large firkin of cider and sits in the corner, refusing to serve any more drinks until she has finished it all.

Oi, HG did you spill my pint?

take your time..... i'm waiting patiently.

I thought you had a glass of wine!

Anyone for a game of darts?

Darts? Too right Daisy.

You tryin' to be funny mate?

You want some?

Alright, outside!

Firht fight fight fight


Ten to one on Sue!

You're on!

*watches Sue head for the door before tripping and falling over in a heap*

C'mon, let's give you a hand up. You've been having too much wine this evening, m'dear.....

*rolls up sleeves and removes glasses*

What's the matter, are you chicken?

Ok, ten to one on HG.

I'll 'ave the lot of yer!

No, I'm over here, dear. Turn round. That's a light fitting you're talking to....

Reminds me of that Flanders & Swann song: Have some Madeira, m'dear!

Think I won't actually - much too sweet. Elderberry wine, please, if petrat's finished that cider now.

HG, That's the coat rack!


I called in a handsome barman Berk. He's called William.

Well, I took my specs off for the fight.

Oh, dear, that Sue does look in a bit of a state doesn't she. Berk looks a bit worse for wear too....

What do you mean? I've been on the wagon all night! Only just arrived.

Another firkin of cider please William.

"Show me the way to go 'ome"

You're my bestest friend. I firkin love you...

No, turn the other way Sue. Those are the loos.

Bleurgh...

What a happy end to a lovely evening. Shall we call you a taxi Sue?






Everyone.....................................Sue is a taxi.

I think I'll just have a little lie down...

What's this lying against the door and stopping the rest of us opening the door to get out?

It seems to be snoring loudly too....

O no, not a lock-in!!


Ratty climbs out through the toilet window and goes home to bed.

No, no, Ratty! That's the gents'!

hi can i have a diet coke with a cherry please does this pub not have a pub band (in steps "bit on the side"!!!)



la la la

there should be a congas player here too but he is still at the bar


monkey flute

Hair of the dog, please, bartender...

Eugh, is there a cleaner for this pub

eek, the mods will be coming round soon, did anyone get a licence to serve alcohol here...
[points finger at Petrat] It were 'er wot started it, Ed, she's a bad H'influence [hic]

Morning Skylark. Yes, all present and correct. Lilly and Millie have made a start on the cleaning, not without a moan or two I may add, and they are going to run the hosepipe over the car park too. The licences are all in order and we have the right ones for playing live music too but don't tell HG that or else he'll be busy with his organ all night. There is a room upstairs which is available for hire for functions and a cellar well stocked with local ales and contry wines as well as the more usual stock. William the new barman is going to get in two of his friends to help serve and we are going to have a bowling alley built in the barn beside the tavern. On Sundays there will be car boot sales in the car park and Eddie and the cart will be there to offer rides to raise money for the new piano in the snug. We felt that the old one was too good and didn't have the right sound.

I can't believe I missed opening night! Can you do a coffee to tide me over till this evening (or would that be competing with the cafe?)

OH has requested a bat and trap pitch in the garden.

Can I have some coffee too please?

It all happened rather suddenly! We weren't sure that the building would be ready in time.

Coffee machine is on and William has ordered cakes and home made biscuits from the town bakehouse.

Bat and trap pitch duly erected too.