We've heard the wail of the overcommitted express in the distance, but son Viohazard has now boarded that train, and I believe the ride is making him a bit queasy! His older brother Airman starts his exam year (for the dreaded Japanese university entrance exam system) this spring, so we have two pressured teens, 15 and 17.

Allowing 7 hours' sleep, and 1 hour for school study there are only 2 or so hours left for music theory and 2-3 instruments (guitar soon to be retired, piano compulsory second study). 3 hours spent commuting, but too crowded to use more than about 40 minutes of it.

I see that other teens on the forums find these years hard graft too, and I'd appreciate input from various points of view,especially from those combining school study with preparation for tertiary music (no academic music courses at school in Japan, so all theory and practical has to be done at home).

Viohazard's music teachers are all kept informed of the overall picture...but recently, Viohazard just can't squeeze enough hours into the day to satisfy them all...he got roasted by all his teachers in succession over the weekend, and each has a big "Must Do NOW" list. In another 3 months, guitar G. 8 will be over and guitar will be retired, but senior high school still looks like a busy 3 years.

How understanding have people found schools in allowing use of school instruments to squeeze in extra practice (e.g piano)? Have school music teachers been at all helpful with struggles in solfege/aural/theory/piano?

So far, both sons have found it productive to get up at 5am rather than staying awake really late studying, but I'm seeing too many 6-hour nights...your advice eagerly awaited!

Spending THREE HOURS a day commuting is a serious waste of time. Especially if it is too crowded to do any useful study. If it is that crowded it will be very tiring and stressful too. Is there no way to remove or reduce this burden.

To be more helpful we'd have to see a more detailed breakdown of where the time goes. 7 sleep, 1 schoolwork, 2 music, 3 commute. That is 13 hours. Where are the other 11?

And then there are weekends, unless schools is 6 or 7 days a week.


This problem keeps coming up on the forums ... that conventional school does not enhance the lives of their students, but often gets in the way of what they really love. Bottom line is that school is not there for the benefit of the individual students. Its purpose is to mould people to the form that the powerful aspects of society desires. It needs more obedient wage slaves than it does individual, fre thinking, independent musicians.

Well...if you really want to know!

7 hours sleep
3 hours commuting
8 to 9.5 hours school/school-related activities
1 hr meals ( 2 x 30 minutes...I understand that Japanese cram schools recommend 20 minutes but...)
30 minutes hygiene and grooming (2 x 15 minutes changing clothes, bathing etc)
30 minutes lost in daydreaming, getting out the door in the morning, helping set table, etc.
1 hr study/homework
1 hour theory
1-2 hr instrument practice, to cover rapid-progress piano practice, G. 8 guitar practice, post G. 8 violin...

Weekends - 1 hr theory lesson plus half-hour walk each way (or 10 minutes by maternal taxi...), 2 hr piano lesson ditto, church, 2-hr violin lesson plus similar travel. Oh yes, at least an hour or two doing maths with Dad. Other than that, usually a solid session on each instrument and the rest is theory, theory, theory.

Guitar lesson (weekday) also involves getting home at 7:30.

You can see how easily this deteriorates if problems such as "Can't find my socks" start.

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Wow! Know only too well where you are coming from and it's a difficult one.

My experience of school is fairly untypical but the use of school instruments except when it suits the teacher is not allowed. I appreciate some schools will be a lot more forward thinking and understanding.

We are in a very similar situation at the moment, the usual music exams are not a problem as by enlarge they are planned for and mostly the teachers accept that there will be some rotation. They are now used to me asking when the next exam is likely to be, not because there is a rush for it, the teachers we have at the moment are very understanding, there will be times when their instrument is main focus and others when it will be in the background.

I think if everything is happening together it's going to be very hard not to feel swamped. Emsoboe is struggling at the moment because of taking the GCSE music early and having 3 planned music exams, as well as on going work on other instruments. The GCSE is the problem rather than anything else and this is largely down to the fact most of the work is having to be undertaken at home, without any guidance from the teacher. It's a sort of teach yourself GCSE, nothing I do will change it so it has to accepted and got round.

The key will be breaking everything down into small chunks and getting one right before you tackle the next thing. Don't let him try to do everything at once. You may have to help him prioritise. Some of the stuff may remain untouched for a while but if you keep plugging away then you'll get round to it. You may not succeed in conquering everything but at least you will control what is being worked on. I'm encouraging the weakest areas to be tackled first, the thinking is that then everything might get to an even level and the weaker bits will hopefully help improve the stronger ones (hope this makes sense).

I know how you feel and I hope you can see a way through it all.

"Teach yourself GCSE"...yes that's the sort of situation we have here!

I'm sort of gathering my thoughts as Viohazard heads into the senior high-school part of his school from spring.

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Small chunks, and prioritising - this has worked well up to now, so the recent cracking pace on all fronts has been a bit of a surprise.

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I fear that you have an intractable problem here. School consumes half his waking life Mon-Fri, and getting there and back takes a big chunk out of what is left. You are already exceptionally well organized. Apart from major upheaval there is little that can be done.

Any young person these days that succeeds in doing something exceptional is going to have to do it despite the best efforts of the system to prevent them.

You'll get plenty of (deserved) sympathy here, but I doubt that there will be any solutions offered

I think you may be right...the problem is how to deal with it. And for Viohazard, how to deal with the lack of "dreaming time" , and how to believe that he will ever have a normal life again...

The most dangerous solution is to chip bits off him till he fits that composition student profile - drop both classical guitar and violin, and spend every waking moment on piano and theory. But while a pianist composition student we met was shocked that he would "waste his time" on instruments not required for exams, Viohazard has not been eager to give anything up.

However, while that sounds sensible on the surface (since the piano/theory demands are unavoidable and crucial) his two major instruments just at the point where he's ready to consolidate at a somewhat advanced level.

For example, he's already at the level required by Yamaha music schools for new recruit teachers for their adult classical guitar or violin students (beginners, I would hope!). Seems a pity to let that level slip too far, when he's unlikely to become a really accomplished pianist in the next couple of years.

My gut feeling is that you're right in not rushing to drop his existing instruments. Having said that you will have to work out a way that he can still make progress, even if it's slower than you would like, whilst going for his major goal.

Good luck!

It seems to me you have 2 choices - struggle on as you are, keeping all the balls in the air, and looking forward to the not too distant future when one or two things can be dropped, or make some tough decisions (ie drop something or do something about the commuting).

I have a similarly over-committed non-musical 15 year old, who is doing a ridiculous number of extra-curricular academic and other activities. I worry constantly about the treadmill nature of his existence, but he seems a happy little hamster on his wheel, and refuses to give anything up. At the end of the day kids are pretty resilient, and as long as they know they have your full support and are regularly offered a genuine opportunity to drop or take a break from something, they will be OK if they are doing what they want to do. Burnout does happen, but it sounds as though you are being sensible and will spot any problems early on.

Sorry no easy answers to this one. You live in a country with a fearsome work ethic and your sons have obviously picked this up from an early age! Life is never easy if you don't fit the conventional boxes, but the rewards will be there in the end. Good luck

How to deal with overcommittment is a topic that has become very close to our heart as our 15 year old daughter has had a breakdown due to driving herself too hard. Could we have avoided it? The psychiatrists seem to think the drive for success is within her - we never pushed her into any of it but neither did we say 'stop, you are doing too much'. She was also in her GCSE year and we didn't really acknowledge the importance of success in GCSEs to her.

She would be up early practising and took on 3 instruments although the 3rd was only ever meant to be for fun. She then went to a specialist music school so that there would be practice time during the day - but it is a competitive envionment and she has a zeal for competition. She will now hopefully have a more realistic expectation of what she can physically achieve and she will have learnt a lot about managing her life over the past 3 months. When it came to being a teenager I think she wanted time to just be a teenager as well. I think this is important and she must leave room in her life for it. Previously her life was so full of responsibility I felt she had grown up well before her time.

She is now returning back to her school life and all it contains. The adults in her life (including us) are now being more assertive in providing realistic boundaries to her ambitions. Of course, many teenagers do not go through this and I write it because your thread was asking for experiences and views on overcommittment and this is one side of it. However throughout our ordeals of the past few months i have discovered that teenage mental health problems are quite common - apparently high achieving teenage girls are particulary susceptible. Sorry to ramble on but I do hopw this helps some parents put things into perspective - and its certainly helping me get things off my chest!

Thanks for sharing your experience, interestedparent, because it's very timely. As SueHM says, some kids seem perfectly happy, so I guess the problem is not so much the time demands as the growing pressure - the last couple of months have included an awful lot of "You have to be at this level within x months" from every single teacher.

When the pressure builds up, he starts feeling torn between feeling burdened by music, and the fear that perhaps he's no good at anything except music. What you say about specialist music school sounds very believable to me - great for some kids, just a little too much of a good thing for others. Two of son's current teachers were most vehement that later was better for specializing...but then they pile on the work regardless.

I hear what you say about the 3rd instrument that is "meant to be fun"! That's the one that peers are interested in, and the one that school teachers constantly ask for. Although it's all extra work, it seems to me that teen musicians really, really need to be involved with other musicians.

His teachers are adamant that music-making with others can and must wait till later, and that study and technique are all he needs to pursue now. Anybody have a teenager (or IS anybody a teenager!) involved in bands or ensembles with friends?

Kids are so different, that at the risk of sounding like a wimp, I feel I have to say that THIS kid has a hard time with a certain type of pressure while THAT kid's comfort level is quite different.

My best wishes to Viohazard. He is a very dedicated young man, and I think he will go far in whatever he does. True that he might be missing out time with other young people now, but we can't have everything all at once, can we? I am sure he can spend more time with others, once his classical music training is complete. Rock bands, orchestras, music teaching, being an exam accompanist... all are within his reach. If music is his passion, he is lucky to have discovered it so early in life. I only found out now

I read some autobiographies of successful sportsmen, and watched a documentary of choir boys. It is true that they sacrificed friends and fun and teenage life, but they adapt as they grow, and become successful adults too.

I hope your sons are willing to discuss their thoughts and concerns with you, anytime, without the fear of being judged or disappointing you. Teenagers have so many things going on in their lives, so maybe they need some help to prioritise.

You surely do have a very committed child. My daughter has always played in ensembles and orchestras - some informal and fun, others more serious - although all of them have been directed by a teacher. She has made many friendships through them. It is because of this love of performance that she is willing to spend time practising technique - for her, it is the means to the end to do what she loves most. Of course technique and study are the most important aspects of becoming a professional musician. My daughter was not really taught technique seriously until she went to a specialist school and her 3rd instrument became her first study. We have been aware that by being taught so well she has real opportunities of succeeding with this instrument if she so chooses.

A possible tip during the long commute.

Use a ipod to listen to current repetoire or anything related to school work. My No 2 daughter had a long commute on Saturdays when she was a similiar age. She used her "walkman" to listen to a variety of work e.g. French, Science or Geography notes that I had recorded for her during the week. This is a technique used by dyslexic students and very useful.

Yes my children in particular the youngest, manages very well her music making with School work and exams. I dont know how she does it. But she doesnt play computer games, hang about, go to clubs or waste time. She does music all the time. Her friendship group are the same. They are in Orchestras, Bands and weekends are spent music making. When they go out they go to listen to concerts, if they dont have money they go to student concerts at RAM or Guildhall. They support each other's music making. At the moment as its half term, they are helping each other with their various A level compositions. I love listening to their individual input and laughter as it all comes together... never mind the toast crumbs dropping among my piano keys!

All her friends play orchestra instruments but the when they laugh and have fun it is with the rickty rock 'stratch' band that they have put together. An inexperienced drummer, a questionable bass guitarist and well dont mention the lead guitar. Only the keyboard player is competent in her instrument and well they just sing and shout. But they are all competent musicians in their instruments, usually string or brass, so it does eventually come together, about three or four songs sound familiar! As they transpose up or down from the CD, they are applying the techniques they have learnt. As they correct each other and themselves they are excited when they realise they actually are using the skills they learnt. As they help each other, they are reinforcing their own musicianship.

They are all taking A levels at the moment and all are top stream students taking four or five A levels. It is certainly possible, but I dont think she could have done it without her friends of similiar mind.

Good luck.

Does your daughter still play Flute, I assume she's continued with Piano. It must have been alot of pressure for her to get from zero to a position where Bassoon is her first instrument. My daughter plays several instruments but she hasn't really had any experience of going back to the beginning after being G7. I expect this wasn't an easy thing to do.

Is your daughter in her second year at the school now?

Thanks for your enquiries. My daughter is in year 11. yes she plays flute - still to a higher level than bassoon but she is better at bassoon. I think it is not too hard to take up a new instrument because when she picked it up she could immediately play grade 4 and 5 pieces. The trouble is she can't really maintain 3 instruments at a high level but she hates giving anything up. What instruments does your daughter play - it seems she must have a busy schedule.

My daughter will have a go at anything she can get her hands on She's about to take G7 on Oboe, G5 Piano, working towards G8 Recorder (with new teacher), G7 Flute and Sax somewhere on the horizon. With any luck before the end of this school year or at the start of next. That should relieve the stress of music exams whilst doing GCSE's. Not that she's planning to give up any of her instruments.

I agree that starting at the beginning on a new instrument isn't as daunting when you have already reached a high standard on another. Mine's similar in not wanting to give anything up.