I have had a lovely pupil for the last 6 years and I felt she had latterly been switching off.
Anyway, having tried to accommodate her with changes of lesson day so that she could do "Cheerleading"etc after school, her mother phoned at the end of last term to say the child was a bit bogged down with after school activities and could I give her a half term to see "how it goes", after which she would ring me and let me know.
Of course, I have heard nothing, so I have drafted a letter saying that I am assuming that as I have heard nothing, she is not carrying on but that I am a little disappointed that she left so abruptly without saying goodbye (they are really nice people which is why I am disappointed) and wishing her well in the future.
I can't believe that she expeced me to keep her lesson time open for a half a term.
What does anyone think about this situation before I post the leter!
Thanks
Barbara.

I sympathise first and foremost as I've been there myself! It's discouraging when one loses contact with pleasant pupils and parents. However, looked at in the cold light of reason, it's probably for the best. After all, if she's been losing focus and concentration lately then it's perhaps better to have a clean break now than let the pupil-teacher rapport suffer to the extent that you would want rid of her anyway. Perhaps the parents is embarrassed and doesn't want her to fritter her time away doing teenagey teenybopper things like cheer leading. Any delay may be more about the parent's hope for a change of heart than deliberate rudeness.

I've posted here before my thoughts about some teenagers who think that quantity of activities adds up to a fuller life. In the end most invariably regret such decisions to ditch music tuition and there's little which can be done but let them make their own mistakes and hopefully learn from them sooner rather than later.

You are very gracious in sending a letter of this nature. If you could bring yourself to leave the door open to her when she wants to return, then you would most certainly be going the second mile. She would be very fortunate to have such a caring teacher.

LR

I must admit, I would have made it clear that I couldn't afford to keep a slot open for half a term and would have filled it if possible.

I also find that once people take a break, they more often than not do not return. I agree with Lone Ranger in that you are very gracious to send such a letter ( I probably wouldn't) however I think that the wording sounds perfect in the circumstances.

I don't think anyone should expect you to keep a lesson slot open for half a term. Would she ask leaders of other after school activities to be similarly accommodating? You are quite right to send your letter. I had to send a similar letter a couple of months ago - adding a proviso that if the child wanted to resume lessons at any time in the future, I would be happy to continue if I had an available slot.

Post the letter!

Thank you Misterioso, that's what I was trying to say, but in my post Sunday lunch haze the words didn't come out accurately. Slot-permitting, then she is probably the sort of pupil you could easily accommodate in future, with her adolescent phase past her of course. A gracious attitude such as Barbara has taken will be more likely to result in a pleasing outcome for all parties.

LR

For all those people who kindly replied to my topic, here is the outcome.
I decided not to send a letter to the parent but phoned her instead. The child answered and said she had been busy because she has lots of school work and mummy wasn't in.
So I phoned again and spoke to the mother saying I hope all is ok and she said J had a lot of school work but she really wanted her to carry on and would have a word with her. I said fine but I need to know by the end of the half term.
I have heard nothing so I am now putting the matter behind me.
I was a shame to lose her so abruptly.
Never mind -you can't win 'em all.

I've come to the conclusion that if people like you they don't like saying that they have reached the end of the road. They don't in fact want to sack you. It has happened to me before in differing guises and it still smarts. You could still write to draw a line on it, but keep it friendly. You never know when they might bump into you, or be able to do you a favour, so make like Machiavelli and stay cool. They also might mention you to others looking for a teacher.

But if it makes you feel better do write and say lessons are over and wish them all the best. Chalk it down to experience, and never keep the lesson open without payment of a retainer or indeed full cost.

I would have rung, just as you did. I think at this stage, I would do nothing more. Mother is clearly fairly on the ball and so if child really wanted to carry on I feel she would have been in contact. If you have someone to fill the slot let them know next weekend and, as you say, move on.

This is probably about the long and short of it. It's not like a thunderbolt suddenly comes out of the heavens and somebody thinks, "This is the end of lessons." It's a gradual thing and isn't personal - but I know it hurts, because I've been there too. It hurts because the 'gradual thing' wasn't something that you were really aware of till it it had crystallised - obviously.

But things may change. Teenage years are fickle, and fads come and go. We hope, as music teachers, that what we instilled, while it may hibernate, will reawaken at some point - and if the pupil chooses you to come back to you, as a self-motivated semi-adult, it'll feel really good. This has happened to me once, and it is very special.

The reply is, "Yes, of course. Keep me in touch. Give her my best."

Then you book a pupil into her slot and forget about it. If, by any remote chance, the child happens to want to continue after the requisite few weeks, you fit her in somehow.

Anyhow.

Life is never easy.



I have had two like this just in the last two years.

Both had specific aims when resuming. The first achieved his - to take grade 8 before finishing school. The second is still achieving hers - a thingy on her D of E Silver Award Progress thingy.

Not sure where the second will end up, but the great thing; is she is still playing.

Mine just said, "Don't really know why I gave up; I love playing. Don't really know why I'm back; I'm still a ditherer."

But yes, at least she's still playing! I'm more aware now, though, of the fragility (is that a word....?) of it all. I know she's not there under parent pressure any more. I know she's not a hard worker. And I know she has tremendous ability. So I go with the flow. Some we win and some we lose - but my over-riding concern is that we enjoy. This pupil has really made me think! What actually is my job?

Hehe. To which my response would be, "Dither away as much as you want, just don't stop coming, ok?". Granted, this would require her to stop dithering, but I would be hoping she didn't notice.


Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YESS.

Enjoy them and they will enjoy you. Pupils reflect back what their teachers send out. Instantly. Without reserve.



Simple. Keep your pupils playing. Do this and everything good will flow from doing so. Fail to do this and nothing will happen. Nothing bad. Nothing good. Just nothing.