I have seen some dreadful posts here in the Teachers' forum. Some innocent questions have brought down horrific opprobrium on the poster's head. This led me to wonder how I could bring down such criticism upon myself.

How about this one?

You know those 'squashed notes' - the tiny ones with the lines through the tails? Are these spelled:

Acciacciatura?

Aciacciatura?

Aciaccatura?

Any combination of the above or some other.

Now, before some dipstick starts leaping up and down and demanding to know. "How can anyone be regarded as a serious teacher when s\he cannot even spell.........." let me establish my credentials:

Piano teacher for nearly 40 years.
Graduate of a major UK music college.
Recital soloist, concerto player and, latterly, over-worked accompanist.
Head of music at a 6th form college for 10 years teaching 'A' level music.
Now that 'A' level music corresponds so closely with AB grade 6 and 7 theory, frequent teacher of students for these exams.

I know a bit of theory, is what I am trying to say. Still can't spell the accy thingy, though, and have to Google it every single time. The blasted word just won't stick. I must remember to stick it on a card and post it on the wall in the music room.

So, join in the fun guys, and post the question you would most expect to bring mockery and scorn on your head here from some of the more unpleasant posters.

This is just too tempting...!

But you have the good sense to check its spelling with your pal Google. That doesn't count.

Damn. Mind you, to me 5 years ago a Google was a delivery in cricket and not the font of all knowledge (actually 'Googly' but non-cricketers will not care).

Ok, and not really in keeping with the tongue-in-cheek spirit of this thread, but here is just one of the many I am unsure of:

7/8 time. A bar has a quaver to start. The rest of the bar has to be filled with rests i.e. 3 crotchets strictly correct? 1 crotchet plus a minim? 1 minim plus a crotchet? 1 dotted minim? 2 dotted crotchets? Anybody here still cares? Anybody else losing the will to live?

you could just write 'REST' in big letters over the rest of the bar.

There isn't a difinitive answer to this. I would take other bars in the phrase as my guide when adding rests to irregular key signatures.

I am amazed that, as a teacher of almost as long standing as myself you didn't know this! (And yes, I am joking.)

I have all my music exams AND a degree from Cambridge in English (and Law) and STILL get my cs and ts all confused in 'staccato' (which must be worse than the acci-thingy).

Know what you mean about the rests. Can't stand 'beaming' either - basics are easy but it's a pesky bit of devil's work in my opinion.

P.S. what about grace note ?

And how do you know people in other countries pronounce it the same way?
I am forever getting caught out by Italian terms pronounced by French people (and have learnt to ask how it is spelt before saying I have never heard of the term).

I'm with you on the rests thing.

Seems to me (fwiw) that there are varying conventions in different publishers' works anyway, so committing to memory the detail of any one set of rules is fraught.

Funnily enough I've only just learned this ..... "achiaccckatoora", I'm reliably informed. I've been mispronouncing it for just 35 years or so.

I learned how to pronounce it more-or-less correctly as a child - from a book! - but always Anglicise the pronunciation now as a teacher. If you say each syllable separately it does help with the spelling.

As for the spelling I usually say to my pupils that it is similar to Mississippi: accI accA tura. I know it's nothing like Mississippi, but the way I remember it is similar.

I brought myself up to hide my ignorance and check myself. Not a method I would commend to anyone else.

There have been a couple of threads on the pronunciation of acciaccutura - this is the most recent but it has some useful links to a previous thread and sites which give the reasoning behind the pronunciation, eg the BBC web site which gives the pronunciation as at-chak-ka-toora

Also, you know what the word means, when and how it's used and (presumably) how to say it. So that definitely doesn't count. But if it helps, it has two double 'c's.

My question to make myself look useless as a teacher is 'how many quavers in a dotted crotchet?'

Or perhaps, how many music teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? (Any answers to this one?!)

hahaha...i have problem with this "Appoggiatura" too

Talking of grace notes, probably something on the lines of what is the difference between an appogiatura and a acciacatura?

OR When should trills start on the note and when should the start on the note above?

OR Business wise, how do account for all this money I'm receiving as so much is in cash?

OR Do I have to tell the Inland Revenue exactly what I'm doing?

before, on or after the beat?

To turn the tables, my favourite question to ask people is "how many beats is a crotchet?" You can almost guarantee that the answer will come back "One!" Aha ... now, how long is a piece of string...??

Nice ones, jod! The last 2 certainly wouldn't make you look useless as a teacher, but it might not be too clever to ask them on a forum that might be read by representatives of HMIR&C, so I'm glad you were only asking them hypothetically.

Now, as a graduate teacher of about a million years experience, and more diplomas that you can shake a stick at, I just love being asked questions, asinine or otherwise, because it gives me an opportunity to display my infinitely superior knowledge ( inserts emoticon for post-modern irony, for those who otherwise might find it difficult to spot). Anyone want to know the difference between a Neapolitan 6th and a German one? I'm your woman! (Similarly, dare I mention them, if there are any errant leading-notes with a poor sense of direction, I'll happily show them the way.)

Gaps in my knowledge? Yes, I have plenty. But, rather than 'The only stupid question is the one that doesn't get asked' ( patently untrue! If I take my car to the local garage saying there is a noise coming from the exhaust, I wouldn't expect the mechanic to ask to be reminded where the said exhaust might be located. I can also think of several questions that I hope my GP would not need to ask), I prefer 'Why keep quiet and risk appearing a fool when you can open your mouth and remove all possible doubt?. Or even 'A little knowledge is a dangerous thing'

And many thanks to Piano Doodler for asking such a fascinating question!

It is spelled like this:

crush note

Three - one to teach the theory, one to teach the practical, and one to do the accompaniment.

And my question: what is good taste when it comes to interpreting *insert genre here* music?

Whether it works at the end depends on the quality of the teaching

If you call three quavers together "triplets" do you call two quavers together "twins"?

Don't you need another one to slag off these three?

W

And another to tell the slagger to stop slagging?

That all depends on whether the new light bulb actually works when all the slagging stops and some one sane flips the switch.

Talking of light bulbs I have a silent fan light fitting in the music room with halogen bulbs. One blew, so I sensibly took the old bulb with me to find a replacement.

What a mine field. These halogen thingys all look the same. Anyway I was able to purchase a new one, but whilst looking bemused trying to find the right one, there was another lady looking similarly bemused.

The light is now working. I managed to select the bulb and change it ON MY OWN. There I was in my local John Lewis carefully trying to decipher the type of bulb and the correct wattage on a faded old burnt out light bulb. If anyone had recorded it on video, it would have looked hillarious.

I think this is a great topic too! On a slightly serious note, no-one can be expected to know everything - what makes a great teacher is a) not being afraid to admit you don't know and b) going to find out. Anyone who thinks they know everything even about a small topic, is stupid.............!!!!!!!!!
I for one have really appreciated the advice I have received here .....

And another to inform a moderator.

And perhaps another to provide said moderator with an alternative opinion as to who started the slagging.

And another to check that it's the right sort of energy-saving bulb, obviously amending the heat and light/ expenses part of the tax return accordingly.

The spelling of staccato caught me out for years, by the way; it actually looked wrong to me when it was spelt correctly. Another one was an accent over a note - does the pointy end point to the left or the right?

Don't start me on left and right D. I can't tell the difference. The only way I manage to navigate at all is by knowing I'm sitting in a passenger seat on the left side of the car. WHen we hire Left hand drive cars I drive my hubby crazy.

I'm considering moving my teaching throne seat from the right of the pupils to the left, having started wondering why, for years, I'm attempting to play their right hand bits with my left hand, when I'm used to being a secondo duet player and am much more adept at playing their left hand bits with my right hand.

(A rather random comment - sorry - so another question - what's that little number that appears above the odd barline? The numbers seem to increase as the piece progresses....)

For sure, you are discovering how many teachers it takes to change a light-bulb.

I'm not joining in - I caused too much of a ruckus in "What On Earth"

I'll just sit back and "lurk" on this one

No no no no no noooooooooooo. Leave the throne throne seat where it is. Playing easily with our left hand, a difficult passage our victim pupil is murdering with his/her right hand, is one of the few ways remaining we have of establishing any sort of superiority these days.

Once the cue ball is struck, the balls will do their own thing, no matter who strikes the cue ball....

None... you wait until your electrician student arrives for his/her lesson.




Or the reverse....

Actually I think I remember reading somewhere in the dim and distant past that we can only claim virtuosity in this respect if we're able to do it whilst stirring our coffee with the other hand.

isnt it dangerous to profess to know everything!! Makes you look....arrogant and I dont think I would want a teacher who tried to bluff their way out of a difficult/unknown question, think I would respect them more for honesty!

I agree!

I haven't posted for a long while but I read the recent thread(s) where this all started (one of which I note has now been deleted)......

I'm 'resigned' (for wont of a better word) to music teachers criticising parents and pupils (who incidentally provide you with your livelihood).

I'm appalled at how easily you can turn on your own - and with such venom.

What sort of message do you think this is sending out about the music teaching profession in the UK? At least I take it that you are a profession because it doesn't appear that way at the moment!

... which is of course on the shelf away from the piano, so you are correcting the pupil from memory.

Great! I'll try that one day and see what mess I make of my music room

Maybe I'll even try to put comments in the notebook at the same time.

...That is if I can remember my left from my right which I can't!

Ooh, ooh, I know this one!! It means that you use your right hand!


Or two - one to change the lightbulb and one to say "well done, now do that again from the beginning!"

Can some one tell me which one that is please?

You're wrong!!

It's the thing you need to draw ten of to pass GCSE Music

I can relate to that!

W

I used to have a 10 year old pupil who got confused about which was her left and which was her right hand.

The spelling of the word 'staccato' used to be my bete noire too.

I once saw a chap in a cafe in Montmartre improvising jazz (very well indeed) whilst drinking a coffee and reading the paper!

NB This is emphatically NOT a dig at anybody!

Words music teachers need to be able to spell:

Acciaccatura
Accompaniment
Accompanist
Accompany
Appoggiatura
Lose (as in 'please do not lose your music')
Loose (as in 'keep your wrist loose')
Practice (the noun)
Practise (the verb)
Rhythm
Separate (as 'practise with separate hands')
Staccato

Any additions?

Hehe. Pride and embarrassment prevents me detailing what I did to the word, 'crotchet' for years.

Did involve wool and a hook perchance?

I can only imagine!