I'm sorry that this isn't a cheerful post, I'm just so shell shocked by it all. Still numb really.

On top of dear Mum's death three weeks ago, I learned that my eldest cousin had cancer and not much longer to live.

He gave up his battle and died on Monday morning. This is so sad, especially as things were looking positive for a while.

Then half an hour after receiving the news of his death my sister rang to say that our dear dear Auntie Maisie was deteriorating. Maisie has dementia and Parkinsons, and we found a nice EMI nursing home for her a couple of years ago. My sister came down from Scotland and we visited her on Tuesday, and we could see that she is so very frail now.

Yesterday I got a call to say that she's in her final hours. I dashed over to be with her and left her late in the evening. She is clearly dying, she has that Cheyne Stokes pattern of breathing and is unable to swallow any liquid let alone food. She appears comfortable and not in any pain or distress, so the home are adopting the Marie Curie Liverpool Pathway method of care for her final hours. I am just about to go back over there again.

Maisie has no family other than my sister and I, so it is as though we are her sort of daughters. She is/was such a strong character, with a great sense of humour and I really can't believe we are losing her on top of losing Mum and cousin Anthony.

This is just so awful......

I can only agree with you Amber. As one of the younger members of your family you are going to be relied upon for strength, and I do hope you find it within yourself.

xx

Amber I really don't know what to say. You are not having an easy time of it at the moment.

Really sorry for all the loss you have experienced. Hope things get better for you soon

So sorry Amber. Thoughts are with you at this awful time. xxx

I'm so sorry to hear that Amber.
As I said to Barry, we seem to have so many forumite family and friends who have passed away this year, or who's health is failing. It was a hard time when we went through my Mum's passing. But to have three together, must be horrendous. I hope you dont have anymore for a long, long time

Amber I'm so sorry. What a sad series of events. Lots of thoughts coming your way

hugs xx

I can't express the sadness I feel for you. *hugs* to you Ambs, let me know if I can help at all

Right. I've made a sandwich to take with me today! (Yesterday I dashed off in such a hurry I'd only had breakfast, and so had nothing till I got home late evening).

I'm just off there now. Update from the Nursing Home is that she is pretty much the same as yesterday. She is such a strong person, a fighter, so I wonder if it will take longer for her/her body to give up than perhaps for other people?




Gerald, as I sat there yesterday I realised that when Maisie goes I will be the eldest member of the family. This is so unreal.

Amber, I am so sorry to hear all this.

Just be there for your Auntie, as you clearly are. It doesn't matter that she has dementia: she'll know who you are, and no matter what state she seems to be in, she will take comfort from the fact that you are there for her and that there are people who care for her and love her always. Your Auntie, as you say, is comfortable, she's not in pain, and she has the people she loves and who love her with her.

Take care of yourself, I know this is really hard. I'll be thinking of you and your sister.

That's a promotion that none of us wish for. I was in the same position when my Aunt died, but bless her she lasted until she was 6 weeks past 100 years.

Comfort yourself with the thought that there are many people on this forum who are thinking of you right now.

xx

Oh Amber I'm really sorry to hear what is happening around you just now.

I know we've not met but I am thinking of you and can only send you a 'virtual' *hug*.

deepest sympathies Ambs : thinking of you

me too
*hugs*

Am so sorry to hear your news Amber. Thinking of you at this sad time.

My thoughts are with you Ambs.Huge bear hugs coming your way.
Bev xxxx

So sorry to read this, what a terrible few weeks you have had.

Deepest sympathies.

How awful, Amber. I'm so sorry you're having such a sad time at the moment.

I'm so sorry to hear all this, Amber...

So sorry Amber. You really are having a rough time. Will be thinking of you - as will so many of us.

Sorry to hear the bad news.

Misterjay's and my thoughts and best wishes are with you

Sorry to hear about your sad news

Car Expert

I'm sorry you're having such a sad time, Amber.

Be kind to yourself x

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for your such kind messages. They are tonic to read.

I just got back from dear Auntie Maisie a short while ago.. I feel soo dazed and numbed by it to go straight to bed. Maisie died just before midnight. I was glad to be with her, and although I feel a bit shocked to have witnessed her ending, I felt it right to stay with her to that end. I had been in quite a bit of joint pain, but found a secret stash of Volterol and Nurofen+ at the bottom of my handbag, which helped to see me through.

The staff were great, and left us pretty much to ourselves. They made me toast and so much tea, I never want to touch a drop again! But they were kind and considerate, which I appreciated.

I hope I created a calm gentle environment for her with soft lighting, and gentleness and respectful touch.
I would also like to think I offered her comfort, support and tender loving care in her last day and evening. I was able to tell her how much she was loved by everyone. I don't know how much she was capable of taking in, but if any of it got through then that's great. Also just to have someone with her gently stroking her hand and head from time to time, and telling her that everyone loved her. Hopefully that brought her some solace.
She had spent much of her life on her own as a maiden aunt, so it just didn't seem right that she should have to do this last bit on her own. Or am I just an over-emotional silly sausage?

The images of her final hours and final moments are very fresh in my mind, and I suppose I am in shock. Hope I will be able to get some sleep soon, but at the mo it's all still going round in my head.
My clothes still smell of the sweet cloyingness of her room, I think I should change into something else.

I wonder if I am going to be ok to attend cousin Anthony's funeral in Bristol on Wednesday? Oh well, don't have to solve that one tonight.

I'll try and get some sleep soon. Feel a bit scared to, in case the images come flooding back. But I must reassure myself and the family that basically she was comfortable and in no obvious signs of distress.

Please please please let this be the last forumite tragedy for a long time to come.
My love and fondest thoughts to others going through similar at this time.

I'll say nite nite for now xxx

love and hugs
Ambs xxx

I hope you've slept well/are sleeping well Amber.

Aunt Maisie's last hours sound just lovely. When my mother died, although we knew she was terribly ill, the end itself was unexpected, and I got a call from the hospital at 3 o'clock in the morning when it was all over. I would have given anything to be with her. I'm certain that your being there for Aunt Maisie, and the atmosphere you created for her, made a difference.

Have a rest now, and think about Wednesday when you are ready.

x

Ambs, thanks for posting. I hope sleep came and was peaceful.

That's a most important and valuable thing you did for your Aunt Maisie, so you must never think otherwise. If my understanding is correct, hearing is one of the very last things to go. I feel quite certain she knew you were there and derived a lot of comfort from your touch and your voice.

But how drained you must feel. Now you must in your turn I think take comfort from the fact that you did the best thing anyone could have done for your aunt, and she no doubt returned your love even though she could not express that.

I hope you are able to have a quiet, peaceful day. No need to think as far as Wednesday for now!

My thoughts are with you and your family Amber.

Thank you for your support : I appreciate it very much.

Take care of yourself.

I really feel for you, Amber. You couldn't have done any more, and I hope the loving and peaceful end will be a comfort to you in time to come, just as I'm sure it was for your aunt in her final hours.

Maggiemay - what you said about hearing being one of the last things to go, yes I've heard that too.

Draw upon the strength of your family and friends, Amber, in the days ahead - they will all be there for you, as we are in our small way on the forum.

xxx

No Amber you are not a silly sausage Just a lovely lady who is very thoughtful. What a lovely way to go for Maisie.
Be gentle with yourself.
Bev xx

Oh, Amber... I'm so sorry. *hugs really gently*

Sorry, not able to write more just now - so will send big x

My thoughts with you today. I Know how you feel

X
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