Hi Mums, anyone had the awful phone call from a homesick daughter on music course 3 hours away?! She's on the national youth choir girls course and i expect is one of the youngest there. Ony three nights/4 days but fear it may all be too much. Any good advice on cheering her up? Only two more nights to go....!!

One of the school my kids went to banned calls home (except for emergencies of course) for this very reason - the kids tend to get upset and homesick when they hear Mum's voice. Chances are your daughter will have a great time anyway. Hard for you when you only have that call to go on - but remember she is getting some great experience on the course.....and it's character-building stuff!!
My teenage son is away for a week and has been regaling me with alarming tales of getting lost in Athens and ending up in a very dodgy area. *Grits teeth and takes deep breath* (See? it could be worse...)

I don't know about your daughter but my sons only call when they have a 'blue' 5 minutes - i.e. they're having a ball and then suddenly there's half an hour where they're bored and they can't think of anything to do so they call me and seem 'sad'.

If you're seriously worried about your daughter, call the person in charge.

If not, try and buck her up - and do tell her that nothing's going on at home, she's not missing anything ! My boys always seem happier when I report that life's really dull here, the washing machine's broken, whatever . . .

My daughter went away on a brass course last summer where she didn't know anyone and was the youngest there (age 11). It was her first time away from home by herself and we don't own a mobile phone so I showed her how to make a call from a phone box using a series of numbers which means it ends up on my home phone bill. The procedure is fairly complex so I also told her if she had a problem to ask one of the adults running the course to let her use their phone.

Anyway, we heard nothing from her and spent the four days (three nights) thinking she might be desparately unhappy, unable to make the phone box work and too shy to ask an adult for help. When we picked her up almost her first words were "the course was too short." When I asked her why she hadn't phoned she said she was having too good a time and I'd said only to phone if she was having a problem.

Not much use to you though, I'm afraid.

Oh no Clairh!
My daughter is usually VERY homesick.
Last year she went to NCO not really knowing anyone. The journey (3 hours in the car) to Yorkshire was grim, with tears much of the way. For this reason, I told her not to phone us. She had a mobile, but I said to just send texts. I agree with previous posters, the sound of Mum or Dad's voice is often too much. She sent about 20 texts a day until day 5, when she felt ok to phone.

My replies to her were all low key. I said that I was just working and sorting through boring things at home, so that we could have a good time together the next week.

She is back at NCO this week, but is much better about it this year.

Even at her most homesick, she enjoyed the music. It is the downtime, when thoughts of home can creep in!

Can you phone anyone in charge and tell them? Failing that, I would say no more calls, as hard as that is.

Violinma

I can't help much either as my daughter (12) generally refuses to consider any music courses that involve staying away from home, and we have never pushed it. It always astonishes me that so many other children even younger than she is go off so (apparently) happily.

At last, she has been persuaded to go to a National Youth Recorder Orchestra Course, which is for 5 days next week, so it will be interesting to see how that goes. Hopefully will be OK as one of her teacher's other pupils is going too.

I'd be really interested to know your daughter's final verdict on the Girls' Choir as this is something I have encouraged my daughter to audition for in the past.

My youngest son is on the parallel Boy's choir course and they seem to be very busy! Hopefully your daughter is equally distracted by lots of lovely new songs and enjoying being with others who really like singing.

Only one night now and the concert tomorrow, not long to go. Can you suggest some after-Concert treat for her to look forward to? We're off to eat at DS fave chicken and chips restaurant which he is pleased about!

Its a bit late now but in general the advice does seem to be that phone calls only make things worse. My daughter has been away on her own since very tiny (the later you leave it the more difficult it can be - there are students who can't cope with university because they've never been away on ther own).

That said the only time there did seem to be problems she was seven and in Switzerland but her French was still not fluent (although it wasn't the first time that she'd she'd been away in those circumstances) and the music teacher rang me at 9.45 pm on day 3... "problems". I never discovered exactly what this meant but daughter was in floods of tears, however, between the sobs I quickly realised that she was exhausted. Once she moved rooms to one with younger children (who being exhausted too, fell asleep the moment thier heads touched the pillow), was woken up half an hour later, and due account was taken of her lack of interest in evening actvities .. no problem. This experience does suggest that it can be difficult getting the balance right between enough activitites to keep them from thinking about home and too many leading to exhaustion and a fragile emotional state.

So I think that the moral of the story is that usually its just a case of getting used to being away, in which case the younger the better and no phone calls, but sometimes there is a real reason that can be resolved but if this is the case you are more likely (I think) to find out from the supervisor. That approach at least avoids upsetting telephone calls.

My youngest has been away several times with Brownies, Guides , schoiol and the Music Service. only once did she ring upset and that too was down to lack of sleep. She doesn't do late nights well, though early mornings are not a problem.

Hope your daughter has settled down and is enjoying herself.

Wish they had never invented mobile phones! Sure she's only wobbly when she hears my voice. I have spoken to one of the ladies in charge and she is keeping an eye on the younger ones - says she seems fine!! Expect it was the fear of learning a Hungarian song by heart that pushed her over the edge! Looking forward to the concert tomorrow, nothing like a day out in Birmingham!!




Thanks everyone, don't feel so guilty now! Think she is just tired and am regretting her taking a mobile, fear it makes it worse. Am sure she will come home smiling tomorrow..

All my kids have been going away for short and long courses since the age of seven so I am familiar with some of this and yes I agree with others that the phone calls only make matters worse. By the time you decided to do something the 'crisis' is over. If there is a REAL emergency the staff will contact you.

I staff nearly a hundred children (age 7 - 18) on a fortnight camp every year (under tents in a field) and mobile phones are strictly forbidden! (Yes we check) Why this dependency on phone calls? Trust the staff and if necessary write a post card and send it on the day of departure so that the child gets it within 24 hours of arrival.

Better still send a 'sweet' parcel. (Doesnt have to be literally sweets). I know it costs more to post than the contents, but is very effective. But make sure that there are enough goodies for all the kids in his/her dorm / tent. There is nothing nicer than staff calling out your name saying that the postman has brought you some thing . I did this even when my kids were on GCSE Geography school trips in Wales or in Tunbridge Wells and the French trip to Paris!

As a footnote my No 2 daughter went on a Raleigh International to South America, as part of her Gap year. One of the girls cried for a 10 days! This girl missed home and had never been away from her parents in her 18 years. In the end she was so hysterically homesick, they sent her back home to the UK. This involved a member of staff having to spend two days getting her back to Santiago and rearranging her ticket!

I've had experience both of short trips away from home without parents (PGL holidays, etc.) at primary school age and of being a 'boarder' at school. It never occurred to me to be homesick when on holiday as I was only away for a week. I wasn't especially homesick at school either, although it's a different kettle of fish being away from home for up to seven weeks at a time, with all the anxieties of school life.

I don't suppose it would help to stress that the days will go by very quickly - sometimes children don't have a very clear concept of time passing. Just a thought...

I do think there is a difference between the child who gets homesick on hearing a parent's voice, and one who is upset all the time throughout a course or trip - and some do just mature later than others. The trouble is, the job of a parent is to set individuals out into the world who can be self-sufficient and hopefully useful members of our community, and part of the process does involve stretching apron-strings a bit, whilst still letting kids feel that home can be a safe and welcoming place to come back to. There are no concrete answers to this one - some families regard it as abhorrent to send primary aged children off to boarding schools, others see it as necessary or desirable, and by the age of twelve or fourteen most kids in our culture will have at least been offered the chance to go away from home for a short while. I think it is probably important to get them to try out such experiences, especially in bigger school groups, because their peer groups do become so very important to them in their teen years, but also to listen to them if they have been too upset by the process and think about deferring a repeat until they're ready if they've had a bad time. Most kids do in fact benefit massively from such experiences - it can be scary for parents to see the maturation in their offspring in such short periods of time, but it does help increase confidence and self-assurance. Ours is a close family, but our children have both blossomed in their trips away, and are now evolving into much more autonomous individuals .

Yes, it could. My teenage son was away on a school Classics trip and phoned home on day 3 to say he had been robbed on the metro (Health card and half his euros).

Some years before that, the other son phoned home from a Scout camp because there had been flooding in the area. They were each allowed one call so that their parents would know they hadn't drowned!

On her first trip with her orchestra, my (then) 12 year old texted me from Brussels - "call me, urgent". I went into panic, rushing to the bottom of the garden to get a signal, heart pounding as I got the ringing tone. When I got through, I enquired what the great emergency was, only to be told "you can see my bra strap through my white concert blouse".

same. CYO courses are a bit hyper at nights. I only missed my mum a bit on the 4 day CYO course though. Not enough to be homesick.

Claireh, did you daughter enjoy the course though?

Hope so!