My younger (nine and a half year old) daughter has been attracted by wind instruments for a long time but didn't really know which one and was too small anyway. Initially (for over a year) she wanted to play a bass clarinet and was adament that she did not want to play an ordinary clarinet. At that stage she was physically too small even for an ordinary clarinet so I didn't pursue the matter. Then about six months ago she decided that she wanted to learn the flute. I thought she might still be on the small side, made enquiries anyway but was told there would be no vacancies until September.

Last week, to my great surprise (since she has always said that she hates the sound of my oboe playing), she came out of her music theory lesson saying that one of the other pupil's had brought his oboe in and she loved the sound and wanted to play that. She kept asking if she could try mine so I asked my teacher if he could give me an easy reed for her and she can now play the beginning of "Au Clair de la lune" on it. This week she asked me to ask my teacher if he could find 15 minutes to give her a quick lesson which he has agreed to do next week.

I am in two minds as to whether to encourage her to have oboe lessons of her own or whether to try and steer her towards the flute or the clarinet. I do actually have a flute and a clarinet at home and have let her have a go on both but she says she prefers the oboe. Part of me thinks that this is because the clarinet reeds are too hard for her and the flute is difficult to get a sound out of straight away and also because I don't play them well enough to be able to explain to a beginner what to do.

She is a perfectionist who is lacking in self-confidence and who has a tendency to give up if she can't do something perfectly straight away. She already learns the piano, which I also play, and she often gets frustrated saying that she is hopeless because she can't play as well as me. I have tried explaining to her that at her age, I wasn't as good as she is but this is adult logic which is beyond her.

I think she would be better with her "own" instrument on which she could be better than anyone else in the house (on the clarinet and flute I can't do much more than play a simple tune) but she says it doesn't matter and she wants to learn the oboe.

Any suggestions anyone?

Let her have a go at oboe especially as you already have one. she can always change to Clarinet or FLute later if she doesn't like it. It may actually help that you can play as she will have support. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I agree with notmusimum that it can be quite useful to have some knowledge of your child's instrument. You'll be able to ensure that she doesn't fall into bad habits in the early days, because you'll know whether what she's doing is right, as you do for piano. As it's she who is clamouring to learn, rather than you who are suggesting it to her, I'd let her try oboe for a while and see how it goes.

I don't think it will be a bad thing for her to realise that becoming as good as her Mum will require a lot of hard work. And one day you may have the great pleasure of realising that your child has become more proficient at the oboe than you are.

I would let her try oboe - maybe piano just isn't going to be her main instrument. If she likes the sound and really wants to try, go with it for now. Of course kids change their minds, but I think it is important to be open to possibilities and capitalise on enthusiasm whenever it appears. Just because piano has been a bit of a struggle, doesn't mean the same thing will happen with oboe - maybe it will turn out to be "her" instrument. My sister never liked piano very much, but did very well on the oboe, which she learnt second..

If oboe is what she wants to try I wouldn't let the fact that you also play put you off.

My daughter and I both play recorder and she has lessons with the same teacher as me. She started lessons when she was eight, I think, at which time I'd been playing for about 4 years (having previously played as a child myself). I don't remember her ever being remotely bothered that, initially, I played better than her, but she was already playing the cello and having singing lessons by then, and these were certainly not activities in which the rest of the family were likely to join!

Anyway, of course, four years on, she now plays very much better than I do, so perhaps your daughter will overtake you faster than you both think!! We have found that it is nice to have this shared interest. We can understand each other's playing problems and, as she has got bigger, we have done lots of recorder related things together - playing days, residential weekends and the like.

This is what I'm dubious about. As I said, she has always said she didn't like the sound of the oboe until she heard a child her age play. He is not one of my teacher's better pupils and doesn't have a particularly nice sound but on the other hand, given that as a beginner she is going to sound like this boy rather than me perhaps that is a good thing now and she might change her mind about what is a "nice" oboe sound later.

A girl her age also played the flute in the same lesson and my daughter said she didn't like the sound she made, although she does like the sound of the flute when played "properly" (as she put it). So I suppose this might be a source of frustration for her as she may well not like the sound she produces initially.

She hasn't heard any children playing the clarinet.


It's not the piano so much as the teacher which is a problem. She doesn't like her piano teacher at all (but we were informed that said teacher is leaving at the end of the year and she will have a new one in September ). She can actually play very nicely considering her age and her teacher's lack of direction and I think (as I have told her repeatedly) that, if she keeps at it, when she is older she will be a better pianist than me. She has a very good ear, can play from memory without a problem, is interested in experimenting with touch to achieve different effects and also has a "presence" when performing which I don't have. (Her sight-reading is appalling but I hope that will improve with time when she realises that it can actually be useful).

Playing Oboe may be helpful with this, she will probbaly find it easier to sight read a single line and that might help with confidence on the piano.

Hope you both enjoy the learning experience

Am I very much mistaken when I think I read a post from you which said you'd always wanted to play the oboe but had been pushed down an alternative course as a child and only got your opportunity as an adult?? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?)

Anyway, If I am right, Do you want the same for your daughter? I appreciate your hesitation and the reasons for it but there could also be many positives (as other posters have said): You know and understand the instrument so can perhaps advise more easily if she is finding something difficult, You could perhaps duet together (initially with teacher/pupil style duets and maybe at some point in the future on a more equal footing), maybe attend the same wind band etc. If you are happy with her to use your instrument for the short term you will not have a financial outlay above lesson costs so what have you got to lose? Encourage her, let her have a go and see how it goes. If she's mature enough could you not discuss your concerns with her and guage her response? Let her know that if she decides the instrument is not for her you will support her in learning an alternative and that if she decides that it is you will support her as much as you can.

She may change her mind about the oboe but if not she may have wasted precious time and money on something else that she doesn't really want to do.

All the best whatever you decide.
Do let us know how she gets on.

You're right that was me and I think this is one of the reasons why I am hesitant. I always knew I wanted to play the oboe. My daughter just wanted to play a wind instrument (any wind instrument) and until last week said she disliked the sound of the oboe.


I am not prepared to let her use my instrument if she has lessons (although I have let her try it under close supervision). It is a full professional model (therefore expensive and fragile) and I think she's still too young to be sufficiently careful with it. It is in any case unsuitable for her because of its weight and she would find it easier with one that didn't have little holes in most of its keys. This was also the only thing that bothered my daughter about learning the same instrument as me - she wants her own oboe as she feels she already has to share my piano.

Lessons won't cost anything because the second instrument is free at the music school. And this is another reason why I am a little hesitant - they are not over keen on children changing instruments so I would really like her to make the right choice now.

If I may just add my own experience here. At 9 I played recorder, was from a family where apart from the guitar, in a not particularly advanced capacity, no musical instruments were played. My Dad had taught me to read music and my Mum had played recorder in the past but as she said "missing out all the sharps and flats" So I had very little experience of music and different instruments. I had given no real thought to playing an instrument apart from the recorder when i was approached through school, in my mother's presence, and asked if I wanted to play clarinet. Reasons: Because I was big enough to have the hand span, played descant and treble recorder and had shown that I'd practise. My answer: YES!! I didn't have a clue what a clarinet was!!!!! Not sure I even knew it was a wind instrument before that And I certainly had no idea how it sounded.

But it's worked out for me. I love the clarinet sound and even though I have dabbled with and enjoyed playing a number of other instruments the clarinet remains my first and real love

So, your daughter is more clued up than me even if it seems she's changing her mind.

Ultimately, you know your daughter best and this is just my 2p for what it's worth but it's possible she may have to really give something a go to see if it suits her as you don't really know how it suits until you try. Seems a good idea to start with something she appreciates the sound of. However if you feel this is another whim maybe it's time to sit down and really talk about what she wants (i'm sure you prabably are doing anyway ) All the best.

When I wanted to start playing the oboe, aged about 9, I was advised to play the descant or tenor recorder until I was 11 and then switch because of the headaches I might suffer from playing a double reed instrument whilst so young. I followed the advice and my interest did not wain in that time. I loved playing the recorder, knowing it was leading towards me playing the oboe, and I loved the next five years that I spent learning the oboe. Was the advice I was given a red herring (or a way for my parents to put off the cost a bit longer)? If not, has it changed since?

I think it's probably partly cultural. In France children are not encouraged to learn the recorder first - it is seen as an instrument in its own right and my teacher has children as young as seven starting the oboe.

I'm sure you're right about her needing her own instrument. Your professional oboe wouldn't be suitable or desirable. I recall from the thread about "beginner oboes" such as the Rigoutat Initiation you mentioned that these were used in France as rental instruments in school. Could you not rent one of these for a try out?

I don't see how anyone, child or adult, can reliably make the right decision without trying. I think you should let her have a go at the oboe.

Is one of your worries the fact that - based on the piano experience - she will mind not being able to play as well as you, which will discourage her? Would it also be worth sitting her down and saying that you are worried because of how upset she gets about the piano playing and that you don't want the same thing happening with the oboe? I also understand your concern that she seems to have come to liking the instrument after hearing the other child play, but could it also be a sudden realisation that this is an instrument that a child can play? Having her own instrument, I'm sure, would make a huge difference. Good luck

In reply to Pushpull. The music school lets you try the instrument for a month at the start of the school year and you can stop any time within that month. But if you decide the instrument is not for you and you want to try something else you have to wait until the start of the next school year which, when you're nine, is an awfully long time.


I think you might well be right here in all your points. I am worried that she will see me as impossible competition rather than comparing herself with other people her age.

However, last night we listened rather randomly to flutes, clarinets and oboes on Youtube. She loved the child oboists but was not keen on the child flautists and clarinetists (although she liked the adult ones). When I said to her that the adults' sound was what she ought to like in an instrument, she said "I might well do when I'm an adult, but right now I'm a child."

Anyway, I'm taking her for a quick lesson with my teacher on Wednesday and I'll play it by ear from there.

You'll be able to adjust reeds for her without waiting for the next lesson

What, no bassoons????!!! I realise if she is still small it might be a bit early, but perhaps she could be encouraged towards the deeper end of the double reed family, especially if the music service can provide a mini-bassoon to start with...

Actually, I do feel for my daughter who plays piano and violin, the same as me, (plus has an irritatingly talented older brother on the piano too) - she did want to play the harp as well when younger but I could never justify the extra hassle and expense....

And yet you're suggesting the bassoon?!

There's something in that, you know! I recall having a similar conversation about violin tone, use of vibrato, dynamics yada yada with Viohazard many years ago. It made me wonder whether kids sound less "sophisticated" not only because the "masterly" adult sound is out of their technical reach, but because they don't like it. By the same token, Viohard really, really liked listening to boy choirs when he was around the same age as the singers. So peer examples may be a better indicator of the instrument's appeal for your child than seems likely to an adult listening with adult tastes and expectations.

As for whether or not early tastes change - Viohazard started classical guitar "by accident". He really wanted to play a large type of samisen (Japanese banjo, played with a huge plectrum), but he used the word for the Japanese lute instead. Utterly unable to think of any way to arrange (or pay for) lessons on the lute, I suggested classical guitar...he enjoys guitar in its own right now, but his love of tsugaru samisen has not changed in 8 years.

So, yes, if it's oboe she wants to play, and it's practicable, why not?

The music school doesn't teach bassoon. And I must say that given elder daughter plays cello and trombone I am looking forward to a nice little, light instrument

Yes (sorry to jump from one point to another in a confusing way) - my middle child plays that as well as the piano, daughter piano & violin, eldest son trumpet (retired...) & guitar, me piano, violin, bit of classical guitar. In a way it is a pity my daughter doesn't have an instrument unique to her

Daughter is now the proud possessor of a simplified "Initiation" oboe (on loan for a month). She can play all seven notes on it, "Au clair de la lune" and "Mary had a Little Lamb" (and tomorrow says she's going to try "Twinkle, Twinkle little star").

She is very loud and very quacky but she is very happy with the sound she's making which, I suppose, is the main thing

Emsoboe was nearly 10 when she started and your daughter osunds very similar in attitude. I remember her being so proud when she could play her first few notes She even took it to school, her Primary Teacher at the time was lovely and managed to say all the right things. It must have sounded awful

Hope your daughter continues to enjoy it!

I'm glad she's so pleased with it, kerioboe, and hope she continues to enjoy it. It sounds as though she's building up a good repertoire already

All the best to her. Hope she continues to enjoy it. Do keep us updated

Just to clarify, the bassoon comment was a reference to the cost. (If a harp was too expensive)...

There was a thread here recently from a parent trying to find a way to purchase a professional level bassoon... the costs were truely astounding.

Hi Tamsin

A second-hand bassoon as a second instrument (after piano) with music service lessons available at school is one thing and was quite manageable, moving on to a new Schreiber instrument at Grade 5 plus where talent and commitment were evident. Looking into full-size orchestral pedal harps as a third instrument for a child who doesn't practice enough anyway, with no obvious local teachers, the transport difficulties ... lets just say I would have needed more persuasion that she was desparately committed.... I've just looked at the prices of second-hand pedal harps and they are all more than we paid (5 years ago) for a new bassoon which is still going strong for post-grade 8, uni orchestra etc.

Now if you want a contrabassoon you would be talking about very scary amounts of money. It has been quite alarming accommodating the occasional borrowed contra in the house!

All the best to kerioboe (junior) with the oboe by the way - I heard a young oboist playing the "swan lake" solo recently with a school orchestra and it is refreshing to have a change from the ever-popular clarinets & flutes

1stviolin

Sorry if I'm coming in a bit late on this thread, it's great to hear that your daughter is taking up another instrument. Your post caught my eye as a violin playing mother of two violinists...... with the added complication that I am also a violin teacher.

My experiences have been very, very different with these two, also both girls. Daughter no 1 was very interested in my violin from an early age but I didn't want her going for my own main instrument early, before she'd had much experience and exposure to other instruments. As she's my first I was also very nervous about teaching her myself so instead she went for piano lessons with another teacher. After a couple of years she still wanted me to teach her the violin which I did until senior school by which time the whole mother/daughter/teacher/pupil thing had got a bit much for both of us and she moved to another experienced local teacher. She has become a very reasonable (county standard) violinist, however piano is very much her main love. She is a very independent individual and I suspect, although I will never know for certain, that that is as much to do with the fact that she sees it as 'her' instrument rather than anyone else's in the family.

By the time daughter no 2 (child 4) came along and was adamant that I should teach her the violin I had given up on any preconceptions of whether or not I should teach my own child my own instrument and simply went for the easiest/cheapest/hands-off approach, which was to encourage and guide her playing and teach her informally myself. This has been very rewardingly successful for us both as she continues to make fantastic progress AND we are still on great speaking and duet-playing terms even though she is soon to become a teenager. I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons daughter no 1 now plays the piano a lot more than the violin is as much to do with her younger sister's enthusiasm and progress on the violin as anything directly to do with me. This one tinkers on the piano (and many other instruments besides) but her heart - currently - very much belongs to her violin.

I'm sorry if this is a bit of a long, rambling post, it's probably something to do with the time of night! What I think I'm trying to say is that every child and every situation is different, even in the same family - a child will probably want (at some stage) to feel that an instrument is their own special 'thing' , but that can still be the same instrument that others in the family play if they feel strongly enough about it.

Very best wishes to you both - I hope you can find ways of having fun with the oboes which can bring you close as mother and daughter.

(regardless of what anyone else in the family thinks about the noise!!)