I'm intrigued that it should be seen as polite to strike up conversation with someone who has no inclination to do so, and that those who wish to keep to themselves might be regarded as behaving in a rude or uncivilised way - it's not that someone like myself is snooty, just shy, and really only comfortable talking to a small circle of people: approaches from complete strangers then are discomfiting, and to me feel like invasion of my privacy. Aquarelle's description of the social greetings in shops and waiting rooms is a different matter - it's a clearly defined formula (though where I went when on holiday in France, I noticed that the menfolk came first in the greeting, which was a very swift "bonjour, monsieurdame", all squished up .), and has a stock reply, which requires nothing further. The problem with the "how are you?" is that it appears to need a considered answer, and means that one has been asked to decide how much is appropriate to say, from "fine thank you" through a brief discussion of the weather and the economy, to a detailed history of the last week. For me it's not so much the social effort required as the fear of getting it wrong, and for that reason I'd rather be left to my own devices.

That causes a dilemma, of course . How on earth are we to tell ahead of time who wants complete strangers to strike up chat, and who wants to be left in peace?

I remember a hilarious discussion in my advanced German class, which was mainly populated by international students. We were reading about German interview ettiquette, and got sidetracked onto a discussion of English traits such as asking "How are you?" while being polite, without expecting a remotely detailed or truthful answer.

The majority of the international students in my class had never been enlightened as to this perculiarity of English polite conversation, and all thought that a detailed medical history / "No, I had a dreadful day!" / etc, were perfectly acceptable answers (some were mortified when they thought about the things they had disclosed when faced with this greeting)...They felt better after I explained that the more cynical of the English felt the same way!

So what would the German response be to "Wie geht's"? Or the French to "Ca va"? We have another thread in the cafe about how delightful the English language was in Jane Austen's day but seem to get hot under the collar when someone uses a traditional English greeting such as "How do you do?" or "How are you?"

I'm lost

"Ca va?" is only really used with people you know quite well (my oboe teacher, for example, uses it quite often instead of "bonjour") and I usually just repy "Et toi?

I would be shocked if a shop assistant said "Ca va?" to me and I can't imagine them saying "Comment allez-vous?" either.

It bugs me but I use the bog standard 'fine, thanks and you??'
What annoys me more is the shop assistant down the road is the nosiest person I've ever met and always askes me personal things. To top if off her son told me I look old!!! I'M YOUNGER THAN HIM! He's like 28 and I'm only 24 but because I had a kid he said I was older... cheaky!!!

In France you can tell you're getting old when shop assistants start adressing you as "vous" (instead of "tu")

Sounds a bit threatening that one... as if they know something you don't

I remember in Japan the sales assistants shout "Irrashaimase!" as you come into the shop, but then they tend to leave you alone to browse... (or certainly did when I was there 10 years ago...) In Thailand on the other hand they used to follow us round the shop jabbering away and pointing to things etc etc and it was very intimidating....... hated it......

I hope they use a hankerchief.

Having started both threads... I'd say that is a bit simplistic. It's about the context - not whether you think the phrase 'how are you' is acceptable per se, as a collection of words! It's more about whether people understand the nuances of different types of social interaction. No matter how delightful language is, you still need to think about who you are speaking too, or even the most delicate of words become a blunt instrument.

A sincerely meant "How are you" or a conventional greeting when you meet someone is no problem.

The problem is when the unspoken, but obvious, subtext is: "Actually, I don't really care how you are, but I have to say something to start the conversation before I can sell you something"

... especially when your body language is screaming "I want to be left alone".

An interesting thread! After taking early retirement from my real job, I now work in a large garden centre, selling garden buildings. Our management insist that we talk to everybody who enters the site, and gave us a list of suggested openings.

However, one of my mottos is to treat people as I would like to be treated, so I never impose myself on folk. What I do try to do is to greet all comers, and make up my mind whether they actually want to be spoken to, or left alone. This approach seems to work, as our sales figures are pretty good!

The bottom line is that I am long enough in the tooth to know when and how to ignore/interpret instructions from above, whereas less experienced retail staff are encouraged to toe the party line at all times.

It's a bog standard greeting to a customer in Japan they also say goodbye to you when you leave the store It's the same in the US (or the parts I've been too) They always say 'hi' as you come though the door and 'see you again' when you leave. They actually have paid greeters to do this. It's more customer based. But they leave you to browse which I like. They are told in walmart only to aproach customers if they look confused or lost.

Yes, I think that's hit the nail on the head. The context of a shop assistant saying 'How are you?' is the equivalent of me saying 'Two pints of milk please' to a total stranger on the street. Neither remark has any meaning.