It seems as though in the last few years shop assistants, especially in clothes and shoe shops, have been told they have to engage every customer in conversation whether they want it or not.

I’m not talking about the natural spontaneous contact that comes about if you catch somebody’s eye and smile/say hello, or if you ask for or are offered help. Instead they feel they have to say hello to every customer coming in even if they are across the other side of the shop and/or talking to a friend already, regardless of how small/large or busy/quiet the shop is.

I was in Hobbs this lunchtime, it was very quiet so I could hear the same sales girl going round trying to engage all the customers in conversation. She eventually started trailing round after me, commenting on everything I looked at, while I ignored her, and eventually I said, perfectly politely, ‘I’m fine just browsing thanks’. She replied ‘I just thought I’d comment’ – at which I had to reply (again politely) ‘I don’t know why shop assistants think they’ve got to talk to everybody, but it’s actually a bit off putting.’ To which she replied, in a very primary school voice, ‘aah, that’s a shame.’ I left fuming, thinking yes it was a shame she lost a sale.

There’s a health food shop near me where I buy lunch, there’s always a long queue so I hear the same girl asking 20 customers ‘How are you?’ though I’m sure she doesn’t care how they are or have time to hear about it. A couple of times I’ve just replied ‘good, thanks’ at which she’s looked really affronted that I didn’t return the question. Yet although I go in there every day, they ask each day whether I know about their new health spa – so clearly they don’t remember faces well!

I know this makes me sound really grouchy – I’m not against normal politeness and pleasantness, and some shop assistants talk to you in a way that’s genuine and spontaneous without putting you on the spot, and in some specialist shops you would expect to be greeted with queries about what you require. But with some (big chain stores mostly) it’s just so obvious they have a mental note of ‘talk to the customers so they will buy more’ which has come from Head Office and apart from the fact that it’s counterproductive, it’s so fake!.

Please somebody tell me I’m not the only person who finds this annoying?

No you're definitely not the only person!! I've had that experience many times, and always in the same shop... They're lucky they sell nice clothes.

I don't think it's their doing though, because ALL the assistants were the same. The boss must have told them to do it, to be TOO nice.

I have been known to say ' just looking thanks - and then rather pointedly IF that's ok!'

But even more annoying ( I find) is the impersonal 'you ok there?' which is predictable now and seems almost offhand. I normally turn this round (not in busy queues I haste to add) by replying 'I'm fine thanks - how are you?' which of course was not what they meant at all. Reactions vary from nothing, to a laugh, to a surprised look, or even 'oh thanks for asking ...'

My daughter thinks I'm a liability.

I don't go shopping very often and when I do, it is to just browse and look at the pretty fabrics and imagine that I might have the money to buy them or opportunity to wear them.

It's really always just a mindless, no thinking, head clearing browse fro me when I go round shops, an hour or 2 to take a break from the stress of life but the women trailing me and asking me questions about things and commenting on what I pick up destroys my reverie!

I'm always a bit careful actually, I remember returning an "I'm fine thanks, how about you?" once and getting some horror story about how she'd been ill and how she was going through a break up.. I was a bit "What the ######??!"

oh dear! yes - I guess it could unleash a whole life-story!

That's precisely why I don't like shop assistants saying 'how are you?' Maybe I should tell them how I am, in great detail, and put them off asking it for life!

Yes agree they've been told to do it by their bosses - some are clearly a bit uncomfortable with it.

You have to see it from both sides though. Those same shop assistants get mystery shoppered every so often, and loose marks if they don't 'toe the corporate line'. My sister used to work for a stationers, where everytime they answered the phone, they were supposed to list the current special offers. As you can imagine, no one did this, as it just led to irritated customers... but then, every mystery shopper, they'd get told off for loosing those 'points'.

Its a shame, because good customer service isn't remotely difficult. Its easy to spot a customer wanting help, and its easy to engage in polite trivial conversation (up to a point, when you're dealing with the 20th 'clever-witty' customer that day, it can get a bit tiresome).

Perhaps we all just need to shop in smaller independant stores, where the customer service comes naturally, rather because of company policy and staff training/cloning.

It is just you!!

All shop assistants are helpful, endearing, and genuinely concerned about their customer's well-being

My answers to the standard "How are you?" include:

"Miserable as sin"
"At death's door"
"Been better"
"How long do you have to listen?"
"Why would you care?'
"Gosh you are beautiful"
"I am suffering existential angst"
"Isn't it a bummer being mortal"
"Do you think matter-energy or consciousness is the primary stuff of existence?"
"Meet me after work and find out"
"Not as good as 25 years ago"
"Je ne parle pas anglais"

Most of which earn a look of bewilderment.

or - more recently I've been using

"Ik spreek geen Nederlands", quickly followed by "Ik spreek geen Engels either" when the assistant switches to my Native language. Pretending to be Finnish though ("Minä en puhu englantia") is usually quite safe.


I quite like to be greeted with something like "Good afternoon, would you like any help?" To which I can reply,

"Yes I am looking for a ... ", or "No thanks, I am just looking", or "I'd like a refund for this faulty gizmo that you sold me last week"... or "Well, there is this heavy chest of drawers I need to get upstairs ... " ...

It was funny when I was in the US...
Whenever I bought something, the shop assistant would go through the normal stuff and it would end with a 'thank you'. To which I would always respond with a 'thank you' - just habit, they thank you for buying, you thank them for serving.
But every time I did this, they would say something like 'oh, you're very welcome' in a very surprised tone. I dont' think they were used to customers thanking them for anything!!

Though interestingly, I noticed this in Philadelphia, when I was in North Carolina I didn't notice it (maybe I did less shopping there!)

The one I dislike is "have a nice day", meaning, errrr, well, not a lot really...

I do think that there is a very clear difference in demeanour between the customer puzzling over things who might need help, the one who is idly browsing, and the one who very much doesn't want to engage with anybody - maybe, as has already been said, it's just a case of better training for staff to spot the differences. Okay, so staff want if possible to make a sale, but it is also true that someone trying to browse in peace (who may still represent a potential customer) may well be put off by an intrusive approach.

I think the same goes for other situations too - I find being chatted at on public transport very uncomfortable, but also don't like giving out the vibes of discomfort in case I upset the other person, so maybe we could do with some basic people-skills training in schools?

Yes, it's sooo annoying! What's more annoying though is angry looking shop assistants hovering around me, because I'm a teenager and supposedly going to try and steal something.

Whenever I walk into a shop with a friend, immediately, all the shop assistants exchange glaces, and one will drift over and hover beside us, giving us filthy looks until we eventually exit the shop. If there is a security guard, he will almost march over, and stand near us, with his arms crossed, pretending to be looking elsewhere but keeping an eye on us. I don't even look paricularly chavvy/hardcore/likely to steal anything. But no matter what you look like, if you're a teenager, they give you filthy looks.

Careful, they already have citizenship and emotional education in schools!

Its funny, but in all my years as a shop assistants, I have never asked a customer 'how are you?' (what a personal question!). A few customers asked me though! It was a pet hate, along with the customers who used my real name (unfortunately written on a badge all shop assistants seem to have to wear). Its just too intrusive.

I do talk to people on public transport though, and smile at strangers I pass in the street. If they make eye contact, I also say hello/good morning etc. Our communities are alienated enough, without us enforcing a lack of human contact.

Robyn, its a hazard of being a teenager, and does pass eventually. I used to turn it into a game, whereby I would turn and ask the chop assistant a few specific questions, as if I might just buy something. These days, because I'm so obviously a scruffy student (not enough money to buy new clothes) I actually dress to go shopping. If I'm going to buy something where I'll want to be taken seriously, and not ignored, I dress up/smartly. If I want to be totally ignored, I wear my usual clothes!

I don't really mind. It's not very difficult to smile and say "no thanks, I'm fine". Not all shop assistants ask how I am, but I don't see why it's offensive. I mean if they were actually asking, because they wanted to know my personal business, then maybe it would be, if they're just repeating a stock phrase they've been told to say, it's not that intrusive.

Sounds like the OP had a particularly bad experience, but I go shopping by myself all the time, with friends, parents, grandparents, friends' parents... I've been in lots of different places with different price ranges, is what I'm trying to say, and I've never once come up against this kind of pushiness - so it can't be THAT common.

Maybe it's because I'm a girl, but only once have I had the "follow the suspicious teenager round the shop" thing, too.

The one experience I have had that left me feeling rubbish, was in a designer shop - I had the whole Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman thing - the glance up and down, sniff, and rudeness.

I really wanted to do the "Big mistake. Big, huge mistake" thing, but I actually didn't have enough money to shop there, so...

I always ask for the "Seat for men" when shopping and am surprised how few shops have them. It usually stops conversation dead in its tracks.

Does he/she work in the butcher's?

I have walked out of shops where I've been approached by shop assistants when I want to be left alone.
Even if I was intending to buy.....

I do that regularly!

W

For some bizarre reason there seems to be an air about me which makes shop keepers decide I must have money...

Maybe they mistake my second hand dresses for expensive vintage rather than the cheap tat they are

If I venture into an expensive department store here it's all "good afternoon madam" and "ask that young lady if she wants a sample of..." I suppose they could hear my accent and think I'm a tourist with dosh to spend..

Anyway I'm happy enough to act the part to get all the free samples of expensive make up and perfume... then at the end you just say "Oh I just can't decide between them I'll have to go away and have a think...better take a few more freebies to help me make up my mind"

In reality I can barely afford an eyeliner

Anything to do with your other half's betting patterns?

I'm a girl too, and they still follow me around.

Ahh well. It means that when I'm shopping on my own, by keeping an eye on me, they can also keep an eye on any pervy old guys who start talking to me

Sorry! It's the Bob thing, I think, I'll remember for next time.

Don't worry, I should add a thingy to my signature really. But mum got narked when I added my name. I might just get a new account...

I think it's more about sales pitch in these increasingly hard times. The shop assistant 'pounce on a customer' has definitely become a lot more obvious in the last 6 months or so.

I deliberately avoid going into quiet shops with sales assistants prowling around looking to mob me the moment I walk through the door.

Thankfully most of my shopping is done online, which saves the grief of repeated "Hello, how are you". I can browse to my hearts content and when/if I finally go to checkout, not have someone hassling me to take out a store account card If I wanted a store account card I'd ask about it.


More likely concerned about how much they might persuade you to spend - whether you go out of the shop with items you wanted/liked or not.

For those of you on here old enough to remember, the comedy series with Ronnie Barker Open All Hours springs to mind. He always managed to flog something to customers that they didn't want and usually at an excessive price.

Just give it time and people will know who you are without explaination

Well I don't really like the over-familiar, but I can deal with that, with something like 'I'll give you a yell if I need some help', but I hate being completely ignored when I'm paying for something. I hate standing there with my money or card, and the whole transaction taking place while the assistant continues her (and it's more often her than his) conversation with her work-mate. This is my hard-earned dosh I'm spending here, you know, is it too much to give me your whole attention for 60 seconds? I don't demand obsequiousness (sp?) or fawning servility, just some acknowledgement that I'm taking part in a transaction I'm getting quite good at getting very bolshy about it

Ok

I'd stick with what you've got.
Plenty of us are known at least as much by our user names as our real names even with those we've come to know in real life.

Sbhoa aka The Huts aka Feather

I work in a shop and i'll have to remember to never be polite to customers?
What's wrong with saying hello how are you? i never start conversations unless the customer does but i mean absolutely no harm when i ask people how they are
Though it really is weird when shop assistants tell you their life story... though to be fair, we get a LOT of customers telling us theirs
It does annoy me in clothes stores when the shop assistant specifically comes over to you when you're clearly just looking round, but they only have good intentions i guess. I don't think shop assistants want you to buy more, it's only the managers who want you to buy more surely? Why would it matter atal to the shop assistant. I'd rather people buy less - means less work for me

Here we get the standard "Bonjour" and "Au revoir' - polite and adequate formulae most of the time which I quite like. But customers coming in to join a que in the baker's or post office also say "Medames, messieurs"
as a general greeting to all present. This also happens in the doctor's and dentist's waiting room. Most people actually answer so you get a sort of chorus reply. I felt terribly self conscious about this when we first moved here but now I find myself doing it too.

What really gets me is the way some of the people on the tills literally throw your purchases past the till. But I don't envy them their job.

I didn't know that! Actually, it sounds quite a nice idea

Since moving From N.Ireland to England I've noticed small differences that I can't quite get used to. At home I'm used to saying "Mornin'" "How's goin'?" "Hello" or even just a nod of acknowledgement to people you pass in the park... Just to stare straight ahead is seen as ignorant. I used to get into conversations all the time with people who just happened to be walking the same way

Here, even eye contact seems to be avoided! Maybe it varies from region to region. I've had to break the habit now as people didn't seem too forthcoming with a reply.... They sometimes glanced back at me as if to say "do I know you? If not, why are you addressing me?!"

Or worse (well, I think it's worse) when you're clearly waiting to be served and the shop assistant / bank clerk doesn't acknowledge your existence. They may be busy finishing a transaction (or chatting to a colleague), but it doesn't take much effort to raise a glance and say, "Sorry, I'll be with you in a moment" rather than just ignoring you which is just, well, ignorant!

That's very true!

Whenever we go for a dog walk anywhere, or out anywhere, dad always nods at passers-by if he catches their eye, or smiles and says hi, or something like that. Usually people look at him as if he's completely barking, or say hi, them whisper to the person next to them "Do we know him?"

The only time we ever get a reply is on Christmas day, when we always get a "merry christmas!!" back from passers by on a dog walk.

Quite. They are "trying" to encourage people to buy. The reason they are often pretty ham-fisted is down to lack of training.

So it sounds like they had you sussed from the start?

I found that in 1980, when I moved from the wilds of Worcestershire to Birmingham city centre. It was so strange not the say hello to people you passed in the street. The bigger the city, the worse it gets.
BEv

If I ever work in a shop, Tom, at least I'll know it's you if anyone does anything like this! Though actually my linguist daughter has tried using Russian to put people off.


My hairdresser tends to do something similar - she'll ask me a question and then instead of listening to the answer, join in a conversation between the other hairdressers! I put up with it because I like the way she cuts my hair, but it isn't half annnoying!


I'm definitely someone who has to get in my 60,000 words a day, or whatever the number is, so I rarely turn down an opportunity to talk! I talk to shop assistants, people in queues (loos, supermarkets), on public transport - you name it! Thought I'd be lost in Russia at New Year, as I don't speak Russian, but the Muscovites love the English and couldn't wait to try out their (very limited) English on me, so I was fine!

So please continue talking to people like me, ffliwt!

Yees, but it's still rude! What if I'd just come into lots of money?!

...which I think is a real pity. It's one of many things I really liked about Northern Ireland.

A bit off topic, but I always smile at other runners when I'm out running

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A bit off topic, but I always smile at other runners when I'm out running
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So do I - and so far, I find the majority of other women smile back, in a rueful 'we must be mad' kind of way whereas the majority of the men stare straight ahead very seriously and ignore me.

Ah, yes!!! I was out shopping with my mum who's 88 so takes a bit of time choosing things and generally dithers a bit. So I was idly gazing round the shop when I saw this perfectly respectably dressed gent, grey hair, right age group for the shop, lift a £100+ merino jumper and walk out the door. We'd just finished the shopping so when we went to the till I mentioned it to the assistant. Anyway after a bit of a flurry, the other assistant whizzed off to the shop door and caught the gent who had been lurking outside. So I had to describe him and confirm that he was the man I'd seen. And they got the jumper back - I think he was going to work a fiddle with bringing the jumper back in and asking for his money back or something.

But then the assistant said that all the shops communicate with each other about teenage gangs and so on, but that he didn't look like the sort of person they would be suspicious of.

Yes it's probably just that there are more people about here, with less time for pleasantries



Maybe I shouldn't break the habit, maybe I should just start a new trend?

I think it does. You should try living in London! if I get into conversation with someone else when I'm out, it often turns out to be someone else who's not originally a Londoner.

Aquarelle - that custom is really rather civilised!

Hmm, I live in the middle of the countryside. If you don't know someone in the street you probably know someone who does, so you just say hi to everyone. Only a few people look shocked, and I tend to assume they aren't from here!

Of course it's not always a good thing, as if you're not an insider whose family has lived here for ten generations, you're treated with a fair amount of suspicion from many of those who do have the family history.

They still say hi when you pass them in the street though.

The problem arises because your store won't be the only shop the customer has gone to and they may have been bombarded with the question every time they set foot through a door.

It's become a predictable and tacky question, and sometimes it just gets irritating to have a total strangers randomly asking how you are, especially if the truthful answer would be 'having a bad' day or 'not very well'. I might try that one day and see what reaction it evokes from the assistant - not that I would want to discuss my personal problems with them.


I would have no objection to that whatsoever and I would return the greeting without a second thought. Countryside dwellers and those who understand the countryside will tend to engage in village life as a whole. Different kettle of fish to being mobbed in M&S clothing departments.

It's the same at work - complete strangers telephone out of the blue, make out they're my best buddy and you know it's just a ploy because they think you're more likely to buy from them if they get friendly with you Not that they ringing to sell you anything of course - they're just trying to be helpful

The worst one is "Take care!" at the end of a call with someone you've never met. Ugh!

you could reply 'live dangerously' !