I just had a phone call from a student's mum, saying that her daughter doesn't want to play in our concert tomorrow night. She's played in the last 3 concerts, so this was a bit of a surprise, although the girl did ask a few weeks ago 'do I have to play?'. Mum really wants her to, and has asked me to persuade her at her lesson later today. Of course, her name is on the concert programme and all of my other students are playing, and are excited about it. I deliberately choose pieces that they're happy and comfortable with, as I want them all to enjoy the experience.

Her mum says that she loves playing the piano, but doesn't like playing in front of anyone else. She is 12 and in her first year at secondary school, which I know can be a difficult time.

I'll be doing my best to encourage her, but any advice would be most welcome.

This happened to me too a few weeks ago. How I got around it was by obviously explaining that everyone was nervous so she wasn't on her own in that, and I promised I would sit next to her whilst she played. She then said she was worried that people would think she was a coward if I did that, so I told her that they would think I was the page turner, and I put an extra copy (of useless paper) up there and pretended to do a page turn This worked a treat, and the pupil was fantastic!

Ask her to attend the concert and to take her music along too. She can make up her mind on the day then, but I would tell her that no one will force her to perform but that she will learn a lot my listening to others and may feel inclined to take part. If not it really won't matter too much in the long run.

I always sit next to the piano so that I can help if needed and our concerts are for families and friends only, so I don't think the situation is too daunting. In fact, she's the only student who has ever said she didn't want to play. I should add that when she was first having lessons (aged 8), she was so against playing in her first concert that she was going to stop having lessons. Of course I didn't insist. But since then, she's played at 3 concerts and so I thought she was okay about it.

Jenny, your approach for concerts sounds much like my own. I have had pupils initially unsure about playing but then they have decided by programme-printing-time that they wanted to join in.

At the last concert, a new pupil (he'd had 3 lessons) didn't want to play - that was fine and we included him on the photo at the end since he was there - an older brother was taking part. This younger child had been very diffident about starting lessons at all and I think his confidence will have grown by next time, so I was not very surprised - but it was a first. Even new beginners are usually happy to join in - we find something they can do.

I would find it much more surprising that a pupil who has done three concerts before would suddenly not want to perform. However I probably wouldn't push her too much if she really doesn't want to play. There might be other reasons - she hasn't had a bad experience playing in front of others, has she? I don't mean one of your concerts necessarily, but maybe something at school that hasn't gone well? just a thought.

I'm not sure what's going on, but she has mentioned before about only having her mum in the audience, when other students have grandparents, friends etc. She's an only child, with divorced parents. Also it may be that she knows there are younger students than her playing much more advanced pieces. Who knows? She's a very sweet girl and I'll do my best to persuade her. I might suggest she goes along, with her music, but with no pressure to play and see what she says.

I'm not sure what's going on, but she has mentioned before about only having her mum in the audience, when other students have grandparents, friends etc. She's an only child, with divorced parents. Also it may be that she knows there are younger students than her playing much more advanced pieces. Who knows? She's a very sweet girl and I'll do my best to persuade her. I might suggest she goes along, with her music, but with no pressure to play and see what she says.
[/quote]

Tell her that at least one mum, me, can't necessarily tell the difference between a harder piece and a not so hard piece. Some arrangements are so good they can sound fantastic even though they are not technically difficult.

Last year (I think) at a very similar concert my son played a pretty simple piece, it was a hymn and might have been "I vow to thee my country." It wasn't difficult and he didn't play it very well technically, but I heard two people in front of us raving about his musicality. People in the audience at these things just want to hear children making music.

Can her mum invite an family friend or aunt or uncle?
Dora

You can tell her about Emsoboes favourite piece to impress people with if it'll help. She plays a few pieces from memory including one of her grade 5 pieces and a couple of things she's started learning post grade 5. The piece that everyone is impressed by is On off Boogie a Grade 2 Jazz piece. Dora is spot on that even musical people in the audience can't always spot an easy from a difficult piece. Her very musical friend is just as impressed as her unmusical classmates.

I think children go through this sort of phrase at 11, the prospect of moving to a new school and SATs will certainly have contributed to the insecurity. Hormnones are not unusual either.

Hope things sort themselves out.

Thanks, everyone, for your advice.

She came for her lesson today, without her concert music - she gave me a confused excuse, but I'm pretty sure it was deliberately left at home, or still in her bag. I found some copies and she played through her 3 pieces, all without errors. Then I talked to her about why she didn't want to play, but all she would say was that she didn't feel confident about her pieces. I suggested that she could come along tomorrow night, with her music, and that if she really doesn't feel up to playing, she doesn't have to. I also said that even if she doesn't play her two solo pieces in the first half, she might want to play her duet with me in the second half, as she plays it beautifully. She seemed to like that idea.

I do fear that she won't turn up, but hope that she will - and that she plays!

A duet with you sounds like a great idea. I hope she does that.
Dora

Just a quick update - we had our concert last night, but the girl did not turn up. I'd had a text earlier in the day from her mum, saying that she'd tried really hard to persuade her but to no avail. She said again that her daughter loves her piano lessons, but doesn't like playing in front of other people.

I was disappointed that she wasn't there and several people asked about her, as her name was on the programme, of course.

However, we had a really lovely concert, with lots of families and friends in the audience and in a new venue, which worked very well. Everyone enjoyed themselves and we raised £100 for charity.

Wow that sounds great - congratulations.

I hope the student who didn't appear regains her confidence soon and is happy to play at the next event. Maybe you could suggest that she just plays for her family at home some time to get used to the idea again gently. It sounds like you've still got a bit of gentle digging to do to get to the core of the problem, but I'm sure you'll work it out.

I'd make very little of it and let her continue enjoying her lessons.
I never would have agreed to play in a teacher's concert either and have flatly refused in the past even as an adult with a teacher who was doing his best to make it seem compulsory.
Some people just want to learn how to play with no thoughts of ever playing for others.
Don't stop asking her if she wants to play in future concerts but if she says no then just leave it with an invitation to come and listen or help behind the scenes.

I did suggest to her that she could come along and listen, bringing her music with her in case she decided she would play atfer all. I also said she could just play her duet with me if that's what she would like to do - she was playing it beautifully and it would have made such a good item.

Of course I realise that some people just don't like playing in front of others, but it was the fact that she has played in 3 previous concerts that made it so surprising. But as I said before, she's 12 and in her first year at secondary school, so who knows what's going on! The most important thing is that she loves playing and enjoys her lessons.

I had a similar situation - one rather shy student didn't want to play at first, but after some gentle encouragement and answering all her questions about how many other pupils there were, whether they were all on higher grades, how many adults would be there etc., she showed some tentative interest, after which the promise of home-made cakes and biscuits at the end of the concert seemed to do the trick! She came along yesterday and did herself credit - there was a stumble mid-way through, but she recovered and kept going, and seemed pleased at the end.