I have been teaching a very musical girl for about 7 years.She is such a perfectionist that, whenever she got something wrong, particularly in the Aural tests, the tears welled up and I felt I was treading on eggshells all the time in order not to upset her.
She is now 14 and yesterday and about 3 weeks ago, she did the same thing.
During the echo singing she said "I can't do that, I can't sing that". So I lowered the notes for her -no change.It was obvious that she was deliberately singing incorrectly to make a point.
Then the melodic/rhythmic differences -" I can't hear any difference" she said and then the tears welled again.
I asked her whether she would like to do the last test and she dug her heels and said "No!". I finished the lesson at that point.
She then left the room without saying a word and her mother, who was waiting tried to encourage her to say goodbye or thank you but silence!
She is taking the exam in a week.
I wonder whether to phone her mother and say I was a bit upset by the behaviour and ask whether is actually enjoying the lessons now.
Any thoughts on this?
Barbara

I would definitely have a word with the parent!

If it's only the aural in the run up to the exam that's causing this I'd leave it.
You've done what you can with her on this and even if she's not cooperated in lessons for whatever reason at least she knows what will happen in her exam.

If this happens a lot in lessons without the stress that aural causes her then I'd maybe talk to her first rather than talking to mum but maybe let her know that if you can't resolve it between you you feel that you will have to talk to mum about it.

Oh gosh, this sounds exactly like me! Only I haven't been playing for 7 years, only 1. And I don't think I was that rude, more very very very upset.

In the aural, I have to do intervals and cadences, and my teacher thought I had done this in school (GCSE music).

But I'd only touched briefly on cadences (but they were ok) my intervals were awful though. We only had two lessons left (now I have none until the exam ) and I was sooooo scared. My teacher at first thought "oh she'll get it eventually" but as we tried more, and she gave me hints, and I still couldn't do it at all, even octaves I couldn't do , I got so stressed. Then we went on to other aural stuff and sightreading, and I was still so panicky about just not being able to do the intervals, that I mucked everything else up. I felt like bursting into tears, but managed to hold it together.

We spent/wasted the whole lesson on it. I just wanted to get home, and was so upset and felt so stressed, that, and I hate to admit it, I cried in the car most of the way home, getting so angry and repeatedly saying to mum, "I'm going to fail, I'm going to fail". I was just so convinced that I was going to completely fail the test, because I couldn't do intervals.

But it's all ok now

bloomin' hormones

To me it seems that the girl wasn't being rude intentionally, she was just extremely upset and frustrated at herself. It's a tricky problem to deal with in teenagers and adults. It's funny as i teach quite a few young kids, and they get so excited at the prospect of singing and absolutely love it!! Obviously something happens when they reach around 10 or 11 - i know, i was the same myself. I remember those dreaded aural tests all too well when i was a pupil. Anyway, i think all you can do is ensure she knows what the tests involve and suggest that you do no more with her in the lesson but give her examples so she can do them at home in privacy. (I suspect she may already be trying to do this?) For me when i was a pupil, the aural tests actually grew into a bit of a nightmare for me so it's probably best that as little is made of it as possible. I hope this helps. Teenagers hormones are usually all over the place at the best of times, and having to sing when you really don't want to and feel that you can't can be embarassing. It's part of the exam though, so not much you can do!!!

Timings are maybe a little off but my 1st thought would be PMT coupled with exam nerves........she's reacting pretty much how I remember being at that sort of age (and before anyone says anything rude I admit that under stress I may still show some of that sort of reaction).

I have a young lady who has refused steadily to do the singing for the aurals. After trying to persuade, I have simply done all the other tests and said that I realise that she doesn't want to sing to me, so I'm not going to "make" her do it. This week, with 2 weeks to the exam, YL says she will sing to me next lesson just for completeness sake (my words not hers). Grrr, teenagers.

With your young lady, I would let it rest until the exam is over. If you pursue it, it could make the situation worse. If possible, I would mention it quietly to mother, but in a low key sort of way.

Mood swings are normal in teenagers - and because they're trying to grow up, whilst enduring hormonal storms, they very often don't take kindly to criticism, and also often have crises of confidence. I know only too well the feeling of panicked "can't do that", and also stopped finding singing pleasurable at that sort of age, something I never really regained either. Teens also find it difficult though to rationalise what they are feeling - sadly our hormones and physical maturity outstrip brain maturation, which means that adults see teens as older than they actually are, and expect more of them than they can manage.

My own approach with my teenagers is to try to acknowledge how they are likely to feel, whilst still keeping some boundaries and expectations in place - so if they are rude, I will pull them up for it, but if they are upset, I take that upset at face value and am understanding. It is that difficult line all adults need to tread of allowing kids to grow up whilst remembering they are still kids. I do think this child sounds as if the process is upsetting her on some level, and my inclination is to make minimal fuss about it. By all means demonstrate and give the answers to show it's not so very difficult, but keep it low key. Even if the problem doesn't go away just now, it's not the end of the world if the aurals are goofed in an exam - and with time she may well be able to overcome her fears if she is allowed to.

I may be more than a little odd, but I prefer teaching teengers to anyone else. I understand exactly how you pupil is feeling. Even now, when things aren't going right I could quite merrily put an axe through the piano. Be thankful she's only crying!
I often have teenagers in a strop, but can usually bully them out of it and have them laughing in a short time. If I can't get them cheered up, they get loads of sight reading. They soon get the message!
More to the point, have you tried asking her whats up? She is, after all a mini adult, and might feel better if she talks it through. I've had pupils sullen for half a lesson, till I finally say 'ok, whats with the long face?'. It often turns out to be nothing relevant, but it usually lightens the air.

I am pleased to say that this pupil passed Gd 3 with 115 so all's well that ends well!
Barbara

Well done to your pupil Barbara - and to you for your patience!

Susiejean - you are not alone - I love adolecents. I just seem to gel with them. When I was nursing my favourite ward was the adolescent oncology ward. I learnt a lot about how to handle them in that very distressing situation. If I have any advice to give it would be - treat them as adults and they will behave like adults. My own children - girls - are now 30 and 28. I always treated them like adults too and their transition from child to adult was relatively painless.

Well done to you and your teenager for a good result.

My teenager managed 118 in G4, although she came out of the exam room in tears because she had done so badly!!

I think it's often the very intelligent ones who put themselves through the mill and put themselves under pressure - I certainly haven't pressurised, and nor have her parents.