Not a question really - just a feeling of despair. A particularly spiteful little boy has told DS2 that he is useless at everything and that there's no way that at 11 he can be doing his G5 because you need to be clever and talented to do it. So what happens - DS2 falls apart just before his G5 - and has decided that he doesn't want to do music anymore because he can't be good at anything.

It breaks my heart. He has almost definitely failed the exam - but he won't be retaking it - just going on to different areas of music and trying to rebuild his very fragile confidence. I just wish people understood the damage that can be done with a few pointed words.

Sorry - moaning over!

It's terribly sad that just a few words can destroy someone's confidence. But it might be worth telling DS2 that even some of the celebrated greats had failures earlier on. And that the little boy's spite probably comes from a feeling of envy because it is clear to him that DS2 can do something he can't do. Does he have a teacher? If so, he / she must have had confidence that DS2 could do it. And if he has taken any of the earlier exams (pre-Grade 5) that is further proof of his talent.

It's so hard to build up a fragile self-confidence when it's been wrecked in this way. Is it worth talking to a school teacher or other relevant person who could put the spiteful kid in his place? An apology from him might just undo a little of the damage.

Hope things work out okay for you both.

Yes, it's sad and some people are only able to put themselves up by putting others down. How very unkind.

Please tell your son that it's great to be working at grade 5 level at 11 years old. It's good going indeed - and your son must have worked hard to get that far - even if he wobbled on the day. He must be more than competent to be working at that level.

I had a 9 year old this time who took grade 3. Almost didn't go and do it, because the last couple of weeks before the exam date didn't go too well. We are all very glad she did - the result was good. I hope your son's result is better than you and he expect too.

Boy, that's one kid letting all his dirty laundry hang out! Hope your DS2 realizes that ignorant comments and put-downs don't tell him anything useful, but they reveal volumes about the speaker.

Hope your DS is able to take the long view when he feels a bit more relaxed.

G5 at age 11 is not anything uncommon I passed G5 at age 11 too, and I was NOT talented. In fact it was very common to reach G5 at 11 or 12, because most children in my class started learning music at 6 or 7 years old. It is an achievement to pass any exam, especially a significant grade like G5, but it is not so difficult that only geniuses can do it

So DS2, you don't need to be very talented, or be the best in everything. You just need to work hard, be an average and happy boy, and G5 is within your reach. As for that spiteful boy, why even care what he thinks? He obviously isn't clever enough to comment because he doesn't even know that G5 at 11 is quite common. Cheer up!

grade 5 at 11...around where I am that is considered uncommon. Particularly as through the music service/the schools I've attended a lot of instruments are not offered (bar strings) until age 9/10 or even 11. I know I started flute at 10.5, and I would not have taken grade 5 until I was at least 13/4 if I'd had my current teacher from the off, or as it ended up, more like 15/6. at 11, I was pre grade 1, like a lot of my peers. In the yrs 5-8 orchestra, you were considered great if you had taken grade 3 or 4!

Grade 5 is an AMAZING achievement, pass or fail the actual exam, his teacher knows what he is capable of, and no one should be able to take that away from OP's son with cruel words like the child who has said those horrible things to him. I hope he can get back up from it and enjoy music again. There are always spiteful people, particularly in areas of competition e.g. sport, music, drama and they will come and go...it's sad, but OP's son will just have to learn to site tight and ride it out.

good luck

It never fails to amaze me how cruel kids can be to each other - some kids seem to exist purely to inflict misery on others

I really, really hope that your son has passed - it will give him a confidence boost and then he can tell the other boy where to go!

And on the contrary - your son has demonstrated that he IS clever and talented by getting to grade 5 by age 11 - that's very commendable. I hope he doesn't have a set-back with all of this - perhaps (if he's off to senior school next year) he'll meet other kids with similar interests and be inspired to carry on his musical journey.

The really sad thing is that some adults (who should know better) do this too.

Feel very much for your lad - I hope you can rebuild his confidence. The lad who told him that demonstrated more about himself with those remarks, and demonstrated nothing good, either.

So sorry that your son's confidence has been undermined in this way. Remind him that he was good enough to pass grade 4 at - whenever he took that - and he's good enough to take grade 5 now

Reminds me of 'God put us on earth to help others. What he put the Others here for, goodness only knows!'

Seriously...the Awful Kid who said the mean stuff may have troubles of his own, one never knows. Yes, it was cruel. But at 11 he IS still a child and can learn to be more sensitive, with guidance. Can you talk about it to his parents??

Grade 5 at 11 is really good so don't let that comment get to him.

Grade 5 at 11 is pretty uncommon around here but we've always been fully aware that it isn't in the wider world. I hate that sort of competitiveness which is maybe what this comes down to.

I feel so sorry for your son. Most of this behaviour is adult driven one way and another. Emsoboe's friend suffered a similar put down recently at the hands of a younger child. fortunately being that bit older than your son he will be able to move on.

I think you're right in shifting away from exams for a while, exploring music for fun is probably just what he needs.

Good luck and I hope you get back on track.

Indeed, yes, I've had that happen to me from a family member who was old enough to know better.

Whether or not G5 is common round your way Boyz Mum, it is a really significant achievement to get there by age 11 and he has done really well. It indicates considerable talent as well as hard work, and I really hope he's passed, and that he'll carry on with piano regardless.

Good luck. Let us know how he does.

Well the results are in and...

He passed


Thank you to you all for your support. Results were in very quickly - just over two weeks!

Congratulations - you must both be delighted

(Perhaps he could take his certificate in to school next term to show *everyone* how well he's done )

Congratulations to him!

GREAT news, and so much better to have an unexpected pass than the other way round!

Congratulations to him. Really well done.

As someone else said perhaps he could take the cert in to school - if he's still at a primary they will often "present" the cert at an assembly so he could have a hand shake and some applause. Or if he's going to secondary, it would be worth making sure he mentions it in a music lesson or puts it on the forms they often have to fill in in their "Form Time" so that it gets noticed and mentioned.

Brilliant - a very big well done to your son.

Am very glad to hear of this outcome !

So glad that he got a good result! Congratulations he must have worked really hard to achieve that.

Sad, isn't it?

Some adults will do it to kids, too... a music teacher at school did it to me continually for several years... some people should have their mouths duck-taped permanently closed...


WOW!

Hope that that will be a real boost of confidence, he passed despite thinking he had failed and despite feeling everything had fallen apart! Almost better than just thinking it had gone well in the first place. Wonderful news!

That's brilliant news! I'm really delighted that he's passed - I'm sure he has a big smile on his face now

Yep...when I was at school, one of my teachers told my mum that she should focus on my twin sister's education and development, as I was not likely to "achieve much academically". I could have let it effect me much more than it did, but I just wanted to prove everyone wrong...which hopefully I have. And luckily for me, I have a mum who wanted the best for all of us.

Congratulations on the exam pass!

How absolutely marvellous!

What a talented lad he must be! Thanks for posting!

Kids to kids, adults to kids and adults to adults. Is there anybody who hasn't witnessed the "innocent" put-downs from adults even if you've not been the one on the receiving end? It happens at work, in the family, in clubs and societies, everywhere. I hope your son learns how not to let it bother him and many congratulations to him on his result

'

Now I understand that G5 at 11 isn't all that common as I thought. And your son did it!

There's also the subtle one where the mother of another child encoureges them to compete with someone two grades higher and insists they are better. sometimes the put downs are not words.