I always worry that I'm a horrible person. I was chatting to my friends back when we were at school, and I said I thought I was a really really nasty person. But they're all sure that I'm not, and that they're all a lot worse. And I just logged on to facebook, and I've won the nicest person competition (a little application where people can knock you up or down a notch on the rankings. I've got 60 votes up which doesn't sound good to me. Maybe I'm a horrible two-faced person now?



In the spectrum of nice and nasty, what point does it get to in your books, when someone becomes a b-i-t-c-h? Or becomes mean? Just wondered

Mean, IMO, is when you say things to deliberately upset people. Mean is making fun of other people's flaws for your own pleasure. Mean is going behind someone's back for your own gain. And mean is knowing that you're going too far, but carrying on regardless.

So, is it mean by being really blunt? Like, someone laughs at you for practicing your instrument a lot, and says that they never do. Then you do well in a performance, and they don't, then they say "urgggghh, how come you get so much better marks all the time? It's so unfair" then to say "maybe if you practiced, you would get better results" even if you knew it would make them angry?

And is it mean to moan about someone behind their back? That is mean, isn't it? Because it's going behind someone's back for your own gain. And is it mean to talk about how mean people are, when they weren't mean to you? Oh dear

Well, I must be mean then...

I don't know. I don't think you really need to worry about it. *hugs*

I don't think the '...if you practised...' comment is mean, just honest - and not everyone has the courage to be that honest. Maybe it's a good trait on your behalf - just watch it doesn't end up with you getting hurt?

And sometimes you need to moan - otherwise things build up and up and you end up getting stressed. What would be mean would be if you were talking about them and telling complete lies or something - if you're certain that what you're saying is the truth, I doubt it can be regarded as 'mean'.

Oh no - now I feel mean for moaning about my friend on here. I'm sure he won't read it though but that's not the point! I'm sure you're not mean Robyn You seem very friendly.

I think that if you are worrying about it then you are most likely not generally a mean person.
If you really were it wouldn't matter to you what other people thought.

If you think about your behaviour you are most likely not to be whatever it is you think you might be

I think im a lil bit mean

Yes.
I eat Puppies and Kittens for breakfast

In all seriousness though, I think everyone is mean, is some ways. I for one always complain about people behind their backs, not in a two-faced way however, as I don't like that at all.
With regards to carrying on with jokes too far, I do that too, but with my group of friends, we all do it to each other, ie, once a me and my friends, (4 of us) went shooting, and one of them couldnt c-ock the gun, and everyone still jokes about it, I was frequently thought to be a girl by various teachers in middle school, and people still bring that up.
I think mean is not so much personal, but more about how your friends / whoever interpret it, although I don't think thats worded very well, I mean everyone classes mean as something else.

Awww, you're all being very nice about it!

But I also still think really really nasty thoughts. Which must make me a nasty person to even think them, because surely a nice person wouldn't even start to think things that pathetic? And all these nasty things sort of boil up in my head, until I see the person and think "why did I think those?"

Which brings me to another point. Do you ever feel like you would go mad if you were left on your own for over a day? I was talking about it with friends, 2 of us said they loved being on their own, and thought it was bliss. Then me and the other friend said we hate being alone for even a few hours. I seem to go mad on my own, and start thinking all these weird, nasty, paranoid thoughts. And then I talk to someone again, and it's all ok again I think I'm a people person Does anyone else get this?

I get depressed when I'm on my own sometimes. Sometimes I love it, of course, especially when I'm plugged into my mp3 player or reading a great book, or whatever... but if I feel like alone-ness has been forced on me, I get sad, and start thinking no one likes me, and everyone's out having fun, and they haven't invited me cause they all hate me... Etc. Of course I know logically it's not true, but can't help feeling lonely at times.

I think being mean is when you say something that would make someone feel hurt or bad about themselves. It all depends on the person you're saying it to really and being able to gauge their sense of humour and sensitiveness to certain things. So, what would count as being mean will be very different when talking to best friends, siblings, strangers etc. I've been trying to think of an example of something that I would say to someone but not to others but have failed miserably.

I agree with what a lot of the other people have said. If you are deliberately wanting to provoke/hurt/upset the other person, then you are mean. If you're being honest, and you happen to upset them in the process, then that's not mean.
In your example, you said something to someone and they got upset. Well, next time you have a similar conversation with that person, you'll know what to say (it's OK to say nothing, rather than say something, now you know that the only 'something' you can think to say will cause more trouble than its worth!)


I am definitely someone who would say I love being on my own. I'm not a good socialiser, so being on my own prevents the stress of just having to deal with other people (like, you know, talk to them and stuff; yes, including family, people I have worked with for 10 years, etc).
Having said that, a friend of mine who is on maternity leave came in to the office on Monday, and we had a good chat over lunch time, and it made me realise that I do miss having someone to talk to in the office. So obviously being completely on my own for ever is not something I actually want, even though a lot of the time it feels like it would be lovely
But it goes to show that people are different, and you'll probably find that at different times you want different things, at the moment you much prefer company, you may find one day you like a bit of peace and quiet, but in the meantime make the most of socialising as you enjoy it