My friends and family keep saying they want to hear me play the piano which I took up last year. I know they'll be expecting me to play Moonlight Sonata or something by now No matter how much I tell them "how it is", I'm pretty certain they think I'm just being modest...

Do I play for them, even though I'm pre-Grade 1? ...which would be good experience for me, and I would enjoy it if only I thought they weren't expecting too much. And if I do play for them, I don't seem to be able to get a "repertoire" secure enough to perform. I keep playing the first 10 pieces in my beginner tutor book to try and get them to "concert" standard because they're not too difficult - but although I can get them to a standard which would be good enough to play to friends/family after a few play-throughs, every time I go to them fresh (or even if I go back to them after I've been playing other pieces), I still stumble a bit and can't play them as smoothly as when I last left them

Thoughts or even just commiserations anyone?

Hi skylark

I sympathise. I think all adult learners understand how long it takes to get 'good' (whatever that is), and in every case will have underestimated just how long it will take. Given that your friends and family are mostly, I assume, not pianists (or musicians) then they will also have this mindset. So their expectations will no doubt be relatively high. I can imagine muffled comments such as "she's not very good given she's been playing for a year".

I recently played a couple of pieces for my mum and my wife. I think I made one slip (I thought that was good) and my wife was good enough to point this out mid-performance. She clearly expected something note perfect. Once I'd finished, I made sure she knew how rude it was to comment like this and let her know that I could certainly spot a lot more errors than she could.

Despite this, I'm happy to play for anyone. In future I'll just make it clear in advance that it will probably not be note perfect, the pieces won't be very long, you may not have heard of them, and I won't be playing that many! It's important to manage expectations - aim low but outperform.

Ten pieces sounds really good to me.

I think I'd just say "no, I'm not good enough to play in public yet".* After all, you're the musician so you're the one who knows. Why go through something you're not going to enjoy, and neither are they (unless they're just waiting for you to trip, in which case they don't deserve the treat!!!).

It's true that people do have irritating little foibles when they hear a beginner trying to do something. If I was overheard practicing the recorder, my mother, wife and mother in law all (individually) used to begin to hum or sing whatever tiny little beginners' piece I was on and always just a little way ahead, so that I could "follow" (grrrh)…. They meant to be helpful. They stopped when I explained that I hadn't suddenly lost all of my faculties and was still able to remember the tune of Baa Baa Black Sheep (or whatever), it's just that I was trying to do it for the first time on an instrument… which is not the same as singing it….


* In fact I know that's what I'd do, because I've done it.

LOL
Three people humming, probably all out of tune, and slightly ahead....how could this not help you? Surely their notes simply fell into your ears and this then magically translated to help your fingers move to the right position?

I guess there's something to be said for playing things people don't know. That would at least stop this 'helpful' behaviour.

That sort of thing drives me completely nuts, and I could cheerfully smack their faces for them when people have done that to me. I flamin' well know how the tune goes. Grrrrrrrrrrr.
I would leave it until you feel ready Skylark.

I am sure your friends and family want to applaud your efforts. But if you are not ready, don't worry, just tell them you need more time before you can perform a proper piece for them.

It is very common to make mistakes during a piece. I have NEVER played anything note-perfect , but sometimes not everyone can tell where the slips are. Some people think they are being clever or helpful to point out the mistakes we make, but being non-musicians, they are unable to appreciate the difficulties involved just to synchronise two hands, or even two fingers on the same hand.

If you decide to play for them, focus on one piece only. Mark the parts which are error-prone, and practise just those few bars over and over again. You don't have to play the whole piece from start to end during every practice

You might want to consider a simplified version of a well-known tune. Try something slow and sentimental, as most people are impressed by such pieces. I would say that some pedalling could help too, but I guess you haven't had the chance to use it very much yet.

I have a very nice and simplified score for "When You Wish Upon A Star", which is note-wise between pre-Grade 1 and Grade 1. However, it takes a lot of skill to play it legato. I need the pedal to help me along. If you are interested in having a look, PM me and I could share it with you.

It's definitely annoying when people seem to have massive expectations of you I don't really enjoy playing for anyone but myself to be honest and I can't see it changing any time soon.

Playing in front of other people changes a peaceful, relaxing hobby into a stressful ordeal!

Hi Skylark,

I take Grade 2 piano in December and am not yet at a stage where I would feel comfortable playing in front of anyone! I also have to play through a piece several times to play it anything like smoothly (and it doesn't matter how well I think I know it!) I am not a natural performer anyway and as soon as I have an 'audience', even friends and family, the situation suddenly feels very formal and I personally am not ready for that kind of pressure just yet! I agree with the comments above - don't feel under pressure to perform if you don't want to!

Many thanks for all the thoughts and comments. I'd like to do a little concert but you're right... if I still can't play easy pieces straight off to performance standard, even just for friends and framily, I shouldn't do it. And I can't rely on wholeheartedly positive comments - I know nobody will *mean* to be critical, but being damned with faint praise is just as bad, as I know to my cost when I first started playing my clarinet for friends and family

Trying to keep up a "repertoire" in order to perform it has also affected my progress as well. Time to re-focus, I think - thanks for helping me to see this

Hi Skylark,
I do sympathise! I think I have been playing the violin for longer than you have piano, and I am still very unwilling to let anyone hear me in a 'performance' sense. People don't realise the long learning curve, and the possibility that you might be playing really well yet still not be able to manage perfection...Before my last exam I sweated through the pieces for a couple of people and every single messy bit shone out clear. Never again.

I would find an easy piece that you enjoy and can play confidently, and save that for those awkward moments, and I agree with a previous comment that a bit of pedalling always sounds impressive.

N

Rather than aiming for a concert type performance, why not do something a bit more low-key. You could start with your most sympathetic/least likely to criticise friend and just play them one tune (perhaps in the course of having a coffee together). Tell them it is a "work in progress" and you need to try it out. This is a good way to get used to playing in front of someone else. Perhaps you could work your way round all your friends and family in this way, rather than having a grand debut that will stress you out.

Do you have a friend who would play a duet with you? Duets are a great way of tackling a first performance - someone else to lean on/blame/cover up for you! I often do duets with nervous or first-time performers.

Do try not to take things too personally if people say something unfortunate in response to your efforts - ignorance is a terrible thing - only those of us who have wrestled with learning an instrument can really appreciate just how hard it is! Hummers and whistlers should be taken out and shot. End of.

Don't know if this would be any use but I'm thinking of asking my piano teacher to see if a few of her adults who are at a similar level to me would like to get together and have a piano party.

We will then all be very supportive and in exactly the same boat, this will hopefully improve our confidence in playing in front of people and we'll have new friends to chat to.

Exactly what I'm doing with my adult learners this term. I just hope they will come - they are all so nervous, I can see them all crying off at the last minute

Hi Sue, I'm just hoping as I'm not the teacher and teacher won't be there that they will come!!!

Solari - I hear you and completely agree.

At the end of each term my guitar tutor organises an adults concert for his students. The order of players is pre-printed and as my turn gets nearer my hands get hot and sweaty - not good for the guitar and my nerves go through the roof.

I've taken to playing pieces I know really well and really like playing - so at least one person is going to be happy - Me !!! I don't know why I do it, but I suppose I attend in order to support my tutor.

Seriously, playing in front of others is for me a real nightmare - and as for 3 people humming along slightl ahead - I can't believe it.

Best to all,

Kind Regards
Nigel

I sympathise Skylark and everyone else,
I recently bought myself a keyboard and my friends expect wonders every time they come round. I have learnt "Silent Night" and present it every time. (not well but recognisable). It's not what they expect (being August) and usually gets a laugh. If they want more they can have another verse. Then I just say that have nothing else suitable for public scrutiny.
Having had the same problem over the past 10 years of clarinet learning I should have known what to expect. Actually most people seem to be satisfied with a few bars of "Stranger on the Shore" and don't really appreciate whatever I'm learning because they don't know it. Those who have learnt themselves never ask me to "Play something".
My Other Half does sometimes say "play something nice for me.." on arriving in the middle of a practice session and then I'm cross at being interrupted so I play scales, all properly introduced and commented upon of course, which calm me down again and you can't have too much practice at those.

I was about to say something similar to this!
I've been playing for nearly 2 and a half years and I'm still definitely not ready for a public performance so I can sympathise with you having played for 1 year!!!!
Having said that I've played maybe 4 or 5 times to friends but it was very informal. Whenever they came to my place and asked me to play something I would just play the pieces I was working on at the time and I always told them I was still working on the pieces. By playing to them that way, if something goes wrong ( and it often does!!!! ) I can just stop and say "oh well...it sounds like it needs more work"!!
It has always worked for me and stops people being too critical. I've been very lucky that so far everybody has been very nice and very supportive.
Also I always tell people how long I've been playing when they ask me if I know any Rachmaninov!!! And yes that happened a couple of times!!! But I just laughed and told them to ask me again in 20 years time!!!!
So I would suggest like Sue to maybe do something informal to start with. That way if you see people don't enjoy it you can stop, if they enjoy it even though there are mistakes then you feel you can carry on, and most importantly you don't dread playing for them but instead enjoy the experience!
Let us know how you get on!!!

Thanks for all the ideas. It's a good idea to just play the occasional piece casually as work-in-progress instead of making a big deal out of it. And I like the idea as well of asking my teacher about playing with his other students. If he wants to do this, how does it work? Some of his students have lessons at a church, others at the Yorkshire College. Would we club together to pay for one of these rooms and his fee between us, or would we get together at somebody's home? Are they social gatherings as well, is that why an adult get-together has been suggested? Or could children come?

Ten pieces seems rather alot, even if they are short. You could try concentrating on just 3 or 4 and keep it very short and sweet OR as suggested wait until YOU feel ready ...although I don't know if you ever feel ready

I used to run concerts for all-comers, and I had a few brave adults who joined in, but I think it was even more stressful for them playing alongside children who were more accomplished. I am experimenting with having an adults only event this term. I hope that it will be primarily a social event, at which they can discuss how things are going with each other. I'm planning to put together a few group activities as ice-breakers, and hopefully they will all agree to play something to the group. They all seem to think they are useless (they so are not!) and I'm hoping that hearing each other will encourage them all.

Thanks pianophrase and SueHM. My lessons start again next week so I'll ask my teacher about it, especially getting together with some other adults

I'd say just play exactly what you're most comfortable with and remember that you are a beginner and also human! in that EVERYONE makes mistakes, concert pianists no different! Play as much as you can for as many different people as you can and you'll more than likely find that even if you do have a couple, or even a handful of mistakes your audiences will be really lovely and give you lots of nice compliments and confidence re: your playing

Only ill people and certain ones on youtube pull a mistake out of beautiful effort to play something and comment on that!

Best of luck/stop worrying

That's a very good ploy. I do much the same, and it also really takes the pressure off.

Also something which I do is ask help on something like "can you time me over over this section, as I think I'm playing it too slow?" or "Does this sound right to you?". That sort of approach always elicits positive and sometimes helpful comments.

On the flip side, I have been learning a hardish piece for several months now and a couple of days ago I played it right through - 7 minutes long and with only two quite minor slips. I was rather chuffed until my daughter said later that day "You know that piece you were trying to play, this morning..."

Hello

I am also pre-Grade 1.

I took great delight in playing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" for the family at Christmas, I have added "Baa Baa Black Sheep" to my list of tunes I can do from memory.

Go for it, it is SO much fun.

Thanks for all the encouragement - I'll see what my teacher says on Tuesday

I'd echo the others, I think: better to take part of something bigger, than to do a whole set of pieces yourself. I know that ten pieces sound a lot in number, and am guessing that they are relatively short too, so that the overall time spent wouldn't be so great, but it's still a bit of a load for you to take on in one go...
If it is any consolation, I did not dare to perform in public until I was around grade 7 or 8 - but that is partly just me, and I certainly don't mean that people shouldn't do so until that level, just that I was too inhibited to do so. There again, I didn't have the opportunity some have, of joining in with a more general concert or playing day put on by a teacher, and I think these are a great idea - as more than one pupil plays, it feels safer, because they each of them know what doing this feels like, so are supportive, and if family or friends are present, then each set will root for "their" performer in particular, but be nice about the others as well...it's all the buzz of having an appreciative audience, and at the same time feels friendly and not threatening.
Earlier this year, BachPensioner put on a house concert in similar vein, and it was a lovely occasion: we were at all sorts of levels, but nobody got flustered or upset, there were cheerful giggles and an appreciative audience, and it was all most enjoyable. I think it would have been so much harder for any one of us to hold an audience for the entire concert's duration, but the mixture of numbers really made it work.

Hi Skylark.

I experience terrible nerves when playing in front of anyone except my husband and kids. Even family.

I always say that each piece is all in progress but I always point out the mistakes mid way through the piece! I sometimes have to stop when my mind goes blank mid way through the piece from nerves or when I make catastrophic mistakes (again through nerves!).

I sometimes wonder why I put myself through this torture but I know I have to face this head on. I know I can do it without embarrassment of failure because I have so much support from my family members.

So I can understand how you feel. I play about 8 pieces from memory too but believe you me they are not perfect as I have mentioned on postings before.

I agree with other peoples comments just say its in progress and find some listeners that are very supportive!

My teacher has just asked me to play in her pupils concert along with my daughters. They cant wait to take part... I wish I could say the same! From another perspective playing in a beginners concert might make you realise how much progress you have made. You might be surprised.

I love the fact that us beginners really support each other and in turn we need that same support back.

Thanks for your support Mini_mo and anacrusis, and yes I remember BachPensioner's house concert being posted about and it sounded like a lovely afternoon. I had my lesson today, the first back after the summer, and I mentioned to my teacher about his adult pupils getting together. He thought it was a really good idea (what a lovely teacher he is ). I said it would be a problem to get together at my house as apart from the space, I've only got a portable digital piano to play on. Anyway he took me to see a nice grand piano in another part of the building and suggested that we could play there which would be fine. He's going to mention it to his other adult pupils and see if we can get something together

When I was a teenager I was terribly embarassed to play in front of anyone. Even my family, (who were not what you would call supportive anyway.) Since I have taken the violin up again I will play in front of anyone. Family, builders who were working on my house, total strangers who are visiting my kids, I don't care. If they don't like the way I play that's too bad, it is the best I can do right now - and I felt the same even when the best I could do was the scale of D major and the first two lines of some Christmas carols.

If I were you I would go ahead and play for them, if they don't like it you can reiterate that you told them you were only just beginning, and they will probably not pressure you again for a while. Also it will be good practice for playing in front of an examiner if you intend to take the exams.

Why do people do that humming along thing? It is intensely offputting and really annoying. I have broken my partner of the habit by making him get out of my hearing range every time he was tempted to do it.

Has anyone else had somebody going "oops" during your beginner clarinet performance when you squeaked a time or two

I know they don't mean anything by it, they just don't realise....

When I play in front of an audience (albeit small) the person that always says oops... is me!!!!!