Hi all... just off the phone with a girl who had emailed back in June me to accompany her singing for a wedding on Friday week. I replied to the email and said no problem was free so was able to do the wedding with her.

She was meant to come to my house about 10 days ago to rehearse. She told me she was heading over for early evening and I said I would have be to finished by 8pm as I had to go out to play for a Taize service.
I waited and waited and first she said she was late leaving then she was stuck in traffic, then she told me her car had broken down. I asked her if she needed to be rescued but she said not to worry her Father was on his way to collect her. We said we would rearrange a rehearsal.

Had heard nothing so rang her just now and she sounded REALLY taken aback to hear my voice and told me she had meant to be in touch but she was actually going to use someone else now and it was too far for her to come, and rehearse... then she said that the bride had wanted her cousin to play. (note the 2 excuses in one sentence)...

I pointed out that I had been booked and put it in my diary, turned down another gig that evening as I had rearranged my teaching that day so I could get a cancellation fee for being messed around.. she said she could not afford to do that, so I said I would go to her and rehearse.. she didn't wamt that either... Her last blusteing attempt to deflect her blame was to say 'my car broke down 4 miles from your house and you didn't even have the decency to come and get me).. she living in a fantasy world...

AAAARRRRGGGHHH... this is kind of the straw that broke the camels back as I have been messed around by someone else in the same vein over the summer.. I had a huge premonition that she would turn out to be a time waster and ignored my intuition which hardly ever turns out to be wrong....

Sorry for such a long rant but really annoyed and angry.

grrr... people have no consideration.

I would say you have every right to be angry.

I don't know if it is just me, but I am getting to the point that I really hate weddings, and resent spending time on them Far from being a celebration of marriage, most weddings nowadays seem to be nothing more than an exercise in sheer self indulgent extravagance, showing off of just how much money one can spend on credit cards if one really tries.

Our church has suffered several bounced cheques for weddings over the past few years, and every time the weddings were grossly extravagant affairs. In one case we even took the happy couple to the County Court for the £650 they owed, and they had the cheek to write to a local newspaper complaining about our actions. It turned out that they also bounced a cheque for the photographer and the reception, including fireworks and aerial display - to the tune of more than £20,000.

And then there is the behaviour of wedding guests in church, and the bride exercising her prerogative to arrive 40 minutes late on a Saturday afternoon.

It sounds to me as if your lady is either a compulsive liar, an attention seeker, or both, and as you say, is clearly living in some kind of fantasy world, so perhaps yuo had a lucky escape.

Thinking on, we had a bride who had travelled all the way to Manchester, and paid around £450 to have herself recorded singing some slushy love song in a professional recording studio, which was to be played on the church PA system as she walked down the isle. The bride's mother told us that it would have everyone in tears, and she was absolutely right: it was simply awful. And that was another cheque that bounced.

Please forgive me for joining your rant. I just felt like it this afternoon!

SB

And she's not even the bride! Heaven knows what she'll be like at her own wedding.

I've got to the point now where I look quite fondly on couples who ask for 'anything I like' before/ Wagner in/Mendlssohn out/ Sheba during, and All Things B&B with Give Me Joy to not sing. I am heartily sick of chasing down popular music scores, or trying to find which of our players will handle their ratty Cds. I don't mind pipers too much - you can get a good clear shot at them from the console in our church.
Over all, I think many couples now are less concerned with getting married, than they are about staging a wedding.
Of course, if it's a couple from one of our church families, I am happy to move heaven and earth over a bit to give them what they want, to do it gladly, and for nothing.

A few years ago I was asked to play for a Roman Catholic couples' wedding. They were absolutely adamant in wanting 'Lady in Red' as the processional. I was assured that the bride and retinue were going to be decked out in beautiful damson and cream get-up. Fair enough - the customer gets what the customer wants.
The church had no instrument which however loosely, might merit the name 'organ', and no other keyboard driven device, so I humped all my kit over there, got set up and started playing the preamble incidental stuff. Dead on time, the bride arrived, I got the nod, set off with a good meaty 'Lady in Red' , a few bars in and the bride appeared with her accomplices ..........................all dressed head to toe in a very fetching emerald green. Beats me.

They had the 'Dorian' toccata during the registry, which I though was a surprising (but good) choice, and came out to Charpentier, which let me use my orchestral brass sound (Roland C190 and plenty of amping), so all-in-all I quite enjoyed myself - excepting for one thing - apparently I was blamed, via much false whispering for the colour confusion 'twixt music and frock. Nothing overt unfortunately, so I couldn't protest my innocence publicly.

Oh well, onward and ....... one way or another,

Chris Baker - The Incompetent Organist - Durham UK

Agreed; but they are few and far between these days.

Much the same goes for baptisms. We had a batch recently where the church seemed unusually empty. When the Rector enquired about the family and friends he was told that they were in the pub across the green waiting for a text message so they could just come over for the dunking bit.

SB

SB... you#re more than welcome to join my ranting and raving... bring a friend too if you want.

I actually rang the diva back yesterday when I was slightly calmer and said that I'm sure she would understand (as would the bride) that this is my job and I cann't have a situation where I turn down other work, rearrange my pupils and then only when I ring to arrange a rehearsal am told that I'm not playing.

I think I scared her before as she was very apologetic on phone and said she would try and sort out some sort of compensation. we'll see .

Irish weddings are the ultimate in competitiveness for the most part... people spend silly amounts of money. Unfortunately my other half and I both do lots of them (he's in a wedding band) and I do quite a few church services and playing for receptions.... it completely serves as a template as to how I would NOT like my wedding to be

Love you're story about the bride who recorded herself.. I really think there is potential for a book about musicians wedding stories. We could all contribute

One of the nicest weddings I've done was last summer and it was a lovely couple and they only had about 30 guests, they had a marquee at home, had a home made dress (which was beautiful), flowers from a brothers garden for bouquet and a bar bque with all home made salads and desserts.

Why can't they all be like that? So much less stress and heart ache all round.
The whole wedding thing is like buying rounds of drinks; everyone feels obliged to equal or surpass the previous one...

That sounds wonderful. And my guess is that the happy couple will stay happy for much longer than those who feel the need to spend tens of thousands of pounds trying to stage the wedding of the year.

Having said that, in my experience it is often the parents, rather than their offspring who want a big wedding. The couple themselves would be happy to get married on a beach somewhere without aunt Maud and mother’s friends from the Ladies Circle. But we have to keep up appearances.

SB

A brief update before I head off to get my hair cut..... just found out from my other half last night that the same girl did the same to the guy who runs his band for this friday...
Apparently his language was even worse than mine when he found out... (I am usually ladylike... really I am )

More fool her, if she's serious about singing she's going to get to the point where no one will agree to accompany her, then she'll end up paying silly amounts to get someone from elsewhere.



At least they waited in the pub - I had one where they had hired 2 limo's (for a baptism ) with red wedding style ribbon on, the church was packed and thank goodness we had a stand in vicar as our regular lady priest is so calm and lovely I don't think she would have coped with the croud control element required - I was exhausted when I got home. I'm surprised they didn't start handing out popcorn during the sharing of the peace.

My mother was once present at a christening where a girl (presumably the infant's older sister) ate crisps throughout the ceremony.

If it's any consolation, my friend Dan (now an organist at * cathedral, then an organ scholar at Oxford) was asked to play "the theme tune to Robin Hood" whilst the couple signed the register. He was a bit surprised by this, and not very well-informed about 1990s pop songs.

Instead of playing the Bryan Adams (?) "Everything I Do" which was the theme from the film, he played "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen..." etc!

Funnily enough, he still got paid! I think that might have been the only wedding he ever did though.


*discretion prevents me. Honest! He might beat me up...

he played "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen..." etc!


thanks for that story... keep 'em coming folks.... I can only imagine the look of shock on the assembled masses faces when he started playing.
I can sympathise as it's something I could well do not being very pop song clued in...

Well, seeing as you ask, we had a wedding one Saturday afternoon during the World Cup. I was bell ringing, and had come down from the tower with the other ringers to sit at the back of church.

Anyhow, all was quiet during the exchanging of rings, when all of a sudden a member of the congreg audience jumped up from his pew and shouted yyyyesss! as he waved his arms about.

Calm resumed until the priest (a Mackem) announced that he had been told that Beckham had just scored for England, and everyone just fell about laughing.

SB

OK, if we're swapping wedding tales, here goes.

There were two reading during the last wedding I sang at. The first was a secular one read by a niece of one of the couple. Niece in question was about nine years old. When she'd finished reading, the congregation applauded.

The second came from Galatians, was read by an uncle of one of the couple. Uncle in question was about forty. When he'd finished reading - you're ahead of me here! - the congregation applauded.

And a favourite tale from when one of my cousins got married. Rather than print the hymn words in the order of service, guests were handed a copy of the words edition of the hymn book. There weren't enough to go round, but Husband and I spotted a couple of copies of the full music edition and used those. Just before the service started, the rector wandered over to see if we would be OK with music editions

Hmm - the baptism that I mentioned earlier in the thread had a similar thing - I'll often play the piano and sing a pensive kind of hymn during the communion - and they applauded that I think that day the congregation numered 200, the number taking communion - 25.

I am sure I have told this story before, but here goes, anyway.

My wife and I were asked to sing at a wedding. Our friend was playing the organ. His wife was one of the other sopranos.

During 'Lord of All Hopefulness' (sung to 'Slane') I noticed that my wife and our friend's wife were having difficulty in singing - apparently both were trying to stifle a giggle.

The couple had printed their own wedding service. Unfortunately, "Be there at our homing" had been printed as "Be there at our horning".

All the guests were too well-oiled to notice. When we went back for refreshments the ladies had to explain to our friend's fifteen year old daughter why they were still giggling.

Barry Williams

PS I have seen someone object at the dreaded moment "If anyone knows any just cause or impediment.....", but that story will have to wait for another time.

honestly, it doesn't have to wait - do tell, they usually just giggle and look awkward.

It would take a lot of words to tell the whole story and I have a long (and possibly difficult) day in court tomorrow. I will write it up sometime and post it.

Barry Williams

Hope you're found not guilty!

That beats the order of service I once saw which had the happy couple leaving to Bach's Toccata and Feud in D minor.

I love the Organ threads. They are so very entertaining.
When I got married to my Barry in 1986, it was a hot day. I murmured to the vicar in the vestry before Dad walked me down the aisle, that he must be very warm..........trousers, cassock etc. He lifted up his cassock to reveal no socks, open sandals, and the brightest, most colourful bermuda shorts you've ever seen in your life.
Bev

Same here They always make me so happy with my lot in life as well

I did one at a church where the priest covers two parishes, and on the cover of the programme was this nice line drawing of the church - unfortunately it wasn't the church they were getting married in.

that's fantastic!

A friend of mine typed/printed the order of service for his wedding. When he typed "Dear Lord and Father of Mankind", the paperclip in Word piped up with "you seem to be writing a letter..."

Why not just plead guilty Barry and get it over with? I'm sure they'll have a nice organ 'inside', and you'll have plenty of time to write your memoirs.

SB

That's hilarious - made my morning!

Many years ago, when computers were still a bit of a novelty, I used to help out with our weekly parish notice sheet.

Anyhow, the Rector was away, so our fresh faced young Curate came around to my office to do the weeks notices with me. Some of the people on the previous week's sick list had sadly died, so, never having used a computer before he set about re-typing their names under RIP. Seeing what he was doing I showed him how he could click and drag the names around the document, which he found hilarious. He then spent the next half an hour moving names from one place to another, including two or three PCC members who ended up in his 'fantasy' RIP department!

'Oh yes; what do you think of that' he said? That'll make next week's PCC meeting a lot more bearable.

SB

Still giggling with the stories.... canm't wait to see you're objection one Barry!.. (imagination runs riot)!
@ ellie-the-little-elephant... you seem to be writing a letter...

It was very nearly worth getting cancelled to have this thread... probably getting more enjoyment out of it thanm I would have done doing the wedding..

Anyway... off to a rehearsal with my trio bye for now...

I'm sure I've read a similar tail before (might even have been on here so apologies if it was) where a vicar had been shown how to change the names in a document without going through the whole thing, so he had 2 funerals, the first was a lady called Mary, the second a man called George he changed all the names in the service sheet and handed them out and the prayer at the end during the second funeral read - 'blessed of our virgin, George'

That happened this afternoon to me at yet another wedding from h3ll. A long, incoherent sentence (which neither the Associate Priest or I could decipher) was shouted out from somebody at the back of the church. The Associate Priest (who's rather new to this) looked stunned and seemed unsure what to do for a few moments. He then asked "Could you say that again?" and a voice came back "Sorry, mate"....

The priest continued with the service which, although Barry will probably tell us that legally he was required to stop the service and enquire about the nature of the objection, I think was the best thing to do. It was evidently a drunken 'stunt' by somebody without the normal quota of braincells.

....... which seems to be fairly typical of those who make up the congreg audience at many weddings and baptisms these days.

SB

Freddie was the last one of our university ‘set’ to marry. He had, regrettably, played practical jokes on most people at their weddings, so it was almost certain that something would happen to him. His bride was petrified and as white as her dress. I was playing the organ for the service.

The Assistant Curate said those words: “Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not be lawfully joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.”

The heavy West door slammed shut and a voice said, quite firmly, “One moment, Vicar!” A man, wearing a not very smart brown mackintosh and carrying a brown trilby hat, moved with a slight but distinctive limp slowly up the nave. He paused as he got to the couple and then stood just to the side of the Assistant Curate. He looked the couple up and down and said “I’m so sorry Vicar, I’ve come to the wrong church.”

The man left with the same slow walk and the West door was heard to close. The service proceeded as though nothing had happened and it never even got a mention in the reception speeches.

There was no other untoward happening. None of us knew who this man was. We had never seen him before or since. (BF, BM & L said he must have been an actor – he brought it off so well.)

Anyway, Freddie, being slightly impecunious at that time, as we all were, wrote it up for, I think, Readers’ Digest or some similar magazine. He was paid about £350 which was a lot of money in the early nineteen seventies.

A year or two later he received a letter from HM Inspector of Taxes enquiring about the fees for his literary contributions that he had not disclosed. He had to pay tax on the money!

I suppose we have all seen terrible things at weddings. (“I ain’t kneeling – I’ve got my new shoes on.”)

I recall one bride who handed her bouquet to her bridesmaid by turning to the right instead of her left. She thus got a full view of the family she as about to marry into – and they were all (bridegroom included) somewhat inebriated. She screamed “No! I can’t” and rushed out of the church. I played suitable music (no-one listened) and the vicar’s wife went off to find the bride. After a while the vicar sent everyone off to the reception. The bride was found in the local park. Tragically, the vicar married them quietly in the Lady Chapel and then took them on to the reception. They were divorced very quickly – the bridegroom had a drink problem.

Perhaps I had better stop now or this post will get very long.

Barry Williams

Didn't this happen in an episode of the Vicar of Dibley. Not, of course, that I watch it, perhaps a friendhas told me it happenned......

We have the DVDs of the Vicar of Dibley (we do not have a television), but I do not recall seeing it. Freddie's marraige was in 1973, in a church just North of Tooting.

There was one wedding where the bride cried all the way through the service. The Vicar and I thought that perhaps she was rather emotional, or there had been a family conflict just before the service --- but no, she was in labour and gave birth shortly afterwards.

Barry Williams

Was the bride's father standing at the door with a shotgun by any chance?



There are some television programmes that are just a little too close to the truth for comfort.

We have a dear old chap on our PCC called Eric, and he has a habit of saying 'noo noo noo noo noo' whenever we are discussing something, and just occasionally he says 'noo noo noo noo yes, noo noo', which of course has everyone else in stitches. The problem is, I don't think he has ever watched the Vicar of Dibley, or maybe he just doesn't realise what he is saying, because he can never understand what we find so funny.

SB

It happens when the soppy girl (she of the jokes at the end, can't remember her name) marries Hugo and a woman comes in at the back and makes that claim, Hugo then turns round and she says, oops, sorry, wrong church.

Anyone else out there watched it, or just me?

You mean Alice?

I must admit I do watch it from time to time.

I also like Dad's Army.

SB

Yes, I watched all of them

Back to topic Wedding Rant.
How about this. Had a wedding booked for today at 1p.m.
Notified by the vicar last night, that he had just been informed that the wedding has been cancelled.
He was told by the hotel where the reception was to be held. He had to make contact with the bride for confirmation of cancellation. Unlike the hotel he had not taken a deposit for booking the service.

Hi rotunda.. welcome to the forums..

thats awful... I just remembered I did a wedding last year where the couple had flown over from the states to get married as the bride was originally from ireland, but 3 days before they had to postpone as the grooms father died... they managed to book the same church, same venue, musicians, etc etc for a date a few months later...

the couple were so apologetic and thoughtful even tho they were going through such a tough time...

You're going to love this one - just got back from a wedding today, I knew they wanted CD's in and out, which is always disappointing but their perogotive, and I knew they had hired a gospel choir for the register and to give substance to the hymns.

Anyhoo, I turn up, there is a drum kit set up just behind where I sit so any shuffling from me would be heard through the cymbols, and a bass player is tuning up - then a pianist turns up, then another pianist - it transpired they had been practising all the hymns together as a band, unaware that I would be there. So I look at the vicar and ask if I was surplus to requirements and she said that she had asked on several occasions if they were sure they required an organist.

Anyway the band/choir all turn up, looked as confused as I was that I was there, check the keys I was playing in (which fortunately matched) and they just followed me - to be fair they were great and as a pianist/organist there is not a great deal of opportunity for ensemble playing and I had a great time - the vicar said afterwards that the organ was necessary because it kept the tune going for the congregation, but she was incredibly relieved that I was so adaptable, and lets face it it could have gone horribly wrong.

What worries me about this sort of thing is that the incumbent organist, who has the responsibility for the music, was not properly consulted in advance. It exhibits a certain lack of respect for the organist.

In this case it worked out well, but it could have been a disaster, especially if the keys or arrangements had been different.

I interprete this sort of occasion as a failure to treat the organist professionally. It is all too common these days. Well done Digby on responding so well.

Barry Williams

oh Barry, you're lovely thank you

I think generally you're right, there is a lack of respect, but not on behalf of the church or it's officials I think it's closely related to the other thread running at the moment on the lack of singing in schools. Generally there is little respect for the tradition of classical music in the small institutions like the local parish churches, hence the surge of CD's etc. and on the whole the singing at weddings and funerals is pathetic, with the exception of our local afro carribean community where it is always so buoyant and enjoyable and a pleasure to play to.

What I can't understand in this case is why they were willing to pay for an organist as well?

Maybe I'm too laid back, as I very much take the attitude of 'he who plays the piper' whereas there was a wedding that I was unable to play for during the summer and the stand in organist refused to press the button on the CD player as it was against his professional integrity, which caused no end of problems as obviously the vicar couldn't do it. Maybe it's only by professional musicians taking this sort of stand that will ensure the ongoing respect of our profession?

Now I know this is slightly different to the probs faced by organists, but several years ago a member of my husband's family was getting married. My then tiny daughter was one of the bridesmaids. The morning of the wedding, drinking coffee in bed and chatting to said eldest, I noticed some pretty red spots erupting across her neck, oh whoppee, chickenpox. Quick phone call to the bride who said bring her anyway, so we did. By the time we got to her house, she had already thrown several blue (and I mean blue fits), due to the flowers being the wrong colour. It took some doing, but I managed to calm her down, and one of her friends went and dealt with the florist. Meanwhile my eldest was getting spottier and spottier . . . Mid way through getting dressed the bride came out of her bedroom needing my assistance. She had on her underskirt and corset, but had forgotten to put on her suspender belt. I was required to use a pair of nail scissors to cut holes through the underskirt. I did try suggesting going back to first principles and donning things in the right order, but no I had to operate. It must have been a really weird sensation as she walked down the aisle. At the the church eldest sproglet told anyone and everyone that she had chicken pox, and did they want to see her spots? At everyone opportunity I had I shoved a milk chocolate button in her mouth, which worked most of the time. The service went OK, until the bride and groom knelt down at the altar, printed across both of the groom's shoes was his nickname - DINKY - and very visible. The best man was grinning like an eejit, and very satisfied with the congregation trying very hard not laugh.

Going back to the above posts, I think it is shocking that people think it is OK to treat muiscians so atrociously.

I know this may be of little consolation Jane, but (speaking as a former church treasurer), it is not just musicians who suffer these problems.


SB

I'll post my story of my worst bridezilla I've had to deal with later.. not long finished teaching and grabbing quick bite to eat.

This one is long winded like Barry's.

OK, finally have time to tell the bridezilla tale...

She booked my singer and I and a deposit was given... maybe 7 months before the wedding itself.
there was initially nothing out of the ordinary she wanted but was extremely definate in what she did want.. (went to the trouble of making a CD for us).

About 5 months before the wedding the emails, letters and calls started. Firstly to 'check up' that we had been practising.... then she asked if she could have a couple of requests of music that she and her fiance would like. We said no problem at all... and then she presented a list of full latin sung mass. (again, no problem in theory), but it was all in plainchant. I'm not very good at deciphering neumes (takes me ages) but said I would write it out for her. (she was not a musician, but it was a mass setting her old school had used (school also doubled as a working convent).

Fast forward to about 6 weeks before the wedding... phone calls and emails nearly every 3 days... telling us EXACTLY where she wanted us to set up, and the piece de resistance was when she asked what make and model digital piano/organ we would be using so she could know what sound it would make!

Wedding went well (from our point of view) but she had a scowl on her face the whole way through... the best man tried to under pay us and when we pointed out we were short EUR50 he was really unpleasant.

I subsequently had a phone call from the new Mrs ***** on the following Monday from her honeymoon saying we had ruined her wedding and her life and she was going to *****iing well ruin us!
She called me every name under the sun whilst screaming at me, telling me we were fakes and we should be sued.. Even threatened to call a radio show well known in Ireland and name and shame us... (I rang them after just in case she carried out her dastardly plan to say we would be delighted to sing and play on air)

Somehow don't think she wanted to be married at all... feel sorry for her husband who was lovely..